Dear Ideal Self,

As I sit down to address you, I am reminded of the complex blend of qualities that define me. The absence of idleness in my character has always been evident; it’s not just a trait but a fundamental part of who I am. This characteristic has shaped my journey in profound ways.

From a very early age, life taught me that inaction would not serve me well. I recall those early days when I received a diagnosis of speech and developmental delays. At the tender age of three, I was entirely non-verbal and struggled with sensory impairments. Some described me as stubborn, unpredictable, at times exhausting, and yet undeniably adorable. Therapists characterized me as “nonverbal,” “delayed,” and even “a very pretty, well-dressed little girl.”

Our reliance on military insurance limited our access to local therapists and doctors. My diagnoses shifted between Apraxia, Autism, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder, depending on the week and the session. But one day, a therapist uttered a sentence that changed everything. “Your daughter will never do anything we could not train a monkey to do.” My parents and I left that door behind, never to return. I was too young to recall that moment, but I know it altered my life for the better. It transformed us into warriors, determined to conquer one challenge at a time. Initiative, determination, and hard work weren’t just characteristics; they became our tools.

Through countless IEP meetings, my mother’s unwavering dedication to researching, my limited vocabulary evolving into a rich one, and the tremendous support of teachers who recognized my potential, I found my voice. But it was more than words; it was pride, determination, and ambition. Yes, I still have quirks, and I acknowledge that I’m different from most, but I’ve learned that I’m capable and resilient. I’m the first to say “I can,” the most sincere in saying “I will,” and, while not always fearless, I am consistently determined. I understand that I won’t always be the best at everything I do or say, but as long as I maintain unwavering dedication, I can hold my head high.

So, ideal self, keep in mind your origins. You are a complex, expressive, unwavering, confident individual, perhaps a grammatical challenge to some, but one thing you will never be is indolent. Embrace your determination, persist in your pursuit of excellence, and most importantly, never forget the incredible journey that has shaped you.

With enduring resolve,

Rebecca