Dear seventeen-year-old me,

Now that you’re aware of your autism, let me give you some advice. Your first thought will be to wrap up your autism and lock it up in the closet. I will advise you to keep your autism hidden from your peers for the time being because they will pretend to be your friend to make themselves look good. However, you mustn’t hide your autism in the back of your mind and pretend it doesn’t exist. You might find this hard to believe, but your autism is actually your strength. The more you accept it, the stronger it’ll make you.

Your autism is why you’re so creative. You’re not afraid to think outside the box and come up with ideas that most people would consider “crazy”. These ideas will extend to plays like the ones you love to perform in and stories like the ones you love to read. Nobody else can say that they came up with these ideas but you. While some people might tell you that nobody will be interested in your writings, they’re not the right audience for your creations. Don’t worry, the right audience will come along and appreciate what you have to say. They’ll want to travel to the worlds that you create. They’ll want to connect with the characters that you give life to. You’ll change lives and perspectives with your words because you have a brain with a higher capacity than the avenge writer. Your brain was meant to expand to areas that no one would dare to touch. None of this would be possible without your autism.

Although being different will certainly make you a depressed outcast, this experience will soon make you stronger. You know what it’s like to be silenced and shut away from the world. You know what it’s like to have a story that no one wants to hear because it’s different. When you’re an adult, you’ll become an advocate for the autistic community. Autistic people will look up to you and non-autistic parents will ask for advice. It is your destiny to fight for a better world so that future generations of autistic kids won’t grow up miserable and socially shut away as you did. The world wouldn’t be better off without you as you’d like to believe; lives would be ruined if you were to disappear right now. Please know that your autism isn’t going to lead to your downfall; it’s going to lead to your greatest success.

Until you reach my timeline, please do all the research that you can so that you can develop a better understanding of yourself. Make some friends on the spectrum and listen to them. Oh, and in case you’re worried, your autism won’t prevent you from finding love. In fact, you can thank your autism for that. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Give it about seven to eight years and you’ll see. Keep being weird and never throw away your ideas!

Proud to be autistic,

I know you’re listening
I know you are there
I know that you’re hiding,
but I can see you in the reflection on my screen as I write this down,
as the tears fall down your cheeks.
This year was painful wasn’t it,
this year broke you didn’t it,
this year things got out of your hands, didn’t they?
You broke up with friends, with your sister, and with a mother who you wished have cared,
this year you healed,
not fully,
but you did what you could to an extent,
and now you ask yourself “what’s next, what is it that’s coming your way”,
2022 was a year of tribulations that proved that you can,
that you are capable of overcoming obstacles, and that you can keep pushing even when your legs really feel like they can’t,
2023, you got a lot to do in this year
you have to work on forgiveness
you have to work on loving yourself again,
2023, has to be the year that you accomplish at least one of your dreams,
the one you’ve always been afraid to commit to but the one that describes you best,
2023, has to be the year that your smile seems sincere,
and that your body feels in shape.
2023, will be the year that you accept yourself and you feel beautiful in your own skin.
2023 will be a huge year for you, don’t forget that sometimes you’ll feel sad and will want to cry
don’t forget that sometimes you will fall
and you’ll want to stay down,
don’t you forget that you are charming,
and no matter what,
you are the price,
And through it all you will be standing tall.
2023 will be a year full of blessings, and opportunities to be who you want to be,
2023 will be a year that will mark your heart
With abundance of love and success.
2023 girl,
There’s so much coming your way,
I can’t wait for this new year, I know you feel it too, I know you’re on the same page.

Upon reflection on a year gone by,
I notice that life is short and needs to fly.

As time dissipates in the fog of winter
Storms that flog your optimism into a pauper,

I lie back and wonder …
How do I make the following year better?

My goals are set for my self-improvement,
Where I wish to feel no bereavement.

Goals are so arbitrary, that, at times
They pull you down into hades.

As I set my goals: reducing my intrusive
Conversation and being more conservative

In my opinions, but only with certain
Peoples, who lack perception.

Another goal is too write more,
Submit more, and succeed more.

I believe the latter more feasible,
As the first requires me to be more biddable

I hope to achieve a certain censorship
As not to reach hardship.

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️