Dear Life,

I need your help. Lately, I’ve been feeling so confused that I struggle to explain it. Is there something wrong with me that I can’t see? I can stay motivated physically and mentally, but my mind feels blank. How can I move past the smoke and mirrors that people say surround me? Most of the time, all I see is my routine, my possessions, and my kids; nothing else seems to matter. I often feel backed into a corner when faced with questions, and I don’t know how to respond. I’m unsure how to process anything, work on what’s important, confront issues, or do things as a simple person would.

People ask me, “Is that all you want? Is it to do the same thing every day and be alone?” I’ve told myself that I crave company, but I’m uncertain if I can trust anyone ever again. I keep comparing potential partners to my past experiences, and it feels as if my negative thoughts replay painful memories, leaving me scared. Why can’t you lift this block from my mind and help me discover what I truly want? Why didn’t you give me the ability to recognize my mistakes and understand that my actions can hurt others? Please help me stop along the way before it’s too late.

I don’t want to be alone anymore. I realize that I’ve built walls around trust because of you, and I find myself yelling in my mind that nobody cares about me. So, why should I do things for others? I know you’ve been observing everything we do, but I wonder where you were when I was growing up. If the right things had been instilled in us, perhaps we could have made better choices and changed our futures. But now I wonder if it’s too late.

Can you help me? I don’t want to lose everything I’ve built and start over. I want my partner to understand that I’m here and not going anywhere. I’m ready to fix things so that you can have what you’ve always wanted. Do you hear me now, my mind?

Sincerely yours,
Your Body

Dear Fire of the Sky, each morning you rise,
With a radiant glow that brightens our eyes.
But why do you turn up the dial so high?
As if you’re intent on making us sigh?

Do you crave seeing eggs crack on the ground?
In the sizzling heat where relief can’t be found?
Oh, why can’t you settle on one steady degree?
Like an oven that bakes but still lets us be free?

We cherish the flowers, the grass, and the trees,
The beauty you bring, the soft whispering breeze.
Yet, when your light dims and the sun starts to fade,
Why not cool us down, let sweet shadows invade?

Imagine a fridge, when the day starts to close,
Turning down the warmth, letting comfort compose.
If only you’d soften your fiery delight,
And grant us a moment of coolness each night.

So, dear Mr. Fire, can’t you hear our plea?
Just a little ice in that hot soul of thee.
For in the balance of warmth and of chill,
Lies the perfect embrace, where nature stands still.

Dear Itsy Bitsy, let me pose
A question wrapped in rhythmic prose.
Why, I wonder, did you appear?
With eight little legs, drawing near?

Was there not enough to eat?
In your army’s march, a missed treat?
Did they forget the supplies to bring?
While you roamed in search of a nibbling fling?

In the heat, the night felt thick and bound,
Hungry for joy, you scuttled around.
And while you thought a feast was due,
You left me a present, that much is true.

But Mr. Itsy, I must confess,
My skin’s not yours for your little quest.
Not a buffet, nor an appetizer,
It’s my body, not yours to mesmerize.

So next time you roam in the night,
Remember, dear spider, to stay out of sight.
For this skin, I treasure, and it’s quite clear,
It’s not yours to munch on, so kindly adhere.

O’ heavy heart, why so much pain
the sorrows of the lost, but do know through the storms I will dance in the rain.

O’heavy heart, who so weary with no rest
Remember God tells your heart to beat again gaining peace passing the test, through the trials and tribulations you are with the best. (Jesus )

O’heavy heart, why are you so down, when agony, stress, doubts come around…. Be courageous, be strong; be strengthen, stand still and listen to the sound.
The sound of a King telling you that your O’Heavy heart will be brought out of, will be back up of, anything that set you off to cause the pain; to make you feel weary with no rest, with the agony and doubts that may seem so sustain…

Strengthen O’Heavy heart now there is love, the love that God sent when He died and was up above
He came down, He came back and gives love
O’ strengthen heart you can now smile, to say I overcame it all and on a new level, a new journey, a God-file!

A file created to be restored with good and memories and pictures of a saying, that I could or should have, and I did just that. But only because of Him, so I say to my O’ unheavy heart, “ Thank you my Lord, my Rock, and my Shelter; You are my everything and it will be You who my heart will always remember!”

O’ faithful heart, I give it all
not just a little,
soon you will hear a voice, a knock, or maybe a call

So open up heart and let Him in,
you won’t ever regret it, it will fulfill the holes and He will forgive all the sin.

O’thankful heart give thanks unto Thee,
That you’ve made it this far; Hallelujah and Praising the awesome and highest plea….

Thank you O’heart that you’ve accepted a King for it is you who is no longer so heavy nor is it weary; now we sing together and at our best
So whatever comes our way it’s always a passing test! Amen

O’Heavy heart not so heavy
O’strenghten heart now your strong
O’faithful heart, your moving mountains
O’thankful heart it’s all that I have to give!!!

Sometimes I reminisce, oh how I miss,
The places and the people that make me feel like this.
I feel so nostalgic, it really is fantastic,
One of life’s highs that keeps me enthusiastic.

But with nostalgia comes sadness, followed by this madness,
As time passes memories fade into the blackness.
This life it is fateful, that’s why I remain grateful,
That way the nostalgia doesn’t feel so painful.

Remembering the bad, but moreso the good times I’ve had,
As I write I miss my old friends just a tad.
A ball in my throat, a tear falls on this note,
My feelings and emotions pour into everything I’ve wrote.

Everyday I stand tall, yet sometimes I fall,
From each of life’s lessons I truly am enthralled.
To say that I have made it, would be an understatement,
For the life I have lived, there really is no replacement.

Dear Body,

I’m reaching out to ask why I’ve faced so many diagnoses. I understand that you wanted me to take care of myself and grow, but it’s hard to see how to improve when I’ve been given experiences I never asked for. These challenges have made life incredibly difficult for me. I struggle to return to the active person I once was, and I find it hard to maintain a job or have a fulfilling personal or relationship life.

Imagine feeling unable to move around your own home or unable to clean like others do. My stomach issues interfere every time I try to perform my daily duties. Everything I’ve endured has been a struggle, but you seem to just observe whatever I do or consume.

Despite the difficulties, I want to express my gratitude for helping me recognize the signs that we’ve faced many challenges together. There have also been some positive experiences along the way. I’ve managed to bring our body back to a comfortable and happy state. However, it’s still a struggle when it comes to food and our favorite coffee drinks, though the results are looking positive.

I promise I will be here for the adventures ahead, even if they’re not always pleasant. I will do my best to take care of us, no matter how long we have left.

Thank you,
Your Owner

In the night, shivers start to flee through the surface.
The warmth in the atmosphere begins to boil as the surface cracks.
As the time pulses through the air, tension erupts, and the river floods.
Without a breath to grasp on to, the steam burns as the foundation begins to shake.
As the reins begin to tighten, the inner circle keeps closing up more and more.
Holding on piece by piece, time has its way when the doors will finally reach it’s course.

A stormy night, awake all night,
Noone around, not a soul in sight.

The silence creeps, the darkness seeps,
Only the sun and the dead sleep.

A forgotten soul, his story untold,
Wonders where the years did go?

Gone so fast, thankfully memories last,
Nostalgic when thinking of old days passed.

A soul so old, her story so cold,
Wonders how things will unfold.

A deafening silence, foreshadows defiance,
Thoughts of peace instead of violence.

2 narcotics, used without logic,
To anyone else it would seem psychotic.

These drugs don’t heal, they only steal,
Your life, emotions, and all things that feel.

2 twisted tales, all drugs inhaled,
Down one of life’s f*cked up trails.

A forgotten soul, a soul so old,
Paths have crossed, but will they hold?

It’s lonely in behind these bars,

It’s dark even during the day.

Trying to keep my mindset free,

But my thoughts are led astray.

I listen to my inner voice,

Because that’s the one that’s wise.

I am my own worst enemy,

When that voice starts telling lies.

I’m left with myself to wonder,

Just when will I get out?

My sentence should be over soon,

Life clouds my mind with doubt.

This is the loneliest age to be kind,
To stand with your heart wide-open, entwined.
While the world walks past with their eyes sunk low,
Too busy, too broken, too fearful to know.

That the good man waits in the quiet and cold,
His virtue’s like armor, his love growing old.
They call him naive, the call him too soft,
Yet they push him away and tell him to f*ck off.

There’s no thoughts of compassion, of standing apart,
Yet he carries his decency deep in his heart.
The cruel are rewarded, the liars adored,
While the good man is doubted, blatantly ignored.

He opens his doors, yet few step inside,
He speaks with his truth, but they think it’s a lie.
For the world wants the flash, the fury, the noise,
Not the steady, the gentle, voices that do not destroy.

So he walks through the crowds like a ghost in the light,
Too solid for shadow’s, too pure for the night.
Oh, what’s the wage of a man who stays true?
A handful of memories, a love far too few.

But the good man remains, though the age turns away,
A relic of honor, in the ruins of today

Dear Addiction:
Back in the day, off the wagon I fell,
You found me first, unbroken, compelled.
You painted my dreams with colors so bright,
And wrapped me in velvet, shadowing my sight.
With every encounter, I lost track of the time,
Chasing your high, commiting your crimes.
An embrace that felt warm, yet so cold at its core,
A sweet sirens call that I couldn’t ignore.
But with each puff, with every high,
A short-lived happiness, followed with a goodbye.
You crept in like fog, obscuring the light,
Turning my days, into sleepless nights.
You promised me solace, a refuge so sweet,
But left me with ashes of shattered defeat.
With trembling hands, I write this plea,
To break the chains, and set me free.
So here in this letter, I wrestle with truth,
The cost of your presence, the theft of my youth.
Though parting is painful, a wound can be sewn,
I’ll reclaim my old soul, and for now, it is home.

Yours no longer,
A soul setting free.

In this life, I walk alone,
My heart’s grown heavy, made of stone.
My longing eyes, search for a sign,
But solitude is my only design.
Whispers in my mind, echoes of dread,
My soul feels heavy, as if it’s made of lead.
In silent tears, my fate I’ll sever,
Convinced I’m going to be alone forever.
Lost in a world that fails to see,
My aching heart, my silent plea.
Each day a battle, each night a war,
Another year passes, and then one more.
Destiny’s grip, has me locked in chains,
Binding me to this neverending pain.
Any smidge of hope, is a distant dream,
An endless nightmare, so it seems.
So alone I walk, my burden heavy,
Yearning for a touch, I’m forever ready.
But fates cold hand is a relentless giver,
Condemning me to be alone forever.

Can I dig myself out,
Of this hole I’ve made?
No more tricks up my sleeve,
All my cards are played.
Can I find the answers,
In this day and age?
I’ve look outside, I’ve looked within,
I’ve turned through every page.
What does it mean to be free,
When I walk these streets alone?
I am free to go nowhere,
Because that nowhere is my home.
Where will this life take me,
Being so lost and lonely?
I walk through life so blindly,
I’ve never really known me.

As temperatures rise beneath the stars’ bright glow,
Chatter dances softly, carried by the flow.
The night wraps around as the skies gently close,
And the insects awaken, their symphony flows.

In the winds they resonate, a melody sweet,
Nature’s quiet chorus, a nocturnal beat.
With every soft flutter, their presence ignites,
The magic of evening, where music delights.

So let the night linger, let the breezes play,
In this world of whispers, where dreams drift away.
Under the watchful stars, as the darkness unfolds,
The night breathes its secrets, and a story is told.

A woman sits with a blanket to bear. She sits and sighs, wondering if the depression is ever going to end. She ran out of her medicine and had no way to replace it. Her impacting bubbles escaped her unsettling mind. She couldn’t figure out how to keep everything going around her in check. As the space fills with time, she asks herself many questions and writes down ideas, but the more she tries, the more she feels like everything has been tried and worn out with no one listening and no one wants to find a way to come together to help.

Your absence overshadowed
your love for us girls.
Advertised unhealthy worthiness.
Your assumption of being our first love
was overturned by your emotional negligence.
Made for weak understandings amongst our future relationships.
Your silent treatment of handling situations overhyped how mature your stance stood.
Taught us avoidance amongst stressful encounters as adults.
Your upbringing outshined your ability to father two beautiful smart girls.
Left those two women to raise themselves together.
Your title of father can describe so much yet the title dad fits better.
Handed out so little with all you had.

Dear Unsealers,

It’s the third Sunday in June.

At the halfway point of the month, it’s Father’s Day.

I hope that all the fatherly figures from my dad on down the line have a wonderful day. And everyone has a wonderful Sunday.

I’ve added a photo of my family taken after my sister’s college graduation in 2007. From left to right: my dad, sister, mom and I.

After all that, this is my Father’s Day message:

On this, the third Sunday in June
It’s a day to celebrate fathers

My dad. My friend’s dads.
My friends who are dads themselves. Dad’s to be. New dads.

All the fatherly figures
Grandfathers. Stepfathers. Uncles.

With arms held aloft
For those who have difficulty celebrating this day

And a toast in memory
To the fatherly figures who are no longer with us

I can’t thank my dad enough
For being a pillar of my life
Through so many challenging days
If not for him, I don’t rock n roll

From me to you, the world over
A Happy Father’s Day to all!

one word says it all
one word has the power to touch or call
one word can make or break
one word
which one will you choose
which one word will you use
one word
the one word i choose is
love

You’ve changed.
No. I took charge of my life.
I shed years of
blackness from my life.
Decades of overcast emotions
from my heart.
Years of caused neglect
from my nervous system.
Decades of tape marks
amongst my voice.
I did not change.
I found me!

Dear Mental Health,

I wanted to reach out and ask, “Do you exist?” Growing up, I experienced difficulties in school, and I understand that not everyone grasps things right away. But why did you have to bring us the gift of different emotions?

I know that these illnesses, as you refer to them, affect everyone, but do they come in different categories? Are they randomly assigned to each person out there? These are questions I’m eager to understand, but perhaps that’s the mystery, isn’t it? Why are some of us chosen to face these challenges? I never asked for them, and I’ve always wondered if I could have been given different conditions. Perhaps that would have led to a different life for me—who knows?

Thank you for considering my thoughts.