You’ve changed.
No. I took charge of my life.
I shed years of
blackness from my life.
Decades of overcast emotions
from my heart.
Years of caused neglect
from my nervous system.
Decades of tape marks
amongst my voice.
I did not change.
I found me!

Dear Community,

I would like to ask a question and share my thoughts: Does anyone believe in connections? When I search for the right person to be with, I often develop a special bond over time that I find hard to break.

For example, I’ve been experiencing a lot of ups and downs with my partner. When I discuss our problems with others, I often hear questions like, “Why can’t you just leave?” or “You shouldn’t have to put up with this; just walk away.” I understand that people will have many questions, especially if they aren’t aware of the full story.

Many say that when you find the right person, you’ll just know it. However, I don’t know if I’m alone in feeling that if you started dating your partner in high school, became sweethearts, and remained friends afterwards, a strong connection develops over time, right?

That’s my dilemma. I admit I’ve had intense discussions with my partner, and I’ve shared this with everyone, including my family. Leaving is difficult, especially when your heart is still invested. It battles within you: on one side, you love the good things about him and want to stay; on the other side, you resent the negative traits and want to protect yourself.

Then there’s that voice in your head reminding you that he’s your best friend—the person you clicked with instantly. You don’t want anything bad to happen to him.

My question is this: If you have a connection that feels so strong, how can you break it if it comes down to that choice?

“As night falls, the sounds gradually fade into complete silence. The stars emerge as the clouds above drift off to sleep, while fireflies glow gently in the dark sky. As the countdown to dawn begins, the night will give way to light, making room for a new day.”

Darkness falls with the sounding booms as a gentle breeze fills the house with coolness. The nighttime welcomes the aroma of fresh food being made, while the soothing purrs vibrate through the house. As the sky descends, light shines on the shadows, and the insects make their music known.

Once upon a time in a cozy little town, there lived a man named Zack who adored his cat, Tigger. They were inseparable, sharing everything from lazy afternoons on the chair to playing video games. The only problem? Zack had a knack for making the most outrageous jokes about his feline friend.
One sunny afternoon, Zack’s Cousin Jake came over for a visit. As they settled in with snacks, Jake noticed Tigger lounging on the windowsill, looking particularly regal.
“Hey, that cat sure is a lazy king!” Jake chuckled.
“Lazy? Nah, just well-fed!” Zack shot back with a dramatic flair, “Why, if I were hungry enough, I might have to serve him up with a side of meow-tatoes!”
Jake laughed, “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Oh, come on! Just imagine the recipe: a pinch of catnip, a dash of fish sauce… I call it ‘Tigger à la Zack!’” Zack grinned, mimicking a gourmet chef.
Tigger, unimpressed by the banter, lazily blinked and turned his back.
Zack passed, and one evening, as Zach prepared dinner, he noticed Whiskers watching him intently. “What’s up, little buddy? Planning your escape?” Zach joked, eyeing the cat. “Don’t worry; the last thing I want is to eat my best friend! Though you do look quite tasty in that sunbeam.”
But as fate would have it, Zack’s playful comments soon turned against him. That night, after a hearty meal, Zack plopped down on the couch, feeling a bit too full. Tigger, sensing an opportunity, hopped onto Zack’s lap and settled in for a cozy nap.
In a mischievous mood, Zack whimsically told Tigger, “You better watch it! If you keep snoring like that, I might just give you a nice little sauté!”
Suddenly, Zack’s stomach let out a loud grumble, and he declared, “Oops! I guess that’s my ‘cat’ ringing!”
A bewildered Tigger lifted his head and stared at Zack, probably thinking, “Did you just insult my cooking skills?”
From that day on, every time Zack joked about eating Tigger, the cat would puff himself up and slowly back away, tail flicking, as if he were plotting to outsmart his goofy owner. After all, he might be soft and fluffy, but he wasn’t about to become anyone’s dinner!
And so, the two continued their playful banter, with jokes flying around like confetti, but neither ever seriously considering the other as a meal. Because at the end of the day, Zack knew deep down that Tigger was not just a pet; he was family—one that was not on the menu!

In a hot box mobile home, where the sunlight gleamed,
Lived a woman named Michelle, who often daydreamed.
With her coffee in hand and a laptop on her lap,
She was lost in a tale, in a wonderful nap.

But just when she sighed, “This is bliss, oh so nice!”
A spider appeared, oh so crafty and spry.
He danced on a blanket, did a jig on the floor,
And Michelle, in surprise, dropped her laptop — what a fall!

“Hey there, my friend, can’t you see I’m engrossed?
Your eight-legged antics, quite frankly, I loathe!”
But the spider just winked and performed a grand leap,
As Michelle tried to shoo him, her coffee took a steep.

It tipped and it splashed, oh, what a disaster!
Her dream turned to chaos, and the silence unraveled faster.
“Why must you interrupt my serene little life?
I was cleaning the coffee, not dodging a spill!”

The spider just chuckled, with a mischievous grin,
“I thought you’d enjoy a bit of a spin!
Life’s too short for quiet; let’s mix it up a bit,
Wouldn’t you rather laugh than just sit and sit?”

So Michelle took a breath, bit back her frown,
And decided to jump from her eight-legged clown.
The laptop flew on the couch, oh, what a sight,
A woman and a spider, escaping by flight.

Now, whenever she prepares her laptop, with her coffee in hand,
She glances around for that arachnid friend.
For some time it seems, in our quietest space,
A little interruption can bring entertainment wherever you go!

In the quiet moments of creativity, you might find yourself staring at a screen, feeling a sense of longing for inspiration that seems just out of reach. It’s tough when those blocks wrap around your thoughts like a heavy fog. You look around your space—a unique puzzle made up of health, hygiene, entertainment, food, and drama—and you know there’s a wealth of ideas waiting to unfold.

But when the spark dims and the muse veers away, it can be disheartening. You wonder what forms you can explore to break free from that barrier and reignite your passion. It’s okay to feel stuck; it happens to all of us. Remember, even in those still moments when creativity seems distant, the potential for new ideas is always there, patiently waiting for you to let it in. It brings out more ideas when the block evades your space. Everything around you is like a puzzle separated into categories: health, hygiene, entertainment, food, and drama. There’s a wealth of creativity surrounding you, but when the inspiration runs out, what forms can you use to break the barrier?

In the bustling city of Huntington, Amanda had always felt like an outsider, a piece that never quite fit into the puzzle of life. Surviving a tumultuous childhood marked by trauma, her journey began with the heavy weight of her past. Experiences of abuse and betrayal had woven a complex tapestry of PTSD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder into her daily existence.

Amanda was a survivor; her resilience was forged in the fires of her struggles. After each nightmare she faced, she would find herself in therapy, seeking to untangle the knots of her pain. Her therapist, Dr. Lewis, a compassionate and wise woman, became her guiding star. Together, they explored the darkest corners of Amanda’s mind, shedding light on the shadows that loomed large.

One day, while sitting in Dr. Lewis’s office, Amanda recounted a recent episode of overwhelming anxiety that had left her paralyzed. As tears spilled down her cheeks, she expressed the fear of her past overshadowing her future. Dr. Lewis listened intently, then gently encouraged her to turn her pain into power. “You have a story worth telling. Your experiences can inspire others,” she said.

Motivated by their conversation, Amanda decided to channel her emotions into writing. She began to craft a memoir, narrating her struggles with honesty and vulnerability. Words poured from her heart, each sentence a step towards healing. As she wrote, she found solace, and with each chapter, the weight of her past began to lift.

Gradually, she built a community, connecting with others who faced similar battles through support groups. There, Amanda met Carol, a fellow survivor whose laughter was infectious despite her scars. The bond they formed allowed Amanda to glimpse hope in the eyes of another. Through sharing their stories, they discovered the strength of standing together, breaking the silence that had long surrounded them.

Amanda also found comfort in creativity, immersing herself in painting. With every brushstroke, she transformed her chaos into color, creating vibrant images that represented her journey. She titled her pieces “Mosaics of Strength,” each one a testament to resilience and beauty rising from brokenness. Her art caught the attention of a local gallery, leading to her first exhibition, where she showcased both her paintings and readings from her memoir.

On the night of the opening, Amanda stood in front of a gathering of friends, family, and strangers, her heart racing. As she read excerpts from her book, her voice trembled but grew more confident with each word. The audience listened intently, moved by her honesty and courage. By the end, tears glistened in their eyes, and applause erupted, filling the room like a warm embrace.

Despite the challenges that lay ahead, Amanda felt empowered. She understood that healing was not linear, and there would still be difficult days filled with anxiety or depressive episodes. But now, she had a toolkit—therapy, art, and a supportive community to lean on.

As she glanced around the room, she realized that she was not just a survivor of her past; she had become a beacon of hope for others. Amanda learned to embrace her journey, celebrating her survival with every step forward—a mosaic of strength, uniquely beautiful in its imperfections. With a heart full of hope and a voice to share, she reminded others that it’s okay to seek help, to share their stories, and to believe in the possibility of brighter days.

Inspiration fills the air as the sunshine awakens the morning birds. A woman sits with her cats, sipping coffee while her medication begins to recharge her energy and clear her mind. As the day progresses, the oven inside starts to cook. The ideas that develop branch out into many possibilities. Do they always remain the same, or do the surroundings influence how the mind perceives these ideas?

Her shape of creation
is far more contagious
than the scribbles
it once was.
The craft from within
is overflowing with
small golden flakes of serenity.

Lace up this heart of mine
with your gentle hands
rather than your toxic lips

The final good bye of a broken heart does not happen in the light but by way of the midnight dark.
I was holding on to all we were,till there were no more words and I no longer hurt I asked you to stay ,I begged,and I prayed but still I was not your one.
Why did you ask for my hand?why did I allow myself to feel as if this was my only chance? These questions are a mystery.butthere they are laying quietly inside of me.
I gave you my all.Even through the lies and the walls.
Through the pain and the sorrow and still I was never going to be good enough for you.
But I woke in the hour of prayer with these words hanging in the air.I did not need you .I wanted you.
I thought you were my person.I thought you were going to be there for the rest of my life.I felt that we would create memories not heart ache and strife.
I tried to be patient,I tried to be kind even when I found out I had been living a lie.The lie was it toldto gain more than I could give? Was it said so you could pretend?or was it a deal to be happy with the cards you had been given? Was it tried but only for a minute? Was your heart true? Or was it just mine? These are the questions asked in the dark ,of a mind not crazy just trying to understand why you chose to break my heart.
Was it anything to you more than words spoken to the air?For me it was a blessing,a miracle,a release from the pain,the the fear,a feeling of safety and so much more.
When you first hurt me I told myself he is young and he does not understand he was not given the chance there was no example to share.He was not raised by a Godly man and only having women to guide and protect him.I had made more excuses then I looked a round and had to put myself in check your doing it again;I whispered to myself in the dark don’t make excuses don’t allow yourself to be put on a shelf because that shelf only holds lies and confusion, deceit and so much more.
You are a child of God not a piece of broken on the floor put your faith in God and look up above this is the source of true undying love.He will guide you and lead you to a new and it’s not a person and it’s not sitting on a pew it’s in the prayers whispered,and cried out loud and screamed.it is in the travail and the love that is felt and not seen it is in the actions of a warrior on her knees this is something nothing not woman or manor beast can give.It is only God that can give you freedom so as I release this heartache and despair I know that I’m ok no matter what when or where My Love will only come from God my true hearts desire and if I can hold on to this truth with a strong faith and a prayer I know even in the darkest hour my God my father my love .
Power comes not from man but heaven above I have more than anyone can give me I have my father in heavens love and with that being said I know I will be ok
Today is a new day cause my God came down in the flesh for my horrible sins he died on a Cross and rose again.
He gave me life and saved me from death so what does he ask of me nothing more and nothing less then what I can give which is only my best .
My faith My love My song My blessings for those along the way .
But not do the rich but for the poor not for the found but the lost ones lying on the ground.
So in closing this I will say my heart may have been broken,but God restored it today ! This is my Renewal! This is my independence day!

Your physical appearance
shined more than
your emotional guidance.
I don’t know to either
be mad or hurt.
You gave the bare minimum
yet took more than needed.
Your form of love was
thru the necessities
of food, home and clothing.
Grieving doesnt feel right
more like hatred inside.
Confusion overshadows
the mind of forgiveness.
Reparenting what was
ignored only comforts
one’s soul leaving
another apprehensive
when in need.

You hype the conversation
with such admiration
In the same breath
you toss out rejection

Special Note: This is a song that God gave me. It is simple and easy to learn. I’m sorry, but I’m not able to share a tune. This is after Matthew 4:19 Follow Me and I will make you fisher of people, (NIV)

Song:
Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me now! I come from Heavenly Father to die upon the cross. To save you from your sins because I love you as the Father does. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me, all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me Now! For the world is truly angry. So, tell of His scripture and tell of his might. Tell of His glories from up above. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me now! I come from Heavenly Father to die upon the cross. To save you from your sins because I love you as the Father does. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

In the stillness, a man sits alone,
Twiddling thumbs, lost in thought’s heavy stone.
The weight of desire twists like a vine,
For the comfort of medicine, a lifeline divine.

Yet, in shadows of doubt, he grapples with fear,
Relying on others is a thought too austere.
The freedom he craves feels just out of reach,
While reservoirs run dry, with no hand to beseech.

Each moment weighs heavy, a silent despair,
For the solace he seeks is elusive, rare.
In the labyrinth of longing, he searches the sky,
Hoping for solace, though the well seems to dry.

Lost for words, I wade through a pool of sand,
Where time drifts dimmer, like shadows hand in hand.
The whisper of the breeze carries a gentle sigh,
As the bowl of burdened thoughts is cleansed, set free to fly.

To some people a man is someone that tries so they do what it takes cuz they have to get by
To some people a man is someone that don’t quit even at the Rock bottom they just deal with it and they keep on going without having to knowing but they climb
out of the hole and continue to keep going
To some people a man is a guy that don’t cry he’s too tough to show emotion so he buries it inside but we know he has feelings that he hides in a place but no matter what it won’t show on his face
To some people a man is a full-time single mom who takes care of her kids cuz Daddy is gone and maybe he’s in the picture and maybe he’s not but we have to understand that Mommy goes through a lot
To some people a man is someone that puts food on the table who works day after day even if they’re not physically able and maybe their health has got them feeling weak but they’ll provide for their families even if they sell drugs in the street
To some people the man is someone that simply had enough and maybe it’s because he’s been through so much so he works up the courage and finally walks out and becomes brave enough to put a gun in his mouth

Maybe I am a monster
After all, I do scare you at times

Maybe I am untrustworthy
After all, even while making eye contact, that in which I say or do is still questionable

Maybe I am cold
After all, I’ve influenced tears to fall upon such a beautiful face more than once

Maybe I am immature
After all, I do allow myself to become lost within my Gemini energy quite often

Maybe I am selfish
After all, “I” has become the center of my L(I)FE, continuously neglecting you of the presence you once considered to be a friend- your best friend

Maybe it was all a mistake as you stated
After all, 10-11 years of friendship became undone with just a single choice, a single phrase, within a single moment

Maybe it was never true at all
After all, I was in a desperate phase of my life when I approached you in our high school’s library

Maybe I never truly loved you as much as I had declared

After all, whenever met with a certain aspect of yours, I tried to change it because I thought that it would make things better for me

Maybe I am a parasite
After all, you have been the financial powerhouse within our relationship and in your absence my ship would’ve sunken long ago

Maybe I am reckless
After all, I’ve been working since 2016, yet my savings account looks as if I just starting working last week

Maybe I am a murderer
After all, I’d watched you die internally when I decided that our marriage should be no more

Maybe I have a substance abuse issue
After all, I took a sip from a flask labeled “freedom” and have since grown addicted to its taste to the point that I’ve sabotaged and squandered countless opportunities in its pursuit

Maybe I am a dog
After all, I’ve allowed myself to become emotionally attached to other women, seeking feelings of completion, though you were always there

Maybe I lack empathy and compassion
After all, you told me of your fears, insecurities, and anxieties, yet Instead of consoling you as I had once done, I distanced myself as a means for me to maintain my higher vibes

Maybe the devil played a trick on you by placing me within your life as you stated

After all, look at how much I’ve disrupted, the chaos I’ve ensued

Maybe I am a coward
After all, I throw smoke bombs and vanish whenever conflict arises rather than indulging in acts of reconciliation

Maybe my presence within your life presented no benefits at all

After all, you’re still conflicted by the same things you were conflicted by when we first began

Maybe you shouldn’t have responded to that email I sent you, then we wouldn’t be where we are now

Maybe I was guided towards your light because my SOUL wanted to know what it would feel like to shine with another

Maybe this pain that we’re experiencing serves no purpose, or maybe it’s an indicator that peace is a possibility

Maybe this is the end of what I considered to be everything, or maybe this is the first chapter of the book we’ve desired to tell the tale of the lives we fantasized for ourselves

Maybe the chaos of this situation also holds within it a beauty like no other

Maybe these walls were meant to come crashing down, and this house burn til it’s no more so that we may finally build the home we each desire

Maybe this was never designed to stand the tests of time

Maybe the death of this marriage, this friendship, is what enlivens us

Maybe this is all by SO(U)L’S design
If so, then I’ve put myself through this pain with the intentions of realigning with “IT”

Through tears and confusion that seemed as if it would never end, I’ve finally arrived where I desired to be all along-HERE

Here and finally with love for who/what I AM becoming

Maybe that’s the message embedded in this marvelous disasterpiece we’ve painted- To return to ourselves

Special Note: In the following poem, we are studying Psalms in Bible Study, and this poem came to me. Pastor Jeremy Fort knows Hebrew, and he is very knowledgeable. He teaches us a lot. He helped me to organize my poem. There are only 150 Psalms in the Bible. God gave me this, and I felt for me it was my special verse, so I call it Psalms 151. If you don’t know a lot about Psalms, they use the word Y’all in several passages. Enjoy and God Bless.

Psalms 151
1. The glory of Yahweh,
2. Y’all, we are the sons and daughters of the world.
3. And our reward is to be His children.
4. Y’all, we once were lost, but now we are found.

See,
5. It is like the SON shining on our faces and hearts.
6. As such, we have salvation for our Nephesh.
7. Y’all, our blessings come from Jesus Christ, dying on the cross for us.
8. Y’all, our hearts and bodies jump for joy because of Jesus’ action.

Acts 4:12
12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.