All these thoughts spinning me lies
Wringing me out and leaving me dry
Blinded by the blackened skies
Shadows and haunts creeping by
What- ifs and worries cloud my eyes

Eating me through from the inside out
Chewing me raw giving me doubt
Like termites in a log, gluttonous they flout.
Stewing in stench as rotting trout
Smothered in silence I can’t scream or shout

Hurricanes and stabbing rains
Try to tell myself it’s all in feign
These knotting pits drive me insane
Churning my stomach writhing in pain
Wish I could flush them down the drain

Driving safely down the street
Intrusive thoughts that can’t be beat
I should be dead, no reason to be
No right to cry or even to breathe.
Hit the gas, then swerve into the tree.

Is it real or make believe?

Drowning, twisting, squirming, tight
Tingling, torture, stinging, fight

Biting, choking, scorching, spite
Dead-end turns, endless plight
Waste of time, waste of might

It’ll be ok, I’ll be alright.

I wish I had seen; I wish I believed
truthfully
You have no power over me!

Dear little Willow,
I know you’re not Willow yet, but we will find our name later and it will finally feel good to be called by the name we chose. We are learning to dance through life in a way that we love, and don’t need to be trapped in those made up boxes we thought we had to fit into. Some people still expect that or try to push us into their mold, but not the people who really matter. There are people who accept and celebrate how wonderfully unique we are, as we live authentically. We learn to love our body by decorating it, and being playful and creative with our body, space, and the way we go through life. And of course we’re still in artist, we actually become a professional artist just like we’ve dreamed. People love what we make enough to pay for it, to bring it home and put it on their walls and tables. We found a way to make eating food more bearable, even pleasurable, by using pretty dishware made by us or other artists we connect with. We teach pottery, and have gotten to teach friends and become friends with students. We have so many wonderful friends and connections. People who love and inspire us and witness us for all we are. Your creativity, your unique, your passion is all beautiful. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and others, it gets so much better.
I love you,
Willow
5/22/2024

Knees rug-burnt on the carpet
praying for freedom one day
in your high school body
and your high school face
caked with wet mascara
searching for someplace
that is home
but where is home?
Will you ever know what that is?
You don’t belong here
so you thought:
“I belong nowhere.”
No wine to quench
how parched you are
for acceptance
so hungry
for independence
you thought you were praying to god
but you were praying to me.
As the creator of your destiny—
how rich you life will be.
In your woman body
with your woman face
my god
my force
how gorgeous is your vessel now
to grow into your soul
reaching up into the sky
like redwoods, sycamores—
ever-growing so divine.
Embrace your unbelonging
so much, that you’ll belong
to everyone and
everywhere like
wind and air and water
and I heard your sobs of yearning
egg-shaped on the floor
begging for some glimmer
some proof that there is more
but you need this storm
to crack you open
you need this pain
you need disaster
so you can bring those shards together.
The pointy pieces hurt, I know
like countless shrapnel splinters
but bit by bit
you’ll dig them out
and fill the wounds with earth…
when harvest comes,
you’ll be so humbled
by how much it was worth
and instead of praying
to a man-made god
for the shackles to release—
the world folds with all your thanks
as you bring it to its knees.

1 day, 24 hours, 1,440 minutes, and 86,400 seconds
Time filled with choices to make
Tick, tock time never stops
Not for you, not for me, not for anyone

Anxiety takes over my body, making me frightened of everything
Freeze activated full swing
Yet my mind still runs at a very high pace
Tick tock, time never stops
Not for you, not for me, not for anyone

I face the reality, I can’t make my future if I’m stuck in my past
If I do, my future me will never truly last
I stop, I breathe, I face, and I fight

Fixation never fixed any situation
Yet goals must be made to move onward and upward
In this moment is where I choose to be
To focus on my choices to make me a better version of me

Opportunities pop up on the move
Hence why worrying is disapproved
Tick tock I stopped paying attention to the clock
Happier me and opportunities are finally unblocked

Jess, dry your eyes. Don’t let the haters dim your light. The negative things they say about you are a myth. Realize now that you are worthy just because you exist. That chick who sees you in the hall, who laughs and glares, she like many others cannot handle that you’re rare. Don’t let them get to you. Stop believing that you need to morph into someone else. They’re no authority on who you should be. They don’t know or love themselves. You’ve always been a fighter since before you were born. Abused in the womb, three months early you debuted, nurses held you and were forlorn. You’ll learn to light that spark in you and turn it into a flame. Your story will bring others hope, the battle won’t be in vain. Hang in there. It may feel at times like your darkest hour. If only you knew, the struggle is real; AND, so is your power.

Because there is no effort that will un-harm you
an open heart does not disarm you
there are only lessons, and those are love too
there is only love, what you are left with, is you
we are waiting for nothing, and the fears we cannot fight
only face, stop running. Be still from your flight.
just sit down and stretch
be the ripple that is self
you have always been water
you have will always be wealth

Our minimum 14 poses at every teenage girly photoshoot:

“Let me carry you”
Hang upside down pic
Tackle pic!
CHEERS
“Wait-I wanna show my sunnies”
Show me those baby blues ….
Silly pic !
Now, Serious face.
Okay real picture,
Laughing,
Dancing,
Candid,
Dabb
Photobombed by strangers and made new friends

Now that you’re gone, those silly photos aren’t so silly.