Dear Me,

I started this by looking up what love is. As we know it’s a quirk of ours to always have the right words with the right meanings. Yet, I stopped halfway through my inquiry right before being sucked into the argument; if love is a physical or an emotional state.

I stopped because I felt I didn’t need anyone else’s theories, ideologies, or philosophies to express why I love you.

You challenge me.

Everyday I wake up and I am invigorated by your need to know things — sometimes useful and other times just because.

I catch myself smiling when you take out your phone to search for the answer to anything that you come across that you don’t understand. Living with you is like being in a classroom with new lessons every minute. I say every minute because truly that is how it works with you. You love trying to understand how things work. All things if you could that’s why it’s hard to focus. Everything is attractive to our curiosity but we’re so limited in our time.

The human dilemma of time is another one of your favorite topics to stay up late and journal about.

I love your journals. You have a million of them, all decorated with the outline of your heart and mind —your process for trying to get them to understand each other.

I am captivated by the unraveling of you. The total abandonment of masks that I have the pleasure of being witness to. You are a challenge, worthwhile.

Love Me,

Redamancy: [Noun] – The act of love in rotation.

More so, the act of love… in return.
(Part of.. the feel)

I am that alike to a rose

and that! to which
is picked and/or plucked,

groomed… and given to this world with a timely stamp,

and what’s cut… is a measurement…
of life dispensed…

All at…
the length of a thread.
Separating… ME from sustenance,

and if “love is the key” I just need to trust it

Its got me in a mood, and all I need… is LOVING. Could BE from ME or from OTHERS
The key is to discover

Well, so be it as these hands… stem to hold…hitherto…
to the contingent…
nature of my flaws, and MY…
imperfections in awe

and let!… integrity hopefully.. NAVIGATE-MY-WAY, and SHAPE! what I’ve come to faucet

Not! the most elegant thats come to blossom!
but still a flower withIN your gardens,
and every… petal’s a memory that a tear will water,
in this life I’ve frolicked as I go wonder
bearing fruit

Moonflower in OUR offspring

Reflects just how mysterious we are as all beings
Evolving
and as… time peddles on,
Nature! will say I’m a rebel,

BLOOMING wherever I want!

Holding my head up;

Tired and restless

as sharpening a flower with steels DELICATE,
that these days it’s fueling ME to be articulate

and just watch it… MIR-ROR in my appearances

a sexy… but decorous elegance
That draws.. LIFE up IN every vein

Just like you wanted ME to fight for it everyday… as ą reminder of faith… a reminder of LOVE,
that love…

is more than the heart, or an organ to start

but,
a pain I could SUPPORT if it’s ours,
and it’s in… THESE moments I live FOR, in this life… I’ve BEEN eXploring

And I BEEN eXploring!
and it’s BEEN euphoric… eXperiencing its winter and SUMmer mornings,

I’ve BEEN ABsorbing its lively forces
That! and with every hour I’m honing,

the DETAILS that empower me slowly

Like flowers… I’m growing…

Like flowers, I’m growing
so
vivid and gorgEOUS

Yet, I
still tend to ignore it,
when I’m… down, and I’m broken

Too proud to be open… is profoundly joking.

Yeah, I’M.. forgetting to smell the flowers & roses each time,
each time and each morning,

So please!.. don’t quote ME,

“life’s a breeze “that caught me…

in a web of intangible dreams… entangling me,
spirit and everything

These permeable strings is currently the life that o’ so provokes me,
with a familiar ache of poetry

Through the art, a resemblance…
of my life and its essence,

These chapters, an eclectic collection…
that PUMPS from… WHERE?! the-heart-is

and there to WHERE is, “Eve’s Garden”

and to what…

feels like HEALING inside…

“One day a time,
the sun gonna shine” and show…

and all I want…
is to grow… and be beautifully sculptured…
with each piece and petal NURTURED…

And consumed at thy roots, as well as mine own…
are dreams that sprout… thickly failures,

and I hope in time,

this will aspire even BIGGER and broader successes
Steering in… a clearer perspective

and not confused on our direction
cause days be hectic now

that I CONSTANTLY find myself breaking down
and the beauty’s where…
I find the smile

I stand rooted where I may….

Uprooted but not in vain…

Unique I acclaim,
“a rose by any other name… is just as sweet”

Here we are
22 years later
We smile, show teeth
The glow is upon our face
In the mirror
We no longer critique ourselves so negatively
We see a perception of time that is you
Recognizing Beauty
To finally accept us
You Love You
This is the woman you’ve longed to become
Our soul is at peace
Subconsciously we can hear the joys of a no longer battle
With our Competing Minds
Within Loving me we feel alive
You notice when you love you that you feel everything ten times better
From The wind you hear ruffling through the trees
To the stars you see at night shines brighter than ever before
You laugh so effortlessly
You let yourself be loved
Inside you have this feeling of light
Light that is not hiding behind the shadows of reject, loss of self respect
No dim light in sight
Opinions have no effect if negative, you take it like a grain of salt
It’s okay if they leave, we let them
& Leva ( Live)
Our beauty, Our Love within continues to grow , to prosper
A Muse a perception of me of true harmony
Can you hear the angels singing?
Our skin tinglingly
Our hair growing
Our crown showing
Here lies me
Coming out of the shadows
Using voice of reason
Understanding loving within & what it means to be loved
A magnificent thing loving you is
How it can make you hear the birds chirping around you
The sun shining on you
It’s a bliss
A reality
We are now
Present &
I Accept me
I truly love me

Saved A Little Love For Me

When the one you love leaves you behind–
walks away–

you quickly realize
people never stay.

That there is all but one soul
from which you can never run away.

So I look for signs of art–
trying to decipher my own heart.

And that’s a start?

Making peace with what I find
all in due time.

Shoutout to the, “Let yourself hurt”
people.

No thanks to the, “Love yourself first”
people.

They can’t make me love myself.

I should
so, I do?

Can’t be helped
so, I’m screwed?

No.

See,
I don’t know (for sure)
what love is.

So I’ll write what I do
and I’ll do it alone.

“Withhold and explode
or write what you know—

there’s no greater loss
than a story untold.”

With these words,
I’ve built a home

for my art,
my dream,
my heart.

They’re the ink behind my pen.

Because words on a page
beat life’s stage
time and time again.

“Any love reserved for me
is a love reserved for trying.”

It’s been hard,
such is true and certainly
nothing new.
Through
it all, we get complimented
for being strong, resilient
fighting the struggle
and remaining resistant
As a “Strong Black Woman”
who’s had enough of it
Well, I love you
for your ferocious grip
on peace and play
Your insistence on
Loving the tiniest things
of the day like
breakfast outside with
S’mores and a chance to
cosplay, everything whimsical
Mermaids and mushroom
circles. Rest. Feast. Taking
time to cook, and eat
For fighting to keep
the inner child alive, intentional
Happy and contentment
that strives to seek out
the pleasures
Money can’t buy
A joy well nourished and kempt
cannot be made to die.
I love your artistic
spirit and inquisitive mind,
Your thirst for knowledge
and insatiable curiosity
Determined to live and witness
so much of what you studied
and turn concepts into reality
Your ability to make lush
pieces out of simple moments
and resistance to simpleness
Shameless cringe,
proudly extravagant
(even though you
need to overthink less)
Realism and universal
consideration
self acceptance
And allowing yourself to love,
be loved, believe in better
and shed bitterness
Casting a thorough, positive attentiveness
on the people around you.
Keep growing
Keep doing
Keep learning
Keep living
And I’ll reinvent
my thank you

JOURNEY BACK HOME
I realize now, that I AM worth fighting for.
Not others fighting for me, but I am worth it to fight for myself, and in doing that I refuse to go back to the things, and people that have broke me time and time again.

I refuse to allow anything, or anyone, to mold me into who, or what, they want, or need, me to be, because I have now set boundaries.

I love myself enough to quit certain habits, and in return understand who I am, and why I feel the need to run away from myself, to face myself, to find love in myself, and respect for myself.

I’m still pretty new to this journey, and I’m not sure if there is one single ultimate outcome to this transition, but I do know that the more I love myself, to see myself, my body, my flaws, my scars with the same eyes that a mother has when her son has returned back home safe from the streets, and this time for good, I kind of just want to kick my dirty, sole worn shoes off and leave them outside of the door before coming back home to myself, because it is a dirty world out there.

My heart is sacred.
It has loved so many others without being loved back and in return, it has shattered time and time again, leaving me empty, but I show up for myself today to fill my cup back up, and take a good old sip of a tea I like to call self love.

I kind of just want to take a hot bath, and cook myself a good meal, something that I like and enjoy to nourish my body, because I deserve that.

I find myself now often times listening to songs and turn the volume all the way up, because the song makes my soul soar, and it allows inspiration to flow through me like nothing else can.

It’s so nice no longer worrying if the song is too loud for others, it’s so nice not walking on broken glass when it comes to displeasing others wants, expectations, and needs from me.

It has taken me 30 years to realize that I am enough, and then some.
That I am beautiful, if it wasn’t for my darkest hours in life I wouldn’t shine as bright as I do today, and with that I am able to be a guiding light for those who are where I used to be.

And sometimes I look back at that girl, who stood there alone just trying to seek validation from others, who wanted nothing more than to use up every fiber of her being, and I give her a hug.

Going back and giving that lost soul a hug is what has taught me about self love more than anything, because I show up today as the same person she needed then, but didn’t have it in herself at the time to be that for herself.

The day that I set boundaries and quit allowing people to use me I quit looking for validation from strangers, and I have in return built up the courage to tell the one looking back at me that she is worth it, that she is strong, that she is loved, because I love her.
I look back at pieces of myself I have shed along the way, and each bit of what has made me the woman that I am today.

I’m not afraid to say no.

Not afraid to distance myself from anything that no longer serves me.
I’m not afraid to speak my mind.
I’m no longer bending myself out of shape just to be what someone else wants me to be, or needs me to be.

I like the way
You get gripped
In the palms of a man
Ravenous in his pursuit
To hold everything
From my neck
To my hips.
He takes his time
With you
Because he knows you
To be special
To be precious and beautiful

I’m sorry
I had to see your beauty
Through someone else’s eyes.
So now,
I write this poem with pride
Waving my pen like it’s
A flag for my flawes.

So let this serve
As a love letter
To my love handles
A memento
To my muffin top
A song for my stretchmarks
A poem for my pudge
Feels for my fupa
Cuz I ain’t missin no meals

Let this serve
As an apology
To some of the best parts
Of my body.
I was told to shame you.
Taught to be embarrassed
By you.
I’ve tried to chase you away
Dance you away
Bike you away
But you’re persistence
Perseveres –
And inspires me.
If you can hold on
Where you’re told you don’t belong,
Where might I learn to rise
Despite resistance?

So thank you.
Thank you for
Inspiring.
Thank you for
Stretching.
Thank you for
Protecting.
Thank you for
Making outfits
Someone else said
You would ruin.
Thank you for
Being there for lovers.
Thank you for
Being there for me.