I think I’m the prettiest when I am crying
When a flow of words
Isn’t enough to describe
What overwhelming emotion
Is occupying my heart
A flow of water
Out of my honey colored eyes
Writes a beautiful soliloquy

With dark and dampened eyelashes
And wet rosy cheeks
I can say so many beautiful words
With only the drops of liquid glass
Falling from my eyes

Do you think that it’s possible
for someone to be so good,
that God calls them home
before you think He should?

We say it all the time,
“God must have needed him.”
but a lot of those times,
they didn’t even believe in Him.

There’s no other reason
that you would call Brad home,
and his beautiful fiancé
would be left all alone.

Now our whole family
is questioning your plan.
Why, God, why
would you take this young man?

You’ve broken the heart
of a father and a mother.
And let’s not even mention
what you did to his little brother.

The ripples flow further,
they hit my wife too.
Her mother is his aunt
now SHE is mad at you.

Granny holds it together,
sewing like a thread.
Even though she’s strong,
she wishes it were her instead.

This is so unfair,
and all a bit unusual.
But what do you expect,
when a wedding becomes a funeral?

We see you moving.
Guiding us through.
In all of this darkness,
we’re all seeking you.

So God, move in,
wrap your arms around this family.
You say you’ll work this for good,
even though it’s a tragedy.

Although we’re all grieving,
one thing is for sure.
It is only by your grace,
that we shall endure.

I know Bradley is with you
up there in Heaven.
And I know that he sees
all the love that’s been given.

Please give him a hug
from all of us here.
Tell him we miss him,
and we’ll hold him so dear.

Thank you for what we still have,
and remind us each day
that this life is a gift,
so live it the Bradley way!

~Amen~

RIP Bradley Davis. Forever 23.

She wanders silently through the night,
Fighting off demons and spite,
She looks to the moon for guidance and strength,
For she knows these earthly gifts talk to her like Saints.
Please keep me balanced and pure,
For there is nothing on this earth that is sure,
Walk me and guide me to the Heavens above,
As if I were your child, that your taking care of
Lift me up and get me through, and I promise I will devote my life to you.

Sink your eye into my beautiful butterfly
Twirling around my purple bush, I spotted it
The prettiest one ever. I knew I had to have it
I paused, and gazed. I caught an up-close glimpse of its unique coloring. Blue and purple.
Didn’t think that was possible, but there it was- right in my face. It had the largest wings I’d ever seen on such a small creature. It fluttered around so gracefully, getting love drunk off the nectar. Bobbing around, minding its business and helping my garden.
Drifted off and started to wonder, are all the things that they say about butterflies true? Can this thing see me, sense me? It must. Look how delicate and beautiful it is. It trusts me to sit still and gaze at it.
Kept thinking about the transformation from birth till now, the little head with actual eyes, floaty looking wings and vibrant enchanting blue and purple eyespots like an encryption code to the butterfly heavens.
Fetching a small net, a jar or even a photo will do. I must share this with this world
Ran off to not miss my chance, came running back full speed, with excitement still in my heart- but it had already flown away.
~Inspired by Mindfulness Meditation

“The two important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why”-Mark Twain.
Life’s numerical milestones have changed .
I view 46 as 30+ 16 rather than 50-4 Mathematically and philosophically.
46 was a nameless nobody . Turning 46 just meant a step closer to the golden years and nothing more than that.
But now , this previously insignificant number has a whole glamour quotient of its own. A modern day new kinda big deal .
Feeling “ 45+1” or “almost 46” does sorta have a grounding undertone to it. A settling sense of self assuredness.
Chances are at this juncture, you are where you shall be for the rest of your life..atleast in most aspects of your life.
So it’s best to acknowledge all of it , embrace it, celebrate the done-its and get over the have-nots.
My so-called big birthday beckons me in a few days. And I feel fine. In reality, I feel more than just fine.I feel feisty and fine. Each day bringing with it an epiphany of sorts. The realization that aging gracefully means learning to detach and step back . Ironically, learning the art of detachment is not a lesson in learning to let go.
It actually involves quite the opposite. It involves recognizing and holding on to all that is relevant and enriching. And no , age is not just a number. How we wish it was! It is way more layered than that.
Physically, the 45 year old body is not and organically should not be what it used to be . Aging naturally is the sign of a life well lived. Trying to reverse age, is trying to relive a life that wasn’t done right the first time.
Mentally, growing older is freeing. With my absolute abandon and unapologetic arrogance , I sense and honestly quite like the new me emerging-subtle silver streaks, sagginess, striations , self love et all! I feel old enough to recognize my mistakes but young enough to make some more!
So bring on my birthday baby, let the wisdom grow and show! On my face, on my cake!
My dear age-Add those candles with each passing year as you wish, but you can never blow out the fire that gets fiercer every minute within me!

I was so angry
When you cold turkeyed my meds
I felt in crisis

When I first met you
I thought you’d disregard me
But you surprised me

You listened to me
Unlike the other doctors
The ones who pushed meds

You explained reasons
You discontinued my meds
You quelled my anger

You sat while I cried
And explained why I was at
The psych hospital

You offered support
And kept listening to me
Weave my tragedy

The abandonment
The emotional neglect
The intense sadness

That the pure anger
And feelings of utter rage
Hid deep inside me

You offered kindness
Throughout all my tears and fears
Your words held the key

To my heart and soul
And it is no wonder that
I’m in love with you

I don’t know where
my sunglasses are…
Perhaps I left them
in the car?

Or maybe they are
beside my bed?
I usually keep them
on top of my head.

Did I put them
in a drawer?
I hope I don’t find them
on the floor!

When did they
even go missin?
Maybe I left them
in the kitchen?

I know I had them
when we crossed the bridge.
Did I put them
in the fridge?!?

I’ve looked here,
I’ve looked there.
I cannot find them
anywhere!

Well, I guess they’re gone
for the rest of my life…
Nevermind! I found them!
… I asked my wife.

For most of my life
Depression held on to me
With its iron grip

Depression fooled me
It charmed the hell out of me
By that, I mean choked

It got me thinking
Everything in my life sucked
I stayed in a hole

For those three decades
The cesspool of depression
Washing over me

My life felt hopeless
I would have rather been dead
Than survive this shit

It got very bad
I kept getting admitted
To the hospital

The one where they kept
The psych patients in safety
Who would rather maim

Themselves or others
Than face the reality
Of their existence

After eighteen stays
Totaling eight or nine months
I felt the last straw

There had to be change
Or I would keep going there
It would never end

After the last stay
I felt severely depressed
Something had to give

I decided that
Lying in my bed all day
Was not an option

I wanted to act
As if I were a content
Person who loved life

I put ideas
In my head like “It’s all good”
Negativity

Eventually
Left my mind without a trace
Positivity

Moved into my brain
My mindset was replaced by
An ethereal peace

Anxiety left
Me and into the graveyard
Where the negative

Find finality
And eternal rest away
From my contentment

I have far to go
I have come very far now
But still room to grow

If you hear me bitch
And complain about my life
You will hear me ask

Myself what to do
That is in my control to
Flip the script my way

I never let it
Hang in the balance for long
It will bend to me

I will always ask
How can I make this better?
Never is it bad

I’ve cultivated
A positive mindset and
Visualized good

Things coming my way
Wherein I get everything
I could ever need

I could ever want
Even things I have never
Ever imagined

You can do it too –
Find pure joy and happiness
Just follow my lead

DEAR UNSEALED,
I BELIEVE IN LIFE!
WITH STRIFE OR WITHOUT STRIFE,
AS LIFE IS GOOD
OR LIFE CAN BE BAD.
LIFE CAN BE AS IT WOULD
BE, SAD OR GLAD,
IF NOT FOR BRIEF INTERRRUPTIONS OF SPACE
IN THE RAT RACE.
I BELIEVE IN A CREATOR OF LOVE.
I BELIEVE LIVING AS ONE AS A TURTLE DOVE IN LOVE.
I USED TO LOVE LIFE FOR LOVE,
BUT LOVE IS LIFE.
NOT LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR
IN BARS AND CLUBS OF INSANE GREASY TAR
TO SLIP INSIDE A BOOTH ALOOF
FROM ALL WHO STARE LIKE A SPOOK.
I BELIEVE THAT LIFE IS A DREAM.
IT MAY SEEM
A DREAM
OR SCHEME
OF LIFE TO BE
FOR YOU AND ME
WAS YESTERYEAR
WHEN I SHED MANY A TEAR
SO, I FEAR.
I LOVE.
I CRY.
I SMILE.
I LAUGH.
WE LIVE AS PEOPLE WHO ARE ONE,
ONE HUMAN BEING SPECIES OF THE EARTH
UNDER THE SUN, THE MOON, THE STARS
OF BIRTH.
WE ARE BORN, WE LIVE, WE DIE
I SIGH.
NO MORE WARS,
NO MORE LIES,
LET’S LEARN TO CARE,
TO BE AWARE,
OF LOVE,
OF PEACE,
OF UNDERSTANDING,
TO SHARE,
TO CARE
ABOUT HUMANITY,
HOW WE LIVE,
TO GIVE,
TO RECEIVE.
I USED TO THINK WE WERE ALL GOOD
AS WE SHOULD
BE, TO TREAT HUMANITY
GOOD.
I BELIEVE I CAN WALK AWAY
FROM A TOXIC DAY
OF UNPLEASNT ADVENTURES OF THE YEAR
BUT SHED A TEAR.
‘CAUSE LIFE IS REAL AND WITH ALL THE EMOTIONS OF HUMANITY
“TO BE IS NOT TO BE THAT IS THE QUESTION”
AS WRITTEN BY A FAMOUS AUTHOR OF VERY LONG AGO,
IT IS STILL THE QUESTION,
TODAY HOW IT RELATES IS QUITE THE SAME,
TO BE TAME OR TO BE LAME,
I BELIEVE IT IS AN UPENDED QUESTION OF THE LIGHT OR DARK
CONTINUOUS QUESTION OF SORTS
OF HOW ONE BELIEVES GO FORTH
WITH TIME AND SPACE
OF CHANTILLY LACE
OR DARK NIGHTS OF THE SOUL,
TEACHING US TO BE BOLD.
SO, HOLD ON TO YOURSELF,
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF,
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
WE LIVE AS PEOPLE WHO ARE ONE,
ONE HUMAN BEING SPECIES OF THE EARTH
UNDER THE SUN, THE MOON, THE STARS
OF BIRTH
WE ARE BORN, WE LIVE, WE DIE
I SIGH,
NO MORE WARS.
NO MORE LIES,
LET’S LEARN TO CARE
TO BE AWARE.

Hugs from Heaven, they feel so sweet
A warm energetic connection that will knock you off your feet
Tune in and listen, look around you’ll be surprised
Your heart bleeds love, passion & desire from the skies
All this love can be seen right in your eyes 🤍🦋

My poem has read, last in line…
“I have no worth in mine own eye”.
Weather burned me-early age to start,
Cannot I see the lie of this part?
…And even think to give love a try
Before bitter I sink to death and die?
For if I have not to respect myself,
How can I ever comfort anyone else?
No matter the cause-No matter the reason
I need not to know-Just believe new season!
Have not I to grow 45 years old?
For that is what turned me 2 days ago…
If 40 years old I was at age 12,
Then where now alive am I on the shelf?
Need not to know that either-Rather good to exist…
Regardless of child-hood lost and missed.
Feelings of mine-I think matter not,
When I can still find a caring/sharing spot.
Nor how, I don’t know-But feel love in the air,
Though I’ll not steal it-belonging to someone fair.
For if this gift I ever can find,
I’ll no longer be pissed-When good is mine!
Forgetting the past-a job easily not done
When 40 years masked-this hatred was dumb!
Good people say I matter, every life there is
Can no longer get sadder-Because Optimism lives!
Many lessons learned, to build my neighbor up,
As when I care for mine own self…
Love overflows-and clean is the cup!

Thank You The Unsealed!!!

9-4-24

Dear Unsealers,

I hope that everyone’s having a wonderful Labor Day weekend.

As September begins, I can’t help but feel wistful as the summer season is fast coming to a close, especially after spending this weekend in both Newport and Providence, Rhode Island.

But the summer vibe is still strong as this new month begins.
Nine months have come; four months are left to go in this year.

It may be a day late, but it’s never too late to welcome in a new month. As I do so here…

Try to remember, this kind of September
30 new days are here to stay

A month of transition
As the last days of summer glisten
With a chill in the early morning air
Autumn is waiting to be welcomed in

From Newport’s idyllic shores to NYC’s towering skies
All of the possibilities exist
The days are yearning to be filled with joy

As the BER months begin
There are 120 days or so, left in 2024

One pauses to wonder….
Where did all the months go?!

I had an addiction for 23 years, I have been clean for over 30 yrs minus my slips and falls that through me into the ring of addiction, because I let my guard down thinking that I was stronger than it, when actually the addiction was stronger than me. But such as life try and try again. I am clean and have been for many years. I allowed myself to lured back but the last time was the last time. I asked myself some questions and the most important was do you want to live or die, do I want to live a full life filled with endless possibilities or die not reaching my full potential. I choose life . I became to love self, and wouldn’t accept any old thing , I have been hopeless and helpless and I have done things that only me and God know about. I have come full circle I know my value . I graduated from college and wrote a book. I hope to be a recovery coach, where I help those who are still trapped be free and stare in the face of addiction and say I won and I am stronger than you. Now in my life there is so many things I want to do all for the glory of God not for fame or fortune all though these things have there place, that is not my motivation. I survived so that I may be a help to others.

Dear Unsealed,

Kindness is a word.
Hate is a word.
Love is a word.
Like is a word.
Kindness means kindness.
Have you heard
That once you spread the word,
Kindness spreads all around
The merry go round
Of life
As we work, play, and sleep
With strife
Of everyday life?
The word kind
Is to help your fellow human beings
So sublime,
So kind,
So ruthless,
So it seems,
Kindness would spread like a wildfire,
Spreads over the mountains & up tall towers
But there is always someone to try to burst your balloon,
As you stare at the moon
Dreaming of smiles and loves and caresses
Of yesterday’s messes
And blessings
One kind word
I will remember that word & what it meant to me.
The word
Will spread,
like butter on bread
Eventually the word kind
Will either form syllables
From the lips of the sad one
To blurt out sublime
So kind
“Hey you are kind, why?”
I reply and sigh,
“You are a unique person among the others of life
That now smiles,
Even with a smirk,
But it is your worth
As a human being amongst the others of life & strife
Of tears and joy
Of joy and pain.
I will remember you now
And you asked me how
With the look in your eyes.
Your smile made my day
On a summer day along the way.”
You look at me grinning from ear to ear
In this 2024 year,
I see you now, that is how!
PEACE OUT!”

When the door opens,
Let me in for I am ready.
I have martyred for those who need it the most.
I have sacrificed the deepest parts of myself for a pat on the back
When the door opens,
Let me in for I have dreamed of my escape.
I have waited in my rabbit hole and no one came for me
When the door opens,
Let me in for I have told the devil that I am ready.
I lit a candle for the harm that my enemies intended to do.
When the door opens,
Let me in for I have traveled to Dante’s inferno, .
He advised me to take the road less traveled and It brought me here.
When the door opens,
Let me in, for the dirt that buries my blossoms is abating from me.
My value stands as my soul vibrates through this world.
When the door opens,
Let me in, for I belong.
I have made a bed for myself from aloe vera and money leaves .
The mud on my thrown hardens and dries as my ego steps forward.
When the door opens,
Let me in for my ancestors have my name written in your book.
They have been cattle, machines, blueprints, but now I am come in pure human form.
When the door opens,
No one will be surprised, for they have been expecting me.