Maybe I am a monster
After all, I do scare you at times

Maybe I am untrustworthy
After all, even while making eye contact, that in which I say or do is still questionable

Maybe I am cold
After all, I’ve influenced tears to fall upon such a beautiful face more than once

Maybe I am immature
After all, I do allow myself to become lost within my Gemini energy quite often

Maybe I am selfish
After all, “I” has become the center of my L(I)FE, continuously neglecting you of the presence you once considered to be a friend- your best friend

Maybe it was all a mistake as you stated
After all, 10-11 years of friendship became undone with just a single choice, a single phrase, within a single moment

Maybe it was never true at all
After all, I was in a desperate phase of my life when I approached you in our high school’s library

Maybe I never truly loved you as much as I had declared

After all, whenever met with a certain aspect of yours, I tried to change it because I thought that it would make things better for me

Maybe I am a parasite
After all, you have been the financial powerhouse within our relationship and in your absence my ship would’ve sunken long ago

Maybe I am reckless
After all, I’ve been working since 2016, yet my savings account looks as if I just starting working last week

Maybe I am a murderer
After all, I’d watched you die internally when I decided that our marriage should be no more

Maybe I have a substance abuse issue
After all, I took a sip from a flask labeled “freedom” and have since grown addicted to its taste to the point that I’ve sabotaged and squandered countless opportunities in its pursuit

Maybe I am a dog
After all, I’ve allowed myself to become emotionally attached to other women, seeking feelings of completion, though you were always there

Maybe I lack empathy and compassion
After all, you told me of your fears, insecurities, and anxieties, yet Instead of consoling you as I had once done, I distanced myself as a means for me to maintain my higher vibes

Maybe the devil played a trick on you by placing me within your life as you stated

After all, look at how much I’ve disrupted, the chaos I’ve ensued

Maybe I am a coward
After all, I throw smoke bombs and vanish whenever conflict arises rather than indulging in acts of reconciliation

Maybe my presence within your life presented no benefits at all

After all, you’re still conflicted by the same things you were conflicted by when we first began

Maybe you shouldn’t have responded to that email I sent you, then we wouldn’t be where we are now

Maybe I was guided towards your light because my SOUL wanted to know what it would feel like to shine with another

Maybe this pain that we’re experiencing serves no purpose, or maybe it’s an indicator that peace is a possibility

Maybe this is the end of what I considered to be everything, or maybe this is the first chapter of the book we’ve desired to tell the tale of the lives we fantasized for ourselves

Maybe the chaos of this situation also holds within it a beauty like no other

Maybe these walls were meant to come crashing down, and this house burn til it’s no more so that we may finally build the home we each desire

Maybe this was never designed to stand the tests of time

Maybe the death of this marriage, this friendship, is what enlivens us

Maybe this is all by SO(U)L’S design
If so, then I’ve put myself through this pain with the intentions of realigning with “IT”

Through tears and confusion that seemed as if it would never end, I’ve finally arrived where I desired to be all along-HERE

Here and finally with love for who/what I AM becoming

Maybe that’s the message embedded in this marvelous disasterpiece we’ve painted- To return to ourselves

What becomes of he who deprives the world of a smile?;

I found the answer to such a question when I realized just how much of my energy I had given my insecurities;

My smile, my hair, my body;
I solely identified with my “imperfections” and paid the price;

The price being peace;
To govern l(i)fe only by tangibility disrupts so(u)l;
Hiding through my own personal shame, I dwindled the ultimate flame;

And I also sabotaged;
Sabotaged opportunities so that the audience I “knew” wouldn’t dare see me as I saw myself;

Thoughts of possible laughter agonizing my psyche;

Though a shell I was;
Though a shell I chose to be;
This shell has always contained the l(i)fe desired to be experienced;

As a token of my appreciation I now listen to yo(u)r voice, yo(u)r requests, yo(u)r vision;

I don’t wanna hide, though hiding means survival of my ego and pride;

I wanna reside in so(u)l and l(i)ght;
And so I smile;
I smile for the 10 year old boy who denied himself l(i)fe because of an insecurity;

I smile for the teenager who saw himself as unlovable due to a unique smile;

I smile for the man ready to live in his l(i)ght;
I smile for the world because the world is who/ what I choose to be

The hot, oily aquatic liquid begin to build up in my eyes as I glanced at the night’s sky;

A moment’s glance and I saw only a single star;

Pondering for a while, more appeared before me;

How lovely this world of mines, that even in the heart’s darkest moments the light is still present

I started as a Seed just as those did in the Field before me;
During my time in the Womb of THE GREAT MOTHER-our MOTHER,MOTHER EARTH-I’ve witnessed The Beauty of Spring;

The Field in Bloom with many shades of gold;
Soon I would be a part of The Ballet the Sunflowers did as they danced in The Breeze of The Spring;

And then I came along;
My Roots were well Grounded and yet I struggled to grow;
I thought it would be easy being a Sunflower, but Oh, did it require so much;
But I wanted to Dance, and so I Bloomed;
And I Bloomed;
And I Bloomed some more;
And I Bloomed some more until I finally reached The Sun, it’s Rays shimmering across my Petals;

Wrapped in its embrace, I smiled;
The Sun smiled back at me and said,”We’ve Danced many Dances, and we shall continue to Dance many more. Now, my love, its time that you return to The Fields for the remaining Seasons”;

I returned and continued to Dance during the Summer, my Petals still full of The Essence of Spring;

I began to lose some of my Petals and their golden hue during The Fall, but still I continued to Dance with The Essence of Spring in my heart;

Winter came and I saw less of The Sun;
It felt too cold to Dance, and yet I mustered the strength within me to bring Winter the Essence Of Spring;

With my brownish, withered body, I Danced until my Petals were no more;
I collapsed to the ground;
Mother caught me and said,”You’ve Danced beautifully My Child. Now, you must rest until The Next Spring”;

As I began to close my eyes, a Ray from The sun shone upon my Petals;
I looked to The Sky to see The Sun smiling at Me;
My last breath drawing near, I smiled back at The Sun and said,”I look forward to us Dancing again”

How loving, accepting, and forgiving Nature is;
How patient IT is;
How welcoming;
For us to trample over you without any sense of direction;
To spit onto you, fostering no sense of respect;
We litter your beauty rather than our abodes;
Yet you love, yet you accept, yet you understand;
You recognize that we are blind to that which we do not see at times and you are patient with us;
Not only do you recognize us as your children, you also recognize that we are you, both individually and collectively;
When will the moment come where I understand myself the way you understand yourself;
When will I open both my eyes and heart as you do;
I wonder