Dear seventeen-year-old me,

Now that you’re aware of your autism, let me give you some advice. Your first thought will be to wrap up your autism and lock it up in the closet. I will advise you to keep your autism hidden from your peers for the time being because they will pretend to be your friend to make themselves look good. However, you mustn’t hide your autism in the back of your mind and pretend it doesn’t exist. You might find this hard to believe, but your autism is actually your strength. The more you accept it, the stronger it’ll make you.

Your autism is why you’re so creative. You’re not afraid to think outside the box and come up with ideas that most people would consider “crazy”. These ideas will extend to plays like the ones you love to perform in and stories like the ones you love to read. Nobody else can say that they came up with these ideas but you. While some people might tell you that nobody will be interested in your writings, they’re not the right audience for your creations. Don’t worry, the right audience will come along and appreciate what you have to say. They’ll want to travel to the worlds that you create. They’ll want to connect with the characters that you give life to. You’ll change lives and perspectives with your words because you have a brain with a higher capacity than the avenge writer. Your brain was meant to expand to areas that no one would dare to touch. None of this would be possible without your autism.

Although being different will certainly make you a depressed outcast, this experience will soon make you stronger. You know what it’s like to be silenced and shut away from the world. You know what it’s like to have a story that no one wants to hear because it’s different. When you’re an adult, you’ll become an advocate for the autistic community. Autistic people will look up to you and non-autistic parents will ask for advice. It is your destiny to fight for a better world so that future generations of autistic kids won’t grow up miserable and socially shut away as you did. The world wouldn’t be better off without you as you’d like to believe; lives would be ruined if you were to disappear right now. Please know that your autism isn’t going to lead to your downfall; it’s going to lead to your greatest success.

Until you reach my timeline, please do all the research that you can so that you can develop a better understanding of yourself. Make some friends on the spectrum and listen to them. Oh, and in case you’re worried, your autism won’t prevent you from finding love. In fact, you can thank your autism for that. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Give it about seven to eight years and you’ll see. Keep being weird and never throw away your ideas!

Proud to be autistic,

Dearest Michelle,You were born into this world a fighter and that is what you have done for the last 45 years. FIGHT. You have fought through childhood’s traumatic curve balls, and you have continued to push through the many faces, and storms of domestic violence. It is time to rest. It is time to put your dreams of connecting victims of traumatic life events to work. You hold the key to the rest of your life’s beautiful dance. I know it has been scary, but you cannot hide from the world and succeed. It’s time to put one foot in front of the other and gently take the first step. Step into your power, step into your light. You are a survivor. It’s time to shed the shame you have felt for so long, and to fill the gaps of your broken heart with gold. There is no looking back. Only forward. You are helping victims become survivors and giving them a feeling of security by matching them with an animal so that they can heal together. It is good. You are good, life is good. You never give up. You never stopped believing that you would help others heal and now, here you are. You have accomplished everything that many said you couldn’t. They/ He tried to kill your spirit, but you came back even stronger than ever. Because you are a survivor. Life was not over for you when you thought it was. You were given the gift of another day, so breathe in each moment and believe that you have stepped into your purpose. Step into your power, and LIVE.

Dear Me,

Thank you for taking the time to sit with yourself and process your thoughts and feelings. This year, you really took yourself & your ideas seriously. Your perseverance through rejection is admirable and I appreciate you, even when others don’t.

When you lost your job in January- you didn’t beat yourself up.

When the bank funds were low- you leaned on your family for support while pushing through to find a new job.

When you felt broke, busted, and disgusted- you sought wisdom in books, the Bible, and your family.

You manifested cool opportunities & got creative with the tools at your disposal.

To me, you may not be exactly where you want to be, however, you’ve come farther than you expected. You could’ve chosen to listen to well- meaning advice, but you listened to your gut & for that I respect you!

Thank you for being you- which is the hardest thing to do.

Love you for life,

I am so happy to be here writing this to you today, as I know you need to hear this. I can see you struggling as you slowly shed your past self away. I know how painful it can be when you realize all of the time you spent worrying about everything beyond your control, and sometimes it even feels like you’re grieving the loss of your own life. I just want to tell you that all of the work you’re doing is exactly what you need to be doing. I know it is difficult to face old traumas and at times you may feel like giving up, but I promise that you are strong enough to handle all of it.

You have always known what is best for you; even when you lost that trust in yourself for a while, you still had it deep within you and you always end up back on your path. When you find yourself falling back into spirituality and trusting the divine timing, trust it. The reason you are so drawn to that is because the overall message is true: you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Digging deep into your shadow, seeing your most toxic, dark parts coming out into the light, while learning to see them with non-judgment and compassion is helping you to get closer to your dreams.

You may find it hard to get into healthy habits and routines, but as you continue on your healing journey, you will discover the exact tools you need to achieve your goals. I know at times it can feel easy to get down on yourself, and it can feel like this is going to be an endless cycle of self-doubt and failure…but just know that you get through everything, and you are thriving. There are times in your life where you may feel like you’re broken, or there is no way you would ever get back to being happy or feeling healed, but please just remember that you are stronger than you think.

You are the girl who survived living in a home where both of your parents found themselves struggling with alcohol, and you made sure that you got out as soon as you could. You are the girl who knew she had to talk that cute guy in her class junior year, and now you have spent over a decade together happily in love. You are the woman who was able to take her life into her own hands and escape a toxic work environment, even with the fears of taking a pay-cut during a pandemic. You are the woman who signed up to go to therapy and became open-minded to medications in order to help yourself when you needed it. You are the woman who is continuously working through hard truths, healing old wounds, and still showing up every day for me: your future self.

Your dreams are a result of your hard work and dedication, and you already know the direction you want to go. Keep working towards your current goals and when your intuition keeps bringing you back to something, trust it. Ideas will come and go, and in times where it feels overwhelming, just remember that what is meant to be will be. Just promise me that during hard times, you will always come back to self-love, and that you will continue to give yourself grace. You deserve the happiness that you are striving for, and even during the hardest times, you hold that feeling deep within you. Thank you for all of the work you’re doing to heal, and just know that you will be a stronger, happier person because of it.

Dear Unsealers,

Hello Oswald from 2023, it’s me from 2043!

That’s right, I’m speaking to you for twenty years in the future. From my spacious pied a terre in Nice, France at sunset. And yes, that’s a bottle of rose wine that you brought home from your trip in 2019 that’s being shared with your female companion.

I’ve managed to stay for five years and become a resident of France. In the meantime, I’ve been exploring the rest of the European continent.

I’ve come from the future to remind you that everything that you desire is possible. Not as far away as it feels. I know that you’re wondering how I got here.

It began with a realization late one winter’s night. You visualized what life would be twenty years from now. And you imagined coming back to Nice. The smile was beaming through the silence. But you had to fight off the sense of doubt and lack of self-worth.

Just saying the words “I’m Ready” proved to be difficult. But through the struggle, the phrase came out.

You started to get clear on what you wanted for your future. To be able to tell your story in a way that resonates with people, disabled and not.

With the vision written out, you had the plan to execute. A pair of books would be written, the first one a memoir. Chronicling the life of resiliency that was lived with Cerebral Palsy. And the second, a chronicle of your travels. With both books, you would have something to speak about in interviews for podcasts, IG Lives, and written articles.

After a lifetime of letting it define you, the quest for your independence began.

You found a job as an editorial assistant for a publishing company. Learning as you go to pick up the skills for putting the book together while gaining a stream of income.

The skills of adulthood would be learned, thanks to working with the Center for the Independence of the Disabled. And they would also help in finding your first apartment in Queens.

Though, you would still join your family for holiday dinners. And you had them over for dinner on your first New Year’s Eve at the place. In time, a bigger apartment would be found.

You would spend countless hours writing your story and get help from a friend’s publishing house for the first book deal. The Poetic Seasons poetry books and the memoirs are under The Key Publishing House umbrella.

It would be a whirlwind third trip to France that sealed the deal on staying. Crisscrossing the country in a month from the France-Spain border to Corsica. And as you visited Nice, the magic of the Promenade caught your eye again. You would begin the residency process by spending time at home and abroad.

With all the exterior changes, I forget to mention that you’re a happier person now. With a healthier perspective on life and more confidence in yourself. And you met someone in Caterina that brings out the best in you.

Why am I here writing this letter?

I wanted to remind you to dream bigger and better for your life. You’re more than capable of achieving what your heart desires. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out in the world.

And above all else, love every inch of yourself. You’re an inspiration!