Inspiration fills the air as the sunshine awakens the morning birds. A woman sits with her cats, sipping coffee while her medication begins to recharge her energy and clear her mind. As the day progresses, the oven inside starts to cook. The ideas that develop branch out into many possibilities. Do they always remain the same, or do the surroundings influence how the mind perceives these ideas?

Her shape of creation
is far more contagious
than the scribbles
it once was.
The craft from within
is overflowing with
small golden flakes of serenity.

Lace up this heart of mine
with your gentle hands
rather than your toxic lips

The final good bye of a broken heart does not happen in the light but by way of the midnight dark.
I was holding on to all we were,till there were no more words and I no longer hurt I asked you to stay ,I begged,and I prayed but still I was not your one.
Why did you ask for my hand?why did I allow myself to feel as if this was my only chance? These questions are a mystery.butthere they are laying quietly inside of me.
I gave you my all.Even through the lies and the walls.
Through the pain and the sorrow and still I was never going to be good enough for you.
But I woke in the hour of prayer with these words hanging in the air.I did not need you .I wanted you.
I thought you were my person.I thought you were going to be there for the rest of my life.I felt that we would create memories not heart ache and strife.
I tried to be patient,I tried to be kind even when I found out I had been living a lie.The lie was it toldto gain more than I could give? Was it said so you could pretend?or was it a deal to be happy with the cards you had been given? Was it tried but only for a minute? Was your heart true? Or was it just mine? These are the questions asked in the dark ,of a mind not crazy just trying to understand why you chose to break my heart.
Was it anything to you more than words spoken to the air?For me it was a blessing,a miracle,a release from the pain,the the fear,a feeling of safety and so much more.
When you first hurt me I told myself he is young and he does not understand he was not given the chance there was no example to share.He was not raised by a Godly man and only having women to guide and protect him.I had made more excuses then I looked a round and had to put myself in check your doing it again;I whispered to myself in the dark don’t make excuses don’t allow yourself to be put on a shelf because that shelf only holds lies and confusion, deceit and so much more.
You are a child of God not a piece of broken on the floor put your faith in God and look up above this is the source of true undying love.He will guide you and lead you to a new and it’s not a person and it’s not sitting on a pew it’s in the prayers whispered,and cried out loud and screamed.it is in the travail and the love that is felt and not seen it is in the actions of a warrior on her knees this is something nothing not woman or manor beast can give.It is only God that can give you freedom so as I release this heartache and despair I know that I’m ok no matter what when or where My Love will only come from God my true hearts desire and if I can hold on to this truth with a strong faith and a prayer I know even in the darkest hour my God my father my love .
Power comes not from man but heaven above I have more than anyone can give me I have my father in heavens love and with that being said I know I will be ok
Today is a new day cause my God came down in the flesh for my horrible sins he died on a Cross and rose again.
He gave me life and saved me from death so what does he ask of me nothing more and nothing less then what I can give which is only my best .
My faith My love My song My blessings for those along the way .
But not do the rich but for the poor not for the found but the lost ones lying on the ground.
So in closing this I will say my heart may have been broken,but God restored it today ! This is my Renewal! This is my independence day!

Your physical appearance
shined more than
your emotional guidance.
I don’t know to either
be mad or hurt.
You gave the bare minimum
yet took more than needed.
Your form of love was
thru the necessities
of food, home and clothing.
Grieving doesnt feel right
more like hatred inside.
Confusion overshadows
the mind of forgiveness.
Reparenting what was
ignored only comforts
one’s soul leaving
another apprehensive
when in need.

You hype the conversation
with such admiration
In the same breath
you toss out rejection

Let it burn in your throat.
The emotions from your heart, rising like a flood, and pushing to the surface,
threatening to break the dam behind your eyes, a release of flowing tears.

But the dam holds, forged of learned silence— a wall built by the hundred times your voice found no echo, no gentle hand to meet its reach.
What’s the use of a flood when the world’s ears are stone, its eyes, a blank stare?

So you let it burn, this defeated truth, a scalding current trapped behind your teeth.
It twists, while your mind raises a quiet question: why does caring cost so much, when it lands on nothing?

And the fallout?
A hollow hum where laughter used to be, a heart that learns to beat softer, to guard its own light, because sharing only dims it.

And so the fire stays, cemented, a constant, private ache— a monument to what was never heard.

A deep current runs, unseen, yet always felt, beneath the calm surface, where dark secrets dwell.
A fading light, a choice once made, the crushing weight of what was, now laid bare for me. A quiet struggle with a shadow’s rise, on a stage where eyes meet the skies. A constant hum of endless need, Questions linger, like seeds to breed. The fragile shield, nearly worn through, a blessing turned to burden’s hue.

Then, a sudden chill in a shared space.
A word like a stone cast into the waters.
The bright colors of belief now muted.
A question hangs, unheard: Is this real?
And so the mind gently retreats, a soft step back, drifting motion, no turning back.
With the body present, moving throughout the day, while consciousness finds its own distant shore a walk to a necessary vanishing, a breath of nothing.

Underneath this skin
lies uncertainty wanting clarity
fear to put one step in front
sabotaging energy
love from own heartbeat
overload of anxieties
overwhelming sensation
of healing clogged pores

Underneath all the wounds
lies beauty in progress
strength in training
courage in action
love in veins
clarity in pores

Oh brain
why must you
feel this pain
I try to heal
the cause root
even when its
been a long commute

why must you
choose to be blue
when it leaves
for an overcast
type of mood

I wish you
would simply calm
when gently rested
on my palm

Special Note: This is a song that God gave me. It is simple and easy to learn. I’m sorry, but I’m not able to share a tune. This is after Matthew 4:19 Follow Me and I will make you fisher of people, (NIV)

Song:
Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me now! I come from Heavenly Father to die upon the cross. To save you from your sins because I love you as the Father does. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me, all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me Now! For the world is truly angry. So, tell of His scripture and tell of his might. Tell of His glories from up above. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me now! I come from Heavenly Father to die upon the cross. To save you from your sins because I love you as the Father does. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

In the stillness, a man sits alone,
Twiddling thumbs, lost in thought’s heavy stone.
The weight of desire twists like a vine,
For the comfort of medicine, a lifeline divine.

Yet, in shadows of doubt, he grapples with fear,
Relying on others is a thought too austere.
The freedom he craves feels just out of reach,
While reservoirs run dry, with no hand to beseech.

Each moment weighs heavy, a silent despair,
For the solace he seeks is elusive, rare.
In the labyrinth of longing, he searches the sky,
Hoping for solace, though the well seems to dry.

Lost for words, I wade through a pool of sand,
Where time drifts dimmer, like shadows hand in hand.
The whisper of the breeze carries a gentle sigh,
As the bowl of burdened thoughts is cleansed, set free to fly.

Dear Community,

This topic I wish to share hits me hard since I’m a mother myself. I want to know what you think about being a mother. I will admit that the parenting choices I made in my life weren’t the best, but I have acknowledged and regretted what I got myself into. However, this isn’t about me today; I want to discuss what you think about a mother who has three kids and another one on the way. Do you honestly think she should be having another child right now?

My story is about a woman in this current time who has two girls and one boy. In my opinion, she shouldn’t have another child at this moment. The reason, you may ask, is that this is what she does all the time: she currently works in healthcare, her partner works at an amusement park, and she draws money from one of her kids. Yet, she complains that she’s always broke. How is that possible? I mean, come on—my husband and I are living on a monthly income, and we have no car, but she can still go to work, go shopping, eat out a lot, or go play at a bar.

Another parenting issue I see is that whenever she wants to clean the house or do something, if it’s an activity that the kids can’t be involved in, she thinks that Daddy has to take them, no matter what. Being a mother, I understand that if you have to work, that’s one thing, but if you don’t, why can’t you take the kids? What’s so important that they can’t be involved in what you’re doing?

What frustrates me is that I understand they need to spend time with their other parent, but what if that parent has things going on too? What if your electricity is out, or your internet is down, or someone is sick in your house? Is it fair to put your kids in a difficult situation, yet you feel justified in getting mad if your kid gets sick or complains about being bored?

I mean, is it so hard to ask your co-parent questions to ensure that the house and surroundings are safe for the child before they come over? Don’t just assume that we can automatically handle things without checking with us first. Don’t get me wrong; I understand that just because you may not be around kids right now doesn’t mean you have forgotten to be a parent. You just want to ensure their safety. Is that a crime?

To some people a man is someone that tries so they do what it takes cuz they have to get by
To some people a man is someone that don’t quit even at the Rock bottom they just deal with it and they keep on going without having to knowing but they climb
out of the hole and continue to keep going
To some people a man is a guy that don’t cry he’s too tough to show emotion so he buries it inside but we know he has feelings that he hides in a place but no matter what it won’t show on his face
To some people a man is a full-time single mom who takes care of her kids cuz Daddy is gone and maybe he’s in the picture and maybe he’s not but we have to understand that Mommy goes through a lot
To some people a man is someone that puts food on the table who works day after day even if they’re not physically able and maybe their health has got them feeling weak but they’ll provide for their families even if they sell drugs in the street
To some people the man is someone that simply had enough and maybe it’s because he’s been through so much so he works up the courage and finally walks out and becomes brave enough to put a gun in his mouth

Maybe I am a monster
After all, I do scare you at times

Maybe I am untrustworthy
After all, even while making eye contact, that in which I say or do is still questionable

Maybe I am cold
After all, I’ve influenced tears to fall upon such a beautiful face more than once

Maybe I am immature
After all, I do allow myself to become lost within my Gemini energy quite often

Maybe I am selfish
After all, “I” has become the center of my L(I)FE, continuously neglecting you of the presence you once considered to be a friend- your best friend

Maybe it was all a mistake as you stated
After all, 10-11 years of friendship became undone with just a single choice, a single phrase, within a single moment

Maybe it was never true at all
After all, I was in a desperate phase of my life when I approached you in our high school’s library

Maybe I never truly loved you as much as I had declared

After all, whenever met with a certain aspect of yours, I tried to change it because I thought that it would make things better for me

Maybe I am a parasite
After all, you have been the financial powerhouse within our relationship and in your absence my ship would’ve sunken long ago

Maybe I am reckless
After all, I’ve been working since 2016, yet my savings account looks as if I just starting working last week

Maybe I am a murderer
After all, I’d watched you die internally when I decided that our marriage should be no more

Maybe I have a substance abuse issue
After all, I took a sip from a flask labeled “freedom” and have since grown addicted to its taste to the point that I’ve sabotaged and squandered countless opportunities in its pursuit

Maybe I am a dog
After all, I’ve allowed myself to become emotionally attached to other women, seeking feelings of completion, though you were always there

Maybe I lack empathy and compassion
After all, you told me of your fears, insecurities, and anxieties, yet Instead of consoling you as I had once done, I distanced myself as a means for me to maintain my higher vibes

Maybe the devil played a trick on you by placing me within your life as you stated

After all, look at how much I’ve disrupted, the chaos I’ve ensued

Maybe I am a coward
After all, I throw smoke bombs and vanish whenever conflict arises rather than indulging in acts of reconciliation

Maybe my presence within your life presented no benefits at all

After all, you’re still conflicted by the same things you were conflicted by when we first began

Maybe you shouldn’t have responded to that email I sent you, then we wouldn’t be where we are now

Maybe I was guided towards your light because my SOUL wanted to know what it would feel like to shine with another

Maybe this pain that we’re experiencing serves no purpose, or maybe it’s an indicator that peace is a possibility

Maybe this is the end of what I considered to be everything, or maybe this is the first chapter of the book we’ve desired to tell the tale of the lives we fantasized for ourselves

Maybe the chaos of this situation also holds within it a beauty like no other

Maybe these walls were meant to come crashing down, and this house burn til it’s no more so that we may finally build the home we each desire

Maybe this was never designed to stand the tests of time

Maybe the death of this marriage, this friendship, is what enlivens us

Maybe this is all by SO(U)L’S design
If so, then I’ve put myself through this pain with the intentions of realigning with “IT”

Through tears and confusion that seemed as if it would never end, I’ve finally arrived where I desired to be all along-HERE

Here and finally with love for who/what I AM becoming

Maybe that’s the message embedded in this marvelous disasterpiece we’ve painted- To return to ourselves

Special Note: In the following poem, we are studying Psalms in Bible Study, and this poem came to me. Pastor Jeremy Fort knows Hebrew, and he is very knowledgeable. He teaches us a lot. He helped me to organize my poem. There are only 150 Psalms in the Bible. God gave me this, and I felt for me it was my special verse, so I call it Psalms 151. If you don’t know a lot about Psalms, they use the word Y’all in several passages. Enjoy and God Bless.

Psalms 151
1. The glory of Yahweh,
2. Y’all, we are the sons and daughters of the world.
3. And our reward is to be His children.
4. Y’all, we once were lost, but now we are found.

See,
5. It is like the SON shining on our faces and hearts.
6. As such, we have salvation for our Nephesh.
7. Y’all, our blessings come from Jesus Christ, dying on the cross for us.
8. Y’all, our hearts and bodies jump for joy because of Jesus’ action.

Acts 4:12
12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.

In life’s dark underbelly, where the filthy hide,
A tale unfolds of hearts untried.
Where pain descends, it’s grip so tight,
A struggle fought both day and night.
Amidst the thick smoke, there’s a clouded maze,
Where the soul embarks on darkened days.
In search of purpose, and lost within,
Caught in Addictions Iron Sin.
A dance with fire, a twisted game,
To numb the ache, and hide the shame.
A battle waged within the mind,
A vicious fight, trapped in time.
The highs that once were pure and bright,
Now feel like darkness and sleepless nights.
What once brought joy, now brings despair,
Became a prisoner, all while unaware.
But I light remains, just a flicker still,
A strength within that bends his will.
And for every moment, and ever tear,
There’s a chance to heal and preservere.
To reach for hands that want to save,
And stray away from this promised grace.
So with support and strength, you will see,
True happiness awaits both you and me.
So let this poem be an inner voice,
That will win this battle, and give you a choice.

I need to find the reason why,
I walk this earth alone.
I need my life to find a purpose,
And a place to call home.
I’ve searched within and deep inside,
And lost myself again.
It really hurts to realize,
I am my only true friend.
What are friends? Where’s my family?
Not a soul to love or trust.
It’s desolate in this cruel reality,
Feel less than a speck of dust.
I’ve grown to be so easily forgotten,
Standing in plain sight.
I’ve strayed away from who I was,
I’ve lost my inner light.
I need to find the reason why,
Happiness does not exist.
I need to stop getting high,
But this craving will still persist.
If I ran away from here,
I can’t promise I’ll be back.
I might as well already be gone,
From this life I’ve become detached.

Being the single one
in the room full of healing tools
Can be extremely overwhelming.
Yet, breaking cycles is far more fulfilling.
Feeling the breeze of peace
Flow thru the cracks of walls
Lets me know, I can’t break a fall.