Vulnerable with some,
Assertive with respect.
Loud with boundaries,
Insecure with experience
Determined with patience.

As I lay to sleep crowded of fear.
Full of sadness.
Jammed with uncertainty.
I wake loaded with courage.
Bursting of bravery.
Packed with vulnerability.

My phone is filled with notes
A continuation of fragmented phrases pieced together with intention
Folding neatly within each other
Yet so scattered
As I continue on this journey to clarification
Love
I bring up the word love
The feeling of the word love
four letters depicting emotion
Viewing the world differently because of it
I know my love is near
Arms reached out in eye range
Filled with the feeling
Overflowing with thought
Joy fills my notes
Although these fragmented phrases run across my phone
In due time it will all make sense and all the pieces will be where they need to be.

i lie on my back staring at the ceiling,
waiting for the numbness to crawl in,
but the world fades instead,
the air thins, and i hear it breathing.

from the corner she unfurls,
a shadow too wide for the room,
her hollow face sinks beside me,
her gaze pins me to the mattress.
i do not move.

the walls buckle as he arrives,
his limbs bending to fit,
grinning like he knows how small i am here.

his fingers scrape down the plaster,
the sound breaks into me,
a weight settles in my ribs.
every inhale feels stolen,
the room shrinks and i cannot scream.

i escape to reality,
my gaze jolts from corner to corner,
there’s nothing left and no one here,
yet my skin stills stings from the burn of eyesight; i will not be sleeping tonight.

I know I’m supposed to hate you,
and by all rights, I should.
You’re the man who loved her before me,
and you didn’t treat her good.

She came to me so broken,
her trust was crushed to pieces.
I worked so hard to mend it,
Bringing her flowers and Reese’s.

You never liked her laugh,
So she buried it like a coffin.
I love her wonderful cackle,
and I make her do it often.

She told me about the fights,
all the yelling and the hurt.
The only time we raise our voice,
Is when we’re singing in church.

You never liked her family,
and her family never liked you.
But when I walk in the door,
They all cheer “MATTHEW!”

I’m glad you didn’t treat her right,
You taught her a valuable lesson.
And made me work for her love,
With a pure-heart intention.

I’d like to say that losing her,
Was the biggest mistake of your life.
But you did all the right things,
to send me my wife.

So I guess I can’t really hate you,
I don’t have a reason.
In a weird way, I love you, man…
and thank you for leavin!

“Her Ex”
-Matty Jablonsky

We dance in joyful essence as a group
We gather in robust laughter as a family
We shoulder the duties of work diligently as partners
We cook in companionable camaraderie
But why do we cry alone

Something is better than nothing,
Sometimes life is just struggling.
Somewhere somehow
Someone, will show up like they’re Summoned.
Some times, where things feel like blessings.

Imposter Syndrome, it’s real.
The more I step out of that silent box, the more my inner critic tries to peek through.
The more I raise my voice for my truth, that burden of “silence protects” tries to scream louder than before.
I’ve held my breath for far too long.
Bit my tongue more times than I should “to keep the peace.”
I’ve stood frozen in spots I should have walked away from.
Acknowledging what was is not what is has been a work in progress.
These mini steps that have turned into big steps have been exhausting yet fulfilling.

Imposter Syndrome, it’s real.
It does not define me, nor will ever define my character. I will not allow such. This voice will now be told across all the noise.
My truth will inspire.
I will gracefully inhale and exhale this breath of mine.
My tongue will no longer hold scars.
I will no longer stand frozen, for I’ve defrosted a long time ago.
What was is just that, was. What is, is just that, is.
These big steps I’ve created have gotten me so far. To this moment.
Bigger steps are being made.

Imposter Syndrome, it is real.
But, it is not me!

From the instant we arise to the time we go to sleep, we have this possibility to achieve as much as we can in order to succeed for the day.
We have these opportunities to take every experience given and embrace the outcome. Grow from it. Learn from it.
From the time we step foot on the ground from our bed to the time we put that foot back under the covers, we have the chance to make a name for ourselves.
We have the chance to speak our truth. Some may crave reactions from that truth, but that’s the human thing to do. Keep shouting your truth. Keep making a name for yourself.
Life is one big grace period. Each day is just the stepping stone to that period.
The more you live. Accomplish. Succeed. The more time you are given.
From the moment your eyes open to the moment they close, you, the main character of this story, choose just how that grace period will end.

Another day, another nickel
All this stress brought on a pimple

I get cranky and hangry
Overall angry
Someone just get it over with and hang me

Never mind all that now dear, you are too classy
You just tend to get a little sassy
Shower, skincare & sleep is what you need

Never give up, and my beauty will succeed

Thinking of words while
Listening to music
A Poet Formulating.

Forgotten in the hidden emotions I feel,
Behind the weed and underneath the alcohol,

SEEN too much,
HEARD too much,
KNOW TOO MUCH
Forgot to SPEAK UP
Because I didn’t know any better
And because you said I didn’t need any help,

So I’m just another “mad black woman” who can do bad all by myself because you said

black people don’t need therapy

I listened

I believed you but I forgot to believe me
I was lost because I forgot I was innocent

Pouring out my heart
Through this art
Writing about a new start
Or a moment that my life
Started to fall apart
Broken pieces
Putting together my thesis
Sharing my painful
And joyful experiences
So here’s a shot of me
If you’re interested in a drink
Pouring out my heart
A shot of love a with a
Splash hope
Mixed with life
Might have you feeling alright
Pouring out my heart
Grab a glass and fill your cup
As I share my thoughts
About not giving up

If you truly think about it, life is like butter.
Starts out all vigorous like the stick of butter you use to bake that cake.
As you start to live and achieve your goals and dreams, it will start melting away.
Of course, there are those small pieces that take longer to dissolve.
Those are brief disturbances along the way to achieving your goals and dreams.
Just think about it for a minute.
Life is like butter, melted or not!

Darkness sheds across the skies, place some in your pocket and never say goodbye
For your walls are so thick you can’t even see
You’re too high strung to unravel like me
It’s ok, because I like to dance alone, it keeps me grounded, balanced, pure and tone
Am I fake? Am I phony? I don’t think so honey
I’m not in your space anymore and you’re not in mine
Like fragments in space, lost for all time
Maybe one day we will make up for it and you’ll be mine all mine
Thoughts, memories, clouds in the sky
Planes, buses and trains flying by
Bugs, animals, funny jokes, and little pokes
Heartbreak is painful, and this we know…
Whatever you do, don’t let it dim you’re your glow
You’re here for a reason, by now this you should know
Time to sit back, catch up and let your spirit grow
Don’t mourn, don’t cry-just remember my eyes
I will always be around when you least surprise
The stars are wrapping up for the night, and the birds are entering flight
Get some rest my dear, everything is going to be alright

I made a wish for you and I
Slow dancing to Mazzy Star
Under the crescent moonlight
High off of your woodsy cologne
Drunk off of your tender kiss
A winter night of endless bliss
A touch of whimsy
A dash of wonder
A recipe for love
No longer do we need to wander
Our destination is clear
We’ve found our forever
We’ll fade into one another

Ascending flying high
Never wanna come down
Getting higher with the winds wings
Extended gliding with the air gusts
Levitating to new heights angelic & poetic.

People ask me why I smile. I usually say, “I can’t help it,” or “That’s just me.” However, I smile because sometimes I want to curse. I want to tell people off in ungodly ways. I smile because sometimes I am nervous and don’t know how to articulate my feelings. It becomes my natural defense to ease the anxiety I am feeling in my body. I smile because I was never taught how to address a situation without screaming or yelling, so I don’t want to cause a scene. I smile because a thought pops into my head that I know I shouldn’t say out loud, so I tell it to myself, making myself smile. I smile because I don’t know what else to do other than to put on a mask and be happy, to mask my feelings, to cover up my thoughts, to ease my pain, to be someone who lowers the tension. After all, who will get angry, be offended, or say something negative about a smile? So, if you want to know why I smile, it may be a litany of reasons, so you tell me why you think I am smiling because most times, I honestly don’t know. 

If we are to walk by faith and not by sight,
we must overcome fear with all of our might.
Knowing that the most high does not give us a spirit of fear
we stand on to the promises of Hope we hold dear
Being a conqueror is not for the selfish or weak
With each guided step it is strength that we seek
For this world is full of tribulations and trials
We must be overcomers of life for awhile
and keep on living strong as best as we can
Loving ourselves and others across this land
Standing up to injustice and evil with heart
Shining our light in all places to overcome the dark
Speaking the truth and Standing on divine faith
our voice must bring change as the world may break
We will solider on together with our heads held high
We will experience choas in this world until our spirits meet the sky
Yet together we must face and confront our fears
As we gather in fellowship to help wipe each other’s tears
For we are all spiritual beings living a physical life
We must have courage when dealing with obstacles and strife.
We shall overcome and this too shall pass
We must tell ourselves these affirmations to last.
We can’t conquer that which we don’t face
And sometimes fear can have its own place.
But fear is not a space for us in dwell in
We have places to go and people to pour in
There is no failure in The Most High after all
So Warriors pick yourselves up and answer the call.