What would the old version of yourself say to the new version of you?

Dream big little girl. As you played in the streets with your friends and your sister, you never thought you could ever dream. You walked to school on those cold winter days and entered a classroom to start your day. The world seemed so small, but yet it was so big. As I looked up, down and around, I never knew the world would embrace me and take me into its wings. Thoughts went on and on in my mind, dreaming there was something bigger, better than me. I wanted to reach high and try new things because the world was always curious to me. What was out there in the world? A world full of choices, one choice here and one choice there. Having to choose who I wanted to be, and I really didn’t even know myself. I was still growing and experiencing the world around me. Having a safe family who cared for me gave me power. As I used my imagination and I became older, I had then made decisions that would affect me forever. No longer could I depend mother. It was me this time who had to make tough decisions so that I could dream for myself. I would say to my older version that to dream was to win! The world I envisioned while looking up in the stars as a child was the same world I envisioned as I grew older. I was now not the little girl who had a dream, but it became a reality within, especially as I grew big. A dream to go far, but now I was naked without my mother. I had to become the adult. I had to learn to make those dreams come alive. So, I would say to my younger version of myself, thank you for dreaming. Now, as I have become older, I now have to remind myself that those dreams I had as a child can now soar into action. I have the talent and skill to make it happen. Life helped me to rise to the occasion, and I fought the fight to win to become the woman that I am in this world that is so big. I am writing you a letter today to say thank you to my older self! Your choices that you made while in those hard times, the times I fell down, and I got back up and for the times I never gave up. Thank you for the time I listened to my inner voice that said you will be big someday. Just carry on. Now satisfied as an older woman. Life seemed longer for that little girl. However, I grew into a grown woman. I still dream, but now my dreams can come true as I put forth the effort from way back when, to help me be a better person, as I am still continuing to grow. I look back and I look up and I remember the stars. The stars yes, they are still shinning and reminding me I can still dream! And I can make it happen!

My Style Score was 100%

What’s blossoming in my life is this bravery and confidence to feel to love. To not be afraid of how deeply I feel, how deeply I crave things, how deeply I desire things.
What’s blossoming is this new version of myself that is just becoming what I’m meant to be.
Becoming more real, more authentic, more in depth.
What’s blossoming is this confidence to just fully immerse myself in life. To immerse myself in my passions, to immerse myself in my fears, to immerse myself in everything.
To not let fear stop me.
I preach it all the time, “don’t let fear stop you don’t let fear get in the way” and yet, I sit here every single day and I do that same thing. I let fear stop me. I let fear, I let fear get in the way.

So what’s blossoming in my life right now is the confidence to say fuck that.
To just fucking feel.
To be who I am no matter how scary it is, no matter how fucking terrifying it is, no matter what goes wrong, no matter who doesn’t reciprocate, and just doing that because that’s what life is about. Life is about Experiencing. It’s about feeling, it’s about crying and fucking yelling and screaming and laughing and laying on the floor because you don’t even know what the fuck is going on, but you still keep going because it’s worth it. It’s worth living.
What’s blossoming in my life is this ability to feel that child like wonder and joy. It’s blossoming within me again and it feels really fucking good. And I’m so excited to see where this journey takes me and how far I can go and everything that comes my way, and the people that I impact, and the people that I can inspire, and the changes that I make for myself and those around me and those that are across the world. The impact that I make with my voice and my words and my confidence. The impact that I make from fully immersing myself in this bravery, in this experience of life, because it’s up to me to do that. I’m the only one who can live my life. I’m the only one who can share my gifts. So that’s what’s blossoming in my life.
The child like wonder to feel, enjoy, and experience everything, literally fucking everything, to its core to its deepest darkest depths because it’s so beautiful and I’m grateful for that.

I love books but the Only One Thing
Is the Love story of God, that to me brings:
Peace and Joy, Contentment to the full-
Like carrying a baby on a baby stroll.

That’s One Thing, that is more than a thing
Always blows my mind, with exciting dreams.
Though not regular dreams as when one sleeps,
Their the dreams of imagination-
That eternal relations keep.

This library daily I seem to walk into
Holding life barely by the Word of Truth.
This thing is a box I’m locked inside,
Never can I get out, It is the place I hide.

But there is always light on the inside,
That from the top it clearly shines.
When I look below I see nothing at all,
For the only place to go, is upward climbing the wall.

Neither can you see in the dark
But the speed of light ran, and has me marked.
Inside this box that happens to be a Book;
Instruction number one is just to simply look.

Then I learn, listen, and live-
No words of my own for you to give.
And no not at all am I ashamed of this,
Nothing belongs to me, I’m lucky to exist.

Though may I hear no luck in vocabulary
I’ll only fear God, but not a fear that’s scary.
Rather a love-try of mutual respect,
One that walks with me and never neglects.

A new life, a new mourn,
In a hidden concealed heart…
But always the same Christ,
Teaching my foolishness to be smart.

I just cannot get out of the Bible,
Shoe-tying knots… For a long while.
Walking into this Cannon of Truth,
Is yes and amen to all good that’s due.

Neer’ would I ever want to be released,
That for me is not a good thing.
I’ll stay chained, a slave of this Book,
Where I know Jesus saves every direction that I look 🙂

2-23-25

Crimson red,
resembling dripping blood,
a whisper and a scream,
a flame of passion,
allure of elegance,
a picture of love.

Prick me,
thorns surround,
and make me bleed,
yet delicate petals,
tender, a fragrance so sweet,
with beauty that marks the world.

You are my favorite,
no other can compare,
one, or a thousand blooms,
making your heart skip a beat,
dancing with romance,
enchanting radiance.

Majestic in every way,
the queen of the garden,
dangerous to the touch,
yet I can’t resist,
the thorned nature,
that draws one in,
sweetly divine.

Same principle as-Dear John.
You are not leaving, So-I will!
You tell me so much-untrue,
So I am divorcing and leaving you!
Not married to you, nor addictions few-
You won’t go, won’t budge, So-I will move!

Though I have no idea how,
My learns of Jesus-He makes free,
Giving me rest… And He will best teach me,
How to defeat your homemade nest of Glee.
The one you built for years on end,
A false comfort-false feeling friend…
You was/is/am not who I thought-
You’re lying surviving, dread to me brought.

You can have me no more!
No reason any longer to fear myself,
For I don’t control me anymore -Jesus does!
Under His umbrella of Grace-
I’m found and completely safe!

Fear… whence comest thou?
I know not-though we are parting ways…
No evil to fear for the rest of my days!
No lies beside me-Jesus keeps them away,
Though around the bend you may sit at Bay-
I see thee far off and turn to you deaf ear,
You seek but don’t find… Your voice I cannot hear!

No words to you I have of my own,
Because Jesus true-builds me a new home!
You cannot have my kids, you cannot have my wife-
For you are dead my old cheating friend…
Because Jesus has ended your life!

I’ve already known fear,
Now it’s time to know God-
And fear cannot win because…

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and of a sound of mind.

… This promised fact I trust and love!!!

Dear little me, I’m sorry I hurt you.
But I don’t wish to take it back-
Because God likes taking trash, and recycle/reform…
He Loves you more than ever. I do though wish
I could have told you that-
While you were still…A fine strapping-young lad!
You know what they say, A chip off the ol’ block…
You had no regrets…without even a pair of socks!
You were so happy! Please forgive me,
I’m 45 yrs. old now-but you’re still crying inside of me…
it’s kind of embarrassing sometimes young Timothy.
But it’s also ok, Because you’re facing all this
stuffed down in your past-where high enough couldn’t exist…
You know you can come out of the waiting room now young man.

You now have gone, from beer, TV, and the old lady,
To Beautiful wine, woman, and song-Even though it’s really just grape juice…
On high demand at her command!
It’s ok, I got to get back to work-I’ll speak more when I’m done.
But yet till…Thank you for forgiving me…That’s your Super Powers!
And it’s all A-ok, Please believe me-that Super Power is in you!
You wouldn’t want doubt to steal it away from you, would you?
No way! for you’ve finally found your Savior, Shepherd, and King…
Jesus Christ the Holy Righteous One-never let your bad go to far,
in anything.

Do wish though-I could of told you then,
But you know man…I knew not then myself.

Love-your wife and kids’ hero.

*The glory of children are their fathers*
*And a Virtuous wife is the crown to her husband*
…Holy Bible

In a sober group on Facebook-
My friend Lynn had to say,
From a good report God gave…
“The Lord closed your last chapter,
He knew you deserved a better life.
Things happen for a good reason,
Never look back at that chapter,
It’s closed and should always remain closed.
Keep moving forward.
Your future will be fantastic!!!
God Bless”
Again this makes me cry inside,
Knowing people cared,
When all’s I did was hide.
But she’s right and I believe in her-
Words of wisdom for sure do merge…
My direction too where I’m going,
So much love from and for others-
God is surely showing!
My past is gone and the door is closed,
And thanks to her I’ll open it no more!
Creative excitement doing the right thing..
And the only indictment is to live great dreams!
Of course the good Lord is making life better-
For He cut the cords of my chains and feathers!
God gave so much in Bible, Church, and Prayer-
And His great recovery with you I will share!
A wife, a family, and a living society
God had all along, because He always loved me!
Jesus is the door of life and faith He gave is key!
For life is so beautiful, and almost too good to believe!
Therapy even to the young child within,
This mortal body who thought he’d never win!
But He’s made me a winner, and He’s made me free…
Breakfast at his table, lunch, and dinner He feeds!
He lets me go about and do good works…
Sharing with others that have doubt because of pain and hurt!
I get to go to jail and walk right back out,
Telling them of the God who cannot fail, so they can find His route!
I get to go to juvenile and teach them teens how-
To live this life before death bites, and they can see no way around!
Around the Bends that life throws at them-
They can walk straight through- on the path that mends…
Mercy and Truth leading all the straight way,
By God and for you-to see the light of day!
The same Light that guides, leading freedom-forgiving hearts…
To walk right alongside of great living and new starts!!!
… Friends and brethren, mothers, and fathers-and yes of course sisters too…
Go with the light of the right examples…
That God has shown them the way through!
And Yes, God- is Always with you!!!

This poem was cultivated one night as I redefined my pain

P-A-I-N I’m a four letta word that will F-U-C-K you…more than sex

P-A-I-N
I am most people’s best kept secret. I’m great at hiding behind a smile or a quick .. “I’m GOOD” 😊

Four letta words Dang they WORK my nerves

they can sit and wait for years …..fester into YOUR SOUL
Turn a good man or woman’s heart COLD

4 letta words …so short and BOLD

….so short and easy to spell but FUCK most four letta words only bring H-E-L-L

I rewrote pains definition

(P) lease (A)im (I)nner (N)ow
is the mission

I WAVE white flag … I’m not giving up But going
B-A-C-K to what M-A-D-E me that’s what Will S-A-V-E ….ME!…… My ROOT(s)

It’s Hey L-o-v-e And GOOD bye P A I N

It’s time to be BORN again….Live Love and do Life so WELL , any pain that I went through will just be a mere story that I tell …

It’s no mystery, redistribution of pain to power is black history

First is first- as Jesus says:
“Come unto me, and ye shall find rest”!
Also saying, “The Truth makes free”…
This jailbird found his heavenly wings!
Also many blind are now made to see!

Made is not forceful-Made=Cause,
Because of the great goodness of Him-
We are compelled to keep his laws…
Even if it’s alone it’s perfect for this Tim!

Because the law is Love, I can trust that,
Grace from above to all of us Street Rats!
He sent, He lives, always did exist-
The self-sufficient King,
In need of nothing on his list…
Except you! He carries in hand,
You’re his priceless Jewel –
Please understand.
He gave His life for you to live,
Eternity passed all, please come to Him 🙏

Be pure and be true
To this God- man who made,
I know it sounds cruel-
But by His blood we’re saved!!!
For all eternity He changes not His mind,
You were on top of His every thought-
When death closed His eyes…

But only for 3 days,
He walked right out of the tomb,
In hell he made his bed-
Like a weekend hotel room.
Yes he suffered God’s wrath…
And he suffered for you!

Again you are all this King of kings need,
Take him at his Word
Your restful soul is guaranteed!
He prepares for you a special custom place
Fitting you so well just let it be,
Perfect beauty placed in heaven’s seat!

Nothing in our hands-
Everything He gives,
Come to His Fountain of Life…
And buy these 2 quotes live!!!

9-25-24

Here is a message I would face death for-
If I could deliver it to an open-minded world.
Whereas Christ came to save sinners like me,
Of whom I beg to differ-that myself is the chief.
Four times Gospel=Good News
A spiritual hospital for souls with the blues!
Exciting, Vibrant, Exploding Truth for you…
No matter who you are-it applies to you!
He tells us how to be safe, to be free!
Jesus’ own words, “Come follow me”.
heavy loads made light-shining in the dark of night,
He has the same path for all-come to His Grace for Life!
Telling Perfect Truth from beginning to end,
Though there’s no such with Him-He is eternal Friend!
Let Him, let Him, let Him
Remove doubt, strife, and fear of things-
With Him you can/will be happy to win,
Watch Him fulfill your every dream!
May take some time-Relationships grow,
He (Jesus) is the Perfect One to know!
And knowing Him is Perfect Peace,
Not knowing Him is no Peace at all-
Because He is the Prince of Peace to all!
Never can any take His place-
Come for Salvation, where all our wrongs are erased!
…Yes-Jesus saves!
I’ve learned a 45 year lesson,
At Camp Neosa as a kid,
But I was a mad kid-
I’ll bury my treasure in the ground, said I…
Could not this message that I hid-even give a try?
It is Perfect-will not trespass any,
And those who find it are not many.
So share we will-the Living Water spill…
Into the souls-so thirsty drought-
Sharing saving faith-to receptive hearts on route!

Then never can the dark prevail!

God Bless you!!!

9-3-24

I feel like we forget sometimes that it’s not about sharing our story but the wisdom that comes from the experiences.

You don’t have to have everything figured out to be great. It is who you are naturally.
You just have to be you.
And continue to be you.
That is your power.
Because no one else can do that
It’s all you.

And knowing that
is the greatest thing you could ever know.

I feel like we get caught up in trying new things
or trying to figure out life
that we forget to check in.
To check in with the one who got us this far in the first place.
It’s important to check in
it keeps you balanced
and connected
to the source.
The source within

It seems like every day a dream comes true.
I get to wake up
feel the warmth of the sunshine on my skin
take my first breath of the day
lift my arms, wiggle my legs
take the biggest stretch I can
Filling my body with so much love
Every day is a dream.
It’s another chance to make someone smile
or to laugh
To feel all the bubbly emotions inside
To embrace who I am
to the fullest
Allowing myself to shine
Expressing my passion through art
or words
Sharing myself with those I love
I am living my dream
I get to wake up and be me
with no shame or judgement
and no fear of trying to be someone I’m not
This whole life is a dream
It’s a chance to explore me
The real me
The one who gets to dream

As a child, I went so mild-to the Best School in the world
Southeast Elementry, Kindergarden was plenty-even grade 3 had a sweet girl.
Poor with nothing else, but was so happy-most everyone had such cool stuff.
Free to learn Mr. and Mrs. alphabet-and the menu at lunch was so much!
So I learned how to put those letters together, and write my heart so young
And never thought I’d see the day-I’d be writing from “The Unsealed” Love!
The kids then at School, I remember so cool-how they all truly was
Now yrs. gone by, they still are cool-though life makes me cry from above!
Was not fair for them, nor me, nor any-how things turned out as they did,
Though tradgety so far makes many alarmed-Adults reap the good sown as kids.
So all to find, all reap some good-at different levels, experiance normally would
Take the cons with the pros-could of been a prep, but had to be a hood.
Went so fast, I tried like crazy-to keep my grand childhood free…
But was taken soon, as a swift blast-so God gave Grace to me!!!
By grade 6 I was sick of the sticks, where my Dad moved us all out so-
Therefore I took and ran away-and ran so mad, everywhere I did go!
Drunk and high all the time-every reality I had to escape
My lost soul out of control-so long my madness, lived in the hate.
But this is not about, how I dropped out-of the Southeast Pirates School
It’s about how I wanted all along-again to be so happy and cool 🙂
More yrs. gone by, deeply stuck in pride-But bottomed desire comply,
To the time I wished I could be-the such happy kid I thought to hide.
Then from the Best School in the world, to the school of streets’ hard knocks-
I waited, and waited, and waited a lot…Until by God I was finally caught!
Then He took me to the place-And enrolled me in the School of Amazing Grace!
Now by the faith of my inner child-He took me off trial-For Jesus to pay my fair!
And I tell you all the while-come to find out, He really always did care!!! 🙂
October 18th, a life-changer indeed, He made this broken man complete-
And showed me the way to jump in the hole, and guide the others out of defeat!
Yes, I graduated and He gave to me-Eternal Life when I was dead…
Now everyday is made brand new-in the School of God’s Grace Again!!! 🙂

Yes, Dear world, on His time-He made my dream come true!!! 🙂

*PRAISE HIM*

Dear Angela, I am writing you a letter to say thank you. I remember in my childhood I loved to play! My sister and I would always pretend to be teachers! Then it dawned on me that my inner self further down the road on my journey would end up becoming a teacher! As a child you don’t know what you know until you grow. You are just a child trying to grow up the best that you can. Little did I know that this little girl would grow up embracing herself. As I reflect on my childhood, as a little girl, I learned to love myself! I believe that my childhood memories were beautifully made by filling my time with play. Back in my day, social media was obsolete but in my younger years it became a treasure that using your five senses would become so rewarding. I remember playing marble, jacks, pick up sticks, kick ball, tether ball, and with ants! Yes, I said ants! I lived at the end of a street and next to a tree lined fiend. My dead-end street was safe enough for me to build ant homes on the curb in the dirt and I used pieces of clear plastic for the windows for those ants in the ant hospital. Of course, it sounds weird but it’s called play. The power of play will never go away. I loved the outdoors for running, racing, picking blackberries in the bushes for my mother to make blackberry pie! My sister and brother also help to pick these berries too! It was a fun thing to do. I remember I absolutely loved riding my Big Wheel and my bike on the sidewalk and on my dead – end street. My inner self was so open to the world around me. I enjoyed my childhood as a little girl so much that I attribute it to the fact that I was taken good care of so much that I was able to feel safe to explore. Growing up, I was inquisitive, and enthusiastic and this may be why I had so much fun! I was also very in tune with whom I was. I want to say thank you to my inner child for being brave, and imaginative but the best thing I like most about my child was that I enjoyed the moment I was in. I want to say thank you Angela for exploring, and playing with your hands, running in the sun, picking berries, and enjoying the world I was given. I loved that I was able to feel free to connect with me, myself and I! I felt as a young child special, I felt loved and as I look back and say, “I never thought all that I did would make me become a successful citizen by giving back to my community in a positive way.” Those early childhood years made me strong, and determined to never give up and to find my way. I love you Angela a lot more than I ever thought I could. You have given me sunshine and warmth and I hope to continue my lifelong journey still enjoying my life and to always remember who I am.
Sincerely, Angela