Life is so strange and I just really wish I could understand it

That’s one of my flaws

I tend to put myself in a mental black hole from trying to figure life out

Questions constantly run through my head

Questions that have no answer
And each individual question has a novel of possibilities and different perspectives attached

With that being said imagine trying to read every single novel at once

Picking up each book in desperate search of nonexistent answers while only reading two pages at a time and constantly switching books

Doing this gives me the same feeling of panic I might get from being locked in a room with 6 doors
but only one of the doors will provide bliss and comfort
while the others just lead to the same room with 6 doors
It’s almost like the definition of insanity

See now my issue is constantly thinking about the feeling of bliss that “The door” will provide
Thinking the frantic search will be worth the headache and stress

I mean if all the other doors lead to the same thing anyway
Than what’s the harm in fighting for a answer as to why
or in other words “finding the door”

As I mentioned in the beginning this is truly one of my biggest flaws
due to how heavy each novel of answerless questions is
They can weigh you down and hold you back like balls and chains

Don’t become prisoner to life by simply trying to understand it like I did

Burn the books and write your own if there’s no answer make up your own answers and live by your own novels

Instead of frantically opening those doors in search of basically nothing

Put furniture in each room, make one a art studio and another a movie room or even a greenhouse
Make it yours

Because this life is yours
You just have to work to make it perfect

I’m still new to this community and I do write quite frequently but in my personal journal so to start building a “portfolio” I’m going to start posting some of my old writings I have in my journal from over the years starting with this one

I’ve always said life is a book and your the author writing your own story
Which is very very true so with that being said there usually comes a time where we as the author must sit back and take a break from writing and read the masterpiece we’ve written.
We read it from start to finish while we do this it’s important to pay close attention to that first chapter and take notes of who your character was at the beginning and than compare that version of your character to who they turned into as the story comes up to the current chapter
Did your character progress positively
Did they learn anything
Are you happy with the progression of your story
And if your not than I suppose taking the time to sit back and read and analyze the “Big picture” of your life was beneficial because of how re reading your own story possibly opened your own eyes to your imperfections and flaws
Because even in your own story where your the main character we aren’t always paving the perfect path for ourselves
So remember every once in while
Take a break and read your own story