I wonder how old I have to be before
people stop seeing my body
before they see me?

all life long
little black girls are sexualized
before they can even form a concept of the self.

12 year old me
standing in line at Smart & Final with my grandma
wearing my favorite romper
adorned with vibrant yellow sunflowers
and a conservative white shall.

That was the first time I got t h e stare
The licking of lips
and flirtatiously raised eyebrow from
the mid 50-something year old cashier
who kept a straight face until my grandmother looked away.
His glare of desire will always be engraved in psyche.
I didn’t know pedophiles existed
until I looked one in the face.

We can’t help that we bloom early
Blossom early into our womanhood
even when we are still kids.

What has to give before my DDD’s
stop entering the room before I do?
Before the melanin in my skins stops
telling my story before I even have the chance to speak?
Also….
what else has to be said before men
can comprehend that comparing my skin and my body to chocolate
and to meat is NOT a complete.
It’s dehumanizing.
Just. fucking. stop.

Ethnic women do not exist for the male gaze
or to be the starting point for your think pieces on feminism.
We are more than our bodies
and more than our skin tone.
We are the spirit
We are light
We ARE the blueprint
and the curator of most things
that you know and love.
Put some respect on our names
and treat us as such.

here’s to a year
of feeling lighter
of practicing
& only pursuing the things
that set my soul on fire.

here’s to a year of intentionality
of manifesting my truest reality
and not settling for anything in “actuality”
here’s to a year of “no”
of no longer feelings afraid of taking my time
and moving slow.
– slow, intentional movements are the only way we can grow.

but also,
here’s to a year of “yes!”
of falling in loving
of trying to not add to my own distress
by avoiding the things that make me feel best.

here’s to a year of authenticity
of simplicity
of consistency
and only engaging in actions
that will lead to my prosperity
and ending 27 debt free.

here’s to no longer denying my humanity.

here’s to another year of peace
but in this one,
I will fully trust
and leave
indecisiveness
worry
and inaction
in tomorrow’s dust.