I sat there.
I never would have came to this place if it wasn’t for a saving grace.
I sat there.
I watched the glares form an unruly silence around the room.
Unfamiliar territory looms, the expectations are loud too.
I sat there.
I felt doom come take the empty seat next to me at the bar. I figured they too wanted a drink.
Scotch.
Neat.
I twirled the lone hanging string of my dress hoping they wouldn’t call on me.
Fragile.
Placing my name down on paper. Second to last place is where I signed the waiver.
I should eat.
A lite snack should calm the waves of my mind sea.
You see, I was told to focus on one centered area of the room, something only I can see.
Bustling busy sentences are heard from those around me.
The crowd responds wildly.
Snaps,claps and the occasional “ooh wee” .
Not like the free and cheerful sounds of children on merry-go-rounds, swings, the glide of the slide you know monkey bar things.
My name is almost up next.
My hands are complex. Tucked in.Resting in it’s own apartment. My feet tapping to the saxophonist beat. My mind, wandering circles around me.
Did I eat?
Where’s my purse?
Oh… Right here duh! Laying across me. It’s a cute little thing. A light blue bag, bare from any words, logos, or brand.
Hmm… Kinda like me.
“And up next we have Ms. Gie”
Gosh I’m not ready.
I counted the names. How’d they get to me so quickly?
A daze.
I look around,the claps and unknown smiles invade my privacy.
I’m uneasy.
Do I start off by saying “I get nervous doing these types of things?”
Out of my comfort zone. Well outta my league.
I’m up to bat.
Stand tall. Plaster a smile at least.
YOU wanted this.
Remember?
This is your YES year.
Push yourself graciously.
Conquer some fears.
Fear number 1. Public speaking.
What am I thinking?
I can’t do this.
These people are expecting greatness. Words that fly off the lips cold like a Winter’s kiss. Not a ball of nervousness.
Nervousness.
She’s here, plucking fabric from the hem of her dress.
Stressed.
Why did I even sign the list?
My hands ball into a fist.
I rehearsed at home for weeks and now this?
It’s not them it’s me. I just wanted to do something differently.
Find my voice.
I breathe.
Inhale positivity.
I speak.

This is for anyone struggling with stage fright, public speaking, or general anxiety. You are not alone. Being in a shell, secluded from the world was my comfort zone. I felt I could control my world better. I was slightly wrong. One of the first steps are to breathe. Reaffirm yourself as many times as you need and rearrange the steps that help you step, speak and live abundantly.