Confusion and diligence coexisted inside
of me during a time when everyone called
growing pains “just a phase”.

No one batted an eye or took a second look
into what I tried to convey.

It seemed as if all of the words I tried to say
were muffled to ears attached to a body that
was responsible for protecting mine.

But I guess the chaos got so loud that even
my guardian angel wasn’t capable enough
to rescue me every time.

That’s ok. Shrug it off. Pretend it never
happened. You were dreaming.

And if you dissociate enough, the memories will be washed away with all of the bleeding.

Speak up but don’t talk too loud; some secrets
are better left tucked underneath that
beautiful smile overshadowing your grimace.

Sit up and fix your hair. SMILE.
Praise dance to keep in tact what we value –
our image.

Repent and confess your sins but not to anyone who cares enough to listen.

Close your eyes real tight if you need to cry,
don’t let anyone see the glisten.

You’re almost there so don’t look back; the
past is the past.

I know that hurt and trauma didn’t just begin
there but save some energy to make it to the
next and the last.

Later, you’ll get to stop, fall apart; restart
and pause to ask yourself some questions:

Like, if I don’t regret my decision, how can I ever make it into Heaven?

Smile?