I know you stress,
Because I put you to the test.
I know you’re scared of the unknown,
But I’m here and I’m grown.
You’ll hurt yourself along the way,
But you’ll live to see a sober day.
Almost 33 now,
I know…we’re both asking how???
The pain is strong,
But come along!!!
You’re clinging to music,
That’s good. We’re going to use it!!!
Those artists will know your name,
I’m still working hard and we haven’t hit Fame.
Not yet, at least,
keep going. It’s no doubt you’re a beast.
Some call you Savage
you desire a life of lavish.
You’re not wrong… The mission is bigger than you think.
But come along and I’ll take you where we belong.
You’ll cry and ocean’s worth of tears,
I mean literally for years…
But don’t ever forget that song
We’ll take every shot you got
I don’t know it all,
but your phone they will call.
I’m trying to close some deals,
prepare us some meals.
To be eat like a queen
by your idols you will be seen.
We’re making a difference
Stay positive in your Deliverance
It’s time for me to go
I can’t wait to watch you grow
I love you the most
That I need you to know…
Breathe deep
Cuz your future I keep!!!

Lexileggo

Dear 13,
First and foremost I want to say I love you. I’m so proud of you. Why? Because you stayed positive during all the circumstances that came your way so far. Instead of letting yourself go we actually built a relationship together and one with God. I know we’ve been through a lot already but I feel like it was all a part of God’s plan. Let me break it down for you so you can remember not to worry throughout the years.
For example we’ve experienced losing a loved one at a young age. We lost our dad around 6 or 7 years old. Not knowing having a deceased father would make life a little more complicated; you handled that as best as you could, quiet and observant. Death taught us no one lives forever; it’s the only thing promised to us. We live with the memories because that’s what we have left to cherish, like the Six Flags trip he took us on. This was the first lesson that taught us how to be strong and appreciate pop-pop who helped raise us. Thank you for staying strong during that time because it helped shape how we deal with death now.
I’m sorry to you 13. I’m sorry you didn’t know what the word “no” meant, I’m sorry your peers sexualized you and I’m sorry you had to have a curious mind at such a young age. I’m sorry for not knowing I had to protect you. I’m here today to tell you not to worry about the “touchy feely” things that happened to you a couple years ago because it’s not your fault, give yourself some grace. You were too young to understand what was going on. We were all kids. If you ask me it’s no one’s fault; it was the spirit of evil. The demons that lived in the house aunty was talking about. She believed the house we lived in was haunted and that’s why we were ALL lost in spirit, especially the children. We weren’t even 9 yet and we were mini adults. With all you went through so far I’m proud of you for remaining your authentic self and not turning into something you aren’t.
I know it happened so suddenly when we had to move out of the house and live in shelters and then foster care but this situation made everyone grow. We had to get out of the house we were in so we could be better people. God had to save us all; the whole household. It was a blessing for our family. We were in the 5th grade when we had to be separated from mommy and the rest of the family. You couldn’t even live with your siblings at first and I know that was hard. But I’m proud of you for the way you handled being on your own at 10 years old. Instead of being mad and angry or even scared you just prayed and started a one on one relationship with God. Your prayers are always being answered because of it . Thank you for listening to grandma about finding God because I feel like you would’ve been stuck somewhere if you didn’t, but you did and I’m happy for you. Because of the traumatic experiences that you endured alone I created a business catered to children and young adults just like you. Teaching them to address and work through their past and current traumas through writing. This journey that you’re on is destined.

You see why I say I’m proud of you? The things that happened to you at such a young age were supposed to define you and you were supposed to be stuck or lost; but you fought hard and didn’t even know it. It’s because you have a spirit that doesn’t allow you to be stagnant. You have to continue to follow your spirit, because God is leading the way. We are bigger and better than our situations.
As the years go on don’t worry because God placed incredible people in your life to help you on your journey. God will always guide your path. Just continue to follow the signs and your intuition. You’re going to be just fine, trust me. I love you.
Forever Loving You,
31
P.S. Remember walking with God and choosing to stay close to him isn’t a walk in the park but the joy and the peace you have coming will make it all worth it.

From the womb you were torn
And since the time you were born
Brought to this earth
You’ve fought for your worth
Everything of yourself you’d give
Struggling to find a purpose just to live
Belittled for being sensitive
Because that’s not how a man’s meant to be
Alone, hurting, and misunderstood
Wanting anyone to see your heart, but was as if nobody could
Tormented to the point you wanted not to be
But I’m telling you not to worry
Because even though you spent many nights…
Crying with a blade to your wrist
Those desires you were able to resist
Until you learned, God had always had you in His sight
He saw a purpose for you
And you’ve been able to achieve far more than you ever thought you would do…
Looking back, who am I?
That His grace, He would not deny
That He would send someone like us across the nations
To declare Christs proclamation
To find yourself raising your fists
Praising God, while surrounded by terrorists
But He’s given us far more
As we’ve been able to help those ravaged by war
As from their homes they had to flee
You’d never have been able to do that if you ceased to be
Being there to bring comfort and peace
As you hear the gunfire and bombs…
If only for a moment, allowing others to feel calm
Or how I still find it absurd
How we’d start putting our pain and praises into words
With no clue, other than by Christ, how it occurred
Only to watch how it unfurled
As we’d have a multitude around the world
Inspired by the things that we wrote
He’s blessed us so much, because to Him our life we chose to devote
I remember clearly that night on our bed…
I remember clearly the words that we said…
The moment we decided to put down that knife
And told the Lord we’d give Him one opportunity
To do whatever He wanted to do with our life
And I write this to my younger self, in the hopes he’ll see
There’s no need for you to worry
You’re gonna do just fine
Just keep clinging to Christ divine
Just keep running your race
When you stumble, repent, and trust in His grace
Until the day you can bestow a kiss to His face

Dear Little ole me, younger me

First, I want to start by saying how much I love you. And also, how important it is to love yourself. Even if you don’t feel it from others around you as much as you should, you will later on understand why. But before I speak to you about the future, I want you to be grateful for where you are right now. Understand that you are blessed, and should always just love who you are no matter what others may have to say about you.

With that being said, I want to encourage you to not worry about things of the future. Focous on the now. But, I will say this, that your future is a bright one. I dont want you to worry, because there is nothing to worry about, dispite how things may seem right now. Beleive it or not, you have a calling on your life from the most high above. The things that you are experiencing right now, the things that hurt you now, not only will you learn how to heal from them, but you will also have an important job to share your story with others so it may help those whom face the same traumas and experiences as you do. So, yes, that means that the things that you are facing now, you are not alone. Others are going through it too, some have it worse than you do. Which is why its so important to still be very grateful for the things and people that you do have, because there are people that may be less fortunate then you.

Looking forward to the future is nice, but dwelling on it, and worrying about it when you are not there yet, is not so good. Right now, your job is to be a kid and just have fun. Yes, as you get older, you will make some mstakes. But that’s okay, thats actually the only way you will learn, is through your own experience. Experience is the best teacher. Don’t worry about not fitting in with others, because as I said, your path is different, your experiences will be different, and your life is meant to be lived differently. I know you dont understand much right now, But I promise you, that one day you will understand everything perfectly. You are so beautiful and smart, and as you grow older, the more wiser and more beautiful you will become.
One day you will meet your prince charming, get married, maybe have kids, maybe not, but you will experience real unconditional love one day. And when you do, don’t be afraid of it, love back and love back as hard as you can. One day, you will have a little sister and it will be your responsiblity to help her as much as you can so that she too can understand the importance of first loving herself and next loving and caring for others.

Understand that, right now you are just a catoipillar. Just getting here, just now seeing and experiencing things. But one day, you will grow. And grow. And grow. Until you gain wings, that’s when you gain understanding. The hows, the whys and the what ifs about your life. Lastly, you will learn how to use those wings to fly. That’s the healing and sharing your story to help others process. You will learn how to fly. And when you do, fly. Fly high. No limitations, no fear of the unknown. Just fly.

Simmer that rage
Sweet girl

You’ll soon be free of all of this
I promise you:
I got you.

Hide for now
If you must.
Until you find those
that you can finally trust.

Escape into your book
Under the stairs,
Where they won’t look.

It will take some years
To calm down & To let go of all your valid fears

But we will get there, you and I.
Just please…. For now,
Resist the urge to die.

Even though they treat you like you don’t matter,
Don’t let that beautiful soft heart shatter.

It’ll all work out in the end.
It’s a leap of faith
In the rotten darkness
But it’s the only move to make.
Do it for OUR sake.

It gets better.
That’s why I wrote you this letter. ❤️‍🩹

To my younger self,

There’s much ahead for you to see,
Deciding your path won’t always be easy.
You’ll face heartbreak and pain,
Moments where you’ll feel insane.
But through it all, you’ll gain strength and wisdom,
Navigating against the grain and the system.
There will be times when you’ll feel alone,
But you’ll learn to embrace and love yourself on your own.
With each challenge, you’ll gain fortitude,
Be grateful for each day, maintaining a positive attitude.

Youth swiftly comes and goes,
Treasure laughter, embrace what life bestows.
Slow down, truly live in each moment’s embrace,
Find your rhythm, your own pace.
You’re just beginning your story’s arc,
A tale filled with wonders, making your mark.
Trust in God, stay true to His plan,
Like a phoenix, rise and stand.
Your talents shine bright, like a star,
As you ascend, reaching heights near and far.

Up the mountain you’ll climb,
Love and laughter await, transcending time.
Welcome the journey, the ups and downs,
For therein lies life’s echoing sounds.
Discover yourself, love, and be true,
In this beautiful journey, continue to just be you.
You are valued, precious, and strong,
With a tenacious spirit, you’ll sing your own song.
So cherish each step, each stride,
In this magnificent, crazy ride.

Look at the obstacles you’ve surpassed
not once thinking this is where you’d be.
Despite all of the overcast
now kicking your feet with glee.
Getting past it all
anything tossed your way.
Funny that you were thinking you would fall
now the pressure is no longer a weigh.
I know that you see it
you opened that door.
Never giving in to quit
leaving your heart to wanting more.
We still have so much to learn
you can rest since it is no longer your turn.