You have dreams that you think constantly about,
Hoping spontaneity is something you live out.
You meditate on the future,
To the point you drive yourself into a stupor.
You can’t think straight,
Because your worries have a heavy weight.
Everyday you strive to your goals,
And everyday the finishing line continues to roll.
You take a step, and your feet are caught in a web.
You fall, you stumble, you choke, you croak.
You scream, you cry, you moan, you whine.
You stress about all the things that could go wrong,
Not knowing that if you just go, it won’t be long.
You have to walk through the fire and bathe in the dirt.
Sleep in the woods and wear the same shirt.
The journey is hard and tiresome too,
But if you keep going I know what God will show you.
He will show you what he can do for you,
He will grow flowers everywhere it hurts, too.
Cleanse the dirt from your life,
And make you as sharp as the edge of a knife.
You have dreams that you think about constantly,
& if you trust in Him he will deliver you from this economy.
“Seek the Kingdom of God and all things will be added to you.”
This verse is why your worries should be few.
Focus on the journey and forget the stress.
Skip through daisies and think less.
Your going to make it to the finishing line, I know that for sure.
Remember to live in the moment and never let life become a blur.

Dear little Willow,
I know you’re not Willow yet, but we will find our name later and it will finally feel good to be called by the name we chose. We are learning to dance through life in a way that we love, and don’t need to be trapped in those made up boxes we thought we had to fit into. Some people still expect that or try to push us into their mold, but not the people who really matter. There are people who accept and celebrate how wonderfully unique we are, as we live authentically. We learn to love our body by decorating it, and being playful and creative with our body, space, and the way we go through life. And of course we’re still in artist, we actually become a professional artist just like we’ve dreamed. People love what we make enough to pay for it, to bring it home and put it on their walls and tables. We found a way to make eating food more bearable, even pleasurable, by using pretty dishware made by us or other artists we connect with. We teach pottery, and have gotten to teach friends and become friends with students. We have so many wonderful friends and connections. People who love and inspire us and witness us for all we are. Your creativity, your unique, your passion is all beautiful. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and others, it gets so much better.
I love you,
Willow
5/22/2024

Knees rug-burnt on the carpet
praying for freedom one day
in your high school body
and your high school face
caked with wet mascara
searching for someplace
that is home
but where is home?
Will you ever know what that is?
You don’t belong here
so you thought:
“I belong nowhere.”
No wine to quench
how parched you are
for acceptance
so hungry
for independence
you thought you were praying to god
but you were praying to me.
As the creator of your destiny—
how rich you life will be.
In your woman body
with your woman face
my god
my force
how gorgeous is your vessel now
to grow into your soul
reaching up into the sky
like redwoods, sycamores—
ever-growing so divine.
Embrace your unbelonging
so much, that you’ll belong
to everyone and
everywhere like
wind and air and water
and I heard your sobs of yearning
egg-shaped on the floor
begging for some glimmer
some proof that there is more
but you need this storm
to crack you open
you need this pain
you need disaster
so you can bring those shards together.
The pointy pieces hurt, I know
like countless shrapnel splinters
but bit by bit
you’ll dig them out
and fill the wounds with earth…
when harvest comes,
you’ll be so humbled
by how much it was worth
and instead of praying
to a man-made god
for the shackles to release—
the world folds with all your thanks
as you bring it to its knees.

Jess, dry your eyes. Don’t let the haters dim your light. The negative things they say about you are a myth. Realize now that you are worthy just because you exist. That chick who sees you in the hall, who laughs and glares, she like many others cannot handle that you’re rare. Don’t let them get to you. Stop believing that you need to morph into someone else. They’re no authority on who you should be. They don’t know or love themselves. You’ve always been a fighter since before you were born. Abused in the womb, three months early you debuted, nurses held you and were forlorn. You’ll learn to light that spark in you and turn it into a flame. Your story will bring others hope, the battle won’t be in vain. Hang in there. It may feel at times like your darkest hour. If only you knew, the struggle is real; AND, so is your power.

Because there is no effort that will un-harm you
an open heart does not disarm you
there are only lessons, and those are love too
there is only love, what you are left with, is you
we are waiting for nothing, and the fears we cannot fight
only face, stop running. Be still from your flight.
just sit down and stretch
be the ripple that is self
you have always been water
you have will always be wealth

Our minimum 14 poses at every teenage girly photoshoot:

“Let me carry you”
Hang upside down pic
Tackle pic!
CHEERS
“Wait-I wanna show my sunnies”
Show me those baby blues ….
Silly pic !
Now, Serious face.
Okay real picture,
Laughing,
Dancing,
Candid,
Dabb
Photobombed by strangers and made new friends

Now that you’re gone, those silly photos aren’t so silly.

Dear Future Self,

I know you feel like your life could not get any worse. The constant feeling like you are never good enough. It is hard to wonder if the next bearing you encounter will kill you. Your life goal has been and will be to remove yourself from this situation.
To be honest there will be a few times in your life that this happens to you. The best part is, after everything you have been through, it all makes you stronger. Through it all you have persevered and accomplished so much. Even as a young mother, you pushed yourself to ensure your boys had everything they needed and wanted.
You never stop learning. When this letter is written, you have already achieved two Masters degrees and published two books. Currently, your job is easy and you enjoy what you are doing. However, you never stop learning and continue with writing. Writing has become your life mission and career while continuing to work, sadly writing does not pay the bills.
You will never have to worry about your future. Throughout your life, you have acquired enough funds that if you do not want to work, you do not have to. The second book you sold has given you a few extra dollars to keep you going. While keeping your future open, you invested some of your money. This also gives you some funds to work with. You work because you have expensive hobbies and love to go Jeeping. This is a hobby that you spend the most amount of money on. Be very careful so you do not go too crazy.
I hope this information gives you peace, knowing you will be okay. Keep your head up and stay strong. Life has a way of turning tricks and you need to be careful you don’t trip. You are smart and well-educated. You can do anything you put your mind to. I wish you the best! Remember that I love you and to love yourself.

Warmest Regards,
Ashley Zuidema (Current Self)

Dearest sweet, young self,

Take a deep breath, relax, and trust.

Ease your mind about what’s to come.

I say that not because everything turns out fabulously, beautifully, better than you could have ever expected. Rather, I say it because worrying about your future is an exercise in utter futility. Whether you worry or you don’t won’t change a thing, other than how you experience your current life. My darling, please don’t rob yourself of your present.

I know that’s elusive advice to heed right now, so let me ask you this: why are you fretting about money when fretting about money makes you no money? Either do something to make yourself more money, or don’t. Why are you worried about being single when worrying about it makes you no less single, just more sad? Spinning your wheels of fright solves nothing.

Here’s a secret you’ll soon learn: a worry is nothing but poorly allocated creative energy. It’s pouring fresh, fragrant imaginative juices down a non-functional well. Every worry is a story. You, my darling, are a masterful storyteller.

Right now, you use your storytelling to paint bleak scenarios in your mind – with exquisite detail – about the potential pitfalls of your future. I’m here to tell you, you can use that creative energy to craft stories which inspire, uplift, and entertain – not stories which give you ulcers and anxiety.

All that time spent wondering if it will all turn out okay doesn’t actually make it turn out okay. Enjoying yourself and following your passion makes it all turn out okay. Spoiler alert: you won’t give up on yourself. Remember that little spark of imaginative passion that enthralled you as a child? It won’t go away. Rather, it will grow. You will feed it until the flame engulfs you, in the best way.

I would love to write you and say, “get excited, because all your dreams come true!”. In all sincerity, though, things will turn out…differently…than you imagine now. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, you will become the person you’ve always wanted to be. You will show up in the world in a way that will wow you. What’s more, you will learn to trust that this path is your correct path. Don’t try to write your future, darling, because a greater Author is already hard at work. What you can do is write your own experience of it. Life isn’t what happens to you, it’s your relationship to what happens to you. Choose your relationship to time, to your fears, to your past, to your career, to your hopes, wishes, and wants. Relate to your future as your ally, not some malefic, frightening unknown.

You’re going to learn lessons and grapple conundrums you never would have imagined, but you don’t even need to think about that now. Focus on what is. Savor every moment. Trust the future will arrive one way or another – because it will. Whether you love it or not is completely up to you*.

Love,
Your future self

*(FYI: you do!)