Dear little me,
I am stopping by to say:
“You no longer have to carry the heavy stuff; I am here now.”
The things that concern you about the future, are being worked out and in favor of your purpose. Worry not! The character traits that you think are your weaknesses turn out to be your strengths and little lady you’ll develop quite a knack for playing to your strengths. Your uniqueness has been the most uncomfortable part of your childhood/adolescent years and yet will be the very thing that has a positive impact on every room you enter in your adult life. Even the parts of you that struggle with the complex nature of your emotions and being vulnerable with others, find a way to be so transparent that it’ll become your most powerful tool for growth and development. You lack the ability to see your inner beauty because you are not confident in your external appearance. However, this is soon to be counteracted by your love for individualism and fashion. Then enhanced by your spiritual practice of accepting yourself at every stage and season of your life. Falling in love with your mind will do wonders for your level of communication and understanding self. Therefore, understanding others better. The fear that you’ll be lazy or unproductive is a complete myth in the future. You hold the title of “Jill of all trades” and at a point in your life, you wear roughly three different hats a day. Every goal you set out to accomplish, you execute. Be not so hung up on deadlines. ALL happens in proper timing. No need to worry. In the future you find it in your heart to celebrate the life of your mother opposed to being consumed by the pain of her passing. You learn to be grateful for everything you have in advance and the balance of every season because you find acceptance of your favor. As the saying goes, “To whom much is given, much is required.” You grow into a conscious, accountable, wise, intentional and highly creative young woman. Worry not my love, you are a warrior!
I Love You….
Though you don’t always feel loved, know that I love you!

No one saw you stare out that window
And lose yourself in the wind-
They never noticed those blades for nails
You replaced to survive while
Replacing such horrors from your fairy tales
It is your escape now, and you’ll understand soon
Those birds that nest in your bed
Are vultures and they tear you to shreds;
Just because they are blood does not mean you owe them love,
A myth that is destroying you,
You have every right to be confused and to cry
In the arms of yourself when Mom’s not around
That animal breaks all your bones,
And while she wastes time out the house,
Your fear is his throne;

And while he cries wolf
You lick your own wounds
That doctor who should’ve protected you
Feeds on your pain-
Lovely girl, people are refusing to see all those
Horrors inside your world
Like the monsters that hide under a child’s bed when they sleep
Though it would always be a dream,
For you this is different
And people aren’t who they claim to be
The one in your closet is real
And it’s scary
And you’re anything at all but the cage of a word “crazy”
I know that your memory is hazy
Just know that doing nothing to stop it
Does not make you lazy
Oh Ellie, it makes you stronger than diamonds
And shinier than gold
And brighter than the shooting stars you wish upon
And a price that can never be sold;

You pray every night that those monsters that
People call blood are nothing but
Swordsman with the kindest of words
You make sure to name every name of these people-
Who claim that they love you,
And Baby Girl, I hate to break it to you-
But love does not mean begging for forgiveness,
And it doesn’t mean letting him have his way with you,
And it doesn’t mean accepting that maybe you’re worthless,
Because you are anything but this
Ellie, your light is so much bigger than
You dare to understand
It makes sense that you throw it away
Don’t blame yourself for feeling cold
You lose yourself in the plaster above you
Because it’s all you’ve ever known;

Ellie my dearest,
You’re a princess in shining armor
Etched in perfection
It’s not their business what lives beneath that skirt-
And please do not blame yourself for
Not knowing why this is happening
And when they tear at your gowns
Just know it is FAR from flattery
You are beautiful and chosen
The fabric of life that you’ve woven
And the seams that they’re ripping with ease
And with greed and while crying
They destroy your castle of a body
Ellie, you’re not a temptation at 8 years old
You were also never asking for it
You were just doing what you were told;

And Ellie my love,
Your lips were crafted to bring judgment
Speak poetry
Sing sonnets-
Your hands were made to paint murals
Build castles

Change planets-
Your mind has been gifted to hail justice
Fight fire
Love endless-
Ellie I promise you this:
It is going to be okay,
Someday you’ll be safe,
You’ll get it when you’re 20 years old,
And you only have the animals to blame.

Sincerely, You from The Future

My precious one, do not fear

If you only knew,

The greater & greater that lies ahead.

You wouldn’t take a second longer to dwell on the issues at hand

My precious one, please understand

I am protecting you

I am providing for you

I even factor in what you think you cannot do.

My precious one,

You are so much more beautiful than you realize

Oh if you could see through My eyes.

The forces trying to tear you down,

It will not last,

For there will come a day,

When you will see what I see.

That you are My masterpiece!

I behold you as my exquisite pearl

You are a rare beauty like no one else,

You are not stupid or dumb,

Those were lies wrongly spoken over you,

Oh My precious one,

One day the miry clay will be washed away,

And what will then appear,

Is the jewel, that I had hidden under My wings,

Oh My beloved,

All the lies and pain will be swept away

For when you come to Me,

And I hold you close,

It is then, that you shall clearly see,

I created you, in likeness of Me,

Therefore, there is no mistake,

Only beauty, strength and grace.

Oh precious one,

May all fear be abolished in the name of My Son,

For in His death and resurrection,

The battle was won

So all worry, all fear, and every lie that was told,

Has no power, no substance, and it can no longer have a hold

Oh My precious one,

Look ahead, and see what I see,

All lies exposed, then fear must go!

And when that happens,

The landscape awaits,

Endless opportunity before you,

You shall live in freedom,

No longer bound

Your mind completely sound

My precious one,

This right now, will soon pass,

For every facet of every day,

Has intricate purpose in all I created you to be.

These days of pain, soon will be nothing more than a memory.

So, I say to you; Have no fear,

Because I am greater than all this.

None of this is in vain,

And there will be purpose in every pain

For the plan for your life,

I know from beginning to end,

And what is ahead,

Is what I already planned.

For I knew before you even were conceived

That you are a delicate woman, yet strong and mighty,

I knew you would be strong enough,

To endure each level,

For the places I will take you and teach you to fight,

And then at the right time,

You will be ready for flight.

Higher and higher, more than you ever imagined,

I will raise you up to the mountain top

For you are My mighty warrior,

My beautiful princess bride,

Your beginnings were humble,

You were lowly and meek,

But as you passed every test,

I saw you bloom and grow,

I saw you strive and push,

I knew that you would be,

My beloved, faithful and true,

Walking in surrender, heart full of love,

My precious daughter,

You conquered all fears in the strength I gave you

I knew you would always push through,

You brought all glory back to Me,

You bowed at My feet.

I smile My daughter as I look at you.

You came through it all.

My precious one.

May 24, 2024

The Future, it’s just around the corner, it’s just beyond your reach, surely it’s something you’d very much like to breach. Though thoughts of it may cause some concern, attempt to address that with what you’ve already learned. Although the future is truly unknown, instead of fretting over it consider how well you’ve grown. You’ve reached the future many times before, and God willing you’ll reach it at least once more. Hopefully you’ll go into it with good health, genuine love and remarkable wealth, but The Future is not fully in your control, so worrying about it will only take its toll.

Counting down to proms and graduations,
Students running to and fro–
One question plagued my adolescent brain:
How could I continue when there was so much I didn’t know?

People told me I was smart,
“Just like her siblings,” they’d say.
But for all my potential and book smarts‐
I was still stuck in my own way.

Struggling to embrace myself in the present,
Always trying to appear impressive,
It felt like life was crushing me into the ground,
And so I began to recede without making a sound.

I withdrew inward, convinced no one would notice,
To disappear would have been my only wish.
I felt sure the world was swallowing me whole,
And who would really care if I happened to go?

How I wish I could put my arms around that 17 year old,
And let her know that she could be bold.
I’d tell her: the things that she worried about
Were not a checklist of choices everyone else had all figured out.

Her nerves were valid,
her feelings allowed,
And wanting to love herself
Did not make her “too” proud.

I’d hold her until she knew she didn’t have to simply survive,
Until she felt‐ truly felt- that in this life she could thrive.
That even though it seemed that she’d lost her drive,
There were still so many reasons to stay alive.

I wish I could give her a key
Some magic word that would fill life with glee.
But I think I would tell her the secret
Isn’t in some lofty work position or college leaflet.

That throughout her life it would be
The people around her that would help her feel freed
From the weight of expectations,
Of turning into someone else’s “successful” creation.

The people who would see her heart,
Who would champion her softness and art,
Who would be there for the steps between finish and start,
And would help her believe in the path only she could chart.

Time wasn’t running out, the world wasn’t ending
But she could start anew to find herself and leave behind pretending
That she had to live her life like anyone else,
Suppressing her true desires like being under a spell.

Eventually, she’ll discover a way to break the hourglass
And know that the best moments of life
Are when time stands still,
And you let yourself BE.

Dear Diana,

It’s your choice, die or live filled with patience and self love. Love yourself so much that even when you want to die, that love will save you. As you navigate through the challenges of growing up, you may feel lost and without purpose at times. In these moments, thoughts of giving up may start dancing in your head, but it’s crucial to choose positive thoughts over negative ones, go for a walk or cried as you like, this two activities will always heal you.
You shouldn’t be worried about the future, it is bright for you. I know you little stubborn, you never give up, you can be scared, you can be lost, but your strength comes from your connection with the universe, and I love it. Thank you, thank you for dreaming, thank you for being you, thank you for bringing me here today.

Dear little me,

Did you know you would go to war? No, not with guns and not with swords, the mental kind most people ignore. Even though it’s in the mind it doesn’t mean there aren’t monsters of all kinds. Although physical weapons are useless in this domain, you’ll hold your kindness like a blade against them refusing to change. You’ll hold empathy like a shield for others, but truly for yourself, because other people’s pain is more palatable than your own. You’ll learn that boundaries are armor and can be worn with love. The people who matter most won’t question their shape or where they came from. In the midst of all this learning the people you love will betray you most, and you’ll betray them too. It’s part of being human, it’s part of what we do. It’s almost never intentional, although it feels that way. Every person on this earth has a battle and it hurts just the same. The thing I hope most is when you look at me, you’re proud of who we have become. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life but my most important target is you. The little girl that dreamt in songs, storybooks and poems. Reality is very far from our imagination but I’m starting to have pride in all the things that have happened.

Love,

23-year-old you

Hello Love,

How are you doing today?

I know it probably feels like you’d rather be doing anything else right now besides reading this letter. I understand. Know that I love you anyway.

Do you remember, when you were eight years old and believed you were magic? You knew that we had a superpower, we just hadn’t figured it out yet. Well, I am here to tell you that that little girl was right. Because you are magic.

And do you know what your superpower is? Love.

Now when I say love, I don’t mean it in a romantic sense, or the kind of love we have for the people that are close to us.

I mean a love that is like the sun, whose warmth shines on everything it touches. Maybe they shield from your light, maybe they bask in your glow. But you keep shining.

I mean a love that is like the rain, sometimes fiercely protective, sometimes a gentle touch. Maybe they stand under an umbrella, maybe they jump up and dance. But you keep pouring.

I mean a love that is like the wind, offering a hug when it’s most needed, blowing away the whispers of fear. Maybe they hold on to their ideas of stability, maybe they dust off the kites. But you keep flowing.

You will meet so many people who will cause you to second guess the way you express yourself. Your care will be perceived as insistence. Your words will meet sarcasm. You will wish to be different, maybe even indifferent. But no matter what anyone says or doesn’t say, don’t hide away. Because your love is the stuff of legends. It comes from a source that is as old as time itself.

And if you find yourself tired, and ready to give up, just know that you are loved. You don’t need anything. After all, you are love.

Love,
Your future self

P.S: When you meet M, say yes.

I hear and see you, even if the world doesn’t. I know you are drowning, and you fear the sharks beneath the water. Though, we both know that the largest threat is trusting your own strength. The fears you face are real, and I know the largest of all, is the question of how long you have to wait to be rescued. I can tell you sweet truths and sweeter lies, but the reality of the situation is your suffering, and it will be for a while.  
Some of these horrible fears will catch up to you, but not the worst ones. Every evil thought that could be thought, will choke you. Your humor turns dark, so grim that no one can bear a smile not even you. But in the end, the hospital stays you fear will bolster you up. The friends that leave you remind you that change is the painful beauty of nature. Yes, the future is going to be difficult, but don’t allow its dread to fill you.
 At the end of the day you are right, no one is going to rescue you. No one will brush off your tears or remind you it will someday be all ok, no one except you. I know you are too weak to even do this, and there is an idea in your head “If I can’t pick myself up right now, I never can.” This thought is untrue. Strength comes and goes, and it will come back again. Though all seems to be doomed, know that though you can’t smile now, you will in the future.
My dear, I see your pain, but I know your fear. You fear your future will kill you because you see the boat leaving your sight as you tread thick waters. The people you once trusted left you behind due to their inability to understand. You question your strength as you think: “This will be my forever.” Know that this is the greatest lie. Your current situation does not define your future. You can choose your future with the simple decisions of your current situation.

Dear younger me,
Baby girl, life is beautiful, and tomorrow is never promised. Go out and experience the world and all the beauty that it holds.
If you get a chance to try something new, do it! If you get to go somewhere you’ve never been, go for it!! If you get a chance to see a Broadway show, watch it! Just try new things. You never know what you might like until you try. Because one day you’ll wake up and wish you had done all of these things.
You only live once and you won’t be young forever. It goes by so fast. The best things in life are making memories, starting a family, and holding on to great friends. This is your story. It’s your book. You are the author. What do you want others to read? How do you want to leave a mark on the world? Some people come into your life for a reason or a season. Pay attention and know the difference. There will be some people who come into your life that don’t have the best intentions for you. Let them be part of a short chapter, not the whole book. Keep pushing forward. Don’t just sit and wait for life to happen for you, because you will wait forever, and life will just pass you by.
There isn’t a trial run on life. You only get one shot. Make the best of it! Have no regrets. Have exciting stories to tell your children. Take a picture a day and start a memory wall. You’ll be happy you did. It will capture the moments that are so easily forgotten.

Try to have a close relationship with your parents. You might not be close now, but they will be your best friend later. Visit your grandparents often. That’s the best wisdom that money can’t buy. Give back to the ones less fortunate. Adopt from a shelter. Show them what love feels like before it’s too late.
Find a special place that makes you happy. And a special person who makes you smile. Start a career. Start a family. Just start living. Don’t wait till it’s too late to do all of these things. Tell your kids about Jesus. Raise your family to be strong in their faith, respect their elders, and have good manners. Be on time. You are just as important as anyone else. So treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Say you’re sorry if you make a mistake. Say, thank you often. Say hello to someone with a smile. They may need to hear It. Always show love, even when it may not be easy. In everything you do, do it with love.
Don’t worry about the little dramas. They’re not important. Just be happy and stay true to yourself. Never change who you are just to fit in someone else’s life. Don’t put up with being disrespected. Don’t build walls to keep everyone out. Just build a picket fence so that others can still pass by and see your beauty. And know your worth. You are so smart, but you still have so much to learn. Stay focused on your goals. Stay happy! Stay humble! Stay you!
Don’t worry !!!
You got this!
Your older self.

Dear little one,

I know it’s been hard for you. All this time has passed, and you do not know what has happened. I smile, caressing your soft cheek and wiping the tears from your lonely eyes. Let me tell you what happened and what we should have done in certain cases. Most of the time, Ma was right, and we needed to listen to her. Oh, but that stubborn little head of ours, we think we know what’s best. We don’t. I pick you up and place you on my lap, and then I already know the first question you will ask. “What happened to our eye?” I sigh and pat your head. It was our own self-loathing and self-sabotage ways. We were supposed to keep track of it, to always put our drops on. “Put your drops on,” Ma always says, and when I moved out with Mama, I stopped doing it.

I know what you’re going to say, “Why?” and frankly, I cannot for the life of me figure out what happened. I’m scared of not being able to see, not being able to draw or write anymore, and then I do this? We could have had our eyes fine until we were old, but no, my self-sabotaging ways had to get in the way. I started fine, driving everywhere, and going to work, and then gradually the darkness overwhelmed me. Then I went blind in my left eye. They would have left it in if it wasn’t for the glaucoma making it throb and hurt because, you know, insult to injury. A surgery to stop the pain only for it to get worse to the point they just decided to take my eye. As I sit here and look at you, I realize that it hasn’t even been 6 months since the surgery. How am I dealing with it? I place that fake smile that we are known for and just carry on. I got a prosthetic, and people can’t even tell it’s fake. Of course, we feel sad, and I know I need to go to therapy and trust me, it is well needed. I didn’t get married around my 20s like we thought (but who am I kidding in this dating pool? Right?) no kids and a good thing too, found out with all that sleepiness back growing up that it was narcolepsy. Whatever happens, just know we are working towards our dreams and we are never giving up.

We lost a lot of friends along the way, but the ones that stayed are the real ones, the ones we cherish the most. My heart aches for the loneliness and depression you’ll go through, but that only made us tougher and more aware of the world.

Don’t you worry, little one, it’s not all bad. We’ve met wonderful people too. One in particular is a wonderful soul. We connect on another level, even if the age gap is big. She makes us laugh, and sometimes cry with the emotional things they say. She gave us confidence about our art, ourselves, and everything we do. She will live on in my heart. We’ve met friends, and even though we were scared to, we found some love in others even if the time was short. Time is fleeting, and I know you’re worried we will not live past the age of 30 or that we will never have kids or fall in love. But I’m here to say to you that it’s not always going to be as it’s planned. Learned about myself, to say the least. My dreams and ambitions are more important than silly things to worry about like husbands and kids. Our love grows, and being an artist has taught me I could leave my mark in this world with beautiful art or even with the stories I love to work on. Don’t sell yourself short, little one, our art is unique in its ways, and there may be times when we think it’s worth nothing, but I’m here to tell you to think like that because I have become a part of my work, and I believe it is beautiful, just like me. I place you down from my lap and watch that frown turn into an unsure smile, but I know you got this as I watch you run into the world known as our future.

Oh, child you are and so were you a child
I suppose you would know that lasts but a while
And the past will creep up and your eyes will hang down
And you’ll fasten life up by passing the worst of you down
So here I tell you some now and you hold it yesterday
That years may be harsh and foul, and still, you must stay
One day you’ll bleed and that stain marks you fresh
Be careful, take heed the wolves smell of your breath
And they come bearing gifts, and they come like your friends
And you will follow the rest, every trend and river bend
But follow only the drum, the beat of your own heart
Because rivers can drown, and wolves can tear you apart
You’ll spend hours each day trying to sew a new self
And then tuck bottles of aged tears on your mahogany shelf
But that should not frighten or stir you a heap
There are far better sheep to stumble whilst you are asleep
When the sun takes it breath and kisses your cheek
Reminding you each day will be no different from last week
And you will carry yourself as you burden your feet and your back
Trying to make coins for your home by doing mediocre tasks
So, engulf yourself in something, to free your mind of this plight
For the revolving door spins, circling you like shark carrying spite
Imagine your castle without knowing of the suffering outside
Like a drunken Marie Antoinette who trades spades for her pride
It is far easier to swallow a pill than what reality can grant
But one day, a computer will market it, call it a repackaged brand
And your greige kind of lifestyle can be copied and sold
Your soul can be bought and shipped, and your ambition placed on hold.
Your lovers will share lovers and your friends are the phases
Your skin and organs keep records, but your mind just erases.
The letters in boxes are not letters this time
Just reminders of balances and outstanding fines
The eggs are not cracked for baking activities little child
They are prepared as a meal and need to last for a while
And if you find yourself slipping and becoming quite unhinged
Remember that hospitals are for purging and prisons for binge
So, look up in the mirror and have the reflection tell you each day
What your mind wants to lie on so you will continue to play
The play that is life, choose any piece and any path
But know once you choose there is no going back.
But to you dear child, the less seasoned version of me.
Do not worry or bury your head to protect your fragility.
For you see, I will carry myself in you, and fight what monsters I can
I have seen me in my past, be the only one to hold my own hand
I will cry with you and laugh with you and drink with you all night
I will only separate if you feel degraded, but know that it’s all right
Life will always do what life does, it folds time, bends rules and breaks hearts.
Do not worry about it because, one day it will end before the rest of it starts.

You’re the leaf of a tree that’s tall beyond measure,
a heart that yearns for the sky.
Know then that a man who conquers his pleasures, 
will encourage his dreams not to die.
 
I know you can’t keep your head from the clouds,
but at least keep your feet on the ground.
Tune into the world and notice the sounds,
for through your struggle will meaning be found.
 
The song of your being is tied to your virtue,
be wise with your dreams and keep up with your work due.
Balance the self and no one can hurt you,
achieve what you may ere the realm we return to.
 
Physical prowess calms the mind,
the spirit follows, a bodily rhyme.
Focused energy of the divine,
creates in you a glorious shine.
 
There’s grace in being, a natural beauty, 
practice the posture of might.
Unlocking You is the primary duty,
ever-growing toward Light.
 
A student of life and the stories that guide us,
what priceless wisdom our studies can buy us,
compounding thoughts since Younger Dryas,
authoring words that still define us.
 
Connect to what’s real, what essence exists,
experience love and true selflessness.
Open yourself to seeing the gifts,
of being a human, with consciousness.
 
Have your days of peregrination,
required of you – the human vocation,
Man’s quest for harmonization,
to live, to follow where melodies take him.
 

With a heart of adversity, we rise,
With faith as our compass, guiding our skies.
A remarkable journey, woven with grace,
A story of resilience, in life’s embrace.

Listen, little ME, to Maya’s voice,
As her spirit ignites, we find our choice.
In the waiting room, where courage is found,
Our story unfolds, with a resounding sound.

“Mountains Can’t Rise Without Earthquakes,” we both wrote,
Our memoir of triumph, where hope took note.
Through abandonment’s sting and violence’ plight,
We emerged, stronger, in love’s pure light.

In her words, our pain finds release,
As our own pen like Maya’s weaves a melody of peace.
With unwavering spirit, we faced the unknown,
At fourteen, homeless, but never alone.

Our faith, a beacon, steadfast and true,
In God’s embrace, we found strength anew.
Through trials and tears, we persevered,
Our spirit unyielding, our purpose clear.

For Maya taught us, in her timeless way,
That the human spirit can rise, come what may.
With each earthquake we faced, we grew,
Mountains emerged, and dreams came true.

So, dear younger self, worry not, my dear,
Maya’s inspiration whispers, ever near.
In the moment’s of faith, find God and rest,
For the future is held, by God’s loving chest.

Let our story inspire, empower the soul,
As the spirit of Jesus takes its toll.
With resilience and hope, we’ll pave the way,
And touch lives, as Maya did, day by day.

In the rhythm of life, with Maya’s embrace,
We find strength, courage, and endless grace.
Our worries, we release, for God holds the key,
With Maya’s inspiration, we soar, wild and free.