Heal yourself before you let anyone too close.
I wanted to heal myself before I leant too close to your heart, but it seemed as though the intimacy of nightfall took ownership of my will, well before I could prepare for the unknown of what comes next.
I couldn’t tell her no.

A fire was lit that night, though unsure if it was ours.

The trees were whistling with the sounds of whispers and I remember being afraid of moving too loud—as I was afraid of breaking the silence.

Our silence.
Our mouths salivating.
Our skin pierced with the teeth of blood sucking vessels.
Our fears enlarging.

Neither one of us wanted to move, no matter how painful.
However,
this was nothing compared to the pain we usually felt.

This was pain that one could appreciate for not being so heavy.

Your silence speaks of hidden languages that only a fellow hurt person could understand—I was only favored enough to understand it.
Similar to the way your eyes tell a story that is both beautiful and sorrowful if you stare too closely—so I don’t.

I turn my head the opposite way on your chest so that I could listen with more depth to the sounds of your heart waves.
I was overcome with a feeling of emptiness.
Hollow even, but a heart was still inside.
It’s beating faster than usual.
It’s the feeling of a race being chased by its own blood. Whoever stops the beating first is the most comfortable. There was no off button, no way to stop what was actually being felt.
We just had to wait for the intensity to cool down.

I told you that I was tired,
to which you replied “so fall asleep”
And I did—I attempted.

The sky took away the brightness of day, along with it the warmth of a summer evening. Though replaced with your presence. Nightfall no longer brought the fear of solitude and the self-sabotage my thoughts spawned. And I no longer feared of what happens if both our darknesses activated on such a night.

I whisper to you, “I can hear your heartbeat.”
Your silence was louder than your wavelength.

At that moment, I was unsure if words were allowed, unsure if I should have spoken—so I didn’t.

We are both broken inside, I can feel it. I can feel you.

We were both hesitant, but it still felt nice—to know that we both came from dark and twisted places, yet no matter how broken, we only saw each other as human.

I knew not to let go, as this hour was the only hour we had that time was allowed to stop. That’s what it felt like.
A pause.
A pause on all the heartbreak we’ve undergone.

I’ve been heartbeat to heartbeat
with other people before,
skin to skin,
but it never felt like when I was with you.
This didn’t feel so wrong.
Instead, this felt okay.
This felt like safety was an understatement.

I can feel your heartbeat again,
but this time its closer towards your lap,
with me laying across you.
You’re afraid to touch me—so you don’t.
However, you don’t want me to move.
Unfortunately, those were actions that we couldn’t act on.

Together, we reached safety within our hearts.
An unspoken true love.
Builders then constructed a home.
One with no loud anger, no worries, no glass boxes, and no heartbreak.
We put a pause to the hurt. How did we manage to do this? Perhaps the darkness that we shared created a dark hole. One that was powerful enough to create a temporary silence.

You were gentle. I was anxious.
I kept you warm, and you kept me still.
No anger, no worries, no fears, and no hurt.
We put a pause to the hurt. How did we manage to both come from dark and twisted places but still together, we were able to create something that was so whole and safe?
While only temporary, it was still nice.

I would then crawl into you and enjoy the sounds of love bugs within the air.
And before the night was over,

—before the sky released the brightness of the day…along with it the warmth of summer evening
—before the hours of dawn erased a memory of what special was held in that very moment…
—And before magic went back to being parable…

We allowed ourselves to be intimate in other ways.
That’s what I like to call sincere friendship.

Hop in my charcoal gray Nissan
I call her sweet, Storm Moltenya
hankering, hungrily for my favorite guacamole
it’s such a lovely, broken heart mender
swerving swiftly through the street
to my glorious green treat
on the radio, a lo-fi beat
relaxing, rocking in my seat

striking sights suddenly stop
me amidst the concrete maze
my eyes bathe in a golden glaze
pampering, pretty pink haze
Happy, hopeful heavens amaze
sunbeams bow as they blaze

cloud crests curl compassionately
atop blue beauty, like festive covers
swirling colors like lustful lovers
floating forces connect
robust, radiant, and proud
one keeps calling, like a friend to me
rare and distinct from the crowd
with a name, it is endowed
Titan is silent, yet loud

drawn in by his magnanimous mojo
body like a stairway to Cielo
sunlight illuminates his halo
saying, “Climb up, spend a day or so”
to meet my spirit guides, I want to go

for a little while, he makes me smile
magnificently moving, I like his style
shaped like a seven, such a divine posture
delightfully doting, my full attention I offer

tall Titan
incredible, inviting
enchanted to behold you
with you, I’m vibing
just joy riding
admiring you from all angles
an amazing abode for angels

viewing your spectacular stature
over the rolling green pasture
peace, presence, and love
from the majestic master
of this unique universe
I’m inspired to pen a verse

listening to Miguel
feeling alive and well
earlier felt like hell
now I’m witnessing heaven
picturesque, pineapple, purple skies
baptize, bless, caress, and surprise
viewing this vibrant vision, I realize

Everything is going to be alright.

Dear Unsealed,
2024 was and is forever changing directions around the world.
As I step up the ladder to look out at the world,
I slip,
I grip,
The sides of the ladder as it staggers slowly to the ground,
All around
The neighborhoods of America
We shout I care!
I kept my goals of diet, focusing, eating healthy and all the other goals I had proposed processing the exchange from 2023 to 2024. I wrote for The Unsealed and Vocal.
My newest accomplishment was writing and producing 18 songs after signing a contract with #distrokid online. That was not planned. I had music training beginning early in life. I utilize Suno AI, Invideo Ai, LTX studios AI, Sora AI to produce videos with my music to publish on you tube. I create music, words, and beats and all that from my heart and soul to make people happy or to talk about political issues through music. I discovered this is my new adventure.
I am still waiting on commissions from Vocal for this year. I am waiting for my royalties from my music. A goal for another story will be written soon.
2024 was a progressive year of changes, elections, and then the non-progressive election of a backwards society person to suppress women, the elderly, the vulnerable of our society. My answer to all of that malarky’ is I will remain who I am as a creative woman of elder age of 75.
The world watches all.
The world will see as the ball
Drops in Times Square 2024.
As before
We salute 2024,
We crash our drinks to 2025,
We are alive
To strive for rainbows,
Not illusions of unicorns,
But truth, freedom, and to be born
To spread love across the world
Of the good, the bad, the ugly.
As I type on my pc to be a ladybug
Of character of values to flow
Across from 2024 to 2025,
More songs, stories, poems, art
Not farts.
So, I summarize my eccentric rant of 2024
As each year goes forward
My music and contract with #distrokid were my unexpected 2024 goal that came true as I walked the path of the year transformation from dark to light.
So bright,
So very light,
Breathe!

I am in that time of life when looking into the mirror reveals a face that looks back at me–
and I no longer see myself
as I see my-
Self.

I am in that time of life when new music and shows and scenes are too loud and too much and too many and the sound of silence and childhood nostalgia
are soft
and calm
and exact.

I am in that time of life when the more really should be the less–and while so much is thought-
so much less is said
because when you know…you know to do better.
And, better is in what is left
unspoken.

Yes,
I am in that time of life when the thought of menopause is no longer a mystery, but an expectation and dreams are plans and goals made and promises broken or kept
or both-and-
what’s left has now grown into
a woman.

A woman in that time of life who has seen or sees her mother in herself-
as a mother-
and if not-
sees herself as the mother who has learned how to be her
Self
As
An-
Other.

That time of life, I am in
as a woman- now
And keep growing into myself even
further.

I would love to tell you 2024 was the GREATEST year ever, but it has been MY MOST GROWING year, this year we received my hero ( my mom had leukemia, and we were prepared to fight with her , we rushed her to the hospital on multiple occasions and for a month she was in the hospital, so we took care of 2 homes and prayed and believed in a MIGHTY GOD, who can do ALL THINGS, well after the month was up , she was CLEARED OF IT ( THANK YOU JESUS) and I rented a billboard and I TOLD EVERYONE, she was coming home, she beat the leukemia ( ALL THANKS TO GOD) I watched as all those years it was MY TURN to help her, Everyday is a NEW DAY and we don’t look months in advance, we are taking day by day. 2024 was the year I GREW MENTALLY, and I watched my mom BEAT what was impossible.. LUKE 1:37 For with God nothing shall be impossible

2024 Sing,Dance,Act
Best
Better
The Bomb
Graduate 2024 Sing your song!
Best
Better
The Bomb
Graduate 2024 Dance to your prom!
Best
Better
The Bomb
Graduate 2024 Act cool, Act fast, Act like a grown up for your mom!

When I think of 2024, I think: “best year of my life,”
Because this is the year that I became your wife.
The year we said “I do” standing before our loved ones,
With our toes in the sand, in front of the setting sun.

This is the day I had been dreaming of,
For thirteen years we have been sharing our love.
We started dating when we were only sixteen,
Simultaneously knowing, and not knowing, we’d be living this dream.

Building this foundation with you over the years
Has only strengthen my love and lessened my fears.
You know me better than anyone; you love every part of me
And I do the same for you- it all comes naturally.

We came together effortlessly, as if we were meant to
Whether you believe so or not, I believe that to be true.
From the beginning, I knew our connection was divine
Even if I didn’t have those exact spiritual beliefs at the time

It was a feeling deep within me, one that got loud when you walked in
It was strong yet calming… a sort of intuition from within.
I knew you were going to be someone special in my life,
And I somehow knew that one day I would be your wife.

We both knew it then, which is why we didn’t care about the timeline.
People would ask questions and judge, but we knew that everything would align.
Thirteen years later, we got married on our dating anniversary,
Uniting us forever and sealing our love for eternity.

As we continue to grow old, I will always remember our special day
Deep in my heart and soul, the fond memories will stay.
They warm me from the inside out, bringing up happy tears.
I know our love will only continue to grow stronger over the years.

In 2024, a moment shone bright,
A day when everything felt just right.
The classroom buzzed with quiet pride,
As understanding grew from side to side.

A breakthrough bloomed, soft and clear,
A quiet smile, a spark of cheer.
A student reached a place so new,
And in that moment, strength just grew.

The hard work paid, the effort true,
A bond of trust in all they knew.
In that small moment, a world was changed,
And everything felt wonderfully rearranged.

A memory to carry, warm and near,
A reminder that growth is always here.
2024 brought joy anew,
A year of progress, of dreams in view.

Rolling them dice
In this world of mine
Gambling at loves price
Yes, I am fine!

Read between the lines
Cause, I will not say
What my mind confines
Please, will you stay?

Must I tell you a tale
Or tell you how I really feel
Instead, I could run and bail
Or make love an ordeal!

Maybe I will give you a clue
The chaos I have become
Just to be true
What a sacrifice to come!

The love between us
Could be a distant memory
Is there any more to discuss?
Oh quite contrary!

Each year’s a fresh collage of memories,
most blurry, insignificant, and pale—
but some recur as vivid reveries.

Please.

Of those, I cannot choose a favorite tale.

How could I rank a moment as the one
I’d save to an impenetrable drive
if suddenly my brain became corrupt,
deleting every snippet of my life?

No love is more important than the next.

I’d sadly watch each pixel fade away
from Betamax home movies in my head,
all color leached, my screen a snowy gray,
still hanging tight to this year’s bonus speck—
the extra day of Mason loves Mammay.

Dear Unsealers,

2024 has had a lot in store for many of us, I am sure.

It is nothing compared to 2023, which shattered some hopes and some dreams for me.

In 2023, I said goodbye to past versions of myself, but with them went parts of my little family. They passed away only one year ago. It took some time to process all that, and I’m not quite sure I am done at this point.

In 2024, something different in me woke up. I saw things differently, new things I hadn’t felt, old feelings too. PTSD does bring its blues. I may not be great, at least not just yet. But I’ve told myself again and again that I’ll spend my life trying to be the best version of myself.

2024 is my favorite memory.

I’ll feel this one for sure because it has given me the space to address some old wounds and heal. It’s given me memories and moments an old me would have wanted. 2023 was filled with a lot of pain for me—many times tested, many nights alone. Everything will all be worth it in the end.

So today, when you ask me what my favorite memory of 2024 was, I’d say every day, in every way. But if I had to choose just one, it would be when I turned 26. I’ve never liked my birthday, and I probably never will. But when I turned 26, something in me clicked. I was so sure I’d expire before the age of 25, so sure, in fact, that it was hard to imagine myself past my 20s. But I made it to 26, and some days past that.

2024 is my favorite memory of 2024.
I wouldn’t say this year is easy.
But it hasn’t been the most challenging year yet.

2024 has been such a blessing to me both creatively and personally. I have been performing poetry since January 2023 and its been such a fun ride. 2024 has been such a rewarding year due to the growth I’ve seen in myself. I am naturally a reversed and socially awkward person but this year I’ve learned to be more social. Networking with artist and platforms created alot of opportunities with featuring in open mics. One of my favorite memory of the year was doing my first video shoot (acting /extra role) which was because i reached out to peer that was looking for extras. Another memory was participating a podcast called first date questions which i was vulnerable about my dating life. I am so proud of myself because i have met so many cool people and people i’ve been fans of for such a long time and its really incredible that they appreciate my work as much as i appreciate their work. Not sure what 2025 has for me but i am very excited in what paths open up to me.

Dear Unsealers,

My 2024 was a whirlwind of life events.

Losing friends, though keeping a few close.

Turning 40 years old while at the psych hospital.

Losing my favorite cat – my reason for living.

Getting denied for long-term disability pay a second time.

Continuously struggling to survive.

Finding a new reason to live.

It is so easy to lose sight of the good things in my life.

There is, however, one process I began this year that overshadowed this seemingly never-ending shitstorm –

Changing my identity.

I realized that I am nonbinary in 2022.

I discovered a new name for myself – Blue Sky – in 2023.

I started stepping into that identity in 2024.

I got a new haircut.

Adopted a new aesthetic.

Became more true to myself.

In August, I petitioned the Superior Court of California to have my name and gender identifier changed.

In November, I legally became Blue N Sky and nonbinary.

I get to change my birth certificate.

And now I realize that I have always been Blue Sky.

My parents gave me my previous name.

Society gave me my previous identity.

I broke out of societal expectations of me.

I feel more authentic.

Living closer to my values.

Blue Sky is a beautiful extension of my creativity.

Blue Sky is a reminder that no matter how stormy my life gets –

Blue skies are always on the horizon.

And now I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Still far away.

But the glimmer is blue.

The glimmer is me.

Thank you for getting through.
Thank you for all you do!
Thank you for breathing.
Thank you for receiving.
Thank you for believing.
Thank you for achieving.
Thank you for giving life meaning.
Thank you for speaking freely.
Thank you for sometimes taking it easy.
Thank you for sometimes being the only one believing in me.
Thank you for looking at myself and uplifting me.
Thank you to the person I grew to be.
Thank you to yours truly.

You got this! even when you think you don’t
When things get dark and results seem unknown
Understand that giving up isn’t an option
And we can’t allow ourselves to drown in our emotions
Everybody has some rough days, I know I had the worst
And I done been ignored by people I love when I told them I was hurt
But a lot of people don’t even know how to show up for you
And everyone can’t really relate to what you are going through
But Don’t dwell on those thoughts don’t look for no false reality
Just Focus on you and be who you aspire to be
Cause Real people gonna be in your corner if you do the same
And wack people gonna show they true colors they can’t help but to be lame!
Just Focus, and just stay the course
Dead all them negative thoughts, no remorse!
That negative spiral will get you caught in a trap
Being too real to the fake will leave YOU unhinged and not intact
And they are looking for a refill yet your cup is empty
Meanwhile they still half full and won’t even share any with me
But if you let them win then that makes you a loser
You should be concerned only with how to get them out your life sooner
Cause At the end of the road this life is over
Meanwhile you wasting time going out sad looking for a sign or some closure
And I know people who love deep find it hard to detach
But if you go today it’s giving settle for less would be your only impact
When you set boundaries the people who love you will respect them
And if you really setting boundaries you can’t buckle down for her or for him
You gotta show people that you deserve a soft life
If you don’t show them how they supposed to see that shit right?
And I know that’s not an easy task
But much better than living life behind a mask
Being miserable every day is a crazy life
But imagine living with regrets in the afterlife
Don’t be malicious to people ever, but be true to you more than anyone
Always remember when your cup was empty and they had some they had no problem leaving you with none
And not taking care of yourself is self abuse and toxic
People pleasing is manipulative as fuck… it’s a mind trick
Cause scraping up something to give someone what you don’t have
I think that might be the beginnings of creating a psychopath
Cause when you thirsty and your cup empty you start thinking crazy
Depression and anxiety co exist while you dying of thirst but they hydrated!
Then when their cup starts running low they like here you can have a sip
Then they like “Just make sure when you done can refill my shit”
So focus on happy no matter who you have to leave behind
Life is short we really don’t have too much time
Pour into yourself and if your cup overflows you can give them a lil drip sometimes

You did not deserve that. You didn’t realize it at the time, but you and her both had to go through it, for something bigger that made no sense to you at all. It was understandable why you felt the way that you did, but you have no idea how wrong you were. You were not a meek little girl with no chance of happiness in your life, although you couldn’t see that yet. You were always worthy of being loved.

Our half-siblings stood behind you in the bedroom doorway in the middle of the night, watching the crash of our parents’ marriage. Our father grabbed the heavy glass ashtray with old cigarettes butts still in it and threw it across the room, aiming for our mother.

She ducked and the ashtray hit the wall and shattered to pieces, along with any last string of hope they had for each other. She shut the door and told him to choose us or the alcohol.

He chose alcohol. He also told her that you were coming with him and when she fought him on it, they held you suspended in the air, asking who you wanted to go with. How could they ever think that was fair? You were three years old and had no idea what you wanted. You picked the first person you made eye contact with, which was mom, and you chose to stay with her. You made your bed and would surely lie in it, but one day, it would all make sense.

After dad left, she became a single mother of three children and we grew up in unsafe and poor neighborhoods. We were constantly moving homes because rent was raised or she wasn’t able to pay the bills. We were on a constant loop of moving places and schools and going to stay with friends or family.

On our 10th birthday, she was about to leave for work and was crying. She told us she felt guilty that she could only afford one cupcake and one Barbie doll, unwrapped. We knew how tight money was, so this meant even more and we were so excited for the gift. She may not have known it, but we really looked up to her for working so hard to put a roof over our heads, regardless of the moving, lack of birthday gifts, and the amount of time she was away for work.

There was a point that it all changed and she broke. Growing up, we knew she had depression and it ran in her side of the family, but we didn’t know what we were going to learn when we got older. I know that there isn’t anything in this world that you wanted more than for her to show up as a mother.

When you told her about being sexually abused by a family member, she told you that your siblings didn’t believe you and found out years later, she never told them. When you told her about a different family member trying to touch you, she said he did that to her all the time, and she wasn’t surprised…and yet she let you stay the night there.

In the beginning of 7th grade, she picked you up from school telling you that she met a guy online, was in love and was moving that night to go live in another state to be with him. She offered for you to go with her or with her brother and his wife. This will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

With both of your parents leaving you, you’ll wonder how anybody could ever love you if the people that were programmed to love you couldn’t. You’ll go through many long years fighting abandonment issues, depression and anxiety.

When you are 18, you’ll be reunited with your long-lost father. You will learn that you have a 50% chance of having Huntington’s disease, which is a genetic neurological disease in his family. You’ll learn that there isn’t a cure, it attacks any part of your brain it wants to, and you’ll be faced with a choice to get tested at 18.

You had to go through it all to become the brave woman that you are. You’ll choose to get tested and will be diagnosed, but it won’t hold you back in life. You’ll find the best man who adores you and knows how deserving of love you are.

You will use writing as a coping mechanism to help deal with the chaos after she left, and you will fall deeply in love with words, hoping to help heal others through them.

She had to go through her own journey, and so did you to see how beautiful life was going to be.

Life sometimes is uncertain, we can’t control the circumstances that comes along into our journey as a mother, as a human beign raising a kid.

One of the best memories of this current year 2024 it is related to one of my 3 kids, my oldest daughter, she is an incredible, dedicated, stubborn, sometimes a little obstinate kid, she is the proof of perseverance and successful.

She is 10 years old now, but at the time when every just started was on 2018 when she was 4 years old, by that time she was at preschool and she was sent to get evaluated to a professional IEP team and she was immediately eligible to get into the IEP at her school, I really struggle to get her the right IEP teacher at that school, so I decided to changed it to a different school where resources were more accessible, she got into the IEP, we found amazing teacher, we have great memories of them, she got the help she needed, most of this successful of being out of the IEP now, it is because of those teachers that initially helped my daughter to acquire the confidence that she got now in order to be out of the IEP.

My daughter had to changed again of school, but luckily we found another great teacher who treat my daughter with love, patience and she trust in my daughter in being out of the IEP one day.

And the years passed, my daughter continued into the IEP, but God had another plans for her, u remember one year ago, I met the different teachers, social worker, psychologist and everybody involved in my daughter IEP yearly meeting evaluation and God put me into my mind to express in that meeting that I wanted my daughter so badly to be out of the IEP sooner than expected, and I took a leap of faith and I suggested the school team that I wanted my daughter to spend more time in her regular classroom than in the segregated IEP classroom, everybody agreed on push my daughter a little further to obtain greater results, Thank God, my daughter never gave up and she was adapting so well into her new classroom transition.

All this previous story is because it has a happy ending, a new start for my daughter to demonstrate that with conviction, effort, and enthusiasm everything it’s possible.

In this 2024 something happened that I will never forget, I just had the yearly meeting evaluation to see if my daughter still need the help of the IEP, and guest what? My daughter was declared completely out of the IEP, she doesn’t was found eligible for the IEP anymore, those days are gone, they were in the past now, but thanks to those days we as a mother and daughter learned the importance of concentrate in the good thing that we want to happen, but nothings comes free, it is a matter of perseverance, consistency, praying, faith, trust in ours, and always giving the best of us.

One of the best memories of this current year 2024 it is related to one of my 3 kids, my oldest daughter, she is an incredible, dedicated, stubborn, sometimes a little obstinate kid, she is the proof of perseverance and successful.

She is 10 years old now, but at the time when every just started was on 2018 when she was 4 years old, by that time she was at preschool and she was sent to get evaluated to a professional IEP team and she was immediately eligible to get into the IEP at her school, I really struggle to get her the right IEP teacher at that school, so I decided to changed it to a different school where resources were more accessible, she got into the IEP, we found amazing teacher, we have great memories of them, she got the help she needed, most of this successful of being out of the IEP now, it is because of those teachers that initially helped my daughter to acquire the confidence that she got now in order to be out of the IEP.

My daughter had to changed again of school, but luckily we found another great teacher who treat my daughter with love, patience and she trust in my daughter in being out of the IEP one day.

And the years passed, my daughter continued into the IEP, but God had another plans for her, u remember one year ago, I met the different teachers, social worker, psychologist and everybody involved in my daughter IEP yearly meeting evaluation and God put me into my mind to express in that meeting that I wanted my daughter so badly to be out of the IEP sooner than expected, and I took a leap of faith and I suggested the school team that I wanted my daughter to spend more time in her regular classroom than in the segregated IEP classroom, everybody agreed on push my daughter a little further to obtain greater results, Thank God, my daughter never gave up and she was adapting so well into her new classroom transition.

All this previous story is because it has a happy ending, a new start for my daughter to demonstrate that with conviction, effort, and enthusiasm everything it’s possible.

In this 2024 something happened that I will never forget, I just had the yearly meeting evaluation to see if my daughter still need the help of the IEP, and guest what? My daughter was declared completely out of the IEP, she doesn’t was found eligible for the IEP anymore, those days are gone, they were in the past now, but thanks to those days we as a mother and daughter learned the importance of concentrate in the good thing that we want to happen, but nothings comes free, it is a matter of perseverance, consistency, praying, faith, trust in ours, and always giving the best of us.