Hey honey,
I won’t keep you long because I know how hard it is for you to concentrate sometimes. Just put on some music, zone in, and pay attention.
I need you to know it’s not your fault. You are not broken. You do not have to hate yourself because they did not know how to care and love you. There are people who do and will care and love you. They will show you every chance, even tell you, and those are the people for you. You are worth love, dearest.
Now, breathe. In- hold – out. Continue.
Right now, I know everything hurts. I know that you cry almost every day, hiding it from those around you and I know you cry almost every night, whole bodied and uninhibited. It’s okay to feel, sweetheart. It’s okay to have emotions. I know they tell you it’s not but it is! You can cry! You should not be ashamed of having feelings. We are not ashamed to show those emotions. They are an encompassing part of you and you feel them so strongly, shutting them down hurts more. Please let them out.
Again? Breathe. In- hold – out. Let’s go.
You should know it gets better. It gets better just because you hold on and grow older. We are thirty now. Thirty! I know you didn’t think you’d make it to eighteen.
You should know it gets better because you get better. You put in the work. You are so strong, darling. You push and pull and then you work it out. You are so strong!
You should know it gets better and you beat it. Whatever it is. You win. In losing (because you can’t actually ‘win’ every time) you learn. And that’s a win in my eyes.
One more time. In- hold – out. Okay.
Grace, I love you. I know you don’t love you right now but you’ll learn.
Grace, you are so capable of so much. Even as you feel your weakest.
Grace, I know you feel desperate. But you will become independent. Stronger.
Grace, you are so amazing. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. Thank you.
Love,
Your Future Self