Goals for 2025

Get up, Stay up, Don’t fall down-
You’ve been at home too long Dear, it’s time for town-

Get up, Stay up, Don’t fall down-
You can do this Dear just straighten your crown-

Get up, Stay up, Don’t fall down-
Be a Good Girl Dearest and do not frown-

Get up, Stay up, Don’t fall down-

Each year’s a fresh collage of memories,
most blurry, insignificant, and pale—
but some recur as vivid reveries.

Please.

Of those, I cannot choose a favorite tale.

How could I rank a moment as the one
I’d save to an impenetrable drive
if suddenly my brain became corrupt,
deleting every snippet of my life?

No love is more important than the next.

I’d sadly watch each pixel fade away
from Betamax home movies in my head,
all color leached, my screen a snowy gray,
still hanging tight to this year’s bonus speck—
the extra day of Mason loves Mammay.

Dear Unsealers,

2024 has had a lot in store for many of us, I am sure.

It is nothing compared to 2023, which shattered some hopes and some dreams for me.

In 2023, I said goodbye to past versions of myself, but with them went parts of my little family. They passed away only one year ago. It took some time to process all that, and I’m not quite sure I am done at this point.

In 2024, something different in me woke up. I saw things differently, new things I hadn’t felt, old feelings too. PTSD does bring its blues. I may not be great, at least not just yet. But I’ve told myself again and again that I’ll spend my life trying to be the best version of myself.

2024 is my favorite memory.

I’ll feel this one for sure because it has given me the space to address some old wounds and heal. It’s given me memories and moments an old me would have wanted. 2023 was filled with a lot of pain for me—many times tested, many nights alone. Everything will all be worth it in the end.

So today, when you ask me what my favorite memory of 2024 was, I’d say every day, in every way. But if I had to choose just one, it would be when I turned 26. I’ve never liked my birthday, and I probably never will. But when I turned 26, something in me clicked. I was so sure I’d expire before the age of 25, so sure, in fact, that it was hard to imagine myself past my 20s. But I made it to 26, and some days past that.

2024 is my favorite memory of 2024.
I wouldn’t say this year is easy.
But it hasn’t been the most challenging year yet.

Come correct, I say to the mirror,
not a command but a beckoning,
an invocation for grace, for truth,
for showing up without shame’s shadow.

Know when to lean in
to the warmth of a friend’s laughter,
to the edge of discomfort that births growth,
to a lover’s hands, the hymn of belonging.

Follow up, follow through,
threads of accountability weaving
a tapestry I won’t let unravel.

Smoke less, or not at all,
unless it’s with the slow reverence
of palo santo billowing and curling towards the ancestors.

Exercise more
not just my body,
but the courage to move toward joy,
the strength to stretch past hesitation.

Stay in touch, send love notes in whispers,
in texts, in hand-scrawled cards,
become the bridge between worlds we almost lose.

Be tapped into my creative vessel,
a river I refuse to dam,
flooding into states of flow where time is myth.

Devour fruits ferally
mangoes dripping,
berries ravaged,
life sweet and unplanned, bitten into wholly.

Under my blood’s moon, I’ll dance,
offer secrets to the sky,
let ritual stitch me into the night.

Get published
my words spilling
like offerings on a page,
Bring to life stories that refuse silence.

Chip away at my debt,
practicing the rejection
of a weight that I can no longer carry.

Have more sex
more holy collisions,
more communion where skin is scripture
and bated breath is a plea answered.

Stay hydrated
be a body of flowing abundance.

Know how to oscillate,
between softness and sharpness,
between solitude and the heat of crowds.

Travel to horizons that shift my spine,
to cities where my tongue learns new dances,
to fields where roots whisper my name.

Learn how to pray again,
to kneel with open hands,
to find God in what I’d lost and what I make.

Tap into intuition,
feel the pull of what’s unseen,
a guide not tethered by reason.

Call my grandma, my aunt,
build bridges of memory,
let their stories braid into my own.

Record oral histories,
gather words like fallen leaves,
preserve the voices that made me.

2025, I summon you
like a spell, like a promise
not to change me,
but to root me deeper into who I am becoming.

2024 has been such a blessing to me both creatively and personally. I have been performing poetry since January 2023 and its been such a fun ride. 2024 has been such a rewarding year due to the growth I’ve seen in myself. I am naturally a reversed and socially awkward person but this year I’ve learned to be more social. Networking with artist and platforms created alot of opportunities with featuring in open mics. One of my favorite memory of the year was doing my first video shoot (acting /extra role) which was because i reached out to peer that was looking for extras. Another memory was participating a podcast called first date questions which i was vulnerable about my dating life. I am so proud of myself because i have met so many cool people and people i’ve been fans of for such a long time and its really incredible that they appreciate my work as much as i appreciate their work. Not sure what 2025 has for me but i am very excited in what paths open up to me.

Dear Unsealers,

Whenever I am in the psych hospital, the nurses and psychiatrist want me to find a reason to live so I do not keep ending up there.

For many years, my tortoiseshell cat Hershey’s Kisses was my reason to live.

She adored me and would have been devastated if I had died before she did.

Finally, in October 2024, my reason for living died.

I had to put Hershey to sleep because her health declined exponentially, and living was no longer an option for her.

Now I was the one who was devastated. I had no reason for living. What do I do now?

Then, it came to me. I had spent my entire life living for others, helping others, pleasing others.

I had neglected my own happiness, my own well-being, for my entire life.

Sure, I went to therapy and took medication. Yet I still felt hollow.

I was an empty pot. I needed to fill myself with dirt, water, and a thriving plant.

The dirt would be my foundation for living. I needed plenty of nutrients.

I am learning how to treat my body like a temple, feeding myself nutrient-dense foods, and making intentional movements.

Meditating and self-reflecting.

Rest and relaxation.

The water would be the love I shower myself with. How do I show myself love?

I shall develop hobbies I perform only for myself. Take plenty of time for myself.

I have plenty of activities I plan to occupy myself with.

Making sticker collages.

Coloring in coloring books.

Writing letters and poetry to develop my preferred craft.
Reading enjoyable literature. My plan this year is to read at least one book a month. After all, the best writers also read voraciously.

There are fun activities I plan on learning how to do in 2025.

Writing shorthand so I can write as fast as I think. My mind races fast and it is impossible to catch up in longhand and speech.

Putting on makeup, not to look good for others, but to fill up with beauty the blank canvas that is my face, to visually please myself.

Colored pencil drawing, because I want my fifth-grade art teacher who criticized my self-portrait to eat her heart out.

Playing guitar and writing songs because I need to release the soul in my heart from time to time.

2025 will be the flourishing plant that springs from the pot I have lovingly curated for myself.

2025 will be the year I finally live for myself.

Dear Unsealers,

My 2024 was a whirlwind of life events.

Losing friends, though keeping a few close.

Turning 40 years old while at the psych hospital.

Losing my favorite cat – my reason for living.

Getting denied for long-term disability pay a second time.

Continuously struggling to survive.

Finding a new reason to live.

It is so easy to lose sight of the good things in my life.

There is, however, one process I began this year that overshadowed this seemingly never-ending shitstorm –

Changing my identity.

I realized that I am nonbinary in 2022.

I discovered a new name for myself – Blue Sky – in 2023.

I started stepping into that identity in 2024.

I got a new haircut.

Adopted a new aesthetic.

Became more true to myself.

In August, I petitioned the Superior Court of California to have my name and gender identifier changed.

In November, I legally became Blue N Sky and nonbinary.

I get to change my birth certificate.

And now I realize that I have always been Blue Sky.

My parents gave me my previous name.

Society gave me my previous identity.

I broke out of societal expectations of me.

I feel more authentic.

Living closer to my values.

Blue Sky is a beautiful extension of my creativity.

Blue Sky is a reminder that no matter how stormy my life gets –

Blue skies are always on the horizon.

And now I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Still far away.

But the glimmer is blue.

The glimmer is me.

In 2025, I’ll claim my place,
With love for myself, I’ll set the pace.
A healthy weight, a body renewed,
A temple of strength, my soul imbued.

I’ll fall in love with the woman I see,
Unveiling the depths of discovering me.
Each step I take, God’s purpose unfolds,
A journey of faith, where courage holds.

To write the stories in my soul,
Complete each book, make my dreams whole.
Poems, scripts, and wisdom to share,
Inspiring others with words that care.

No more cycles, no paths the same,
Change is the spark that fuels the flame.
Healthy habits, a mind refined,
Breaking chains, leaving doubt behind.

My dreams will soar, my voice will rise,
With poems that heal and open eyes.
To inspire others, my truth I’ll share,
A beacon of hope, beyond despair.

Peace will anchor my every thought,
Lessons lived and wisdom taught.
Walking in purpose, designed by God’s hands,
A life of intention, as He commands.

Growth on all levels, my spirit will bloom,
Filling each space, dispelling the gloom.
In 2025, I’ll stand so free,
A reflection of strength, a better me.

Each goal a seed, each action rain,
A year of clarity, growth, and gain.
Toward the life I’m destined to uplift,
2025 will be my greatest gift.

Thank you for getting through.
Thank you for all you do!
Thank you for breathing.
Thank you for receiving.
Thank you for believing.
Thank you for achieving.
Thank you for giving life meaning.
Thank you for speaking freely.
Thank you for sometimes taking it easy.
Thank you for sometimes being the only one believing in me.
Thank you for looking at myself and uplifting me.
Thank you to the person I grew to be.
Thank you to yours truly.

You got this! even when you think you don’t
When things get dark and results seem unknown
Understand that giving up isn’t an option
And we can’t allow ourselves to drown in our emotions
Everybody has some rough days, I know I had the worst
And I done been ignored by people I love when I told them I was hurt
But a lot of people don’t even know how to show up for you
And everyone can’t really relate to what you are going through
But Don’t dwell on those thoughts don’t look for no false reality
Just Focus on you and be who you aspire to be
Cause Real people gonna be in your corner if you do the same
And wack people gonna show they true colors they can’t help but to be lame!
Just Focus, and just stay the course
Dead all them negative thoughts, no remorse!
That negative spiral will get you caught in a trap
Being too real to the fake will leave YOU unhinged and not intact
And they are looking for a refill yet your cup is empty
Meanwhile they still half full and won’t even share any with me
But if you let them win then that makes you a loser
You should be concerned only with how to get them out your life sooner
Cause At the end of the road this life is over
Meanwhile you wasting time going out sad looking for a sign or some closure
And I know people who love deep find it hard to detach
But if you go today it’s giving settle for less would be your only impact
When you set boundaries the people who love you will respect them
And if you really setting boundaries you can’t buckle down for her or for him
You gotta show people that you deserve a soft life
If you don’t show them how they supposed to see that shit right?
And I know that’s not an easy task
But much better than living life behind a mask
Being miserable every day is a crazy life
But imagine living with regrets in the afterlife
Don’t be malicious to people ever, but be true to you more than anyone
Always remember when your cup was empty and they had some they had no problem leaving you with none
And not taking care of yourself is self abuse and toxic
People pleasing is manipulative as fuck… it’s a mind trick
Cause scraping up something to give someone what you don’t have
I think that might be the beginnings of creating a psychopath
Cause when you thirsty and your cup empty you start thinking crazy
Depression and anxiety co exist while you dying of thirst but they hydrated!
Then when their cup starts running low they like here you can have a sip
Then they like “Just make sure when you done can refill my shit”
So focus on happy no matter who you have to leave behind
Life is short we really don’t have too much time
Pour into yourself and if your cup overflows you can give them a lil drip sometimes

You did not deserve that. You didn’t realize it at the time, but you and her both had to go through it, for something bigger that made no sense to you at all. It was understandable why you felt the way that you did, but you have no idea how wrong you were. You were not a meek little girl with no chance of happiness in your life, although you couldn’t see that yet. You were always worthy of being loved.

Our half-siblings stood behind you in the bedroom doorway in the middle of the night, watching the crash of our parents’ marriage. Our father grabbed the heavy glass ashtray with old cigarettes butts still in it and threw it across the room, aiming for our mother.

She ducked and the ashtray hit the wall and shattered to pieces, along with any last string of hope they had for each other. She shut the door and told him to choose us or the alcohol.

He chose alcohol. He also told her that you were coming with him and when she fought him on it, they held you suspended in the air, asking who you wanted to go with. How could they ever think that was fair? You were three years old and had no idea what you wanted. You picked the first person you made eye contact with, which was mom, and you chose to stay with her. You made your bed and would surely lie in it, but one day, it would all make sense.

After dad left, she became a single mother of three children and we grew up in unsafe and poor neighborhoods. We were constantly moving homes because rent was raised or she wasn’t able to pay the bills. We were on a constant loop of moving places and schools and going to stay with friends or family.

On our 10th birthday, she was about to leave for work and was crying. She told us she felt guilty that she could only afford one cupcake and one Barbie doll, unwrapped. We knew how tight money was, so this meant even more and we were so excited for the gift. She may not have known it, but we really looked up to her for working so hard to put a roof over our heads, regardless of the moving, lack of birthday gifts, and the amount of time she was away for work.

There was a point that it all changed and she broke. Growing up, we knew she had depression and it ran in her side of the family, but we didn’t know what we were going to learn when we got older. I know that there isn’t anything in this world that you wanted more than for her to show up as a mother.

When you told her about being sexually abused by a family member, she told you that your siblings didn’t believe you and found out years later, she never told them. When you told her about a different family member trying to touch you, she said he did that to her all the time, and she wasn’t surprised…and yet she let you stay the night there.

In the beginning of 7th grade, she picked you up from school telling you that she met a guy online, was in love and was moving that night to go live in another state to be with him. She offered for you to go with her or with her brother and his wife. This will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

With both of your parents leaving you, you’ll wonder how anybody could ever love you if the people that were programmed to love you couldn’t. You’ll go through many long years fighting abandonment issues, depression and anxiety.

When you are 18, you’ll be reunited with your long-lost father. You will learn that you have a 50% chance of having Huntington’s disease, which is a genetic neurological disease in his family. You’ll learn that there isn’t a cure, it attacks any part of your brain it wants to, and you’ll be faced with a choice to get tested at 18.

You had to go through it all to become the brave woman that you are. You’ll choose to get tested and will be diagnosed, but it won’t hold you back in life. You’ll find the best man who adores you and knows how deserving of love you are.

You will use writing as a coping mechanism to help deal with the chaos after she left, and you will fall deeply in love with words, hoping to help heal others through them.

She had to go through her own journey, and so did you to see how beautiful life was going to be.

Life sometimes is uncertain, we can’t control the circumstances that comes along into our journey as a mother, as a human beign raising a kid.

One of the best memories of this current year 2024 it is related to one of my 3 kids, my oldest daughter, she is an incredible, dedicated, stubborn, sometimes a little obstinate kid, she is the proof of perseverance and successful.

She is 10 years old now, but at the time when every just started was on 2018 when she was 4 years old, by that time she was at preschool and she was sent to get evaluated to a professional IEP team and she was immediately eligible to get into the IEP at her school, I really struggle to get her the right IEP teacher at that school, so I decided to changed it to a different school where resources were more accessible, she got into the IEP, we found amazing teacher, we have great memories of them, she got the help she needed, most of this successful of being out of the IEP now, it is because of those teachers that initially helped my daughter to acquire the confidence that she got now in order to be out of the IEP.

My daughter had to changed again of school, but luckily we found another great teacher who treat my daughter with love, patience and she trust in my daughter in being out of the IEP one day.

And the years passed, my daughter continued into the IEP, but God had another plans for her, u remember one year ago, I met the different teachers, social worker, psychologist and everybody involved in my daughter IEP yearly meeting evaluation and God put me into my mind to express in that meeting that I wanted my daughter so badly to be out of the IEP sooner than expected, and I took a leap of faith and I suggested the school team that I wanted my daughter to spend more time in her regular classroom than in the segregated IEP classroom, everybody agreed on push my daughter a little further to obtain greater results, Thank God, my daughter never gave up and she was adapting so well into her new classroom transition.

All this previous story is because it has a happy ending, a new start for my daughter to demonstrate that with conviction, effort, and enthusiasm everything it’s possible.

In this 2024 something happened that I will never forget, I just had the yearly meeting evaluation to see if my daughter still need the help of the IEP, and guest what? My daughter was declared completely out of the IEP, she doesn’t was found eligible for the IEP anymore, those days are gone, they were in the past now, but thanks to those days we as a mother and daughter learned the importance of concentrate in the good thing that we want to happen, but nothings comes free, it is a matter of perseverance, consistency, praying, faith, trust in ours, and always giving the best of us.

One of the best memories of this current year 2024 it is related to one of my 3 kids, my oldest daughter, she is an incredible, dedicated, stubborn, sometimes a little obstinate kid, she is the proof of perseverance and successful.

She is 10 years old now, but at the time when every just started was on 2018 when she was 4 years old, by that time she was at preschool and she was sent to get evaluated to a professional IEP team and she was immediately eligible to get into the IEP at her school, I really struggle to get her the right IEP teacher at that school, so I decided to changed it to a different school where resources were more accessible, she got into the IEP, we found amazing teacher, we have great memories of them, she got the help she needed, most of this successful of being out of the IEP now, it is because of those teachers that initially helped my daughter to acquire the confidence that she got now in order to be out of the IEP.

My daughter had to changed again of school, but luckily we found another great teacher who treat my daughter with love, patience and she trust in my daughter in being out of the IEP one day.

And the years passed, my daughter continued into the IEP, but God had another plans for her, u remember one year ago, I met the different teachers, social worker, psychologist and everybody involved in my daughter IEP yearly meeting evaluation and God put me into my mind to express in that meeting that I wanted my daughter so badly to be out of the IEP sooner than expected, and I took a leap of faith and I suggested the school team that I wanted my daughter to spend more time in her regular classroom than in the segregated IEP classroom, everybody agreed on push my daughter a little further to obtain greater results, Thank God, my daughter never gave up and she was adapting so well into her new classroom transition.

All this previous story is because it has a happy ending, a new start for my daughter to demonstrate that with conviction, effort, and enthusiasm everything it’s possible.

In this 2024 something happened that I will never forget, I just had the yearly meeting evaluation to see if my daughter still need the help of the IEP, and guest what? My daughter was declared completely out of the IEP, she doesn’t was found eligible for the IEP anymore, those days are gone, they were in the past now, but thanks to those days we as a mother and daughter learned the importance of concentrate in the good thing that we want to happen, but nothings comes free, it is a matter of perseverance, consistency, praying, faith, trust in ours, and always giving the best of us.

Oh heart that beats within my chest,
I pause to thank you—my quiet guest.
For every step, though fraught with pain,
For battles fought, for losses gained.
You’ve walked the fire, you’ve braved the storm,
And kept my spirit whole, my soul warm.

When life was cruel and brought me low,
When tears fell fast, when hope ran slow,
You knelt in prayer, your will unbowed,
And found strength where none was allowed.
From those moments, stripped and bare,
You rose anew, a force so rare.

You taught me courage lives inside,
A strength no trial could ever hide.
Though fear may whisper, “It’s too much,”
You answered back with faith as such:
“I am more than the shadows claim,
A child of light, of love, of flame.”

Oh self, I thank you for standing tall,
For finding grace when I could fall.
You’ve held integrity close, in view,
A compass steady, a path so true.
You’ve stood for others, the voiceless crowd,
Their silent pleas—your actions loud.

For John, whose justice fuels my fire,
You brought me faith, you raised me higher.
To Father Jim, whose wisdom speaks,
You led me close in my soul’s peaks.
Their names, like seeds, in my heart grow,
Their legacy—my life’s bright glow.

In “What Does Your Garden Grow,” I penned,
The Spirit’s fruit, where trials end.
Through every “Godwink,” every sign,
You reminded me of love divine.
From my father’s passing, grief’s sharp sting,
You turned my mourning to blossoming.

And for the scholarships, pledged with care,
A tribute born from love’s deep prayer.
To give back, to plant seeds anew,
This, dear self, is the best of you.

The journey taught what words can’t frame,
That good endures, though evil maims.
Even if justice hides its face,
The righteous path is still the race.
For there’s a war, unseen yet clear,
But faith casts out the darkest fear.

To my faith, you’ve brought me near,
To whispers of a God who hears.
Each trial, each tear, has shaped this truth:
That light outlives the shadow’s tooth.
And though the road was scarred and steep,
Your steadfast steps my soul will keep.

So thank you, self, for being strong,
For knowing where the weak belong.
For fighting battles, unseen, unknown,
For making every trial your own.
For finding God in grief’s embrace,
And building gardens out of waste.

Oh heart within, my faithful guide,
Through darkest nights and shifting tides,
I thank you now, and every day,
For walking steadfast in God’s way.
For teaching me that love must reign,
And through it all, my faith sustains.

Yes, good will triumph, this I see,
If not in life, in eternity.
And every step, though hard to take,
Has led to truths that cannot break.
So here I stand, and here I bow,
To thank the me who lives here now.

With love, with pride, with deepest grace,
I see the light within your face.
And know, dear self, you’ve won the fight—
A beacon burning in the night.

Hello my Dear,
There are some things I have been wanting to say.
Things that I need to express from my heart
about the hopes and dreams,
and the other big things you had planned for me from the start.
Thank you.

The tough times
The rough times
The enough times
All those times that you stood alongside,
helping me to gather myself from the inside.
Deep down where no one could see or hear
not wanting to face what even I feared.
Thank you.

This is about giving thanks.
Thanks to you, My Dear.
Thank you for helping me to grow over 5 decades and 5 years.
Again, I say thank you.

From a shy little girl to a woman with a voice,
using my words to express how I really feel,
while learning to set boundaries has been the biggest deal.
Thank you.

Understanding that I am worthy to be in someone’s space and feel safe.
I am worthy of another’s time.
Their prime time, not to be mistaken for their spare time.
Thank you.

Showing that I have a heart of gold,
and that I care deeply for those I hold close.
While also knowing that if love and friendship are not reciprocated,
it is okay for me to let go as a way of protecting my core,
the most valuable thing I have….that would be me of course.
Letting go does not mean not loving or caring anymore,
it’s just a way of preserving one’s soul.
Thank you.

I Love hard and I work hard.
I have accomplished many things because of you,
with the understanding that we are never through.
Highly educated while making it my life’s work to educate others.
An entrepreneur and a published author,
these are just a few things that I’ve brought to fruition because of you.
So I will continue to Thank you.

I could say Thank You a million times over and it would never be enough.
Without you believing in me this road would be tough.
So I salute you My Dear for showing me how to be free
and opening my eyes to see.
It is you My Dear who is me.
Thank you.