To my body:
I’m sorry
I’m sorry for everything
I’m sorry for being ashamed of you
I’m sorry for not trusting you
I’m sorry for putting you through hell
I’m sorry for holding you to the ridiculous standards of modern society

You were screaming
You were screaming at me to stop
You were screaming for more nourishment
You were screaming, crying for me to love you
But I couldn’t hear you
My ears were clogged with bullshit “goals”, with deep seeded hatred

I’m sorry for hating you
You didn’t deserve it
You don’t deserve it

You’ve put up with a lot
You put up with my stupid vices, yet
You make sure my vitals stay level
You’ve helped me truly understand balance
You’ve grown stronger
You’ve allowed my mind to open, to soften

And now I’m scared

I’m scared my hatred was too strong
I’m scared the damage is irreversible
I’m scared I’ve hindered your full potential
I’m scared as the thoughts come creeping back in and
I’m scared they’ll never stop
I’m scared and I wonder if you’re scared, too

I can’t say I’d blame you – but if you’ll have me – we can do this

Please give me one more chance
Please know that I’ll never go back
Please accept my apology, my unconditional love
Please relax, unwind, allow for this miracle
Please
I’m sorry
I’m ready