My name is Timothy.
I’m a schizophrenic but take my meds.
I was diagnosed in 2004 and with my guide The Lord-the med’s help!
I’m also an ex drug addict, alcoholic and convict…
But even if I would think of this again-I’d get sick!
And because of the youth that has committed suicide,
I’m now an x smoker, No more nicotine Can I hide!
You may check up on me in the future,and if you will, I’m greatly obliged.
All you dear teens mean so much to me,
Please never think you’re not worth it, Because you are!
I understand where you’re coming from.I’ve been there and not dumb.
Find no reason naughty or nice to ever think of ending your life.
You’re beautiful.I promise daily prayed for by many,
I’m now also a Christian and I pray for you plenty!
I love you. Jesus loves you more. I pray for you, Jesus prays for you more.
Anything at all I may ever do I promise I will do it for you.
Always remember Jesus does everything better!
It takes great character to do what you do in the world today,
And you have it in you.I promise, just seek life along your way!
Something I love and gave not up on, by daily walking with my great God…
In the ending year of 2006 a man gave me a Bible,
I’ve read and studied it since that day, and loved it all the while!
This I still daily Continue to do, it changed my life and it can change yours too!
I loved it so much, I decided to go to it’s teaching school…
From the school of hard knocks to the school of God’s grace so cool!
Northeast Ohio Bible Institute, had for me taught and explained the Good News!
2008 or 2009, I started when God told me, Tim now it’s time…
About 4 years hot right on trail.I thought this lot I will surely fail.
I wanted to give up.I wanted to quit, for I was back slidden in the life that I lived.
But for sure The teacher of the class said don’t quit but get back on track!
So I buckled down and ate my spinach.And wouldn’t you know it?I surely finished!
I won and it was fun graduated with a C.And that’s not bad for somebody like me!
But oh, how sad it would have been if I’d have tucked tail and ran from the degree.
Even though I was so messed up, with at that time current thoughts of suicide…
God wouldn’t let me go, for He promised, I will never leave you.I have your best in mind!
Surely I knew that He got this, and so glad I was of six years completion!
I still so much love God’s life in me leading, He is the leader.I follow him still,
And wouldn’t you know it?I’m back in another Bible school, what a thrill!
Not just 1, but even 2! Patriot Bible University, and Reformers Unanimous too!
Life is so grand and I am so glad I had not killed myself,
For God has made everything new.So I live for Him, and especially you!
He daily blesses and it’s never the end…
So please don’t give up, for you are the Blessing-my Friend!!!

3-13-24

***Trigger warning***
I have thought long and hard about this entry, the words that are going to follow, will likely be a trigger for so many, but it is my hope that maybe, I can help another feel less alone. I want to let you know, that I’ve likely been right where you are. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to feel like everything is caving in. That life sucks, and that we got the shortest straw. It’s at that point, we know we are human beings. Living life. We just have to feel it all! Then, when we feel it’s time, push through it. Try not to get stuck in the pain and the darkness. Time is different for so many of us.
My life has been far from easy. I’m guessing yours may not have been either. So we are meeting on common ground. I wanted to give up on everything so many times. My very first memory ever was when I was around 2. It was traumatic. Growing up I didn’t fit in with the others. I was bullied. I had a very emotionally immature mother, and my father, well, he was gone without a forwarding address when they divorced.
I was the odd girl being raised by her grandparents. I was automatically labeled “different” and not cool.
I kept going. It was so hard. In 4th grade, the bullying really took its toll on me when a fellow student put a kick me sign on my back and my art teacher saw it. She pulled me aside and took me into the hall. I thought I was going to be in trouble because no one wanted to be in a group with me. Her words changed my life. She told me that I was smart and talented. She told me to leave the kick me sign on my back and to go back in the classroom acting as if I didn’t know anything had happened. I wanted to cry so badly. My heart was crushed. It was hard, but I did it. I kept moving forward.
In my elementary years, I felt so lost. Absolutely lost inside. Moving on to middle school, the bullying continued. My self esteem was at an all time low. I started to ditch classes and eventually, I constantly messed up all through 7th grade. I didn’t think that I had a chance at anything. At this point, I had some family issues arise and the pressure took its toll on me. I experienced physical abuse from someone in my family due to alcohol abuse they had become a stranger in my eyes. Unrecognizable and terrifying. With each time that I was hit a piece of me shut down. No one was listening to me. It was me, against the world. I was put in a private school for “troubled teens” There were not many girls there but I became friends with a girl that was adopted.
I opened up to her about feeling fat and un pretty. One day at her home, she gave my my very first diet pill. This resulted in an eating disorder, I will just check that box too. So we now have on the board, traumatic childhood- jumping into Child abuse, leading to full blown self hatred and a very devastating case of both anorexia and boulima. I had absolutely no clue that I was spiraling downward in a very dangerous way. I couldn’t feel anything. I wanted to feel something. I just couldn’t. I was absolutely NUMB. You might be wondering why I’m putting this out there for the world to see. It’s my hope, that you will see that you are not alone. That you are strong and you will pull through the storms. My story didn’t end there. As numb as I was, I kept moving forward. I had no direction but I knew that it had to get better at sometime. Fast forward to 15, I was thrown back with my mother. Within the first month of living with my mother, Plot twist from absolute HELL-
I was beaten in the school parking lot with leather belts by a group of boys while everyone watched and laughed. This was typical for a Denver high school in the 90’s. “There was no room for stuck up little white girl in their hood” This was what they told me as they continued to whip me with braided belts. This was an assault. The school let it go. I became a shell. I don’t remember too much other than my mother blaming me for the events that transpired shortly after this. I was sexually assaulted by one of the boys in that group. I woke up in a hospital emergency room covered in charcoal with only a blur of the hospital lights above my head. At that point, all I wanted to was die. I didn’t think that I had anything left. The police had taken a report and my mother refused to press charges on grounds that she feared more gang retaliation would follow. I was placed in a group home- Day treatment facility to address the issues. That treatment facility saved my life. For the very first time I was taken seriously. I was not called a liar. I was supported and safe. I had made it to safety.
It was a lot of work on my part. I still had a many issues with my mother.
Everything was always about her. I’m wrapping this up ending in a teen pregnancy. The teen pregnancy allowed me to imancipate from my mother at age 16. I want you to believe that you can break your family generational curses/cycles and life may be hard but I can promise you there is a light. The fight and the struggle are very important. They make us who we are.
I believe in you. In fact, a whole lot of us Unsealers do. You are amazing. You are smart, you are strong, you have a bright future ahead. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You will change the world. I will be over here, a stranger, in the stands rooting for you. 💜 Just believe in every aspect of YOU. You will pull through. You are not alone and you are already doing such great things. Most importantly, thank you for being you.

Growing up, I had to tell myself during my teenage years and as an adult, that I was enough!
I remember back then when my self-esteem was determined by what others thought about me, the choices I made and if I was good enough for them instead of for myself. I remember wanting to be like my mother and my brothers. They all attended a school of higher learning. I recall going to my mothers’ graduation as a young teenage girl. She was a divorced mother of five children. She beat the odds and became a woman with a two-year associate degree in social work. Both of my siblings seemed to do everything right. Unlike them, I seemed to struggle with learning. I always had to double study for everything. My family seemed so perfect that I put myself down. Then, after high school, I ventured out to become a college student myself. It was not easy. I had no money. I got loans and Pell grants. I had to work and study. I often had to study all night, in libraries, my dorm room to pass a test. I finally got to be like my family, I thought! Extremely optimistic and then I became very unsure. I wondered was it just as hard for my family too? At college, I found myself very alone and missing my mother and the crisp scent of blankets of home. Instead, I was in a dorm with crickets and the smell of mold. Don’t get it wrong, I liked college life, it just became too much for me all alone. I eventually moved back to my home. Now, my education was in jeopardy. My expectations for myself seemed doomed. But the story did not stop there. I remembered I had a dream.
I met a man along the way, and we decided to marry. With two children and a third on the way, I remembered I did not finish what I had started. This time I had to juggle my family. I eventually would go back to college. I completed the course work for an associate degree just like my mother! After which I started to substitute in schools. I went on to complete my bachelor’s degree in business education. As my children grew older, I needed a flexible job. I read about a program that could help me become a teacher and receive a master’s degree. I said to myself, as I had lacked confidence along the way all along, because learning was hard for me especially with juggling kids now. Well, this program worked! I graduated with a master’s degree and became a teacher. I often doubted the process. I doubted my dream, but I say this to let you know, life will not always be easy. You may have goals in your life or future that you may wish to dream of. Well, today that dream can become a reality. With hard work and dedication, asking for guidance, and receiving help along the way, you too can benefit in the end.
You got this! Keep your head held up high, stay strong, try to ignore the negative thoughts, and persevere! Self-talk positively to yourself, positive affirmations to yourself! You can do it! Make good choices, try hard and do not quit, dream big and apply yourself. With the pressures of today for example: peer pressure, body image, family, friends, belonging, exposure to drugs, relationships, social media school concerns, and money struggles just keep trying. These are all real concerns that are staring you in the face, do not ignore it, seek help, and remember your dream! You are allowed to dream but think about making it happen! Had I not remembered my dream and I looked back to see what others in my family succeeded in doing and not myself, I would not be a teacher today. Self-doubt is real, peer pressure is real. I too had to fight. I cried to sleep. I had negative thoughts, telling myself during the process, “You cannot do this, you are a low-income family, you have children, just quit and go on.” But then, my inner strength kicked in and it told myself “Hey! You can do this!” Tell your beautiful self the same thing. I can work hard and never stop! I am not going to give up until my dream becomes a reality. Life is hard, but somebody must do it! Why not you! You too can make it! Decide what it is you want, go for it, take a chance, and do not stop!
You got this! You are enough!
By, Angela Pinkins

In the tempest of my mind’s fierce gale,
Where shadows loomed and doubts assailed,
I walked a path, oft deemed too frail,
By voices harsh, where hope had paled.

They spoke in tongues of bleak defeat,
In classrooms cold, their words did chime,
“You’ll mount to naught,” their chorus bleak,
But still, I climbed beyond their rhyme.

With every whisper, sharp as thorns,
That I’m the storm, the child awry,
I bore the brunt of scornful scorns,
Yet never let my dreams go by.

Bipolar’s swing, depression’s night,
The borderline’s uncertain dance,
Schizophrenic shadows, lacking light,
Each battle joined, I did advance.

They could not see the strength within,
The silent wars I fought unseen,
Against the tempest, fierce and grim,
I rose above what might have been.

And now, behold this cap and gown,
The first in line, my family’s pride,
A bachelors’ earned, my scepter and crown,
In knowledge’s light, I now abide.

So let them gaze with widened eyes,
At who I’ve become, against all odds,
A testament to the unyielding skies,
That bend and break at the hands of gods.

The problem child, the one “so different,”
Has sculpted triumph from the pain,
With every step, more proficient,
In spite of rain, I’ve grown through rain.

Now let the past’s cruel judgments rest,
For I’m still standing, tall and true,
A life reclaimed, a heart unbowed,
A brilliant light, forever new.

The whispers fade, the voices dim,
No longer shall their echoes chide,
For I am more than they foresaw,
A phoenix rising, in full stride.

Dear Young Ones,
Let me start off by saying I see you. You are not lazy. You are not stupid. You are not incapable. You are not too young to feel the way you do at times. Your feelings are valid. Your mental state is real. You are real. I could sit here and write to you telling you what to do, but instead I’ll write to you telling you what I did. I’ll share with you some of my experiences because everyone tends to think we are so alone, we’re not. The world is huge and everyone likes to mask up and hide their experiences, which makes you who you are. My experiences do not define me but they helped mold me into the person I am now, and the person I am growing to be. One of my first memories is at 8 years old sitting in my top bunk bed drawing a big tree, apples you would think right? No, broken hearts. A swing you would think hangs from the branches? No, a noose tied around my stick figure neck. Big bold letters lined the bottom, “I’M SAD!!!” I had been abused since a very young age, in all ways, mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally, and spiritually by my family. I have used every type of bad habit to run from these experiences and mask the pain I felt. Let me ask you, does a mask just cover or cure? I asked myself, how do I cure scars that one cannot see? That family for so long told me were not real? I’m not one to lie, it is a hard, long road filled with bumps and hills to go over. For me, the first step was leaving my toxic environment that in all reality I loved so much. That was one of the most challenging things I did. For a while I went back and forth, reaching out arguing, begging for an apology I will never get. I had to realize I was only hurting myself so I finally stopped. Therapy helped with that but I wasn’t consistent yet. I worked a lot and didn’t want to use my skills. At first, I will admit, I traded one toxic environment for another. Using vices, hanging with unhealthy peers, sharing bad habits, contributing to thinking our ways were okay and going out a lot. I mean, we’re young right? Meant to make mistakes and “live it up”. Then, I found myself in a toxic relationship that I stood in for a year and a half until I got the courage to leave. Finally, I started taking therapy seriously. Stopped making excuses for not going or not using the skills I was learning. I stopped all of those vices, which took time and a lot of fight. I had to be real with myself and be accountable for the actions I was doing and the choices I was making that got me in that relationship and where I was in life at that time. I was on the verge of being evicted with no source of income, so I applied to multiple programs to receive help. I applied to multiple jobs. I was very ashamed and disappointed in myself and honestly, even aggravated. I had a choice, fight to do better and learn from mistakes or keep the cycle going. Now, almost a year later I got my job back working with kids at a high school. I have an afterschool job with elementary kids. I’m enrolled to start school in fall. Every morning, I brush my teeth then workout and I make healthier food choices. Both have helped my mental health immensely as well as my self confidence and discipline. Every Monday, after work I go to counseling then to a group. After I graduate from that group, I take EMDR therapy to help me remember my traumas so that I can process them and let them go. On Saturdays, I clean my house for the week. Every Sunday I include self care where I do whatever I see fit. Sometimes it’s being lazy in bed all day with a vanilla candle burning and whatever show I’m binging at that time, sometimes I go get my nails done, or my hair, sometimes I sleep all day only getting up to meal prep for the week. Life is a continuous challenge, but by learning what helps me and skills to handle problems in a healthy, safe way, I now know I’m equipped to handle anything life throws at me. I no longer need to fall and get back up constantly, I may trip a little or get off balance, but I stay on my feet now. All thanks to me.

Listen up,
and listen well.
I’ve tasted heaven,
and I’ve walked through hell.
Life can feel,
so unfair.
It all becomes,
too much to bare.
I used to cut,
and scratch my skin.
I have faith today,
but I came from sin.
Sex was cool,
and drugs were fun.
Lying, stealing,
and carrying a gun.
I thought I was tough,
I thought I was hard.
My Dad would pass out,
and I’d take his car.
I’d be gone for days,
no plan in sight.
My Dad was home,
worrying all night.
Would this be the time,
that he’d get that call?
That I’m not coming home…
Not this time at all.
Prison or death,
was my fate it seemed.
A life after this,
was just a dream.
But I finally woke up,
so I could push this farther.
But that’s more than I can say,
for my dear old father.
I was a year off the drugs,
When Dad passed away.
I was there when he died,
and I miss him every day.
He never got to see me,
speaking to a crowd.
Or maybe he did,
because now, he’s all around.
I’m glad I straightened up,
before Dad left this Earth.
Your family deserves that,
they’ve loved you since your birth.
So hang up your guns,
and don’t take that next pill.
Because the streets will never love you,
like your family will.