As I look back into my past actions, I realize that there were things that I should have changed. It’s interesting how so many authors, politicians, philosophers have written about ‘the past’ in relation to our present selves, but we continue to belabor the point. McCarthy states in All the Pretty Horses, that “Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.” Without this reminder, we won’t learn the lessons that the past has taught us, but rather repeat them mindlessly as if we don’t know any better. As I recall my worst mistake, I realize today, that it could have been circumvented by simply communicating clearly. However, if you’re like me, and the problem is within the family, you omit speaking in order to be respectful and not hurt the feelings of those you love.
I’ve also learned, that when you speak your mind and express yourself concisely, you get the result you need: understanding. Without talking, how can others know how you’re feeling, or even how you’re affected by a particular event? Added to that, by discussing the problem, calmly, you get to see the different perspectives that each individual is coming from, rather than assuming you already know. I’ve learned that assuming someone’s motives for an action may be wrong, and that is what leads to greater misunderstandings and conflict.
I think that Katherine Anne Porter says it best, as she expresses it best in saying: “The past is never where you think you left it.” By that she means that with the information, maturity you had at the time, you can grasp a part of the events that occurred. However, in retrospect, having changed, become wiser through various experiences, makes your perspective of the event change with time. Here I don’t mean the actions that took place, but rather the reactions and assumptions that you had made.
I’ll sum up with my poetic version of this:
Communication is a tool
You use to oppress the pool
Of depression, that spawns from regret
Over actions taken in past event.
Couch your speech,
Make it into a delicate flower to preach
Behaviors that promote, compassion,
Understanding, love, and devotion.
Communication is very very important in all aspects. Especially when it comes to self respect. To communicate your feelings is the first step to having a respectful relationship with yourself. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for taking the time to sit with yourself and process your thoughts and feelings. This year, you really took yourself & your ideas seriously. Your perseverance through rejection is admirable and I appreciate you, even when others don’t.
When you lost your job in January- you didn’t beat yourself up.
When the bank funds were low- you leaned on your family for support while pushing through to find a new job.
When you felt broke, busted, and disgusted- you sought wisdom in books, the Bible, and your family.
You manifested cool opportunities & got creative with the tools at your disposal.
To me, you may not be exactly where you want to be, however, you’ve come farther than you expected. You could’ve chosen to listen to well- meaning advice, but you listened to your gut & for that I respect you!
Thank you for being you- which is the hardest thing to do.
I love this letter! You should be so proud of your strength and perseverance. I hope you always remember that whatever challenges you face in life, you have the power to handle it with strength, grace and power.
Thank you so much Lauren! Your feedback is so valuable to me. Thank you for creating this platform and safe space. I look forward to the many more stories/letters/entries I create!!!
I so look forward to them as well. I hope you have a. wonderful thanksgiving if I don’t see this week online. Thank you for being. a part of our family.
Hi. Great letter Victoria. Perseverance in tough times is a trait that not everyone has. Clearly you do. You should be very proud. I hope you have a great thanksgiving 🙂
Hi Jim. Thank you so much! I appreciate your words- I certainly needed to hear them. Persevering still by staying optimistic about the future although I don’t know what’s next. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. 😁🙏🏾
You’re very welcome Victoria. Glad I could help a little bit. An yes the unknown. It’s certainly one of my biggest obstacles. I’m sure for many. But persevering seems like the only choice right?
Thank you. Hope yours is a nice one 🙂
Dear Unsealer,
I am so glad you listened to the voice inside you and followed your heart.Keep going forward and you will have much success in all you do.
Thank you so much Ms. Shelley for your kind words. I truly needed them today. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to trust ourselves in the face of uncertainty…we have to keep pushing through!
Blessings!! 🙂
Don’t get me wrong, your life is amazing now, and better than you could have imagined, but it is nowhere near the plan you had envisioned. To be fair, your ten-year plan was flawless; Everything so perfectly articulated and not a measure out of place. It truly was a sight to behold. A girl with her head on so straight that the odds couldn’t beat her. She’s a shoe-in for everything she could want out of life. Then, came the kicker.
You didn’t get into your top school. You chose a major you didn’t even think of before. You moved farther away from home than you could have anticipated. And that’s okay.
You had such high goals and ambitions for yourself. You set your sights so high that along the way, it seems you lost yourself amongst the clouds. You roamed around the libraries in your head for too long, I’m afraid. You, my dear, filled your mind with every fact, tidbit, and file of information that nothing else had room to grow in such a vast, but crowded garden. You replaced your insecurities with flashcards, your worries with study guides, and your doubts with extracurriculars after school because being a robot could get you into a good school, but being real and being human could not. You misconstrued friendships for tutoring sessions and took your leadership as a means for control, not guidance. You traded the chance to be a kid for the hopes of being a successful adult.
And then this little thing called a pandemic happened. It was almost as if the world…stopped. Nothing in time mattered more than being present because being present meant that you were with the people you loved. You garnered the ability to love and be loved. You were in the present and realized that time is a present, a gift meant to be opened once and used wisely.
Something changed for you. You learned to let in your emotions and experience life. Many doors closed, but so many gates opened. What you never thought could be attained came flooding to you in an instant.
So, from me to you, I want to say that we’re doing just fine. You prepared me for the ‘what-if’s’ and infinite and endless possibilities that could have arisen. So now, I can prepare for our future. The future where we pursue our goals, but we also make friends along the way. The future where we love and let go. The future where you grow, and I grow with you. I, in your place, will prepare us for the portion of life where we live, and live boundlessly and blissfully. The portion of life where you, my dear, live, and live a thousand lives after because to be alive and live your life is the best present of them all. I’ll do my best to make you the happiest you’ve been and the proudest you’ll be because whether you believed it or not, you deserved to live too.
This is so well-written and so well said. I am someone who also gets caught up in plans and goals and sometimes forgets to enjoy the moment. I am glad the pandemic gave you a perspective that allowed you to enjoy life and the people you love. Someone once told me 2020 led her to 2020 vision. Sounds like something similar happened to you. Thank…read more
Life never goes the way we want it to go. It’s like a roller coaster where every time we go up in the world we tend to fall. Sometimes the Destiny we seek the destinies of our own accord but God tends to have something else planned for us. Just like you I’ve attended college for something I wanted at the beginning but found a different cal…read more
Salutations,
Your letter has a powerful message and lesson written in it. I find it disappointing when plans don’t come to fruition but, I find myself enjoying living in the moment and it makes me realize that my plans probably wouldn’t have been half as fun as living presently. We forget that, especially overachievers and planners. I suppose,…read more
WOW, I love how well-written your letter is. Thank you so much for shedding light on a lesson I’m currently learning. Remaining in the present while planning on what changes will lead to my success is something I am practicing. I’m learning that without balance I take on a lot at once without giving myself the grace to take care of myself. It’s…read more
I resonate with this. I have 3 children and often times I’m so focused on keeping the at bay that I can’t seem to savor the moment. Thank you for sharing.
What wonderful work! Congratulations on achieving it. Let’s be friends! Our experiences differ but the feeling of being alone, of not connecting with others… it is the same. Isolation, the sense of being the only one experiencing it is so common to us and to others here. So rare to speak o it, to put it out in the open, o take the risk.
Amber what a sweet poem to your younger self. I want to give you and your younger self a hug. You now our part of The Unsealed family, and you are loved. You beautiful and your are strong. So proud of your strength. It takes courage to face your past but not allow to be your present. You have so much to love and so much to be proud of. <3 Lauren
Amber this poem is magnificent. Younger you would be so proud of the person you are today. Your letter is so inspiring because a lot of us go through dark paths in the past where it is very hard to find the light to get out of that darkness. I’m glad that she found your light and that you motivating other people to find their light.
Amber this is such a thought-invoking poem! I love the depth of it and how you really paint a picture of your feelings with your words. I think a hard lesson we all experience (on different levels is) that people are supposed to come and go in our life. Some longer than others and some in the worst ways. Overcoming abandonment is something that…read more
I wish I could say that life is everything you dreamed it would be. But the truth is neither your parents nor the education system prepared you for a single real life thing. I’ve only just begun to process it all. It seems much heavier now. I have to admit I am very proud of who you are at your core. I don’t know where it came from but our foundation is strong and for this I am thankful. It’s you who got me this far, and you who will continue to touch many lives.I’d also like to say that I’m sorry. You endured so many things, sometimes willingly, because of the way you were conditioned to “be” and you did not deserve it. I will free you of these things one day but I know you would have remained a strong and solid person regardless. This way is healthier and your children won’t repeat the same cycles.
You know a different kind of love now, being a mother of two. I know you never imagined this but honestly not even your hours spent daydreaming could create something so beautiful. Your first is your best friend, he’s like you in many ways. Wise beyond his years, resilient, and creative. Your second, she’s what you wish you could have been; firm, bubbly and such a diva. Everything you hated about yourself- they also possess. You learned to love yourself and healed yourself through them and that was only the beginning. Your heart and mind have expanded since becoming a mom. You learned many things about your parents and grew to understand them and their flaws, you learned to give them grace and forgive them. All of this was done with no guidance other than your ability to dissect thoughts and emotions, your desire to understand everything and brutal honesty with yourself. And you used to feel like you couldn’t make anyone proud? You’re a work of art, naturally. I would not have come this far if you had been a different person.
I want you to know that even though life has not been easy, and you spent many nights just wishing you could catch a break or wake up somewhere else- life has been worth it. You leave such an impact on everyone you meet, you light up rooms, you breathe life into others simply by being you. Your existence is a gift on its own. Your belief in yourself is all you need and I’m sorry that I didn’t realize it sooner. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their corner, and even though there were times you wished you didn’t give so much of yourself- I promise you it was never in vain.
You’ve been an inspiration to many. Mr. Bean would be proud. He once told you that you were his hero and at the time I didn’t grasp the weight of those words but as I’m writing this for you today I finally understand it. You’re my hero too. Maybe all I needed was to let my brain put together what my heart already knew. Thank you for sticking around long enough for me to figure all of this out. Life is nothing like you thought it would be, the real world is a mess even for those with guidance and planners and strict schedules. But you are everything that I needed to make it this far. I promise to always honor who you are at your core no matter what circumstance life throws at me, and to allow myself some time every now and then to lose myself in the little things that make you happy.
Denise, the world and adulthood are full of surprises, but clearly you’ve handled it with so much strength. The love you have for your children is very clear in this piece and they are so lucky to have you. It takes courage to grow, to forgive, to be better than what you know and. you are doing all that and more. Keep shining. I can’t wait to read…read more
Thank you for this Lauren! What you started with this website is going to reach so many people. I feel like I’m back in school in my favorite class writing & thriving.
Aww that makes me so happy to hear. You have so much light inside of you. And now you are allowing yourself t shine. Thank you for sharing your light, love, wisdom and story with all of us! <3 Lauren
Wow Denise your life was a roller coaster. Even though we have our ups and downs what did us to greatness is that stop where we can get off and if we want we can jump back on again. i’m glad that you signed and you gain strength and love for even your children that you have today. Even without knowing you showed love by sharing your story to s…read more
Thank you, I truly hope to meet more people & share our stories so we learn from each other. I’m so thankful we have this site & social media to use productively. I know I’ve already learned from a few other stories here <3
Denise you better preach! “neither your parents nor the education system prepared you for a single real life thing.” When I entered the real world I was absolutely shocked. Most parents try to give their best, from the knowledge they’ve acquired but the world is constantly changing. The school system….well we get what we pay for right? (If…read more
The system should be more concerned with arming us with knowledge, real life knowledge. The world could evolve a hundred times but if we had the mental capacity to process & heal & accept that we deserve peaceful lives- we would be thriving & actually living. Thank you so much!
Hi Denise. Wow what an amazing letter. Such a strong girl you must be. A great mother for your kids no doubt. It’s been enjoyable listening to you on the Zoom conferences. You do a tremendous job. It’s very nice to meet you 😊
See you at the next one I hope 😊 @shedevildee
Communication is very very important in all aspects. Especially when it comes to self respect. To communicate your feelings is the first step to having a respectful relationship with yourself. Thank you for sharing
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