my fear of you is healthy, keeps me sharp
and on alert— a safety net crocheted
by love, not purled with ego’s tattered tarps.

Stay.

I shall not wish this faithful fear away.

Its selfless patterns form organic art,
each line, each curve depicting chances weighed—
a fleeting thrill, or pieces of my heart
protected by the risks I do not take.

For them, I’d bleach my neon yarnscape soul.

The Machu Picchu steps I need not see,
nor paradisal nuclear atolls—
for if adventure wove my earthly leave,
who’d treble stitch my family’s gaping holes
to safeguard from the frostbite of their grief?

Style Score: 100%

This year, I solemnly swear
I will be up to no good
I will not hold a strong resolve
Only in a week, to watch it dissolve
I will not aim to be better
That’s merely a dream that will shatter
I will not promise
To dole out advice that sounds oh-so-wise
I will not always be put-together
Pieces of me will break and scatter

And since resolutions are meant to be broken
I will break all of the above ‘nots’
That will crumble the graham cracker wall that stands tall
Holding layers of soft cream within
Wait, sorry for the interruption, but what is that low rumble I hear?
Hmm, maybe that’s a sign..

This year I resolve
That I shall most definitely solve
That problem of knots
That enigma of ‘nots’
To discard all that I am not
So I may recognize all that I am.

And to begin, I need to contemplate
On softened, creamy, layered, graham cracker crust

And with this noble goal in mind,
This year, I resolve
That I most definitely shall meditate
Over a whole lot of cheesecake.

My fear began the moment I uttered the words that I’m pregnant.
My life was always filled with instability but when you were involved, it was stable.
My pregnancies were never good so I didn’t expect this one to be any different however, you were always my hero.
You see I went through them all by myself without any support.
But you were my best friend who guided me and held me up through my toughest moments,
So I didn’t expect you to be like them and leave me wandering lost and confused.
When our bond started to break then I started questioning my self worth.
I also started questioning if I was failing you as your lady.
A home isn’t always four walls.
A home can sometimes be two eyes and a heartbeat.
You were my home and knowing that I had part of you growing inside of me and you pulling yourself away from me,
I started to feel broken and homeless.
Time has passed and I just want it all back.
Things aren’t as easy but they are better.
You still give me butterflies and your kisses at the end of the day are the best.
Our daughter is so attached to you and our kids want this to work because they were the happiest when we were all a family.
But I’m in fear of being abandoned again as we are working on our relationship.
I love you so much and have loved you since we were kids.
That won’t ever change.
The love will continue to grow just like my fear will.

In the year of 25
I want to live, I want to thrive
I want to do things I have never done
Live my life and have some fun
Swim in an ocean, climb a mountain that’s high
Jump from an airplane, make friends with the sky
Learn how to draw, get involved in the arts
A cooking class in France learning how to make tarts
Take a road trip with no plan of where
Play a few board games
Cut off my hair
Maybe fly an airplane in the big open sky
Watch a sad movie and try not to cry
Go to New York City where anything goes
Hide a dark secret that nobody knows
Continue being kind and continue having grace
Maybe go to the moon, maybe live in space
Perhaps write that book Ive always wanted to write
Maybe drive a train maybe fly a kite
Wish on a shooting star as it tumbles through the sky
Travel to the desert and watch the world go by
If my list seems impractical well, actually that’s true
Maybe paint a rainbow with just the color blue
All these things I thought of I created in my head
I think the rainbow would look better just painted all in red
So in the year of 25 I’m going to live and not just survive
I’m going to grow and I’m going to change
I may do things that are a little strange
But I’m going to be me and I’m going to smile
Because being yourself is always in style
Anything is possible when the year is new
The only thing in your way is ultimately you

Hello, my old friend,
It’s me. You know me well, don’t you? After all, you’ve been living within me, feeding on my doubts and hiding in the deepest shadows of my thoughts. I’ve denied your existence for too long, and I’ve given you far too much. You’ve crept into every corner of my life, turning my sleep into restless battles. You appear in my nightmares as a shadowy figure, granting me permission to live in your world while you claim ownership of everything—my home, my children, myself. Am I supposed to feel grateful for this?
You’ve made yourself quite comfortable in my world, dictating what I own, where I stay, what I say, and even how I dream. When I wake, the reality of your presence hits me like an icy wave, drowning me with the weight of your power. And yet, here I am, trying once again to pull my head out of water and to put into words the grip you have on me. We’ve done this dance before, haven’t we? You push my head down too far this time, and I refuse to relent.
Let me make this clear: you’re a pest. You’re the shapeless monster that chased me in childhood dreams, the one that kept my feet weighed down with leaded concrete as I tried to run. You’re the unseen force that breaks my heart and spins my mind in circles. But what are you, really? Are you a shadowy stranger pushing me toward growth, or just a figment of my mind, feeding on my uncertainties?
I’ve spent too long trying to define you, to understand why you scare me so. Is it because you’re imperceptible, living just beyond my view? Or is it because confronting you means risking everything? Perhaps it’s time I stop trying to define you and start challenging you instead. Let me start again.
Hello, Fear.
It’s me again, challenging you. You’ve become a basilisk in my life—a predator slithering through the shadows of my subconscious. Your gaze petrifies me, as though my every step might shatter into ruin beneath your weight. I’ve tried to avoid you, to pretend you’re not there, hoping that ignorance might weaken you. But you’re cunning, aren’t you? You thrive in the corners of my denial, growing stronger with every moment I refuse to look directly at you.
You’ve made yourself at home in my life, coiled around my dreams and my days, squeezing the air from my ambitions. I am left in the cold void, your presence a weight I carry long after the terror fades.
But I see you now for what you are. You’re not invincible. A creature of the earth, bound by the same rules that govern everything else. You move silently, planting your roots, spreading your poison like ivy through the cracks of my foundation. You’ve sown seeds of doubt in my mind, daring me to leave them unchecked, daring me to let your vines grow until they strangle everything I’ve worked so hard to build.
Yet I know your secret, Basilisk. Your power isn’t in your form—it’s in the fear you inspire. If I can stand before you and meet your gaze, I can shatter the illusion of your strength.
I’ve faced you before, and though you’ve taken much from me, you’ve never won. I remember the woman I was at twenty-five, with two small children and a heart full of determination. I walked out of your lair then, leaving behind everything you held over me. I stepped into a small apartment that was mine, utterly mine, free of your coils for the first time. It was terrifying. I lost so much. Yet, in that moment, I found something you could never possess love.
I met your gaze, and though the weight of your presence lingered, I proved to myself that I could survive.
So why should I let you win now? Why should I let you coil tighter around me when I’ve already broken free of you once? You may have taken advantage of my complacency over the years, but that brave girl I was hasn’t vanished. She’s still within me, waiting for me to listen. She will take my hand and say, “We’ve got this. We’ll do better for them.” She’ll point to my children, reminding me of the strength I drew from them the last time I faced you.
This is my promise: I will no longer let you hide in the shadows. I will pull you into the light. I will confront you, strip you of the power you’ve claimed, and show you that you are nothing without me—you will vanish.
I’ll keep moving, not because I’m fearless, but because I refuse to let you win.
Farewell, Fear,
Me

Style Score 100%

‘Tis the Year of Dreams
Dreams that we thought we cannot reach
From far beyond
We shall flee to Hawaii
Where carefree is not a fee
‘Tis the year of Dreams
We shall conjure and Conquer
Architecture in a Degree
‘Tis the year of dreams
Where we shall as seekers and dreamers
Spread the dreams of thee
On reams
‘Tis the year of the Dreamers

Dear Anxiety,

You have made me feel scared for the last time. You have made me feel like I was incapable to achieve my goals and live out my dreams. You have made me feel as if no one around cared about me. Anxiety, you have sent me down paths I have not even gone yet. Taken me places I may never go. My imagination is reality with you around. I can no longer live in my head. I can no longer think what if. I can no longer have you resting in my soul. Anxiety, it’s time for you to go.

I am writing to you not with anger or frustration, but with acknowledgment. You have been a companion in my journey, showing up in moments of uncertainty, and self-doubt, and when I’ve faced challenges that seemed insurmountable. Your presence has often been heavy, and your whispers have sometimes convinced me that I wasn’t capable or strong enough to push forward.

You appear when I face new obstacles, such as applying for scholarships, presenting my research, or when I think about my future in medicine and the impact I want to make. You remind me of the risks, the potential for failure, and the weight of my dreams.

But here’s the truth: I have learned not to fear you. I have confronted you, understood your shape and form, and started to understand that you are just a shadow of uncertainty. You don’t define me. You don’t determine my success.

I have chosen to face you head-on. When you show up, I take a deep breath and remind myself of the countless times I’ve succeeded despite the self-doubt you tried to plant. I am reminded of the work I’ve done in my community and the lives I’ve touched in underserved areas. I am reminded of the research I’ve contributed to, and the learning and growth I continue to experience in medical school. My passion to serve, to create equity in healthcare, and to make a difference in the world is far stronger than your whispers.

You might try to make me doubt my abilities, but you won’t win. I have a community of mentors, colleagues, and friends who remind me of my purpose and encourage me to push through the tough moments. I have a resilience that comes from years of facing adversity and turning it into strength.

So, fear, you won’t win. I will not let you stop me from pursuing my dreams and overcoming every challenge that comes my way. You may continue to visit, but you will never have control over my future.

With courage and strength,

I have seven goals for 2025. 

First, I aim to graduate soon and earn my creative writing degree. Second, I want to finish my book titled “The End Begins Now” and self-publish it. My third goal, which might seem a bit crazy but is also exciting, is to obtain my motorcycle (M1) license and get myself a Harley-Davidson, since I’m really passionate about motorcycles. 

For my fourth goal, I hope to move in with my partner. I envision our place being as spacious as possible, filled with sunlight, and having a balcony where I can plant my favorite flowers and enjoy nature’s beauty. 

My fifth goal for the year is to secure a well-paying job that provides enough stability for me to achieve everything I want and need. Sixth, I watoain healthy relationships with my partner and friends, as I’ve experienced the challenges of dishonesty and a lack of loyalty in past relationships, especially with friends I once considered like sisters.

Finally, my last goal is to maintain my peace and showcase the best version of myself—not just a version that others expect. I believe that in this world, it’s crucial to present your true, authentic self in order to succeed and make a name for yourself. I want to achieve this through my writing, helping others who are afraid to express their true selves. I aspire to be someone others can relate to, where they won’t feel judged. 

These are my goals for 2025, and I hope to succeed in achieving them.

To my fear of being swallowed,
I am writing this in regards to the incessant urge I feel to be swallowed whole by you. So cliche right? To disappear into you, limb by limb, hidden beneath your skin so that I can rest and feel peaceful again. I’d climb into your mouth one night, hoisted up on the edge of your lips by rope and hook. I’d peel back your lower lip like I often do when we kiss using my thumb, but this time I’d need both hands and I’d struggle because of my shrunken size. It would be difficult yes, but it would be worth it once I entered your cavernous mouth; so soft and warm. I’d bounce on your tongue for a bit and then slide gleefully down your throat tickling you with my finger tips on the way down, causing you to cough and stir but not waken. Passing through the thumping of your heart would speed by me as I fell, getting louder and louder until it shook my entire body, and then softer and softer as I fell further away from it. I’d be welcomed by your stomach with a splash into the warm acidic waters which are at your core. You hardly eat so I’d be mostly alone there. Here I would reflect on my choice while clinging to a piece of bread not yet fully digested. Hiding away inside of you, disappearing into you. Was it a good choice? I wouldn’t be sure, but I’d take solace in the fact that I couldn’t change my mind now. First my feet would feel numb and tingle, slowly dissipating into the rippling calm waters. Then my calves and thighs, and you would start to feel nourished and full and not know why. My pelvis and torso would then fade away, head last, and I would fully disappear knowing I would be absorbed and travel all around you again before leaving. Would I be good for your body? Would you keep me around? And would you love me then? Would I feel safe and protected? Because I feel this urge to be swallowed whole by you, and I don’t know what to do.

Michael G Sinclair II
December 31st 2024
Confronting & Embracing The Fear Of Death
DEATH is coming for everyone, death doesn’t judge. It’s gonna come for you regardless of your religion, race, sexual orientation or the wrongs and rights you made in your life. Death doesn’t care if you were the best person in the world, or the worst. It doesn’t care how much people will mourn you or cry your name. It is coming for you; and I am not saying this in a macabre manner, only a factual one.
And that is what scares me the most about this invisible and yet recognizing force that everyone will meet sooner or later. We all hope for a later time, but the fact of the matter is we have no control over it so we as humans don’t understand something, we forget about it. Or leave it alone. But that doesn’t work with a brain like mine, living with the constant reminder that death could be at the door ready to knock and claim my life puts me in a cage of my own mind. And the fact that one day I can’t ignore that knock puts my mind in a constant state of panic. Like right now, as I am sitting in my room with the lights turned off at 10:12pm on New Year’s eve. The only thing keeping my room illuminated is the computer I got for the Holidays, but I can’t help but wonder if this is what the millions of people claimed by death will see for all eternity.
Darkness, no light. Just darkness.
Or do they see a God of their choice?
Maybe they will meet eternal suffering or eternal bliss.
The first time I saw a dead body, I was a young boy, much younger than I am today. A family member, a man who I thought was the most loving man. A man whom I immortalized in my extremely early adolescent mind. A man who I thought was untouchable by death.
He layed in his coffin, in a bright baby blue suit. His hands folded over his abdomen; younger me thought he looked funny, his skin was ever so slightly gray and his chest was still as can be.
It was only until I saw him lowered into the ground. Buried under dirt was when I realized.
I will never see him again.
Since then I have seen death touch more family members of mine, even strangers I didn’t know. I saw death everywhere I turned.
Another car crash.
Another school shooting.
Another war.
Another bombing .
Another uncontrollable disease or virus claiming the lives of millions.
Death was here.
Death was there.
An inescapable force that was present in my everyday life.
Until I let it consume my mind, turning into my biggest fear that I can ever think of.
But it is only now that I wonder, is life truly meaningful without the looming presence of our untimely demise?
Will we enjoy everything life has to offer if death wasn’t a factor?
If death wasn’t real and we live and live and keep living until the sun engulfs the earth, will we be able to enjoy the little things?
I won’t let this fear win.
I can only overcome it by admitting that death will also kiss me. And I know that tomorrow isn’t promised to me, or anyone on this earth. I will not push the thought of death away, but I will make sure that it is present. As a constant reminder to live right now. Because now is the only timeline that exists, because NOW I am alive.
And although I do not know when I will go, just like everyone else, I too want death to come at a later time. But it is not in my control.
And now I see that my fear isn’t death necessarily, it is the fear that I have not lived long enough. That I haven’t seen all of what life has to offer, but now I will live.
I will live for the ones who are no longer with us
It is 11:11 pm on New Year’s eve.
The year is about to be over. And I will enjoy it with my family. I will enjoy the rain that is pouring from the sky.
And I will enjoy being alive.

Style Score 66%

Back in October of 2024, I attended a fundraiser for the safehouse that helped me through my time of great need in healing.
I was a nervous wreck, and had managed to talk myself into going after weeks of back and forth, pros and cons.
Would I fit in there?
Would I belong there?
Was I good enough to sit with the donors that had at one time changed my life for the better?
I didn’t know anyone at all. My mind raced with so many thoughts. Thanks to my daughter, I was able to go.
I had no idea, that walking through those doors, held a life changing surprise for my future.
I walked to the front and asked where my seat was. They couldn’t find my reservation and once again, I started to feel as if I was not where I belonged. They came back to the table and pointed to table 18. He handed me my information and I walked off to the table that would soon be the beginning of my dream come true. I’m not sure they want their names out there, but they are my heros. Angels in human form.
I will never forget the kindness shown to me that evening, as we sat through the horror stories and memories of a beautiful woman’s murder. She was a sister, a daughter, a mother. A wife. Taken away from this world far too early by the hands of a violent man.
The speaker was Denise Brown. Most of you may, or may not, remember her beautiful sister as Nicole Simpson- Brown. She was brutally murdered many years ago. This story, was very tragic.
I tried so hard to stay strong, to not let myself disassociate through the triggering words as they pierced my heart, and took my breath away.
They sat beside me, and just gently touched my shoulder asking if I was doing okay. I had to take a few breaks, I got up from the table and went into the bathroom to clean my face up just a bit. To breathe, and ground myself.
When the speaker was over, we all discussed a bit of my story.
At the end of the evening, I walked out with two numbers on my flyer and a possibility of a college scholarship. At first, I didn’t know if I would be hearing anything back, but the next day, I received a call from them. They decided to move forward with my scholarship!
I have never been so happy in my entire life, yet so scared at the same time. You see, second chances like this, an opportunity such as this, they don’t just happen every day.
In 2025, I have been given the gift of a college scholarship. I’m going back to school.
I’m going to start slow, and ease my way into things as I am very nervous. The paperwork was finalized this week. I’m picking out my classes on the 13th of January.
I’m not sure that I will ever be able to thank this beautiful couple for the gift that they have given to me, but I do know, that I am going to give it my everything, and keep pushing through. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can stop me now. I am going back to school, and in the process, returning to the me that I have always known. I am smart, I am motivated, and I am going to crush this! Here’s to never giving up! Here’s to finding my way back to the me that I have always been capable of, but had been hidden. Next stop, Associates Degree. In 2025, I am celebrating second chances, and I am celebrating ME! COLLEGE HERE I COME!

He said!!! She said!

He said my will be done!
She said New Edition of a Magazine.
He said my will be done!

He said my will be done.
She said Relaunch podcast!
He said my will be done.

He said my will be done!
She said Release my Memoir.
He said my will be done!

He said my will be done.
She said go on Empowerment Tours!
He said my will be done.

He said my will be done!
She said record my audio books.
He said my will be done!

She said I want to do my best!!!
She said I will be Obedient!!!
She said I will walk in my Purpose!!!

He said my will be done, 2025!!!
He said my will be done, Charmaine!!!
He said my will be done Forever!!!

Dearest mind of mine.

 You’re broken. 

 You’re destructive and harrowing. How I wish I could drown you out with deafening melodies that speak life, yet you seem so selfishly unaware. You’re contradicting, racing, and overthinking thoughts flash before me like a demon. Torturing my sleep, stealing love away from my grasp, and mocking me for it.  

This isn’t life. This is suicide, unwanted. A slow death caused by a tug of war between hope …and hopeless. This game has me wondering if we will ever truly live in this life.

I have tried to change you, dismiss you, dissociate from you and drown you out with songs of hate…and of healing, yielding no success.

My dearest mind, you win. You win because through all the years of attempts to destroy you as you have attempted to destroy me, you’ve survived. I’ve survived. Strengthened even. I no longer desire to change you. Instead, I choose to fall in love with you. These things you do to me… I can’t fight them anymore. There was a time they helped me. Kept me alive even, but dearest mind, I ask you to realize… we are safe now. 

You may always remain broken. The tug of war may never end. Love may always be maddening, and I accept this. I will love you more and accept you as you are. We will survive.                                         

        With all I am,

        The one you call…yours

100% style score

Dear Fear,
We have traveled together for a while now. I remember when you were born. When the excitement of the “surprise” promised to me by that first group of friends – chosen for me when I was just a child -turned into a circle of hate and scorn. A gift meant only for me. For just existing. For existing as me. It was at that Moment on the verge of accepting that this world was now one I was meant to travel alone, well that’s when you showed up, and intertwined your fingers with mine, leading me away from what sought to destroy me towards what you called divine. A silent promise that no matter how many times the world turned its back on me, you would always be there. And so I intertwined my fingers right back, and let you lead the way. I wasn’t alone anymore. In return for your companionship I fed you and held you tight, and carried you with me through each step of my life. A security blanket as I made my way through my life, to hold onto when things were too hard and the world told me time and time again that they didn’t know what to do with me – you served as a reminder that its shunning was justified – because what wasn’t good enough was me.
You stayed by my side through His abuse, ensuring I didn’t leave what He convinced me was love, though I tried. You soothed me and told me to stay, for being locked away with him was better than what was outside. And when I finally found the courage to step out on my own, once more just as me, well, you left me alone. Watching silently from the sidelines when my calling finally came knocking, and the world suddenly opened its arms to me. A new Emotion’s hand then did I hold, as I was led into the future by Joy. Yet you came back once again this time with devotional full force when I, just an innocent new teacher trying on her wings for the first time, overcome with passion and excitement for finally finding her place in the world was suddenly confronted by the One who handed me those wings to take flight. Seeing my innocence as too much to want to feed, she instead, feather by feather, took them away. A painful reminder perhaps of what she had lost, weighed down on her path paved by her own ambition and greed. Better to beat my Joy out of me than have to face the reality of her pain. And the beatings continued as I tried harder and harder to prove myself to the world once again – yet perhaps none as brutal as the ones that came from me. Black and blue I continued, until black and blue became me. And you held me close all the while, reminding me over and over again that when the world turned its back on me you would always remain. I hugged you back so tightly this time that instead of a companion,you became a part of me – became mine. So enmeshed have we become in this life that I forgot you even existed. I just thought you were me.
But I’ve remembered you again as situations meant to break me once more came knocking at my door (and almost succeeded, if I’m being honest with you) – but just at that Moment where I nearly gave up and willingly opened that door…I remembered who you are. I saw you. I saw you comfortably sitting on your throne in the home you created in the depths of my innocent soul. Grateful to be forgotten, so you could live your life in peace, while I continued to weather the storm. But I see you now Fear – older now and more defined by the lines of [y]our age – but I see you and I recognize you for who you are. And the truth is I don’t hate you – but I’m showing you the door. A home inside me is no longer a place for you to reign. This is not where you live -no! – this home is where Jenna Devi is Queen. And as I take your hand and lead you to the threshold of you and me, I’m going to hold you tight one last time, my old friend, come close now and hold me back like you always do, as I hold the key to my freedom from you.
I hesitate just a moment, as I begin to open our door – and yes, I see that twinkle of Hope escape from your eyes, and I know what that twinkle is for. But I won’t let you silence me anymore. So listen closely, for I have something to say, and I’ll look you straight in those sparkling eyes as I do – don’t you dare turn away! For you see, while you’ve been a part of me, all I’ve ever known, a part of me is afraid of the emptiness you’ll leave and who I’ll be once you’re not with me anymore. And yes I see that twinkle growing stronger as I admit to you my truth, but continue listening close for I’m not done speaking to you. This time I won’t be seduced by your glow. I’m strong now you see, I can do this on my own. Because while you were getting comfortable in my true home, I remembered something else, something even you had never truly known. I remembered who the fuck I am. Jenna Devi. A sensitive warrior with a heart that is pure. A woman whose birthright is not to be kept knocked to the ground. This Jenna Devi – she was born to soar.
And so one last embrace before I open the door. As I stare you straight in those familiar eyes one last time with all the feeling left inside of me as I do, a parting gift – a piece of me to keep I’m gifting to you. Right here, right now, without any of your Fear…with all of my truth, I’m telling you it’s time for you to go.
As I close the door behind you and turn around to see what’s left, well… I don’t know. I simply don’t. But I’m ready to step into that unknown. And I’m ready to be held as Jenna – not down – but together, with and by those that want to see me soar as they fly next to me into this new world that’s been waiting to be explored.
So goodbye, Fear. You were never mine to hold. I’m fragile, yes, but I’m not broken anymore.(And thank you for the journey that led me back to me once more).
Jenna Devi
ProWritingAid Syle Score: 83%

January 2023:
I committed myself
to writing
one poem
every day.

I shared them with others,
competed in slams,
won cash prizes,
got published,
and foolishly felt
my dreams of becoming
a Poet
had been realized.

January 2024:
I only half-recommitted
to trying again—
because
creativity is hard
when drowning in
the uninspiration
of happiness,
of love,
of peace of mind;
because
is it even possible
to create art
without my addictions,
without my anxieties,
without the Sisyphean effort
of figuring out:
Who Am I?

Days…

Weeks…

Months…

Nothingness,
resulting in
a new bout
of paranoia.

Seeking out
talk therapy,
and cognitive behavioral therapy,
and pharmaceutical therapy,
I had forsaken my greatest remedy.

January 2025:
I now stand steady
in a new resolve
to practice preaching
what I teach.

So I resolve myself
to the adventure of
creation without conformation,
without validation,
without enterprise
or end result.

I resolve myself
to myself,
to the pen,
to the poetry,
to fulfill the need
that bubbles up inside
to spew forth the words
that form from the fountain
of my inner-most foundations
as a salve,
as salvation
for my very soul.

Attention: Fear of abandonment

It is time that you leave my thoughts and my being. Abandonment, like it wasn’t bad enough being tossed at birth. The most raw rejection experience one could know. I let you in to my space all these years, ruling my life, lurking as my identity, behind my decisions and my being. How was this possible when the worst rejection already occurred? What more could happen? Nothing if I control it my way.

I turned your rejection into overachieving. In every aspect, I did the best. The best career, the top of the top, accolades and promotions. I made a family and they grew their family. My lineage had the best of the best through my fear based enabling. Gifts, money, and cars. I collected “best friends” who appreciated my huge generosities. I took marching orders from them all,as you know, they could have left me at anytime.

After 33 years of this I have said, enough. It ends. I left the career that worked so well with my need to not be able to have a solitary space to think through my own thoughts. Now that I am developing boundaries with the people I mantled in my world. Guess what happened? Some of the family are rebelling now and I can handle that. Some of the “best friends” are gone. Solitude will be vital to rediscovering myself. I am walking alone in many aspects as I listen to my inner healing voice. I will replace the tapes of rejection with healthy tools. Abandonment, you no longer exist as my primary resource of identity.

I am not sure where the new me will journey to without the baggage of your label. I do know I will never live in that space again. Let them leave, let them think they are not getting enough. I am enough.

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