First Breath of Gratitude
To those who believe they cannot change,
I have a little trick to set the tone for the day and I do it the moment I wake up.
Yes some mornings my body aches or I immediately think of my to do list and want to hit snooze, the animals are whimpering to be fed way too early and my largest likes to pounce on me and slap me with her paw. I try and hide under the covers but I can’t help but remember I always say at least one thing I am grateful for before I roll out of that bed. What typically happens is there are a flood of things and I start my day with a smile.
I remember all those years ago the mornings I woke feeling sick from the evening before when I over-served myself yet again and not remembering the night before. The shame I felt was unbearable as I lied to myself when I said it would never happen again.
I also remember the mornings I woke to such pain I could not open the bottles of medicine or get to the bathroom on my own. I remember every one of those strung together days into years and now can’t wait to slide my legs over and climb out of that bed on my own. No devices, no assistance, just me, my two legs and my dogs jumping up to hug me while I put my slippers on. We always fall back down to the bed and I snuggle up with one just a little bit more because you see, she taught me unconditional love.
I would be amiss if didn’t add I remember the mornings I woke knowing I wasn’t living my truth and feeling a very different kind of pain, a pain in my soul that I was betraying myself and my family yet another day.
Had I not stopped drinking and behaving as I was I would not have met my daughters father 17 years ago and she would not exist to torment me with her teenage years. It is a right of passage and I meet her with such grace.
Had I not refused to be a victim of my illness I would still be in a wheelchair and maybe even worse. I tackled MS much like I tackle life, head on without hesitation. I am all in or I am out. I altered my diet, I stopped working and I learned how to breathe new breath into my body and stayed the course till present.
Had I not been diagnosed with MS I would not have seen my daughter each and every day because all I did before was work work work and go after more.
Had covid not entered our lives, I would still be married living a life of a lie. I wouldn’t have my Bernedoodle Peppa, my favorite pet, ssh don’t tell the others, for she showed me what I didn’t understand before.
I knew one evening while looking at my family something wasn’t right, I felt in my heart is was now or never as I could not allow them to drown with the sinking ship of me. I knew that moment I would be the catalyst to change and set us free to fly. I went on a journey into the rabbits hole and it brought me to this moment of truth.
I am forever grateful for all of the things of past, on paper others may think, this cannot possibly be true. Yet here I am happy as can be a mom to a beautiful girl and way to many pets to name!
Each morning I can guarantee you will have something to be grateful for, even if it’s another day alive with the opportunity to make change.
I love the idea of saying one thing I’m grateful for in the morning. I’ll start incorporating that into my morning. Sometimes through tragedy we find ourselves. We tend to be blindsided by our comforts and the second we allow ourselves to be uncomfortable we find ourselves. Our true self. Thank you for sharing.
You are in humanity, you would not be on the unsealed and you wouldn’t have replied to my letter. You are a human, it is your birthright to breathe, take up space and love yourself no matter what. Each day or moment you feel angst or down, think of one thing that you are thankful to have, maybe it is that you are even thinking to be grateful right? Your life is waiting for you to grab it, snatch it and live it, I promise 🤍🤍🤍🤍
This is so beautiful yet deep. You’ve gone through a lot and you’ve also changed for the better because you realized that you couldn’t and you shouldn’t live that way anymore and kudos to you for that. Thank you for sharing
Truly remarkable, the honesty about the difficulties you faced and the moments of shame and pain is powerful. Your commitment to living your truth and prioritizing your well-being is inspiring. This story of yours serves as a testament to the power of self-reflection and determination for a better life.