I have smelled early morning dew.
I have felt rain on a cold and sunny day.
I have seen a babe be born.
I have been held by a mother whose presence was all that was needed.
I have watched nature and its peak of beauty.
I have also watched nature at its cruelest.
I have seen Many amazing sunrises.
I have seen just as beautifully, the sun set.
I have touched the face of those with frowns.
I have worn magnificent gowns.
I have felt the muscles of a horse beneath me.
I have tasted the berries and fruit so sweetly.
I have laughed with loved ones.
I have cried with loved ones.
I have married my worst enemy.
I have also married my best friend.
I have had sorrow.
I’ve had joy that never ends.
I have a sang million songs.
I have traveled near and far away.
I have had my heart broken.
I have broken a heart.
I have met thousands of people.
I have lost a few.
I have lost many times in life, just as much as I have won.
I have accepted Christ as my Savoir and learned about the Son.
So it’s not the things that I have done that I regret, but those I have yet to do!

It is a motto that I’ve come to greatly cherish across the span of time I’ve been on this earth. It keeps me grounded, especially when I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the troubles that decide to surface in each passing day. One day at a time. A simple phrase, but a powerful reminder that I don’t need to reach for the worries of the morrow. That’s right. I only need to focus on what’s right in front of me in this increment of time. It also tells me that even if the ‘day’ itself seems too long, I can break it down even further. Yes; to the hours, minutes, and seconds. Sometimes, it’s the very thoughts of these that help one to hang on by a thread. Like a friend that holds your hand, gives it a squeeze, and reminds you to breathe.

Nothing Ventured Nothing Gained
Inside the heart, the want is framed
Inside the mind to reason clear
To build the will to lose all fear

Nothing good with ease you gain
Risk arrives enrobed in pain
And all the hoops through which we dive
Are returns we seek to recognize

Undaunted in the quest we find
The soul’s desire to impel the mind
Toward the goal ahead so near yet far
To win each battle and embrace the scars

The war is real with weapons few
So we cross the lines to make the coup
For nothing ventured nothing gained
And the win we find is worth all the pain

There is a pair of shoes that only you can fill that others can’t fit into!

Meaning:

In life challenges there are people that you can reach and inspire that others can’t.

We often live our lives with expectations someone else set for us.
“Do you have children?”
“What do you do for work?”
“Are you married?”
Overly asked common questions.
When responded with “no,” it’s met with judgment as those tools are what we use to commonly measure the success of a person.
“Are you happy?”
A question that is rare but important.
I found joy within myself when I stopped following what was expected of me and began living for what made my soul shine.
Expressing my creative side
That’s why I exist
I don’t believe in guilty pleasures
Why should I feel ashamed for what brings me a glimmer of glee?
When I die I don’t want to be remembered as an individual who was stuck in a pattern of endless misery
I want to be remembered as the peculiar girl who lived life blissfully
I get one life and I don’t plan to waste it by living it in a way that isn’t true to who I am

“People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.”- Bob Dylan

A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are , a quote from an activist who wanted the youth to live their lives without fear of change because it will only slow you down.
Im a profit of her words
In life i’ve found myself at many brick walls and turned back around
Never in life had I changed that

Day by day week by week month by month
…I stood there and turned around

The ongoing standing was a fixed routine
My feet knew exactly where to go each day .. but my mind didn’t

I didn’t know what I wanted from walking I just kept going
I didn’t know what was the purpose so I stopped

I remember my last day at this wall vividly because i didn’t turn around and walk away
I stood there and searched

I search for answers and got nothing I searched for a image and saw nothing

I knew that if I somehow moved this wall things would change
I feared change

Ironically I feared something that was of stranger to me
What if it wasn’t so scary??

What if this place was my eureka ??
I asked myself so many questions in temptation

So I marched back up to the wall and I didnt stop my feet
I began to climb it

Each time I gained more strength to go higher I felt relief
Relief from everything this wall blocked

I got over it and change hit me in the best way possible
Over the wall was a life I wasn’t used to.. was a life I was ready to explore
As soon as I got over I felt like Id belong
I no longer resisted my transition. I was so happy .. I am so happy

Over that wall was me
A version of me that was genuinely happy
This version wasn’t closed off she was vibrant and open
She was me yet different
She meant something to herself and that meant something to me
I now know what I could’ve been if I were to remain behind that wall

I am this free spirited person I am someone who seen different
I am this person who does not run into many wall nor do I ever but if I were to I would not stand in front of it and walk off
I would simply search it and climb over it
I would not go back and forth from this wall waiting for something to happen yet
I know the moment I see a wall I will not be seeing it again cause I will ascend I will make progress over that wall
I Will not resist transition because I’ve see true joy in myself from the change of transition
So I live by this quote because it’s just showing me how to live …
A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are a quote from an activist who just wanted people to know their worth

Dear Grandma,

She believed she could, so she did.

I remember the palm-sized wall art of this quote you gifted me and its journey. Lost years ago, as we were cleaning out your house, it lives now only in my mind. My thoughts can easily travel back to when you gave it to me.

Back in time, a knock sounded at my door as I decorated my desk with crystals and a photograph of my boyfriend and me.

“Someone’s here to see you,” the office manager told me.

As I turned toward the door, I saw you in a bright blue pantsuit that matched your vibrant personality.

“Grandma!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

I recall your embrace and wish I could return to that hug.

You stepped back, examining me. “I heard you started working here and saw this little sign. It reminded me of you, and I thought it could inspire you on your desk.”

Reading the sign aloud, “She believed she could, so she did,” I couldn’t help but reflect on my career aspirations. I always had different plans for my life than answering phones at a plumbing company. It’s essential work but not the path I’d always wanted to take.

On this day, your kind eyes had a hint of sadness beneath them. You’d just lost the love of your life: your husband and my Papa. After his passing, all of our smiles contained a tinge of sadness. The love among us all was magic, but the magic had lost some spark.

When you love big, you lose big.

As this memory fades, I transport myself to the next part of the sign’s journey. I wish I had asked you to stay for a moment longer.

I was walking into your hospital room, which had become your new home after brain surgery.

Hoping you would remember me that day, I reached for your hands as I sat before you.

“Hi, Grandma,” I said in a gentle tone. “I brought you something.” Pulling the sign out from my back, I displayed it for you.

She believed she could, so she did.

I placed the art on the ledge below your window. “Do you remember when you gave me this sign when I started a new job? I think you need it more now. Maybe if you see it by your window every day, it will help.”

I’ll never know if the sign helped you, but the dreamer in me hopes it brought you peace.

I hope it reminded you of the enduring love you and Papa created. You both made a legacy that will continue past your deaths. You brought love and unbreakable bonds into the world, which is magic in a time of such division.

They say we take nothing when we pass, but I don’t think the sentiment is always true.
Sometimes, we take a little piece of the hearts of those we left behind.

As we celebrate holidays without you now, I know our hearts are emptier than before. We attempted to fill the void when we chose our favorite belongings from your house to put in our homes. Books to sit on our shelves, decorations to live on our mantles, and Christmas ribbon to decorate our trees. These shared memories and belongings connect us, even in your absence.

We all think of you as we decorate our trees with your Christmas ornaments. The endless love you gave us stamped our hearts like a tattoo, and your signature phrases have become our own.

We’ll teach our kids what you taught all of us.

“Stick together.”

“Love each other through anything – through everything.”

We’ll all fill our children’s and grandchildren’s hearts like you filled ours.

It’s our job now to continue the magic you created and reignite the spark.

We’ll do it because we believe we can, and we believe we should.

I like to think you were greeted by Papa and your dad when you fell asleep for the last time.

When I take my last breath, I hope you greet me.

I’ll smile and tell you: “Grandma, I believed I could, so I did.”

Love,
Rachael

Neglect and abuse, this too shall pass.
Abandonment and loneliness, this too shall pass.
Lost and addicted, this too shall pass.
Betrayed and enslaved, this too shall pass.
No mother or father, this too shall pass.
Homeless and broken, this too shall pass.
Alone and depressed, this too shall pass.
Deceived and rejected, this too shall pass.
Trapped and damaged, this too shall pass.
My body – my choice, this too shall pass.
Death to a loved one, this too shall pass.
Family divided, this too shall pass.
A final goodbye, this too shall pass.
Grow old and get weaker, this too shall pass.
Death at my doorstep, this too shall pass.

Your body—a microcosmic ecosystem,
an orchestral orgasm where every resonance
sings in harmony with your heartbeat.

Your mind—a slippery survivalist,
a battle between contours,
the subconscious reflected
in every perception,
every perspective.

This is
your history to rewrite,
your legacy to ignite
in each breath,
each moment.

This world as you know it
exists only while you’re in it.
So own it.
Mold it.
Rock n’ roll it.
Do unto life and love as you feel fit.
Say what you wish and see what becomes of it.

It’s all on you.
Rely on yourself, put time into yourself.
Invest. Encourage. Support.
Yourself.

Treasure yourself.
Be kind, caring and supportive of your your inner circle. Your friends, family.
But tale care to NOT give them everything.
Save some peace for yourself.
Take care of yourself.

A quote I live by,
Is no one has a heart like mine.
Because no two people can share the same heart.
It’s different for many different reasons,
I see good In places where others find trash,
But difference isn’t supposed to be bad.
However in a life where different has turned to redundancy and rebellion
Existing can be very lonely and sad,
For those who understand this,
I know you’ve been told you’re hearts different.
And to be different can be the biggest blessing and curse for humanity
And it’s a hard lesson to learn
That no matter how hard I kick or scream
they’ll still choose not to love me.
Branding me obsessive for a simple ability
To feel with all of me,
yet sometimes choose to act calously in an act of feral fear and self preservation
I give people my all
living life like an open book
until they choose to hurt me,
Because we’re different,
I gave them my heart
Trusted them
Told them my traumas
There was no confusion on my end,
But they chose to misunderstand,
And label me the problem.
As they pranced that heart to sand
And they danced to the sound of that heart sliding through my hands
When I begged them,
To just give me a chance.
I’d never do that,
Especially to someone I called my friend.
So I’m just left with the realization that my hearts different again

Broken…. again…

But trying to mend.

Hello World!
Last year on June 30th, I lost my sister unexpectedly. Thirty days later I lost my dad to cancer.
In December of that same year, my husband lost his mom and dad nineteen days apart. They’ve been my family for over forty years.
My sister and dad were two completely different types of death, two different kinds of grief, and all of these deaths were too close together to grieve each one in the way they deserved. But as time has passed, I’ve been able to grieve them individually.
With a lump in my throat, I search for words that will send love, support, and encouragement to all who are grieving, have grieved, and to those who will one day.
It’s a universal human experience and we will all know it intimately.
I begin my letter to you with this… I don’t believe there is a “grief expert” who can tell us how to navigate this very personal experience. However, I do think that sharing how we feel with others who are also grieving can be helpful.
My recent experience has taught me that we all accept, process, and learn how to live with loss in our own time.
That there is no right or wrong way to do it. That we all need to be free to experience grief in whatever way helps us move with it.
Note: we do not get over it or move through it. There’s no other side.
We move with it. It changes, we change, and we move together – us and grief. But it’s okay if you don’t move for a while. If you need to stay still for a little bit. I did.
Nobody can advise you on what to do, how to feel, or where you should be in your experience so don’t ever feel like you “should be” …. (fill in the blank)
It’s all up to you and these things will happen just as they should. We can see this when we lose a family member and notice how each person grieves in their own way and in their own time.
It’s so important to respect and support that. To give each person the time and space they need without question.
Someone once told me that, “grief is as unique as our fingerprint and no two people will experience it the same”.
I’m so happy to share that with you because it gave me so much comfort in my early grief and continues to do so.
It’s been a little over a year now, and I’m still grieving my family although the heaviness of it has lifted.
The pain and sadness are much lighter now, even though it feels deeper if that makes sense.
At first, everything was so heavy and on the outside. The memories were of death. The tears were falling whenever I spoke of them.
But as time passed, I began tucking pieces of the good memories inside for safekeeping and could speak of them without tears.
Sometimes, the memories will show up randomly and I smile because I’m so grateful for them. For the love we shared.
And now when I cry, my tears feel more like soft rain – not a raging storm.
As I sign off, I will leave you with this… even though it feels like you are not supposed to be happy or you shouldn’t laugh because they don’t get to anymore, even though it feels like you don’t know how to be in the world without them – like you no longer know who you are or what you want to do, things will get better.
They will never be the same, but they will get better. You will learn how to navigate life without them physically present. They will still be with you but in a new and different way. They never really leave you all the way.
You’ll see, I promise.
Love,

If it’s taking too long, then just move along.
If it’s not flowing on its own, then just leave it alone.
If it doesn’t feel natural, then it’s time to be factual.
If it requires force, then ditch it, of course.
I’m not telling you that you should lose heart.
I’m simply suggesting you choose a fresh start.
Take a deep breath and start anew.
Life can be tough, but so are you.

Oh, Life! What are you to me, as young as I?
Should I grace you to see the days go by,
Or see my loved one born, grow, wed and die?
‘Tis sad that my contrast feelings are tied.

Don’t mistake me for I am grateful,
But could I tell others that you’re faithful?
Could I tell them that their dreams grow graceful?
Would all hard efforts not be wasteful?

Folks, perhaps we confuse you so much with Fate,
And our dreams or goals may come another date,
Yet we thought our actions determined our State,
In the end, it’s our realization come late.

Oh Life! What, as young as I, are you to me?
Ups and downs as difficult you could be.
Would things get better? “We’ll just have to see.”
If dreams or nightmares happen, then c’est la vie.

金甲虫,
looking up at the billboard,
overwhelming dread looms over,
i don’t know how to become you,
the face i see of me in the future,
he tells himself it’s worth changing for,
he tells himself it’s worth breaking for,
he tells himself it’s worth being alone for,
he tell himself it’s worth his skin.

wolf in sheep skin- the little voice in your head is not a friend,
nor does it always understand you,
nor does it care to,
so treat it like someone you care about if you want to be treated with care in return,
learn how to take care or your mind,
learn how to take care of your body,
learn how to take care of your spirit,
the harmony is you; the alignment is what makes you more than material,
the wholeness is what makes you well,
so long as you allow yourself to be whole.

‘nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished’- laozi

due to my anxiety, i’ve always been an over thinker. ruminating intensely about the future has caused me to develop a number of complexes about the timeline of my life, and where i shouldn’t or shouldn’t be. i’ve learned through pain that the stress of focus often blinds from opportunity; i’ve learned that my faith in our future is why i belong to you.

there’s no honor in stress, no gratitude to sickness, no reward for exhaustion. take every moment to rest, and take every opportunity to balance. let what belongs to you find you. i know so well you will succeed beyond expectations, and i am patiently waiting for you to return to me like every time before.

love you yaisa

I hope this translates well because my knowledge of languages other than English isn’t that great.

Alright, no pressure—just a message for the whole world. Here we go…

The beauty and cruelty of life lie in its unpredictability.

One moment, you’re on top of the world; the next, you’re doing everything you can to hold onto your sanity. Tomorrow, you could meet the person who changes your life forever, or you could lose a loved one.

There was a time when my life was going well, and then a laced joint at a party threw me into the depths of despair. I didn’t know the joint was laced with PCP, and it caused schizophrenic-like symptoms for six months afterward. I ended up in and out of the hospital for suicidal ideation seven times in just a few weeks and felt as though my life was crumbling beneath me.

With the help of meds, therapy, and amazing family and friends, I survived.

During that time, I relied on the Japanese craft and philosophy known as Kintsugi. While a bowl broken in half would usually be discarded, in Kintsugi, it is repaired with gold lacquer, making it even more beautiful and stronger than before. Philosophically, a person is never fully broken. You can overcome the worst of life and come back more resilient.

I thought I had faced my hardest battles, but 18 months later, I needed Kintsugi more than ever. My sister was my greatest example of resilience, and the events that followed would test my strength in ways I never imagined.

Despite living with Loeys-Dietz syndrome—a rare connective tissue disorder that mainly affected her heart—she never let her condition define her. She battled through two collapsed lungs and an open-heart surgery, where she was fitted with a cow valve. Yet through it all, she lived life fully, becoming a well-respected doctor, a loving wife, and an incredible mother to her two children.

Her strength was inspiring to everyone who knew her, and we believed she had overcome the worst when she made it through her second open-heart surgery.

But life had other plans. Shortly after returning home, a blood clot to her lung took her from us, leaving a void that will never be filled. She took the philosophy of Kintsugi to the next level—her resilience knew no bounds, and she left an indelible mark in her short 41 years.

I draw inspiration from her during the lowest times of my life and am grateful for the 32 years I had with her. I once told her in a poem, “With every day I’ve got left, I will make you proud, so that when we meet again and embrace, you will know that you were never forgotten.” I strive to live my life with purpose and meaning, not letting its unpredictability get to me.

The message I want to send to the world is this: Never give up. Don’t let your worst moments break you. Let them shape you. Let them teach you. And most importantly, let them remind you that even in the deepest pain, there is still the possibility of redemption.

Cluttered rooms, Book stacked like towers. torn pages peak out from haphazard piles, the scent of age paper hangs in the air. Each spine a loud whisper, bearing the suffocating weight of untold stories. Admits the noise, knowledge pressing down, heavy like stones. Relentless questions gnawing at my temple. Anxiety wrapped tight around my fragile heart. Reading Epictetus. Dim lights bounce off my curiosity. what does it mean to stay a student? I questioned. Each misstep a doorway, each failure leading me deeper into a labyrinth. Shifting through rubble. Buried beneath echoes, lingering in silent thoughts. Sorrow broke through every crack upon the clay flooring. The soul, a canvas smeared with grief, each stroke a challenge, every question an engulfed flame of understanding. Burning my guilt of propaganda. What will I cultivate in the haunting chaos of my thoughts? A seeker in shadows the rawness of being alone. A clarity nestled into a breath, a compassionate connection. Existence woven in threads of knowledge in a world that I question if it aches for wisdom?