The coo of a dove,
gently wakes me from my slumber,
I dreamt of laying near a babbling brook,
accompanied by a good book,
hoping the right direction is hidden somewhere in these pages.
The morning light,
lightly lifted my eye lids
asking me:
“Hey, are u ready to start the day?”
A day where the only demands needing to be met,
are that of being a good father .
That sounds like so much fun!
We can build a fort,
we can go to the park and run.
Then I remember the problems
I tried to pin inbetween
prelude and the exodus,
they started to seep out of the page.
My son’s laughter met my anxiety outside and said
“not today!”
What it did allow-
was a welcoming thought,
for me to be a kid again.
Watching him live his life with so much joy,
Made me realize that
I needed to heal my inner boy.

The current cacophony
currently singing through water,
opened the valves of my heart so my younger self and my son can play together.

“A Dream by the River.”

The Sunlight was very jealous of our smiles,
The Breeze stopped for a second
to enjoy our laughter,
The Grass welcomed the
weight of our weightlesness,
It felt our heartbeat with every step,
then we layed down and became blades of grass ourselves.
My son safely nestled next to me and we dozed off…

DEAR UNSEALED,
My ‘comfy peace zone
Is being alone,
Or with a friend
At the beach
As to reach
Out my hand to touch the wave,
To breathe at air, catch the wave,
With my toes embedded in the sand
As I walk in the forever beach land
I breathe in the positive icons of the ocean,
as they are a magic potion
of supernatural omnipotence of life
the life
of humans and all living creatures as they crawl
and walk, sleep, produce and create,
call
out to me,
“Come out to me, Vicki Lawana!”
I regroup at the beach,
Of which
It is a quiet place for prayer, solitude and throwing out
Negative icons to the breeze,
To the wind, the universe of time and space.
This is the case
Of confessions to the sea
From many stories of love, heartache, tears, joy
And laughter of past present and future to be
I look out at the ocean blue.
Listen to the seagulls too.
Although other humans are here
I have created a tiny little sphere
Of the atmosphere
Of light around my space
I sigh a bit.
I remember my youth days,
the 2am night drives to Malibu
Parking my car feeling blue
A romance gone awry, adrift, and away,
As I step out my car
Into the parking lot
In my special spot
I sigh.
Cause now I say, “No worries!”
All thoughts of grief & heartache
Dissipate
Into the ocean blue
Throwing my cares to the waves, the salty air
Of time & space
Not a waste
But a taste of salt and minerals seeping
Through my toes radiating through my whole body
Creating a flow of the case
Of joy and time & space reality
Of no more grief
Cause I feel the ocean spray
On my face
On my body
As I sink my barefoot toes in the sand
Of this LA land.
This is still my ‘comfy zone,
As it my time alone
To pray, to say
I am okay.

I invented a new season for life because I got tired of the winter spring summer fall pattern
My paisley doesn’t like to conform to the depression of polka dots only on the pocket square and not the entire outfit
Where’s the art in the plain white t?
I see the aesthetic, but I want the screaming art to argue with my calm voice
It’s the beauty in the pain that you can’t see until the scars have enough time to grow wings
I used to feel most at peace listening to music on my bed as a haunting sleep would close my eyes
I used to feel most at peace under the dim lights of cinema pumping hope into my veins where I had blood run free
I used to feel most at peace on the solidarity of solo ventures between the court and I
It would hum deathly echoes like lullaby’s to my heart
This trinity became my medical addiction as pride got in the way of God
Then over the years my coffee finally became cold, and I missed the warmth of summer
I could smell my own toxicity deeply rooted and swallowing my faith
So, I questioned myself through the tears, I marked the points of pain with my pen, and dug up the weeds I planted and reaped
This time I will sow truth within the uncomfortable moments
Because in this season until forever I’m most at peace on the grounds of the earthquake
Knowing that I can’t move forward unless I shake things up
Staying in a comfortable pattern only leads to a broken record repeating the line you hate to hear
You are meant to break records
p.s. peace is born in the growth of pain…

Nights full of laughter and conversations of nonsense, I’m falling for you there’s no stopping it. In every dimension our souls intertwine. I’m drowning in your ocean blue eyes. In your arms I lay at night. You are my home. You are my light. Let’s fall in love in every life.

Ocean view
Oh ocean view
Even a lake or a pond will due
The calmness that I feel when I’m with you
Or even the sound of your waves at night
Keeps me reminded that everything will be alright
When the wind kisses my skin
It’s nature reminding me that she is always my friend
The sun shining, the squirrels being squirrels
The happiness that overtake me, the same happiness of a little girl
Seeing the trees standing tall
Helps me remember that I too shall never fall
Ocean view
Oh ocean view
I feel overwhelmed, what shall I do
I sit in silence
Wait and see
While I’m sitting in silence, you comfort and answer me
Remember your talents you say
Use them, and they will lead the way
For the are the keys to a better day
Remember who you are and who you are meant to be
And whenever your feeling down and need a reminder,
You can always trust and come see me
So thank you
Ocean view
Oh ocean view
I can always count on seeing myself through you

You have not to go very far
A Library through time-no matter where you are!
Here on earth, and in heaven forever
Nothing shows more worth-than God’s own Love Letter!
It’s the Holy Bible-you know It’s instruction,
The Path of Peace and Life from all destruction!

Please don’t be offended in me,
Everyone has their needs…
So, I chose the Light from the Bible I endeavor to read!
And nothing but the Truth brings Freedoms’ Recovery!

People that seem useless, “no good are they” many do say,
But this “Good Book of Life” for them dispels darkness away!
It upholds and uplifts-the drunkards, criminals and addicts
Spending time in this “Book” becomes to us-a Most Blessed habit!

It changes everything when you look into
It shows you where you’re going, and what you’re going through!
You may be at risk in the storms of life
But Peace will never cease-from It’s Words’ paged so nice!

It will never lie to you-my Best Friend had for free…
To find the stillness of It-living and abiding in me!
This “Book” is my God-The Holy Spirit given free-
Day after day, It has never changed-18 years found of It’s sound Sovereignty!

My dear friend and fellow, sister or brother…
Please search and find It’s Path of Peace-
That only comes from God-Not any other…
It makes the blind soul to see!!!

It’s Author is the same One who Authored you-
The Prince of Peace/The King of kings…
The Mighty God of all Truth!!!

It hurts when people speak bad of It,
For this Great “Book” is alive…
And because It lives-you also do live-
With the Place of Peace in mind!!!

It’s Holy Life is still waiting for you,
Come and rest while your on your quest-
In It’s Place of Peace brand new…
You will find It forever exists-
And is the Best Life to chose!!!

5-18-24

A mellow breeze blows in through the window, and the candle flame sways and flickers.
The falling rain sounds like quiet applause, occasionally growing louder and then softer again.
Crickets and frogs sing together, celebrating the summer storm.
A flash of lightning lights up the dark sky and briefly illuminates the branches of trees that dance to the playful wind.
The low rumble of thunder sends gentle vibrations through the ground and a pleasant chill sends tingles through me from the top of my head to my toes.
A breath of petrichor is an invitation to have peace.
Here, I could remain.

The Prince of Peace is always there
In his arms I rest my soul
He takes care of my every need
I melt into his graceful hands
I can’t wait to feel his love again

My heart,
He can have it for he lays me in green pastures
My soul be weary without him
Thanks to Him I breathe soothingly
I can’t believe how much he loves me
Thanks for making me free..
Freewill to make my own choices yet you still have me at my lowest

Thanks Prince of Peace.
My soul be lifted by your peace, eternally.

Atop a hill that bears my family’s name
Overlooking the special little town to which our ancestors came.
I sit and swing as the sky gets painted with brilliant strokes of red, orange, and gold.
As I bask in the stillness and silence of nature I am consoled
As I think how this place has been the venue of many a family gathering
I hear the sound of my relatives laughing and chattering
I hear the bells ringing from the Church where I attend Mass
I see my little cousins running and frolicking in the grass
I smell the scent and hear the sizzle of red hot dogs cooking on the grill.
A Northern Maine delicacy that is sure to give your tastebuds a thrill
I taste fresh cucumbers that were grown from the ground
And my mom’s Chinese macaroni salad; the best one around
I feel the wind in my hair as I continue to swing
As I watch two feathers fall from a bird’s wing—
A sign that the matriarch and patriarch of our family are near. 
In this place all is peace—there is an absence of fear. 
This is my safe place, my sanctuary, a humble abode
But for me, it is more than that with the memories that it holds
It is the place where my ancestors landed
It is where business and brothers banded
For that one day it is where family gathered.
Even though the other three-hundred-sixty-four we are greatly scattered.
 As I look at the stars in the sky as they continue to glow
I breathe a sigh of relief and know that I am HOME. 

Minds quiet,
Comrades at my side,
Breathing deep — I’ve never felt so alive.

Beneath my cleats,
The earth greets,
“Balls out!” echoes, as my heart beats.

Rising, falling, our rhythm like a drum,
Together we advance,
The oval ball snug.

Ahead, a wall—
Formidable, true,
Yet to the earth I’m flung, feeling anew.

Cheers swell from the sidelines, ringing,
Vibrations through the field, singing,
We surge as one, our spirits linking.

Here on this pitch,
Where triumph tastes sweet,
In the sweat of defeat, our memories meet.

Below the surface of fear,
Underneath the competitive cheer,
Amid the tumult, clarity draws near:

In the push and pull, of this day,
The beautiful chaos sway,
I find peace in this crazy game I play.

Whenever feelings overwhelm my breath,
I seek the strength of flannel’s stalwart plush
to drink up overflow that runs unchecked
down cheeks afire with life’s enduring flush,
reviving smoky tiparillo tang
as giant, blue-roped hands skim chestnut hair
to baritonal mumblings that hang
like sanctuary sigils in the air.

His everlasting warmth embraces me
with patience and a gentle iron will
as echos swirling on an astral breeze
until my inner turbulence is still–
for thirty years I’ve felt Dad’s quiet peace
upon this verdant cemetery hill.

In the warm embrace of my mother and hers before her…
I am swaddled in a sense of tranquility as I reflect on the embrace of my mother; the ancestors who nurtured me in the womb and guided me into this world. Their trust in my potential; the gift of life fills me with gratitude.

The sweet embrace of my children…
my little loves, they bring me profound peace. When I hold them close, one nestled under each arm, their tiny arms encircling my waist, the world seems to stand still. In those moments, the love that we share becomes the focal point of my existence, offering me comfort and peace.

In his sweet embrace…
Finding solace in the warm, loving embrace of my partner, I can be my true self. Curled up in his arms, my face pressed against his chest, I find a sense of peace that takes me elsewhere. Amidst the chaos of negative voices in my mind, he remains a calm and steady presence, offering unwavering support and love. His confidence in my strength and the reminder of how far I have come bring me a deep sense of peace and comfort.

I find peace… here, within me.
Becoming at peace within myself is a journey I am beginning to embrace. As I wrap my arms around my shoulders and lean into my embrace, I take a moment to release the burdens of guilt, shame, and resentment that have held me back. Though I acknowledge that I am still a work in progress, I celebrate the strides I have made. While I may be petite in stature, I have grown in resilience and strength. With a gentle squeeze, I offer myself a gesture of self-compassion and allow a smile to grace my lips. I will continue to commit to nurturing myself, always exploring new paths for personal growth, knowing that I am worthy of my care and attention.

“I love you, I tell all of my past selves”

As I continue on this journey, I see myself becoming a source of peace and comfort for my children, a mother they can turn to, in times of need and find solace with, just as I have found within myself.

Envision this.
An expectant mother around family and friends
On her birthday
Four days later a baby comes
But water breaks at the cinema.

Fluffy popcorn and chocolate delicacies
A huge screen with all your favorite actors
Expectation at a sequel or just wonder of what will become of your favorite actors.

Will my dreams of meeting my biggest inspirations come true
Well in my utopia I find peace at the cinema.

Horror, Romance, Action, and Etc
I’m eclectic
Two hours of leaving my own reality
Two hours to clear my head

Mane if it wasn’t for the cinemas
I wouldn’t be able to laugh or take life’s twist and turns
But yeah that’s my peace
My joy; the cinema