What would the old version of yourself say to the new version of you?

Dream big little girl. As you played in the streets with your friends and your sister, you never thought you could ever dream. You walked to school on those cold winter days and entered a classroom to start your day. The world seemed so small, but yet it was so big. As I looked up, down and around, I never knew the world would embrace me and take me into its wings. Thoughts went on and on in my mind, dreaming there was something bigger, better than me. I wanted to reach high and try new things because the world was always curious to me. What was out there in the world? A world full of choices, one choice here and one choice there. Having to choose who I wanted to be, and I really didn’t even know myself. I was still growing and experiencing the world around me. Having a safe family who cared for me gave me power. As I used my imagination and I became older, I had then made decisions that would affect me forever. No longer could I depend mother. It was me this time who had to make tough decisions so that I could dream for myself. I would say to my older version that to dream was to win! The world I envisioned while looking up in the stars as a child was the same world I envisioned as I grew older. I was now not the little girl who had a dream, but it became a reality within, especially as I grew big. A dream to go far, but now I was naked without my mother. I had to become the adult. I had to learn to make those dreams come alive. So, I would say to my younger version of myself, thank you for dreaming. Now, as I have become older, I now have to remind myself that those dreams I had as a child can now soar into action. I have the talent and skill to make it happen. Life helped me to rise to the occasion, and I fought the fight to win to become the woman that I am in this world that is so big. I am writing you a letter today to say thank you to my older self! Your choices that you made while in those hard times, the times I fell down, and I got back up and for the times I never gave up. Thank you for the time I listened to my inner voice that said you will be big someday. Just carry on. Now satisfied as an older woman. Life seemed longer for that little girl. However, I grew into a grown woman. I still dream, but now my dreams can come true as I put forth the effort from way back when, to help me be a better person, as I am still continuing to grow. I look back and I look up and I remember the stars. The stars yes, they are still shinning and reminding me I can still dream! And I can make it happen!

My Style Score was 100%

Dear Angela, I am writing you a letter to say thank you. I remember in my childhood I loved to play! My sister and I would always pretend to be teachers! Then it dawned on me that my inner self further down the road on my journey would end up becoming a teacher! As a child you don’t know what you know until you grow. You are just a child trying to grow up the best that you can. Little did I know that this little girl would grow up embracing herself. As I reflect on my childhood, as a little girl, I learned to love myself! I believe that my childhood memories were beautifully made by filling my time with play. Back in my day, social media was obsolete but in my younger years it became a treasure that using your five senses would become so rewarding. I remember playing marble, jacks, pick up sticks, kick ball, tether ball, and with ants! Yes, I said ants! I lived at the end of a street and next to a tree lined fiend. My dead-end street was safe enough for me to build ant homes on the curb in the dirt and I used pieces of clear plastic for the windows for those ants in the ant hospital. Of course, it sounds weird but it’s called play. The power of play will never go away. I loved the outdoors for running, racing, picking blackberries in the bushes for my mother to make blackberry pie! My sister and brother also help to pick these berries too! It was a fun thing to do. I remember I absolutely loved riding my Big Wheel and my bike on the sidewalk and on my dead – end street. My inner self was so open to the world around me. I enjoyed my childhood as a little girl so much that I attribute it to the fact that I was taken good care of so much that I was able to feel safe to explore. Growing up, I was inquisitive, and enthusiastic and this may be why I had so much fun! I was also very in tune with whom I was. I want to say thank you to my inner child for being brave, and imaginative but the best thing I like most about my child was that I enjoyed the moment I was in. I want to say thank you Angela for exploring, and playing with your hands, running in the sun, picking berries, and enjoying the world I was given. I loved that I was able to feel free to connect with me, myself and I! I felt as a young child special, I felt loved and as I look back and say, “I never thought all that I did would make me become a successful citizen by giving back to my community in a positive way.” Those early childhood years made me strong, and determined to never give up and to find my way. I love you Angela a lot more than I ever thought I could. You have given me sunshine and warmth and I hope to continue my lifelong journey still enjoying my life and to always remember who I am.
Sincerely, Angela

The Day You left Became the Day I Began
The Day you left became my strength within,
You were my fraternal twin,
From the day we met,
Our bond we kept,
Sisters forever,
We thrived together,
We played on our playset,
Laughing, running, jumping into the sunset,
Until that day that you left,
Oh, how I will never forget,
You were so much fun as we would grow and learn,
Now my heart yearns,
Throughout our school age years,
You protected me from my peers,
See we were a team,
We fought daily to have our dream,
We knew that together we were better,
Our differences did not matter,
Laughing, running, jumping together,
Until the day you left me forever,
I was so confused the day you became ill,
You were so strong and had great will,
The will to achieve,
The will to believe,
I just knew you could pull through, with the powers that be,
God knew and could hear my plea,
I could not help you but only be by your side,
Like twins do, I was in for the ride,
I never thought with all your strength and might,
That my forever sister would lose her fight,
I did find peace in my heart,
There was nothing that could keep us apart,
When a friend asked, how do I keep my order,
I simply said, it is my sister and her higher power,
You left me that day,
It must have not been your time to stay,
However, what never left was my vivid memories of how you protected me,
You left me with your strength deep down inside me,
You left me with your enthusiastic desire to win,
I know I will fight until the end,
Your strength your pride,
You left that for me on the inside,
I know that your love for me will never leave,
There is nothing I cannot achieve,
Because of your love for me and I for you,
There is nothing I cannot do,
I will always miss you forever,
My love for you I will never surrender,
Laughing, running, jumping, together,
You have inspired me my whole life through to be whatever I wish to be,
Nothing will ever separate you from me.
By Angela Pinkins

Why Worry?
Dear younger self, this is a letter to me. If I could have had the skills to not worry about the future, I would have been less anxious and enjoyed the ride.
Learning to live in the moment is a gift to yourself. Smelling the sweet nectar from the flowers blowing in the wind, to running that race around the bend. Playing outside Double-Dutch and kick ball in the street, playing with jacks and marbles with no cares but to be present while I was there. I remember my childhood vividly no cares, until I kept getting older and then I had some fears: fears of getting older and fitting in with my peers, joining social groups and exploring who I was within. I had some anxiety back then, sometimes difficult experiences worrying about my future and how it would end. Forgetting the time when I was outside playing and using my imagination with no certain cares in the world was refreshing. If I could tell myself back then, do not to fret, as I was to age and grow older each day and that would have been ok. Perhaps, I would have thought the sky would have been the limit. If I could have said to myself back then, yes! You can do that or this and eventually just get it done, then I guess this letter would not have had to be written. However, I would have told myself to dream big or even bigger and not to be anxious about the future. See the future will come but after the present. So, the present should have been soaking in the sun. Because the future was yet to come. So, why did you often worry about what was to come but to have embraced the time you had back then and wait patiently for your future to have begun. Yes, you will age, you will not know what is yet to come, but the experiences you had to face while you were young was shaping you into the woman you would become. Not worrying about whether I belonged because just being who you were was exactly who you were! You were born unique! If I had just known to have just trusted myself and spoke to myself to say your enough. Your smile, your laughter, your size, your weight, your height, your life is what the higher power has given you so embrace it and not to worry, because worrying about what is yet to come brings unnecessary anxiety that soils your tongue. If I could have done it all over again, I would know that I was a survivor and that my future was bright and yet to come!

My love letter about me to you!
What I like about this chapter of my life is being honored to have my degrees and allowing my degrees to work with me as a full-time teacher! I want to say that I am in a wonderful time of my life! I am a wife, mother, mother in law and grandparent. I have raised three successful sons. I have been married for thirty-five years and am a proud mother-in-law and Granna of two beautiful girls!
It has been a lot of work taking care of me and the life I am in. I was a hard worker all my life. I have worked since I was a teenager. I was a babysitter, worked for low-income youth programs, worked at a fashion store, retail factory and so on. I attended a college out of my home state but transferred back to my hometown. I kept attending college but took time out to get married and raise my sons as a stay-at-home mother. In the back of my mind, I always wanted to finish college. Well, I did go back part time juggling my last son between my family as his babysitter to help me out. I did substitute along the way once my older two sons became full time in elementary school.
I ended up receiving not one but three degrees! I received my associate degree, then a bachelor’s degree which led to a master’s degree in early childhood. I say that to say this, my life went well and as intended, but with some detours, however, I completed a lifelong dream of receiving my college degree. I am proud of myself that with the help of my husband and family I completed my dream.
Did I say it was easy? No, it was a lot of hard demands, time, disappointment, uncertainty at times, and exhausting with three sons. However, was it obtainable? Yes, as I finished the course my confidence increased because the light was at the end of the tunnel. Do not give up too fast or not at all if you can, just change course and find another dream to go after!
To you, try to put your dreams out there so people can hear them, and to write them down so you have something to go by. Life will get busy and complicated as you age, but your dreams are still waiting for your return. Find someone or others who can encourage you to stick with your dream(s). Never give up the fight even if it is slow progress. My dream of getting my degree was a long one, and it took a lot of support, but I had to do the demanding work! You too will need to do challenging work as well! Do not get too discouraged but reach out to a loved one who has your back and work hard to make your dream come true! I believe in you, just as someone believed me! In fact, I had to believe in myself first before anyone believed in me! Go get your dream!! And you too will have the best time of your life!

Growing up, I had to tell myself during my teenage years and as an adult, that I was enough!
I remember back then when my self-esteem was determined by what others thought about me, the choices I made and if I was good enough for them instead of for myself. I remember wanting to be like my mother and my brothers. They all attended a school of higher learning. I recall going to my mothers’ graduation as a young teenage girl. She was a divorced mother of five children. She beat the odds and became a woman with a two-year associate degree in social work. Both of my siblings seemed to do everything right. Unlike them, I seemed to struggle with learning. I always had to double study for everything. My family seemed so perfect that I put myself down. Then, after high school, I ventured out to become a college student myself. It was not easy. I had no money. I got loans and Pell grants. I had to work and study. I often had to study all night, in libraries, my dorm room to pass a test. I finally got to be like my family, I thought! Extremely optimistic and then I became very unsure. I wondered was it just as hard for my family too? At college, I found myself very alone and missing my mother and the crisp scent of blankets of home. Instead, I was in a dorm with crickets and the smell of mold. Don’t get it wrong, I liked college life, it just became too much for me all alone. I eventually moved back to my home. Now, my education was in jeopardy. My expectations for myself seemed doomed. But the story did not stop there. I remembered I had a dream.
I met a man along the way, and we decided to marry. With two children and a third on the way, I remembered I did not finish what I had started. This time I had to juggle my family. I eventually would go back to college. I completed the course work for an associate degree just like my mother! After which I started to substitute in schools. I went on to complete my bachelor’s degree in business education. As my children grew older, I needed a flexible job. I read about a program that could help me become a teacher and receive a master’s degree. I said to myself, as I had lacked confidence along the way all along, because learning was hard for me especially with juggling kids now. Well, this program worked! I graduated with a master’s degree and became a teacher. I often doubted the process. I doubted my dream, but I say this to let you know, life will not always be easy. You may have goals in your life or future that you may wish to dream of. Well, today that dream can become a reality. With hard work and dedication, asking for guidance, and receiving help along the way, you too can benefit in the end.
You got this! Keep your head held up high, stay strong, try to ignore the negative thoughts, and persevere! Self-talk positively to yourself, positive affirmations to yourself! You can do it! Make good choices, try hard and do not quit, dream big and apply yourself. With the pressures of today for example: peer pressure, body image, family, friends, belonging, exposure to drugs, relationships, social media school concerns, and money struggles just keep trying. These are all real concerns that are staring you in the face, do not ignore it, seek help, and remember your dream! You are allowed to dream but think about making it happen! Had I not remembered my dream and I looked back to see what others in my family succeeded in doing and not myself, I would not be a teacher today. Self-doubt is real, peer pressure is real. I too had to fight. I cried to sleep. I had negative thoughts, telling myself during the process, “You cannot do this, you are a low-income family, you have children, just quit and go on.” But then, my inner strength kicked in and it told myself “Hey! You can do this!” Tell your beautiful self the same thing. I can work hard and never stop! I am not going to give up until my dream becomes a reality. Life is hard, but somebody must do it! Why not you! You too can make it! Decide what it is you want, go for it, take a chance, and do not stop!
You got this! You are enough!
By, Angela Pinkins