Hey, by the grace of God, you survived to tell this story. It’s interesting what a piece of ice can do for one’s life; how a piece of ice can be used as such a valuable reminder to not panic. You were so young, not even in the double digits yet, if memory serves me well. You were in the kitchen drinking Kool-Aid that was chilled by ice cubes. Sometimes in drinking, one will capture a piece of ice in the mouth and play around with it, enjoying the coolness and the hardness, before spitting it back into the cup.

That is precisely what you were doing and it was something you’d done many times. However, this time was different. One of those ice cubes got lodged in the back of your throat, immediately making it difficult to breathe. A sense of dread grabbed hold of you, even more so, because you were home alone. “What do I do?” At the onset of panicking, you calmed down and collected yourself, dumping the remaining contents of the cup into the sink, before turning the faucet on for warm water. It was as if you were a completely different person (this calmness something you would later attribute to mercies of the Almighty God). You allowed some of the warm water to fill part of the cup and, once done, tilted your head backward and dumped that warm water down your throat in hopes of melting the ice that was stuck there.

Thank GOD. It worked. There was some soreness after, but you lived.

You probably never would have guessed the volumes this would speak to you in the future. It is a story that you often remembered and sometimes told. It helped you through a very difficult time in your life, during and after the loss of Papa and, coincidentally, it is now serving a purpose once more for you today. No, not today in an all-encompassing sense, but today, October 31, 2024.

May the essence of this story echo throughout the rest of your life when it gets overwhelming and you have many reasons to panic.

Peace be.

Dear Younger Me,

I know that you’re carrying a weight that feels unbearable—a pain that you haven’t shared with anyone, maybe because you’re afraid they won’t believe you, or because it hurts too much to say aloud. You’re trying to protect yourself, piece by piece, from a world that has hurt you in a way no one should ever experience. You feel scared, lonely, and maybe even ashamed, but I’m here to tell you: you didn’t do anything wrong. This pain isn’t yours to hold alone, and it doesn’t define you.

I want you to know that healing is possible, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. There will come a day when you look back on this moment, not with the same pain you feel today but with a sense of strength and pride for having survived it. That inner strength will help you move forward, piece by piece, as you learn to rebuild trust—in yourself and in others.

You’ll come to find people who support you, who understand your story, and who will help you on the days when the memories resurface. You won’t feel this burden alone forever. Therapy, self-care, and the support of people who truly care about you will help you learn how to live again, free from the shadows of what happened. And through it all, you’ll become someone who has a deep well of empathy and resilience, someone who uses their experience to bring compassion to others who have been hurt too.

It’s okay if the healing process is messy and complicated. There will be good days and hard days. But one day, you’ll recognize how strong you are for surviving. You’ll learn to love yourself again and to embrace the parts of you that you felt you had to hide. You are resilient, worthy of love and respect, and you have a future full of hope and healing waiting for you.

When you’re ready, reach out to others for support. You don’t have to face this alone. There’s a whole life ahead, one where you reclaim your happiness, your peace, and your sense of safety. Know that I’m proud of you, just as you are, and that you’ll grow into someone who is courageous, compassionate, and whole.

With all my love and strength,
Your Future Self

Dear Justin Barnes,

This letter is to travel to the past to where you are in your time. In the future, I wanted to thank you for a challenge you will eventually overcome. One that has put many halts on improving your heart and soul. You will realize that the world is not as scary as it should be. You were born with some trauma, as many other people do in this wild world. This world is full of hardships and failure. There are a lot of disappointments and embarrassing moments. However, this letter is not about that; instead, it is a challenge you will eventually overcome that will change your perspective on those mentioned earlier. A challenge that I have endured and overcome in the future is the challenge of risk-taking. You are probably scared and believe that this is illogical, as I know myself better than anyone. I know you will be objective and that this sounds dramatic. Taking risks is a part of life; if we do not push our limits and risk failure or rejection, we will never learn or better ourselves. I played it safe when I was your age. I could have become a doctor, experienced new perspectives and cultures, learned new ideas, and even learned to be a better husband than before. If there is anything that you should take from this message, please take risks. Even if they hurt you, as you will learn in the future, it will better you. You will become stronger, wiser, and more intelligent as a result. More opportunities will occur as a result of this. Do not mistake this message as a message of regret and unhappiness. You will become something great. Maybe even something greater will happen in the next five years. With all this said, what do you need to do? The answer is nothing because if you change, I change as well. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that one day, you will have the opportunity of your dreams, a lovely wife, house, children, and even the profession of your dreams. Just know when the time comes in 2015, begin to take those risks as it will change your life, and those 22 years of uncertainty and depression will melt away. You are destined to overcome this challenge, so fear not, and your time will come.

Sincerely, your future self.

Dear LG,

Some things were easy for you, while many other children have struggled. You learned how to read when you were two years old, and you do not remember a time when you did not know how to read. 

You do not remember struggling. On the first day of school, you were the only kid in your kindergarten class who could already read.

That is impressive and I am so proud of you! What is even more amazing is learning a skill you struggled with and have since overcome.

Jump roping.

Kids usually learn it when they are in kindergarten. You tried and failed at that time. The other kids and adults called you clumsy.

You felt discouraged. 

You stopped trying to jump rope that year. And the next year.

Then, one adult believed in you: your second-grade teacher.

She threw you in with the kindergartners as they learned how to jump rope and encouraged you as you tried to learn.

You towered over the other kids in your second-grade class, let alone the kindergartners. You felt awkward.

The kindergarteners and their teacher cheered you on as you jumped and tripped over the rope hundreds of times.

Eventually, it all clicked. You learned how to coordinate your jumping in perfect timing with the swinging of the rope.

You were so proud of yourself, you just kept jumping and laughing happily.

Not only did you learn jump roping, you became an expert in the third and fourth grades. You joined the jump rope club with the girls and you jumped double dutch with ease. You also loved swinging the two ropes while the girls jumped in.

You were in your happy place.

Sometimes you will forget what you have overcome in your life and then remember that seemingly simple story of learning to to jump rope.

It was something the other kids took for granted, and you struggled to overcome.

And you did it!

You don’t know this, but this little life lesson – failing hundreds or even thousands of times before succeeding – will take you far in your life.

You will write the first 50,000 words of novels and then scrap them because they were ideas that failed.

You will write other prose that meanders.

You will craft rhyming poetry that does not quite flow.

You will not stop trying to write something that suits your style.

You will find your big break, one way or another. When you do, it will be a spectacular victory.

I believe in you, LG. My younger self who will never, ever quit doing what they love. You will always live inside me.

Since I was three, I’ve seen life a different way. 
Fighting a battle, undefeated to this day
Cancer took half my sight but didn’t take my vision. 
And I wouldn’t change a thing if I had the decision. 
Living this way has taught me a lot. 
You don’t need to have it all to give it all you’ve got.
Never thought that I would get this far.
From the passenger’s side to taking over the car
Used to shake in my skin; now I’m calm in the face. 
Old fears couldn’t catch me if they picked up the pace.
Thinking of my breakthrough, I’m more than amazed. 
Through Christ, I can do all things, and He will be praised.
God gave me this life because He knew I was worthy.
And I thank Him for His everlasting grace and mercy.

Dear Younger Self,

You won.  Your jabs, tricks, and schemes worked and knocked her down..again and again.  She fought a good fight and hung on to her friends no matter how bad they were.  Was it because she had low self-esteem?  A bad self-image?  All created by you projecting a melting image of herself that shone onto every event in her life?  So you could feel better?  Nobody saved her.  Nobody came to her aid.  She lay there, water rippling over her body..porcelain reflections on the now flat lukewarm surface.  The you now would like this.  The me now HATES this.  The me now needs to live with those memories and shove them away, blaming them on youth, bad parenting, and low self-worth.  But I can’t help but wonder younger self, if we could have saved her, by being kinder.  

Hand on stomach and heart,
Older self

Dear younger me….

We made it. You made it. Remember those countless nights of huddling in the corner of your bed, tears streaming down your face telling yourself it’ll be okay? I know you didn’t really believe it, but turns out everything was okay. You always believed that depression and anxiety were going to be lifelong struggles. If you’re reading this right now wondering how we made it through, here it is.
Here’s your story…..our story:

Growing up in a religious home, you always strived to follow God. But bad things still happen, even to Christians. From years of abuse and trauma, you began to suffer from severe anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You ended up in foster care twice, in multiple foster homes with the fear of people growing intensely. Well past your breaking point, you were hospitalized several months later after a suicide attempt. You went through different periods of self harm, driven by depression and death. As life progressed, no matter what happened or what you achieved, nothing could take the pain away. You lived in such a state of grief that there seemed no way out. But there was always a constant in your life. God. You lost your way over and over again, but He kept seeking you out. Every time you tried giving up, God pulled you from the clutches of darkness. You wouldn’t be alive right now if it weren’t for Him. As you stumbled along the way, He called you to move several states away to a church you had only visited a few times. With anxiety gripping at you, within a month you had moved over three hundred miles away. That simple step of obedience revolutionized your life. As you surrendered your life to Him, there was a breaking as you were completely submerged in the waves of His Grace. Immediately chains of darkness began breaking off of you. The depression, anxiety, fear, suicidal thoughts. Broken off of you and God restored you to Himself. You were baptized for the first time since coming a Christian and then baptized in the Holy Spirit and receiving the gift of tongues! Several months later you had ministry time that brought freedom and a repentance to demonic strongholds in your life. Today you are on a praise team, finished your schooling and currently headed for college! You’re studying special education, music, and multimedia communications. The only reason you’re alive today is because of God. Every life changing moment, every new freedom, every breath you take is because of His loving mercy. Oh how He loves you! So guess what, hun? You made it! This is your story. This is your testimony. You’d be so proud of yourself! But while you’re going through life, read this letter and know that it really will be okay.

You got this!
Signed, Older You

Younger Me,
I know you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost in the maze of questions and emotions that come with being adopted. The weight of not knowing your biological parents sits heavy on your heart, and the world seems to demand that you embrace your adopted parents with a love that feels forced and foreign.
But let me tell you something profound: the love and acceptance that you seek will find you in the most unexpected ways. We grew through this. We found our way through the labyrinth of confusion and pain, and emerged stronger, with a heart that understands the true essence of family.

The stigma of our origins and the emptiness of not knowing our birth parents were shadows that haunted our early years. We faced the judgment and the whispers, the sense of being different. But in the process, we discovered that our story was not one of lack, but of abundance. We learned to love our adopted parents, not because we were forced to, but because we saw their humanity, their efforts, and their genuine care for us.

It’s okay to feel conflicted, to question, to grapple with the mixed emotions. These feelings are valid, and they shape you into a compassionate, understanding person who knows that family goes beyond bloodlines. It’s built on trust, kindness, and shared experiences.

In time, you’ll see that the love you give and receive is real, not because it’s expected, but because it grows from the seeds of understanding and acceptance. Our adopted parents might not be perfect, but neither are we. And in that imperfection, we find room for forgiveness, for growth, for genuine connection.
So, hold on. Embrace your journey, with all its complexities. The love you feel might not come in the way you expected, but it will be real, and it will be yours.

Be kind and gentle to yourself and do all things with love,
Older Me

Socially awkward.

I was born from complacent duty
And an alcoholic dependency
Forced out the womb with forceps

Without parental or medical foresight
On how it would affect me. It motivated me
To see limitations as my enemy.

The kin to me would be unknown
Because I was born to this world
But not of it. A singularity.

Only defined by self.
Made in the image of self.
Self made.
Purposed by the most High.

Most of the time… high on hopes
Doped up on fantasy, to escape
An abusive reality… but the stench
Of misery’s scent was stuck to me
Once upon a time

Toxic ties that tethered
Me to despair
I didn’t care to stay there

So I gave myself to prayer
To let my Maker bare the burden
Once I did that I became aware
Of the joy that life offers

I know who I am
Very soon so will you too
With all my love