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  • aliciaw shared a letter in the Group logo of Women's EmpowermentWomen's Empowerment group 2 months ago

    Save Yourself

    I’ve always wanted deep connection. Honesty. Unwavering loyalty and unquestionable morals. I whined about the lack of depth in relationships each time my expectations weren’t exceeded. I wallowed in my own disappointment because I believed in a fairytale type of love. I thought, “if someone can dream it up, then they can make it happen.” I pushed myself to be what modeled my fantasy. I thought that if I could put myself in that storybook world then someone would love me like princes love princesses.

    And I pushed a relationship for nearly 10 years to be that fairytale love. But no matter how hard I pushed, it just wouldn’t light up how I believed was possible. At first, I tried harder and harder, thinking if I was better, he would love me better. But as time went on, I developed a bit of resentment towards the man that I loved because he wasn’t giving me the relationship I always dreamt of and so patiently ushered him into. After his 28th birthday, he knew he wanted to get a home with me. After his 28th birthday, I knew I couldn’t commit to the absence of my fantasy any longer. I had to stop forcing a fairytale love.

    The need to end things was a devastating realization for someone who thinks that people will love each other forever. But also, a liberating realization for someone who knows that real and whole love exists. It took a lot of days of feeling rejected before I acknowledged that I couldn’t push someone to be what they don’t want to be. And it took even more back and forth to truly acknowledge that someone can be a great person but not your person. In releasing the fantasy that I attached to my relationship, I affirmed to myself that fairytale love does exist. Because I saved myself from a future that wasn’t meant for me, just like how the princes save princesses.

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    • Honestly, this letter is even more beautiful as I read it back right now. There is so much beauty and strength is this piece. You are unbelievable strong and you have such a beautiful heart, you fairytale love story is on its way. And you are right, you can’t make someone love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. You can only refuse to settle for anything less, which is exactly what you are doing. Keep doing you and being you, and your prince charming will one day arrive. <3 Lauren P.S. that picture is absolute fire! You look stunning!

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      • Thank you so much for your words, Lauren! This was a hard piece to share, but our bit of conversation during the workshop reminded me that is a relatable experience. Hearing you share your bit of your relational history affirmed that we shouldn’t give up on the things we believe in.

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    • Jim replied 2 months ago

      Hi Alicia. What an incredible and moving letter. To leave something after so long and something you wanted so much had to be very tough. Took a lot of strength. I’m glad you have that strength

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      • Thank you for recognizing my strength, Jim! I couldn’t have made such a transition if it weren’t for others in my life also reminding me of the strength I have.

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        • Jim replied 2 months ago

          Of course Alicia. Your strength is very easily recognizable. Making difficult decisions is not an easy thing to do. Few can. But I think , while others reminding you certainly helps, you are certainly capable of making that transition by yourself, but also smart enough to lean on others to help you too. Your strength is clear. And will only grow 🙂

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    • Alicia,

      I applaud you for making not the right decision, not the wrong decision but the best decision for YOUR life. You analyzed the level of depth that was lacking in your relationship that wasn’t there. You knew what makes you happy and you found yourself still searching. The power and courage it takes to let go of someone rather than to hold on to someone that might change is very brave. I’d say a majority of people stay together to avoid being alone because it’s better than the alternative but you took control of your future because you believe that whole love exists and it damn sure does. Don’t settle for less. Deep connections are the best and most authentic connections you’ll ever have. You’ll find your prince and then your fantasy will become your reality. You will get there! #Believe 🙏🏻

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      • Jamie, I absolutely loved that you positioned my decision outside of the terms wrong/right because I struggled with that for a while. Prioritizing myself over my relationship made me feel selfish, but it was truly about me taking control of my future. Thank you for speaking such kind words into my life!

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        • Alicia,

          I definitely felt that struggle in your words in your letter. Your story hits home more than you know and has challenged me to think which I appreciate. You mentioned feeling selfish at that time. If you look at any great person they’ve separated themselves from being average because of the sacrifices they’ve made. That’s why you’ve heard the saying it’s lonely at the top. You have to be a little selfish to get there. There’s nothing wrong with that. You bet on you and won. The person of your future will need to accept that part of you and back you to allow you to grow on your own too. Some people are meant to be lead singers and some are meant to play in a band. You’re designed with the mindset to do both. May your future music be nothing but harmony when you finally sing that duet of your dreams. 🎵 🎤

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    • I know it is hard to lose a relationship especially when you’ve been going on for almost a long time in your life. You are really strong for making a huge decision in order to take care of yourself.

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