“Yes you are.” “No I am not.”
“Yes you are.” “No I am not!”
“YES YOU ARE!” “NO I AM NOT!”

“Do you remember God?”
A mother’s first question.
“It would be so easy to shoot you right now!”
A father’s first actions.

“No I am not.”

The one with a choice is not me.
Hate is chosen.
Love is built in.

A heart beating warmth to your soul.
I tried so hard.
The voices insisting what my head could not accept.

“NO I AM NOT!”

My tomboy ways convince you.
But we are not homies.
You do not know me.
You haven’t a clue.

“I deserve to be hated?
I am a sinner?
I am a pedophile?
I am going to Hell?”
So disgusting.
Closing the doors to my dark secrets

Years of torment.
How could this be?
Exploding with emotion.
It all must go.

The negativity.
The hair.
The self-hatred.
No more!

“I Am!”

Lifting my head.
Buttoning that nice blue shirt.
Lacing up my boots.
It feels so good.

Now, sideways looks.
“No we can’t serve you.”
“Don’t not touch our things.”
“Do you have a mask?

“Am I sick?”

“No!”

I am not sick.
I am not bad
I do not deserve that!

I am me.
The best me.
The kind me.
The smart me.
The loving and honest me.

It’s time to dive head first.
Opening the doors to the darkest closet.

I put on my big-girl boxers.
I grabbed that blue button-up.
And threw on my hat.
I put that rainbow belt on that screamed, “I’m so not her roommate.”

I tore those doors down.
I stepped out of that closet.
I am a tool belt lesbian.
Thanks, TikTok ur a librarian

I can never go back.
My head is held high.
I’m holding your hand.
“Do you?””I do!”

The dos and the don’ts
The nos and the nots
It all falls off
So all you got
Is I AM

A blanket of black,
A comfort of lives long dead
And the stars breathe life.

First day!
What to expect?
Exited, nervous, undefinable?
Confused, turned around,
Don’t know where to go,
Or how to study?

Well you’re not alone,
My first time at university
I was eighteen, unsure
Of what career to persue,
And what to study for me to succeed.

A new chapter in lives
New expectations, responsibilities,
That weigh heavily, as duties
To self and society’s demands
On your ability to make moneys,

Live alone,
Pay rent,
Have a relationship,
That’s heaven sent,
Have 1.75 children and pant
As you pay bills that pile, always spent.

Firsts are always flustering, lone,
As none other than expectations, gone, gone
Down the tubes as reality is a forgone
Hindrance to cheer that has none
Of the tools for survival except a will made of bone.

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

A fleeting moment is what it was.
Back then, when you stayed the weekend at your not-yet dad’s house.

A simple question is asked,
“Do you want to move here?”

You were so tired, awake past your bedtime.
You had to get up before dawn to drive the hour back home with your mom.

You asked, “What do you mean?”
Excited at the choice, but scared to jump into a new school; a new life.

You always were, and still are, a recluse at heart.
But, the question was asked again and you said yes without much thought.

You never did fit in, but you never noticed.
Not until it was too late, but you never really cared.

And did you ever regret the move?
Well, you still live there, don’t you?

Subtitle: Love Conquers All 💙🤝🌎

Your Love is — truly “insane”
Hard to explain —

Hard to believe —
You would have — such — Amazing Grace

It makes me — choke up — to think about —
How Great — Your love — truly is

I just wish — the rest of the world — would be open — to receiving it

So they could also — watch you move

So they can see — we’ve all been — chosen

Not just me — them too

The “righteous” route — is not an easy one
but neither is — thee other

At least with you — my pain — won’t be in vein
& I know — one day — I will recover

I’m so thankful — for the life — I currently live
Illness & all — as hard — as it may get

I’ll take it — over a life — without You — any day

I have truly — began — to believe & to see —

You will always — supply me — with adequate strength & resources — to push forward & succeed

I can’t stop myself — from getting emotional —
thinking about — all that — You Are

— & all — that — You’ve Been

You Are —
The Way, The Truth, & The Life 🙌🏼

Our Father, life long Partner, & Friend 🫶🏼

If earth— has the capability — to feel — this good — at times

I can only imagine — how eternity — in Heaven
— next to You — could’ve been

Adam & Eve — deprived us of that — from the start —

but I know — Everyday that we choose you —
we’re that much closer — to joining you — at the top

At the top of — “The Staircase”

I was never really sure — how we — would make it —

But you told me — all I had to do — was take
“The Next Step”

So here I am Lord — to give You back 🤲🏼
Your Glory & full credit 🙌🏼

I could’ve never done it — without Your loving care & detailed instruction

To Our Creator of the universe — The Most High — Jireh

I can’t wait — till the day —
we finally get to see — for our selves —

A world — where joy meets — no end
& “Love Conquers All” 💙🤝🌎

***Quote to live by***

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase” —MLK

“Pain is weakness leaving the body”

– Lieutenant General Lewis Burwell “Chesty” Puller

oh how my body aches
and how my mental faculties
are full of distraught,
agony and suffering

yet i hunger for more,
nothing seems to satisfy me
for as soon as i reach my peak
there’s another valley soon to follow

this push and pull of forces
has me wondering about it all
is there something i am chasing,
maybe a mirror on the wall?

regardless, i press onward
for the only way out of this world
is by facing what i dare not dream of
for even a whisper could wipe it away

this pain is simply weakness
leaving the body ever so fluidly
and i welcome it as a friend
standing alone at summer’s end

There is one particular positive affirmation
which speaks the most to me;
“You are exactly where you need to be”.

Focus your energy on the here & now,
stay in the present moment.
For the time will pass
regardless how you spend it.

Set yourself free
from feeling as though
you are never anywhere close to being
where you want or need to be.
You are.

What would you do if I died today…

What would you do if I died today? Would even bat an eye? Would know what I was truly feeling deep inside? Would you question my motives? Would you shed a tear? Would you blame yourself or simply hide in fear?

What would you do if I died today? Would you call my family near? Would you morn my broken spirit? Would you grieve? Would you care? Would you be astringent or simply angry at the thought?

What would you do if I died today? How could you handle the pain? Is it harder knowing you failed me or maybe you’d be ashamed? Would you put my picture up? Would you hide it from the world or simply place a flower below the iced flag poles?

What would you do if I died today? Would take a look at your actions? Would you regret your mistakes? Would you raise your concerns? Would fight for a greater faction? Would pay closer attention to me sitting in your void? Would modify your behavior or simply look away?

What would you do if I died today? How would you view my perspectives? How would you handle that mistreatment, the laughter, the judgment, and the resentment? How could you sleep at night? How could you carry on? How could you rise above it all or could you simply just move on?

What would you do if I died today? To be honest, simply nothing. My spirit has been broken and my mind is left with nothing. My values have been stripped from me. My passion has been mangled. My hope has been flatlined and my character has been dissevered.

What would you do if I died today? I could be anyone in your life. You simply just cannot open your eyes to tell from all the spit. I am an open door, a whisper in the air, the chills from a cold night, or a just shadow to be fair. I’ve come to you so many times, but my voice is never heard. It’s sombre to really feel this way. It’s dreary and dismal. But, the fact you choose not to help is honestly the worst of them all.

What would you do if I died today? Please tell me I’d like to know! Closed minds are just like lost souls. Trapped to wander aimlessly and looking for hopeless goals.

First is first- as Jesus says:
“Come unto me, and ye shall find rest”!
Also saying, “The Truth makes free”…
This jailbird found his heavenly wings!
Also many blind are now made to see!

Made is not forceful-Made=Cause,
Because of the great goodness of Him-
We are compelled to keep his laws…
Even if it’s alone it’s perfect for this Tim!

Because the law is Love, I can trust that,
Grace from above to all of us Street Rats!
He sent, He lives, always did exist-
The self-sufficient King,
In need of nothing on his list…
Except you! He carries in hand,
You’re his priceless Jewel –
Please understand.
He gave His life for you to live,
Eternity passed all, please come to Him 🙏

Be pure and be true
To this God- man who made,
I know it sounds cruel-
But by His blood we’re saved!!!
For all eternity He changes not His mind,
You were on top of His every thought-
When death closed His eyes…

But only for 3 days,
He walked right out of the tomb,
In hell he made his bed-
Like a weekend hotel room.
Yes he suffered God’s wrath…
And he suffered for you!

Again you are all this King of kings need,
Take him at his Word
Your restful soul is guaranteed!
He prepares for you a special custom place
Fitting you so well just let it be,
Perfect beauty placed in heaven’s seat!

Nothing in our hands-
Everything He gives,
Come to His Fountain of Life…
And buy these 2 quotes live!!!

9-25-24

Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
A time where self-love came theta
Fast forward to today, I emulate that if I may
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
Fake it till you make it, peace like they can take it
Bound to you fruitfully as they can make fit
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
Truth fills the soul in every corner
Binding to divinity, all holy trinity
Spreading light internally then outwardly in my vicinity
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
Look at my past, the era of trauma.
Swiftly ended generational curses among us
Love, light & soul ties made it to karma
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.