Dear Younger Self,

I need you not to worry about what everyone else thinks. The way you see yourself and feel inside is more important than the opinions, approval, or validation of other people. Accept what is true to you. Through multiple generations, your ancestors have carried the collective intelligence through your DNA to propel, guide and protect you. You were born with divine wisdom, talent, and gifts specific and unique for your evolution and prosperity. As you learn, discover, and cultivate your skills, be kind to yourself. Be patient with your mistakes and shortcomings, you can try as many times as you need to. Your faults don’t make you unworthy of love or acceptance, in fact nothing does.
I need you not to worry about how many friends you have and how many people like you. Be yourself and your people will find you. Don’t sacrifice your safety or values for being accepted by others. Betraying yourself will create self-doubt and a lack of confidence in what you are doing and how you are making decisions. When your needs and expectations change, don’t be afraid to let go of what doesn’t fit to keep growing and maturing. Keep being the best friend you need even if you don’t have one. Don’t withhold your joy and compassion, none of it is ever wasted. Even the people who reject you are more than likely looking for the same acceptance love and community.
I need you to not worry about failing. Your comfort zone will never invite the unknown because familiarity is the default. Research, rehearse, refine, and redo as many times as you need to. If you haven’t tried the scenario you thought of, how do you know if it works? Just because it doesn’t exist doesn’t mean you can’t be the first to create it—you were birthed from infinite possibility. When you don’t get it right, you are still learning and growing forward. You aren’t a fraud, you aren’t the labels, and you aren’t the pain.
I need you not to worry about pleasing other people. You have so much to offer and it is not centered on performance. Credentials and accolades don’t define impact or your ability to connect. However, love, trust and forgiveness does. Don’t lose yourself worrying about winning acceptance and recognition. Even if no one takes the time to honor you, honor yourself by being and doing your best.
I need you to not worry that you will be single forever. You are beautiful, you are wise, you are intelligent, you are capable and love will find you in all forms as you surrender to it. Spend your singlehood doing the things you love. You were made to commune and connect. Whatever you are looking for in a partner will be reflected when you are already doing and being what you are looking for. You are not alone, even if it feels like it.
I need you not to worry about time. Be present in what is happening right now. A better future starts with what you are doing right now. Take your time with everything you are doing because you are worth every moment. People will try to teach you how to prioritize and maximize it but this is your individual journey, you make the rules.
I need you to not worry about what other people have that you don’t. Comparing yourself to others will almost always make you feel a insecure or inadequacy. If there is something you desire, ask yourself what part of you wants it and it’s bigger purpose or meaning for you. This will help you decide if it is for you.
I need you to not worry about knowing exactly what you want to do or study. You will find what works for you doesn’t let you go-it will stick to your mind and heart like glue- all the puzzle pieces will make sense over time. When people try to convince you to do things that sound good, think about how it might make you feel or if you even like it. You don’t have to have all the answers, just pursue what resonates with you.
I just need you to be your full beautiful, brilliant, magnificent and courageous self.

Love you deep.

I hear and see you, even if the world doesn’t. I know you are drowning, and you fear the sharks beneath the water. Though, we both know that the largest threat is trusting your own strength. The fears you face are real, and I know the largest of all, is the question of how long you have to wait to be rescued. I can tell you sweet truths and sweeter lies, but the reality of the situation is your suffering, and it will be for a while.  
Some of these horrible fears will catch up to you, but not the worst ones. Every evil thought that could be thought, will choke you. Your humor turns dark, so grim that no one can bear a smile not even you. But in the end, the hospital stays you fear will bolster you up. The friends that leave you remind you that change is the painful beauty of nature. Yes, the future is going to be difficult, but don’t allow its dread to fill you.
 At the end of the day you are right, no one is going to rescue you. No one will brush off your tears or remind you it will someday be all ok, no one except you. I know you are too weak to even do this, and there is an idea in your head “If I can’t pick myself up right now, I never can.” This thought is untrue. Strength comes and goes, and it will come back again. Though all seems to be doomed, know that though you can’t smile now, you will in the future.
My dear, I see your pain, but I know your fear. You fear your future will kill you because you see the boat leaving your sight as you tread thick waters. The people you once trusted left you behind due to their inability to understand. You question your strength as you think: “This will be my forever.” Know that this is the greatest lie. Your current situation does not define your future. You can choose your future with the simple decisions of your current situation.

Dear Younger Me
In your 20s, your biggest fear will be loneliness,
that you’ll never marry, won’t have children, grandchildren.
You think you find the one in college,
but he finds someone else. Then, seven years later, this man reappears.
You give it another try. It seems like true love. He leaves you again.
This time over the phone, long distance.

Once again, you’re abandoned. You watch friends start families.
You move, start over, meet a much older, intensively interesting man.
This guy shows you his town, which soon becomes your city.
He tells stimulating stories about where he’s been.
You date him. Things are great, but differences pop up.
You fight, you consider leaving. You make up. You stay together.

After almost eight years, he finally proposes. For 30 years,
you’ve been secure, as cozy as the soft, old t-shirt he doesn’t mind
that you sleep in. The strong, funny man who loves you
left you alone on work trips, but you got busy with church,
spent many hours grading, lesson planning, writing.
Then he retires before you, goes away to take care of his mom.

Weekends are hard, but you find things to do. His love is as steadfast
as the towering oak trees in the yard of the home you moved into.
So many times, your worries about companionship, money, career
occupy thoughts that should have been spent in gratitude
for the life God gave you with this loving man you met
on your first day starting over.

Dear younger me,
Baby girl, life is beautiful, and tomorrow is never promised. Go out and experience the world and all the beauty that it holds.
If you get a chance to try something new, do it! If you get to go somewhere you’ve never been, go for it!! If you get a chance to see a Broadway show, watch it! Just try new things. You never know what you might like until you try. Because one day you’ll wake up and wish you had done all of these things.
You only live once and you won’t be young forever. It goes by so fast. The best things in life are making memories, starting a family, and holding on to great friends. This is your story. It’s your book. You are the author. What do you want others to read? How do you want to leave a mark on the world? Some people come into your life for a reason or a season. Pay attention and know the difference. There will be some people who come into your life that don’t have the best intentions for you. Let them be part of a short chapter, not the whole book. Keep pushing forward. Don’t just sit and wait for life to happen for you, because you will wait forever, and life will just pass you by.
There isn’t a trial run on life. You only get one shot. Make the best of it! Have no regrets. Have exciting stories to tell your children. Take a picture a day and start a memory wall. You’ll be happy you did. It will capture the moments that are so easily forgotten.

Try to have a close relationship with your parents. You might not be close now, but they will be your best friend later. Visit your grandparents often. That’s the best wisdom that money can’t buy. Give back to the ones less fortunate. Adopt from a shelter. Show them what love feels like before it’s too late.
Find a special place that makes you happy. And a special person who makes you smile. Start a career. Start a family. Just start living. Don’t wait till it’s too late to do all of these things. Tell your kids about Jesus. Raise your family to be strong in their faith, respect their elders, and have good manners. Be on time. You are just as important as anyone else. So treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Say you’re sorry if you make a mistake. Say, thank you often. Say hello to someone with a smile. They may need to hear It. Always show love, even when it may not be easy. In everything you do, do it with love.
Don’t worry about the little dramas. They’re not important. Just be happy and stay true to yourself. Never change who you are just to fit in someone else’s life. Don’t put up with being disrespected. Don’t build walls to keep everyone out. Just build a picket fence so that others can still pass by and see your beauty. And know your worth. You are so smart, but you still have so much to learn. Stay focused on your goals. Stay happy! Stay humble! Stay you!
Don’t worry !!!
You got this!
Your older self.

Dear little one,

I know it’s been hard for you. All this time has passed, and you do not know what has happened. I smile, caressing your soft cheek and wiping the tears from your lonely eyes. Let me tell you what happened and what we should have done in certain cases. Most of the time, Ma was right, and we needed to listen to her. Oh, but that stubborn little head of ours, we think we know what’s best. We don’t. I pick you up and place you on my lap, and then I already know the first question you will ask. “What happened to our eye?” I sigh and pat your head. It was our own self-loathing and self-sabotage ways. We were supposed to keep track of it, to always put our drops on. “Put your drops on,” Ma always says, and when I moved out with Mama, I stopped doing it.

I know what you’re going to say, “Why?” and frankly, I cannot for the life of me figure out what happened. I’m scared of not being able to see, not being able to draw or write anymore, and then I do this? We could have had our eyes fine until we were old, but no, my self-sabotaging ways had to get in the way. I started fine, driving everywhere, and going to work, and then gradually the darkness overwhelmed me. Then I went blind in my left eye. They would have left it in if it wasn’t for the glaucoma making it throb and hurt because, you know, insult to injury. A surgery to stop the pain only for it to get worse to the point they just decided to take my eye. As I sit here and look at you, I realize that it hasn’t even been 6 months since the surgery. How am I dealing with it? I place that fake smile that we are known for and just carry on. I got a prosthetic, and people can’t even tell it’s fake. Of course, we feel sad, and I know I need to go to therapy and trust me, it is well needed. I didn’t get married around my 20s like we thought (but who am I kidding in this dating pool? Right?) no kids and a good thing too, found out with all that sleepiness back growing up that it was narcolepsy. Whatever happens, just know we are working towards our dreams and we are never giving up.

We lost a lot of friends along the way, but the ones that stayed are the real ones, the ones we cherish the most. My heart aches for the loneliness and depression you’ll go through, but that only made us tougher and more aware of the world.

Don’t you worry, little one, it’s not all bad. We’ve met wonderful people too. One in particular is a wonderful soul. We connect on another level, even if the age gap is big. She makes us laugh, and sometimes cry with the emotional things they say. She gave us confidence about our art, ourselves, and everything we do. She will live on in my heart. We’ve met friends, and even though we were scared to, we found some love in others even if the time was short. Time is fleeting, and I know you’re worried we will not live past the age of 30 or that we will never have kids or fall in love. But I’m here to say to you that it’s not always going to be as it’s planned. Learned about myself, to say the least. My dreams and ambitions are more important than silly things to worry about like husbands and kids. Our love grows, and being an artist has taught me I could leave my mark in this world with beautiful art or even with the stories I love to work on. Don’t sell yourself short, little one, our art is unique in its ways, and there may be times when we think it’s worth nothing, but I’m here to tell you to think like that because I have become a part of my work, and I believe it is beautiful, just like me. I place you down from my lap and watch that frown turn into an unsure smile, but I know you got this as I watch you run into the world known as our future.

Oh, child you are and so were you a child
I suppose you would know that lasts but a while
And the past will creep up and your eyes will hang down
And you’ll fasten life up by passing the worst of you down
So here I tell you some now and you hold it yesterday
That years may be harsh and foul, and still, you must stay
One day you’ll bleed and that stain marks you fresh
Be careful, take heed the wolves smell of your breath
And they come bearing gifts, and they come like your friends
And you will follow the rest, every trend and river bend
But follow only the drum, the beat of your own heart
Because rivers can drown, and wolves can tear you apart
You’ll spend hours each day trying to sew a new self
And then tuck bottles of aged tears on your mahogany shelf
But that should not frighten or stir you a heap
There are far better sheep to stumble whilst you are asleep
When the sun takes it breath and kisses your cheek
Reminding you each day will be no different from last week
And you will carry yourself as you burden your feet and your back
Trying to make coins for your home by doing mediocre tasks
So, engulf yourself in something, to free your mind of this plight
For the revolving door spins, circling you like shark carrying spite
Imagine your castle without knowing of the suffering outside
Like a drunken Marie Antoinette who trades spades for her pride
It is far easier to swallow a pill than what reality can grant
But one day, a computer will market it, call it a repackaged brand
And your greige kind of lifestyle can be copied and sold
Your soul can be bought and shipped, and your ambition placed on hold.
Your lovers will share lovers and your friends are the phases
Your skin and organs keep records, but your mind just erases.
The letters in boxes are not letters this time
Just reminders of balances and outstanding fines
The eggs are not cracked for baking activities little child
They are prepared as a meal and need to last for a while
And if you find yourself slipping and becoming quite unhinged
Remember that hospitals are for purging and prisons for binge
So, look up in the mirror and have the reflection tell you each day
What your mind wants to lie on so you will continue to play
The play that is life, choose any piece and any path
But know once you choose there is no going back.
But to you dear child, the less seasoned version of me.
Do not worry or bury your head to protect your fragility.
For you see, I will carry myself in you, and fight what monsters I can
I have seen me in my past, be the only one to hold my own hand
I will cry with you and laugh with you and drink with you all night
I will only separate if you feel degraded, but know that it’s all right
Life will always do what life does, it folds time, bends rules and breaks hearts.
Do not worry about it because, one day it will end before the rest of it starts.

You’re the leaf of a tree that’s tall beyond measure,
a heart that yearns for the sky.
Know then that a man who conquers his pleasures, 
will encourage his dreams not to die.
 
I know you can’t keep your head from the clouds,
but at least keep your feet on the ground.
Tune into the world and notice the sounds,
for through your struggle will meaning be found.
 
The song of your being is tied to your virtue,
be wise with your dreams and keep up with your work due.
Balance the self and no one can hurt you,
achieve what you may ere the realm we return to.
 
Physical prowess calms the mind,
the spirit follows, a bodily rhyme.
Focused energy of the divine,
creates in you a glorious shine.
 
There’s grace in being, a natural beauty, 
practice the posture of might.
Unlocking You is the primary duty,
ever-growing toward Light.
 
A student of life and the stories that guide us,
what priceless wisdom our studies can buy us,
compounding thoughts since Younger Dryas,
authoring words that still define us.
 
Connect to what’s real, what essence exists,
experience love and true selflessness.
Open yourself to seeing the gifts,
of being a human, with consciousness.
 
Have your days of peregrination,
required of you – the human vocation,
Man’s quest for harmonization,
to live, to follow where melodies take him.
 

With a heart of adversity, we rise,
With faith as our compass, guiding our skies.
A remarkable journey, woven with grace,
A story of resilience, in life’s embrace.

Listen, little ME, to Maya’s voice,
As her spirit ignites, we find our choice.
In the waiting room, where courage is found,
Our story unfolds, with a resounding sound.

“Mountains Can’t Rise Without Earthquakes,” we both wrote,
Our memoir of triumph, where hope took note.
Through abandonment’s sting and violence’ plight,
We emerged, stronger, in love’s pure light.

In her words, our pain finds release,
As our own pen like Maya’s weaves a melody of peace.
With unwavering spirit, we faced the unknown,
At fourteen, homeless, but never alone.

Our faith, a beacon, steadfast and true,
In God’s embrace, we found strength anew.
Through trials and tears, we persevered,
Our spirit unyielding, our purpose clear.

For Maya taught us, in her timeless way,
That the human spirit can rise, come what may.
With each earthquake we faced, we grew,
Mountains emerged, and dreams came true.

So, dear younger self, worry not, my dear,
Maya’s inspiration whispers, ever near.
In the moment’s of faith, find God and rest,
For the future is held, by God’s loving chest.

Let our story inspire, empower the soul,
As the spirit of Jesus takes its toll.
With resilience and hope, we’ll pave the way,
And touch lives, as Maya did, day by day.

In the rhythm of life, with Maya’s embrace,
We find strength, courage, and endless grace.
Our worries, we release, for God holds the key,
With Maya’s inspiration, we soar, wild and free.

You have dreams that you think constantly about,
Hoping spontaneity is something you live out.
You meditate on the future,
To the point you drive yourself into a stupor.
You can’t think straight,
Because your worries have a heavy weight.
Everyday you strive to your goals,
And everyday the finishing line continues to roll.
You take a step, and your feet are caught in a web.
You fall, you stumble, you choke, you croak.
You scream, you cry, you moan, you whine.
You stress about all the things that could go wrong,
Not knowing that if you just go, it won’t be long.
You have to walk through the fire and bathe in the dirt.
Sleep in the woods and wear the same shirt.
The journey is hard and tiresome too,
But if you keep going I know what God will show you.
He will show you what he can do for you,
He will grow flowers everywhere it hurts, too.
Cleanse the dirt from your life,
And make you as sharp as the edge of a knife.
You have dreams that you think about constantly,
& if you trust in Him he will deliver you from this economy.
“Seek the Kingdom of God and all things will be added to you.”
This verse is why your worries should be few.
Focus on the journey and forget the stress.
Skip through daisies and think less.
Your going to make it to the finishing line, I know that for sure.
Remember to live in the moment and never let life become a blur.