tomorrow marks 2 years since you left
breaking the entirety of my being in ways I didn’t know were possible.

but, I’m not sad anymore.

I can finally say your name without trembling
and my heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore when I think about you.
Don’t take this wrong and think that I don’t still love you
because I do,
I always will
and nothing can change that.

because e.,
in the years since our eclipse,
no one has ever come close to
making me feel
as loved and accepted as you.
not even myself.

you changed me
and I am sincerely better for it.
the eternal gift of your love and for this I will always be grateful.

self-ideation was a just a concept and
I had no idea who I was before you
showed me what it felt like to be
recieved with intention.

I will never forget your smile
the first night we met
or how gently we kissed in front of Rebar
listening to my favorite band on repeat.
(“one more hour” was always my favorite track, but now it’s even more special because of you.)

I never got the chance to tell you but e.,
you quite literally launched me into this new life as a poet
and propelled my devotion to spirituality.
that one rose quartz caused it all and now I have more crystals than I can even count
every time I get a new one, I think of you
and I’ve finally stopped favoring ones that are blue.
I’ve most recently started gravitating to purples and pinks.
a symbolic representation of my journey of trying to fall in love after you.

I’ve had to learn the hard way that no one will ever love me like you did
and I’m not saying that out of pity or remorse at all.
It just makes what we shared all the better because you are the blueprint
You made falling in love feel like a dream.
You are the reason I know to never settle
and know what it means to reach perfection because you saw it in me
and nurtured it even when you knew you’d have to leave.

That used to make me sad but I understand why now.

Without your influence, I would be doing so much worse.
I definitely would have settled
and probably gotten stuck with a baby
co-created by someone not even worthy of my energy.
(SINCERELY…THANK YOU!!!!)

I’ve written so much about you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.
A part of me will always miss you
but I know that we weren’t meant to be
A forbidden love
with a man lost at sea.
My literal sailor and hero
in the U.S Marines

Thank you for gracing me with your presence.
Thank you for seeing what I didn’t know existed inside of me.
Thank you for teaching me that feeling and connection are not something to fear.
Thank you for showing me the importance of surrendering to the universe,
to trust the process and just flow.
Thank you for making me a poet
and forcing me to grow and
receive new love in ways
I never even dreamed

You really did change me e.
and for that, I will always be grateful.
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this,
but that won’t stop me from giving flowers when they are due and my one regret is not being able to give you that while you were still here.
So e.
if this does ever find you,
all I really wanna say is
thank you <3