Here I am sitting across from a frothy white chocolate mocha, where the steam kisses my eyes as I close them.
I inhale a deep breath and exhale a smile, fully teethed, pearly matching the pearls given to me by my Grandmother.
Just as the camera man yells “Scene, take 1”
I am in my zone.
I gracefully let the melodies of memorized lines glide freely from my lips as my soul is soothed by just being here.
Present.
Present is not past tense. It’s intense in this moment.
I’m here.
I’m alive.
Thriving off of the very thing that helped me survive.
It’s no surprise, I am a crafter.
Carefully skilled words woven into a silk created emotional basket.
I offer up my body like the Tin Man In hopes of getting a brain. One that is settled, free and happy.
Images of what happiness feels like from within.
The inside.
The craft enlightens me.
My ideal self and the old me cross paths.
This time we share a couple of laughs.
No sympathetic whispers of fear or doubt.
The old me knows I’m filtering out the negativity that does not serve me anymore.
I prayed for days like this.
Beaming genuinely, smiling and knowing true self love and not just from afar.

My ideal self, a true star.
Each pointe representing a point where I remembered just how beautiful everybody says that I are.
I am.
Look at how high I set the bar.
For myself, I am the bar.
Top shelf.
200lbs and 2 ice cubes of something spectacular.

“Cut” Yells production.

The smile fades, the pearly whites are tucked away.
It’s not forever this time.
The next scene is left of me my eyes fixated on the display.
I am happy today.
Truly happy!
Being the star of my own show, executive producing and achieving goals.
I am doing everything on last year’s wish list and now creating a new list of wins.
My ideal self is wealthy.
Not in the form of currency, currently the wealth comes with residuals results of good health.
Ideally I worked really hard on this scene.

“It’s a wrap for today”

But this happiness is continuously.