Dear Past Self,

How are you? If I had to guess, I’d say you’re probably feeling angry and discouraged from another day being bullied at school. Were you bullied about your weight? Your clothes? Your interests? Maybe it was something else with which you never imagined anyone would find a problem. Whatever it was, I’ll bet the bullies got away with it, and the teacher tried to make it your fault somehow. If you tried to stand up for yourself, you were probably punished. If you cried, you were scolded. I’ll bet the teacher said something like, “You’re just too sensitive.” “You need to toughen up.” “Big girls don’t cry.” Does any of that sound familiar?

If a more understanding teacher was around when this happened, they probably said, “Don’t pay any attention to them” or “It gets better.” Sure, they mean well, but that’s not exactly helpful either. I know you’re sick of hearing those phrases repeated over and over. You’re sick of the injustice of it all. You’re sick of being misunderstood; you’re sick of the lies. Well, I’m not going to lie to you.

I won’t tell you to ignore your bullies because I know it’s useless. With a memory like ours, you won’t forget the cruel things they say, even when you wish you could. I won’t tell you it gets better because I don’t know if that’s the word I’d use to describe our life. Maybe not “better”, but it does get different. One day, you’ll leave school and experience what adult life has to offer, the good and the bad. You’ll experience so many new and important things that will make every word the bullies say seem like a drop in the bucket by comparison!

You probably have a million questions about the future. You’re probably wondering if you’ll go to a prestigious university, find love, have children, and have a high-paying job. Depending on your age, you may be dreaming of a future as a teacher, actress, or lawyer. I won’t tell you if those dreams come true because knowing you, you’d probably do something to change our history if you knew what the future holds. All I’ll say is things don’t turn out the way you planned, and that can be a good or bad thing, depending on how you look at it. You may never have an idealized, normal life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t live a fulfilling one.

When you get older, there’s an expectation that you get wiser too. Frankly, I don’t feel wise enough to give anyone advice, but I’ll do my best. I know you need it, and you got some truly stupid advice from the people who were supposed to protect you. First of all, your teachers are wrong. They’ll say you’re too smart for your own good. They’ll tell you you’ll never belong unless you hide your intellect and interests. Nearly twenty years later, I still don’t understand why they thought that was good advice to give a child! Teachers are supposed to foster learning, not stifle it. In time, you’ll see how ironic that advice was coming from them, and we can have a good laugh about it. Now all you need to know is that it was bad advice.

You do not have to dumb yourself down to get people to like you! It’s true that not everybody will understand or appreciate your intellect, but the ones who matter will. Maybe you don’t fit in with your hometown, but there’s a huge world out there, full of diverse beliefs and customs. You’ll get to experience some of it for yourself. Someday you’ll fulfill your dream of going to New York. You’ll get to shop in Times Square and see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway just like you wanted, and it’ll be even better than you dreamed! When you get there, you’ll notice something interesting. The people there have a better appreciation of the arts and pop culture than back home, and they don’t look at you like a monster because you don’t wear bright colors or a cross necklace. You may be scared at first, but you’ll get there and fit right in!

I know you don’t believe it now, but you will find your people. Your mom, dad, and grandparents will be there for you as long as they’re alive, so be kind to them while you can. One day you’ll wish you’d been kinder. You’ll have your cat for seventeen years, and he’ll be your best friend when you have nowhere else to turn. When he’s gone, you’ll find new friends, both animal and human, to help you navigate life’s ups and downs. Your neighbors will always have your back, and while your extended family may not fully get you, they’re good people. Best of all, you’ll find a new friend and father figure in the most unlikely place, and he’ll help you find your true purpose in life.

All the things that you’re bullied for now (your intelligence, interests, emotions, etc.) will eventually lead you exactly where you’re supposed to be. Trust your instincts, and enjoy the ride!