dear byrdy ,

she doesn’t call us that anymore , she hasn’t since we were 13. such a long time ago , feels like a century . we got through our “terrible” twenties and made it to our thriving thirties , i’m hoping we did . I am hoping we made it to 23, 26 , 38 , 54 ,67 . do the words that mother said still matter to us and linger in our heart ? she couldn’t love us so she “hopes we find someone who will” . you did , didn’t you , they love you much , they love you whole! I knew it .I hope you found home in yourself , you’ve been searching for 20+ years . I hope you found a foundation in someone else .i hope they are soft and patient and kind. how is our forever friend ? he still a rough doggy , he loves us very much . are you at peace ? are you your favorite self , we tried so many years to be our best self – not our favorite. I hope we are our favorite. did you allow your independence to grow ? hopefully you allowed someone else in . how was New York ? did you get to watch hamilton , so sad it wasn’t the original.

it’s silly we are talking to ourselves in third person , second person , we are a person . did we ever remember that ? we are a person , human , as strong as we are we are breakable . I have a feeling that our 2 jobs turned into 1 . Did we find our writing passion ? go back to school for it . I hope the book business is booming , poetry is in season still ? . It’s be some time since we spoke to each other so many things I want to know , how many tattoos do we have ? do we scream our fav songs and do weird dance moves in our house ? are we married ? do we still work at the hospital? do we love someone else ? do we pray ? do we heal ? do we grieve him still ? where do we live ? what do we do ? are we okay ? are we still standing ? did we make it ? are we allowing ourself to breathe?

overbearing ourselves with questions! We are so excited to know . so strong and so beautiful and so wise , i hope your tears turned into a river where you floated far away , away from this city , away from your pain , away from your grief , away from your trauma , away from her . I hope your story is beautiful and your life is pure . I hope you live and you dance and you sing and you cry and you hope . I hope you know you’ve made it so far and I am so proud of you . I hope you know you’re more than what she didn’t give you , you are more than life and light . this is your world , your story , your everything . stop being so hard on yourself , stop comparing yourself to everyone else . fly byrdy , until you are where you want to be , just fly .