Dear lady in her thirties,

Perhaps I said it best when reflecting on turning 30 last year in June; writing down lessons I’ve learned in my decade of twenties. I’ve entered an endearing period of life met with a fresh beginning. This is what I love about this chapter of my life. As I recall some learning moments as a twenty-something, I want to revisit them and remind myself of how I’m living these out in this third decade of life.

What I want that others have isn’t always as it seems, and it’s okay to wait for my right moment. This brings me to the reality of being single, never having been married, and not having any children when all I see are people my age getting to partake in these life milestones. This is something I want out of my life, and I get anxious about the possibility of this not happening for me. However, I hear stories of hardship, challenges, or struggle some people face with being married, in a relationship, and/or having children, and it allows me to take a step back and be grateful for what I have. I get to grab dinner with my friends and family whenever I want. I get to decorate my home the way I prefer. I can travel in a moment’s notice.

I’ve learned it’s not worth getting stuck in the visions of how something is “supposed to be” and it not working out. I should still experience life and see what happens. Making the best out of my work life in establishing healthy relationships with my co-workers in which we bond over many restaurants and talk delicious recipes. Reconnecting with old friends that bring a sense of coziness. Traveling to Ireland this fall and experiencing the heartiness of their culture along with the beauty of their land. It’s these moments I hold onto, and I don’t even have to worry about visualizing them – they just end up being joyful surprises instead.

Saying “no” is a saving grace, and being comfortable doing this is a delight. I know that it may sting a little in the moment, but trusting my gut of when to say “no” is what I always need to do. I’ve taken one year off dating apps after using them for multiple years with no success. It’s been rejuvenating. Reminding myself that the men I said “no” to certain things because of my values and beliefs not matching up to theirs was all worth every disappointment.

Every mistake is a learning moment and even though letting go of shame seems impossible, thinking about the broad picture of how it will equip me for the next best moment is helpful. Thinking about how I stayed in toxic work environments, accepted people’s hurtful words, made decisions that ended up doing more harm than good—I look back now, and realize how much this has helped me present day in experiencing triumph and contentment that I have the privilege of living. Through this, it gave me focus of fighting for what I deserve and treasure most.

So as I close this letter, I want to remind myself to keep these learning moments that have jumpstarted this chapter of my life. Here’s to the next decade and years to come in creating meaningful memories. I never expected the start of my 30’s to feel so content.

Cheers,
Mariel