A college graduation ceremony,
The celebration of
Hours and hours spent studying,
Working student janitor jobs,
Barely sleeping or maintaining a social life,
Driven by passion and encouraged by professors and peers.
This a defining moment I haven’t experienced,
My college journey cut short by
A doctor’s visit,
A new orange prescription bottle that felt like a cinderblock in my backpack.
A series of events that I was sure would make everyone see me as
A failure, lazy, without determination.

I moved back into my parents home,
Like a puppy without a treat,
My tail tucked between my legs.
I struggled to find my purpose,
My place in a town I thought I’d left behind.

As fate, or the internet, would have it,
I met someone.
They saw parts of me that I was ashamed of,
And told me how bright they shined.
They laid bare past relationships full of betrayal and heartbreak,
And I held them when they finally gave themselves the space to cry for how they were hurt.
We slow danced in the kitchen,
To old school jazz,
While sweet potatoes cooked in the oven..
And I saw days stretching ahead
With this beautiful being
This other half of my soul.

Wedding bells pealed,
Vows were written and tearfully exchanged.
Families drew together to celebrate,
Dancing ruled the night!
But not for me.
I sat at another wedding reception, thinking of the text message
Telling me things weren’t going to work out.
Another moment I once thought would be so defining,
Slipping away from my grasp.

The more I grow,
The more I discover myself,
The more I lean into even the darkest parts of my mind and heart,
The more I think that my “most defining days” may be made up of simple, quiet moments.
Of the times I have held myself on the bathroom floor,
And through all the loss remind myself
I am worthy of love
And great things are still ahead for me.