Dear Little Anthony,

I hope this letter finds you in a moment of quiet reflection. I have been afforded the opportunity to speak to you from the future— a future where pain has been met with resilience and transformation. I understand that right now you are facing unimaginable challenges that feel insurmountable. Entangled in a world that seems dark and threatening, and you will often feel lost and alone. But I want you to know that there is hope, and there is a path forward.

You are currently navigating the harsh realities of child abuse, foster care, attachment to the street culture and a life sentence that, if you allow it to, will crush any spark of joy or hope. Though it feels like you’re trapped in a never-ending nightmare, I want to assure you that these experiences are not the end of your story. In fact, they will be the crucible in which your resilience is forged.

You will often feel overwhelmed by despair, especially after your suicide attempt at 16. It will seem like there’s no way out, but every moment of suffering is laying the foundation for a resilience you cannot yet see. Each struggle you encounter is an invitation to rise stronger. It might not feel like it now, but there is a power within you waiting to be unleashed.

You are going to endure year over year in solitary confinement and it will be harrowing; you will question everything about yourself—your worth, your future, your very existence. It’s easy to slip into the belief that you are defined by your circumstances. But remember you are not what has happened to you. You are who you choose to become in response to those experiences.

In time, you will discover that resilience isn’t just about enduring hardship; it’s about transforming that hardship into wisdom. Be willing to learn and accept creative outlets to express yourself and write your own narrative. Art, writing, and connecting with others will become lifelines. Embrace these passions; they will show you the beauty that can emerge, even from the darkest places.

The world will change, and so will you. You will be given the chance to rise above the labels society has placed on you. You’ll realize that your past does not have to dictate your future. Your story will become one of triumph— not in the absence of scars, but in the embracing of them. You will confront your past and begin to heal, step by difficult step.

Keep your heart open to the possibility of connection. Surround yourself with those who believe in redemption and transformation. You will meet mentors who encourage you, fellow travelers who share similar journeys, reunite with a connection who reminds you that you are not alone and that LOVES reach has no boundaries. These relationships will be instrumental in your healing.

And one day, yes, even the unimaginable will happen. You will find yourself at the age of 39, hearing the words you never thought you’d hear: Anthony, your life sentence has been commuted by the Governor of Oregon. Let this moment wash over you. Know that it signifies a recognition of your humanity, your transformation, and your potential. It will be a powerful reminder that it is never too late to rewrite your story.

As you look back on these battles, do not focus solely on the pain but instead on the resilience you’ve cultivated. Celebrate your transformation—a testament to the fact that despite everything you’ve endured, you possess an indomitable spirit. Use your voice to share your journey, to inspire others who may find themselves in similar darkness.

Lastly, be gentle with yourself. Ten Steps forward and two steps backwards is still eight steps forward. Healing is not linear; it ebbs and flows, and each step forward will be met with challenges. Embrace the journey as it unfolds. Trust that amidst the struggles and pain, your life will blossom in vibrant, unexpected ways.

So, in all the chaos, hold on to the knowledge that the future holds much more than you can currently imagine. You’ll emerge from the darkness as a warrior, ready to share your light and inspire change. Your journey is just beginning, and it’s a beautiful one. And please hold onto this… I love who we have become!

With all my love and strength,

Your Future Self

Dear Younger Self,

You won.  Your jabs, tricks, and schemes worked and knocked her down..again and again.  She fought a good fight and hung on to her friends no matter how bad they were.  Was it because she had low self-esteem?  A bad self-image?  All created by you projecting a melting image of herself that shone onto every event in her life?  So you could feel better?  Nobody saved her.  Nobody came to her aid.  She lay there, water rippling over her body..porcelain reflections on the now flat lukewarm surface.  The you now would like this.  The me now HATES this.  The me now needs to live with those memories and shove them away, blaming them on youth, bad parenting, and low self-worth.  But I can’t help but wonder younger self, if we could have saved her, by being kinder.  

Hand on stomach and heart,
Older self

This poem was cultivated one night as I redefined my pain

P-A-I-N I’m a four letta word that will F-U-C-K you…more than sex

P-A-I-N
I am most people’s best kept secret. I’m great at hiding behind a smile or a quick .. “I’m GOOD” 😊

Four letta words Dang they WORK my nerves

they can sit and wait for years …..fester into YOUR SOUL
Turn a good man or woman’s heart COLD

4 letta words …so short and BOLD

….so short and easy to spell but FUCK most four letta words only bring H-E-L-L

I rewrote pains definition

(P) lease (A)im (I)nner (N)ow
is the mission

I WAVE white flag … I’m not giving up But going
B-A-C-K to what M-A-D-E me that’s what Will S-A-V-E ….ME!…… My ROOT(s)

It’s Hey L-o-v-e And GOOD bye P A I N

It’s time to be BORN again….Live Love and do Life so WELL , any pain that I went through will just be a mere story that I tell …

It’s no mystery, redistribution of pain to power is black history

Miracle:

Our resilience came at a price…..

It’s no wonder our parents named us Miracle they knew exactly what we would need to survive this kind of life.

You are a variation of strong that you never knew you could be until we needed to.

I love everything about you that you once hated!
The smile that you dialed back will be the one that gets you seen It shows you’re not mean

Your dark skin that gave them amo to treat you so mean

Will keep you connected to your ancestors and spiritual team !

Our ability to feel others is a super power !

Just keep your mine sane in your darkest hours

you are shakable…..yet ……unbreakable

Sincerely You

I could use somebody
Not for a moment in time someone who’s all mine
you know they’d have to be pretty divine
a being in search of their highest self

you know spiritually inclined not just running around here low level with a dirty mind

But I need them truly concerned with elevating and transcending that little thing that you all consider time

Your avatar t doesn’t matter I’m concerned about the here and the there after
I called that our spiritual chapter

So the question is can you hold my hand , when I’m not me….
when I’m slaying my pain but still riddled with those things called grief and anxiety

When those emotional pain hits my gut
So bad bad they don’t wanna stay inside of me so I throw them up

but all I need you to do is be there
maybe hold my hair
just exist with no twist of your arm no red flags and no
Alarms

just long loving arms
Of spiritual devotion to the laws of the universe
I manifested this with my 123 love potion

Now guide this twin flame on it’s love ocean

A goddess love requires devotion and that’s to the ancestors of love/light to honor them you should do it well and treat me right

And if you do I’ll make sure I give you some like every other night

because the reality is… I could use somebody
somebody not to use me
but just to be…with me

And that’s on TruSpit