Miracle:

Our resilience came at a price…..

It’s no wonder our parents named us Miracle they knew exactly what we would need to survive this kind of life.

You are a variation of strong that you never knew you could be until we needed to.

I love everything about you that you once hated!
The smile that you dialed back will be the one that gets you seen It shows you’re not mean

Your dark skin that gave them amo to treat you so mean

Will keep you connected to your ancestors and spiritual team !

Our ability to feel others is a super power !

Just keep your mine sane in your darkest hours

you are shakable…..yet ……unbreakable

Sincerely You

Dearest Little One,

You were always full of wonder, asking questions with depth beyond your years. Why was I born a girl at this exact place in time in this exact spot on Earth? How does reincarnation work? Why do some people discriminate based on age, orientation, financial status, religion, and/or faith? Certainly love is the answer, knowing no bounds, waiting patiently for us if we only have the courage to look.

You always spoke your mind even if you didn’t know it was impolite according to societal norms or expectations. Even if you did, I know you would have been fearless and persistent in your self-expression. You have always been deeply spiritual and never questioned the beauty of your soul. Blessed with the freedom to find deity all around, you found your own moral compass that suited you as a dedicated truth seeker and lifelong learner. This has led you on a quest for growth that is never ending.

You’ve always been a dreamer, seeking solace in your books. But you also had your own creativity, always citing your imagination whenever someone questioned where you got those ideas from. You never lose sight of the value that comes with playing pretend. Keep dreaming of how the world can be a better place and never stop using that to craft your goals in life.

Your natural resilience pulled you through so many obstacles, even when you faltered in the darkest of times. But don’t worry little one, that’s waiting for you in your teens and beyond. Just know that I am waiting for you, and all will be well.

If only you could see us now, I have every confidence you would be as proud of us as I am of you. Nourishing you is what pulls me through and keeps me going. In seeking all the love and light and happiness you were robbed of in those formative years, I find that I am reclaiming the self-love that always came so naturally to you. Yes, I have no doubt that I have made you proud.

Love, Your Whole Self

Dear younger me,
If I could sit with the girl I used to be,
In the tumultuous halls of middle school, where I felt so lost at sea,
A fragile soul, a heart so tender and free,
I’d take your hands and tell you, “Stop the constant self-doubt and fear, You’re stronger than you know, don’t let their words draw near.”

Their laughter and whispers, it’s just empty noise,
A pathetic distraction from their own unfulfilled joys.
It’s a hollow sound, a meaningless refrain,
Don’t let it sink in deep, don’t let it take its toll and stain.
You’re better than their hate, your worth is your soul,
A brilliant light, a precious whole.

I’d say, “Don’t hide away, your voice matters too,
It’s unique and valuable, let it ring out true.
Believe in yourself, that’s all you have to do,
Your worth isn’t defined by them, it’s found in you,
In the depths of your heart, in the truth of your mind,
You are enough, you are kind.

Be kind to your body, it’s your only home,
A beautiful vessel, a sacred throne.
Nourish it with goodness, with fruits and with greens,
Eat well, move often, make your health your own dreams.
You’ll feel the difference, you’ll be strong, you’ll be grown,
A vibrant spirit, a life fully known.

Oh, and the music, the guitar in your hands,
A tool for expression, a voice for your plans.
The words you’ll write, the songs you’ll stand,
It soothes your soul, it sets you free, it expands,
Your heart, your mind, your very being,
Keep practicing, you’ll see, you’ll be gleaming.

And the friends you’ll find, the true ones who’ll stay,
Through every up and down, through every step of the way.
Distance won’t matter, time won’t fade,
The love you’ll share, the bond you’ve made,
A connection deep, a friendship true,
A treasure rare, a gift to you.

Heartbreak will come, it’s a painful part,
A shattering of dreams, a tearing of the heart.
But it will teach you, it will show you the start,
Of what you want, of what you need,
A love that lifts you, a love that frees,
A love that cherishes, a love that sees,
The real you, the true you, the best you.

So keep the faith, girl, don’t you forget,
You’re not alone, you’re never bereft.
God is with you, in every single day,
In every breath, in every way.
Be strong, be brave, find your own way,
A path that’s yours, a journey to slay,
The doubts, the fears, the insecurities,
And step into the woman, into the realities.

And love, oh love, it will come your way,
A love that’s patient, a love that’s kind.
Be patient, dear heart, it’s not a race,
But a dance, a sway, a gentle embrace.
It’s a journey, it’s a winding road,
But it’s worth the wait, it’s worth the load,
The weight of the world, the sting of the pain,
Will be lifted, will be replaced with love’s sweet refrain.

Oh, little one, don’t waste a single tear,
You are enough, always, year after year.
Be gentle with yourself, through every fall,
You are brave, you are loved, through it all.
You’re growing, you’re learning, you’re finding your way,
Through the darkness and the light, through every single day.
Keep moving forward, keep pushing through,
You are stronger than you think, you’ll make it through.

Love,
The future you.

i remember you.
worn, checkered vans carrying you through the city as you clung to grandpa.
you craved individuality, even when the word was unknown to you.

i remember you.
a book, or three, stuffed next to a three ringed binder inside your bright red backpack. perfectly organized, perfectly content.
you craved knowledge, just for the sake of it.

i remember you.
picking oranges, drying your hair in the sunlight, refusing to come inside until the moon began to peak.
you craved healing, and felt yourself whole only when coupled with the earth.

i remember you.
you pushed that little boy down because he hurt the girl in your class who never spoke. what was her name?
you craved justice, the world may not be fair, but you chose to be.

i remember you.
clutching your mother, wiping her tears as she laid in your twin sized bed. she slept there for years.
you craved compassion, even when you were shown none.

i remember you.
standing up to the man who beat you, submission as foreign to you as a father’s love.
you craved fearlessness, and, my girl, you became it.

i remember you.
with a smile that stopped time, a smile that brought life.
you craved joy, no moment too small and every moment worth gratitude.

i remember you.
with your window always down, forever asking mother if she could turn up the radio a bit louder.
you craved adventure, and who are you to be denied?

i remember you.
alone in a room, the apartment empty. triple checking if the front door was locked, not knowing where they all disappeared to, why they went without you.
you craved safety, and you deserved it.

now, i stare at my daughters, watching in wonder. little and brave, headstrong and joyful. untamed curls and wild laughs.

a flooding of peace that i’m still getting used to, witnessing the childhood you never received, but somehow created within yourself… i remember you.

thank you.

I tiptoe into the room where the crib is
I peer down at myself
Baby girl, as my mother called me
Even when I was a grown woman
I pick her up and cradle her
She can’t hear her parents fighting
She doesn’t know the hell she will go through
Right now she knows the
Sound of her mother’s beating heart
And the lullaby she sings that I can never find
 
Baby girl, you don’t know me yet, but you will
I come bearing gifts like the wise men at the manger
I bestow upon you a beautiful mind
At 10 years old you will want to be the first black woman
President and Supreme Court Justice
You will watch Vietnam documentaries AND
Professional Wrestling
And be addicted to true crime
You will play fight with boys but hit them for real
For something they did yesterday
You will be a bastion of useless information
But knowledge will be only one of your powers
 
I bestow strength
You will bear the crosses of men
You should crucify instead
They will tell you you’re beautiful
But you won’t believe it until your daughter tells you
And you see yourself in the eyes of your favorite lover
Before you roll your own back
 
Your lips will grow into pillows that will
Comfort babies and
Collide with lovers like jets over Hamburger Hill
You will grow in beauty, with tiger eyes and
Hair that men will beg you not to cut
Cut it anyway Delilah
 
You will have a son and lose him
And you will position yourself at
The base of the wailing wall and you will
Moan, you will sway, and yet you will not die
You will give birth to rainbows
Promises that the pain was worth it
Even when the ark of your heart
Is slammed against rocks
It will not break
 
You will be the one to say the things
Others are scared to say
You will proudly wear a target and
Dare them to take a shot
You will be the one to be as blunt as a brick wall
You will be the oracle but unlike
Cassandra, they will listen
 
Baby Girl
I call upon the patience and grace
I have yet to find,
It will not be an easy road we travel
Sometimes we will walk, others run
Others crawl away on our belly
From the trenches in the war inside us
But you will not die.
 
Warsan Shire will call us a woman who is difficult to love
But there is divinity in us
Magic, Power, Sex, Anger
A heart, hot glued, dirty,
An old woman with a rose at door of a prince
Waiting for true love’s kiss
But start with the mirror my love
And leave your lips on the glass as a reminder
 

One day you will have a choice
To touch the spindle and die
Or hide forever behind the wailing wall
Touch the spindle baby girl
You will not die.

Dearest,
Your heart is so big and generous. You are a pioneer for questioning the cult’s beliefs. This leads us into a dark and hideous place. I urge you not to urge you go into the shadows, I can heal you; I believe in you. You will learn to create healthy boundaries so you won’t be passive-aggressive. You are brave for wearing that hideous chaddar, which you are free of now, and get to be yourself. Also, you no longer get sister zoned. You probably know more French than I do. Linkin Park is our gateway for our love of rock and metal music, you have great taste in movies and TV shows, and they will help you integrate into California. No one said it was easy but here we are blaming our failure on the other, Here we are ready to depart for California. Every step you take leads to being free and a better version; keep pushing. Grades aren’t everything, what is now an F in Mathematics will be an A. Treasure our friends some of whom we still keep in touch with and still consider our best friend. Keep going to the library it is our sanctuary and will keep your mind sharp. Even though we are bullied, I love that you still stand up for your friends. I admire that you kept learning after high school. All these pieces created a better version of ourselves; and for that, I thank you and I love you.
 
With lots of love, 
Your future self.