Your first attempt
Shot down.
He implied
Success not possible.
Your life-sustaining health constraints
The weak point.
Alternative for you suggested.
Disregarded.
Dream denied.
Your tenacity at play,
Second chance requested.
Humanitarian assigned,
Acceptance granted.
Ultimate goal
Shining.
Despite tough and demanding roads,
Obstacles of academia,
Dates with the machine three times a week,
Your grit and perseverance
Enhanced the drive
Uphill to victory.
The glory of adversity deflected.
Strength of the heart
Reigned supreme.
Chrys, I love this!! You are POWERFUL and I am in awe of your ability to persevere through a challenging time. In the end, it was all worth it! You struggled so that your future could be exactly how you wanted it to be. You should be very proud fo yourself. Congratulations!
Aloha Harper! Mahalo nui for your positive feedback, along with your kindness, compliments and encouragement. I truly appreciate you! You rendered me speechless as I read your statements because I just consider myself “regular”. And yes, the entire experience was all worth it. When I look back on that period of my life, I find myself a bit…read more
Since I was young,
I dreamed and dreamed of a day,
Where I’d find adventure,
And it would lead me away.
An experience to take me out of my comfort zone,
I dreamt of adventuring with someone,
Not just on my own.
I made up stories to write about,
I fantasized, romanticized, until my dream of adventure appeared in a time of doubt.
Falling at my fingertips,
There it was.
In the form of another,
Through a screen,
Unexpectedly, I met my dream.
On life’s journey, at the same pace as me,
We happened upon each other,
While in separate countries.
I asked the world; what does this mean?
And it replied that the answer lies in the depth of life’s mysteries.
To know true meaning,
One must immerse themselves in the unknown.
And with that, I leaned in further and further until my heart whispered, ” Let’s go!”
Because dreams and adventure are about diving in, letting go, and figuring it out,
So I dove,
I let go, submerged myself in the murky water below.
I got lost,
And fell in love;
And so began the greatest adventure I’d ever known.
We went exploring,
Saw alligators and Grizzlies,
We hiked the Appalachians and wandered the magnificent Rockies.
We visited new cities and tried delicious food,
We decided on forever and in font of a mountainous backdrop exchanged “I do’s.”
As in many adventures sometimes you lose your way,
He took a wrong turn in the dark,
And I ended up caught in the rain.
Trudging through the mud that wanted to bring me down,
I heard the wind whisper to me that at times we have to be lost in order to be found.
To walk the woods o the unknown,
To weather the rain, the wind, the snow.
To learn that with love there comes pain,
And life’s challenges bring experience to gain.
This is what gives ‘living’ life,
Finding myself in the depths of the mud realizing I had never felt more alive.
I knew now what the wind meant and what I was made to go through.
I was meant to find myself alone and afraid, so once beyond the rain,
I could look at myself and say,
“You are strong, you are brave”
And know it to be true.
Beyond the darkness and the storm,
I viewed my dream in a new form.
I was no longer scared of going the adventure on my own,
And it was when I was afraid that I’d really grown.
I kept walking the path,
Not knowing if our shared adventure would last, hoping we’d find our way back.
Back to each other, changed on our own journey.
And there he was wanting to repair and continue adventuring with me.
We interlocked fingers, walking hand in hand,
We spoke of the hurt and sought to understand.
And thus I had my dream come true,
And the dream hasn’t stopped.
I dreamt of adventure,
And adventure is exactly what I got.
Kristina, this is so cute. I am so happy for you. You found a person that you not only loved unconditionally but who you could adventure with and live out your dreams with! I am glad that you have been able to live freely and do the things you wanted to do without being held back. Congratulations!! ♥
You ever try to envision your future — and it looks pitch black ?
Ppl ask you who you wanna be or what you wanna do — when you grow up
Your single mother was livin in survival mode just like you — doing the best she can
Too busy to sit you down and ask —
“Baby, what you wanna do when you get older? — We gotta start to plan”
Before she knew it — your life began
You’re 17 and graduating and the years flashed right before — her eyes
Now her little girl is pregnant & must grow up and time just passed her by
But don’t get sad on me now — momma — just hold on — hang tight
This is just the beginning — This is not the end
Lucky for her — she was never alone, God had her back… & he became my best friend
You see — For many of you in my same situation
I too grew up w/out an earthly father — to help raise me
but as it turns out — I never really needed him — anyway
My heavenly father picked up his slack . . . Im just another witness & reminder of that —
He placed the right ppl in my life
to help guide me down a — virtuous path
I just had to shift my perspective & be open — to accepting his plan
Gods timing is perfect, he’s never late —
he was just waiting for me to take hold of his hand — on the other end
I had to keep my focus on someone that was beyond me & my current situation
Had to let go of any self pity and all excuses I had created
I could say lucky for me — but most my life — it felt far from it
Regardless — It was never luck or chance
Just a shift in perspective & a blessing in disguise
We all have those — everyday — we just gotta be willing — to open up our eyes
So pls — don’t let yourself be minimized
By yourself — or your surroundings
or anything else — you may be lacking
He makes something out of nothing —
time and time — again
Live life — like it’s already yours — and in due time — it will come — you will win
My first step in achieving my goals came from finding my greatest weaknesses —
Had to figure out how to turn my weakness into power — so I laid them — right beneath him
But first — let’s take it back to beginning— before I started winning
It was my big bro & my middle school sweetheart
That’s who did it —
My big bro held a lot of anger inside — while tryna figure out who he was — and what he believed in
As for my baby — He was born into a different lifestyle than mine — and I wanted nothing more than to — save him
I didn’t want to lose him — in more ways than simply just — our relationship
I had To try to prove to myself and to them
why the man up above
was the one to believe in
I’d not been able to overcome and succeed in all that I have — if it wasn’t for God — & his strength in our weakness
I wanted to show them a love — so pure
but first — I had to start — by believing
I wanted to show them his love but I knew — it would take lots of time — and patience — for them to see it
I Had to do it in a positive way
not too pushy— or rushed — or forcefully done
Cus the God I knew, taught me — early on — that’s not what real love was
Unfortunately — my current circumstance didn’t yet reflect the God — that I knew & loved
I was only 15 yrs old & hadn’t lived long enough
I didn’t have anything to prove or show for it — just yet
So I had to put my words into action even tho it was hard
I always suffered from anxiety and lacked concentration and because of it — I struggled bad
I was made out — to always feel dumb
but — I was far from that
The worlds a cruel place to live in — and at times
I believed what theyd sung
But Gods words over me and my life were different
and they’ll also speak life unto yours
So I had to live by the words that I preached
so I too could believe the words — that he spoke
it’s been almost 15 yrs since than and I’ve accomplished a lot in my life that I sought out to do
I’m still so far from done but I’m doing what I can —Lord — to make sure — it all points back to you
So here are some of my goals he helped me achieve — (he helped me come true)
I knew nothing about kids and babies
Not a clue how some day i would become a mommy
So I went to school for childcare
and became someone I’d never known
I became a infant toddler teacher and got to hold lots of babies and watch them grow
I was able to raise my baby boy — good
even tho a few yrs back I would have never thought or knew …
Remember when I sd i used to see pitch black
—Well things changed real fast when
God said to me — nahhh bby girl — wait —till you see —what I’ve got in store — for you
next up— I decided to get certified to become a foster parent
but that’s something I still have to do
I decided I wasn’t done just yet tho
so I went back to school to became a nail tech
Too
& still I thought that wasn’t enough so , I said,
how bout a barber too
Life’s been a whole lotta up down rollercoaster wild ride adventures — this is true
But pls don’t get discouraged by my accolades thus far
cause they come and go the same way we do
They will all fade into dust someday but one thing will remain to be true
My biggest goal that i accomplished & the one that matters the most
is — that even — if no one else will believe—
I proved to myself — God is true
I love this! Even though things were difficult, your perseverance always shined through and allowed you to become a better version of yourself. You have been through so much and I am glad you have gotten to a place where you are happy. You should be so proud fo yourself. Congratulations ♥
For many years I dared not dream.
Achievement was striving to attain a raise.
To feed my kids.
To buy a house.
To pay the bills.
Success was a paycheck.
Success was a full tank.
Success was contentment in what I was supposed to do.
Until I woke up and realized that my reality was an endless checklist of tasks
Helping someone to achieve their dreams.
Then.
I.
Realized.
I could have meaningful.
I could have extraordinary.
I could have magic.
But only if I allowed myself to dream.
So I did.
Rejection letter after rejection letter after rejection letter…for years…I still dreamed.
And hoped.
And prayed.
And worked.
Until the day came when I would no longer be
The girl who did not dare dream.
I became…
The woman who was a girl that would someday be
The librarian of an elementary school library.
Kassi, I am so happy for you! You worked SO hard and achieved so much. I am sure that you have made yourself and your family so proud. Daring to dream is important. You can still do what you want, no matter how young or old you are. You can achieve anything you put your mind to. Your bravery and passion are so admirable and I hope to become more…read more
It started with your love of movies and books,
You will read at lunch ignoring the looks,
Mesmerized by the punch line , climax ad hooks,
Diction, characters, performances that shook.
You struggled a bit with word composition,
Was it your honest young views or rough diction,
But when your mind meshed with your creative fiction,
It may take you as far as jurisdiction.
Today your composition is better than all,
You now stand and write books while I stand and walk tall,
Sorry for the long buildup, no more talk,
A youth with books under his name is no ball.
Nnamdi, amazing job! You are a terrific write with so much potential. I can’t wait to see how far you go in this journey. I am glad you never let others get to you. You knew what you wanted and you weren’t going to let dirty looks or mean comments steer you in another direction. Very impressive. Congratulations!
When asked the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up,” no one responds a low level employee at a mega department store. However, that’s where my life’s journey took me. Initially I planned to be there for three months which became three years.
During my time working there I faced many life altering challenges such as domestic violence, a house fire, failing school, homelessness, financial instability,etc. It seemed to ME that the only thing I was good at was my job. Work and became my safe haven from the chaos of life so I invested all my creative energy into making my department the best. I began to build my whole life around the demands of the job and the more I gave the more they took. It didn’t matter to me because it made me feel good to be great at something.
Although I did acquire new skills, I settled and became complacent. I accepted this was my life, but subconsciously I knew I deserved better.
Working in the bakery gave me the most joy. Eventually I became a cake decorator and it gave me pleasure to create beautiful things for others to enjoy. Management offered me a temporary position as bakery manager, which I declined. However when I was told the offer was permanent I accepted. At the time I made a lot of internal and external changes in my life and I felt it was only up from here.
I worked hard for what I felt I earned. One day they called me in the office to tell me although I was doing phenomenally, they were giving the job to the old manager. Initially I protested and asked questions to no avail. When I reevaluated the paperwork I signed my heart sank. Although I was listed as a permanent manager in my profile the contract said overlay which meant they could give it to the old manager at any time. I felt betrayed and hurt. My choices were made simple relocate as a low level employee or quit. With that came a pay cut that was lower than my initial pay rate before I was promoted.
After I cried, I calmed down and meditated. I realized there was another radical option. I could start my own cake business. I possessed the skill and tenacity, so what could stop me but fear? Would I continue to stand in my own way?
With considerable research I realized it was very possible with little cost. I had to release limiting mindsets and confidence was the key to being as successful as I wanted to be. If I could invest creative ideas to build up a multi billion dollar company why not in myself? I still had some doubts, but within a week I made my first sell.
I am currently in the process of opening my business, working part time and restarting school with a new goal in mind. I have more time for myself and my children.
Remember your dreams and know you deserve better. Be who you want to be. No matter how much time it takes or who thinks you’re unworthy. You determine your value. Speak positively and give yourself grace. Every breathe is an opportunity to make those changes. You have the final say, so never give up and I’ll see you on the other side!
Dierrie, I am so incredibly happy for you!! You have been through so much and I am so sorry for that. You never let that define you. You never let that hold you back from being the best you could be. You are a warrior and I am so proud of you for everything that has happened in your life. You should be proud of yourself too! You worked hard for…read more
You will be a poet
You will be heroic
You will feel stoic
You will love yourself more
You’re strong and know it
You won’t be nothing
You’re hopeless
I don’t even understand
why you wrote this?
You live inside your head too much
I need you to focus
Prone to depression
The cause is unknown
Maybe from a broken heart
My house is not a home
I can’t tell anyone what’s going on
So instead I sing my sad song …
I wish to be a poet
I wish to be heroic
I wish to feel stoic
But I won’t be nothing
And I knows it
Ms. Lisa ,
A women with a good head on her shoulders
And an attitude so bold
Even though she’s my teacher
She also plays a motherly role
A leader that can follow
And take control
Been through trials and tribulations
Just a Testimony to her soul
She bends down and look me in my eyes
Listen Lisa,
Do not compromise
Your heart will not be your demise
Your emotions are the prize
The same thing that cause your fall
Will be the same thing to help you rise
WAIT, IS THAT ME ?
How could that be ?
I look down at my journal entry
You will be a poet
You will be heroic
You will feel stoic
Learn to love yourself more
You’re strong and know it
-Love Lisa
Carlisa, this is beautiful! Your passion is so stunningly memorable and I loved every word. You are SO strong and I am glad that you chose to share this with the Unsealed community. You should be so proud of yourself because you deserve it!! Congratulations! ♥
I thought I might not be
in this overgrowth forever
I thought of pressure,
knife or cancer
I thought of youthful plains
returning.
But Blueberry bushes
And Picnic dresses,
Oh the daisies will miss
your Laugh if they’re
Choked by dandelions!
so I planted dandelions.
But apple tree and orange
Painted Petals before
Trimmed hedges
Push-up soil
in Manicured patches there –
Where I planted spear thistles?
But Please, Do Not clear
the little untread passages
in the bark of hollow tree
Or beneath the hanging bush
to tuck yourself away,
Where else will you lay?
Why do you cut
every Stem and Stalk?
who will pollinate you
when your color is gone?
Crabgrass.
I thought I might not fight
invasion with invasion;
So I lit a match,
and bared my plains
to the sky.
Leo, wow. The imagery in this poem is so creatively described and I am OBSESSED with it! You have a very evident gift and your talent should not be taken for granted! Keep writing! Your strength and passion is what has gotten you this far, so keep up the great work ♥
dear eight year old navara,
how are things? i know the obvious answer is not so great and i’m sorry to have to ask but i wasn’t really sure how else to start this letter. how’s my dad? has he been eating? sleeping? try to make sure he’s taking care of himself, and don’t let the girls see him like that, they don’t need that right now. they need a strong big sister, a role model, things are different now and she’s not coming back to fix them so it falls on you. you don’t deserve to have to take on that responsibility, but someone has to do it. make sure they eat. keep your grades up, don’t cause any reason for worry from teachers, and daddy has enough to worry about with the bills. don’t rock the boat, get the laundry done, keep the room clean, and make sure you guys get to school on time. just keep the peace. you can do this navara. you shouldn’t have to but you can. you have your books, your music and it will get you through. i promise you that. and let me tell you how i know. i am in a library right now writing to you. i drove here in the car that we own, and we drove from our job at the mall. we only worked four hours today but hey it pays the bills and it’s emotionally fulfilling, as well as physically and mentally. we got a raise recently! our friends at work have our back, and i can honestly say its safe to be ourselves. they value our opinion, understand us, and help us when we allow them to, but we are working on that. as for outside of work, we are 21 now, so we go out occasionally… didn’t expect that did you? yeah girl, we actually dance! in fact, that is the main reason we go out. far cry from timid us who was afraid of boys, group projects, and any sort of human interaction whatsoever. we grew. beautiful thing isn’t it? we have a photo shoot with a friend coming up in late august, and we journal now. it helps a lot with the feelings. we have a book club and guess what the first book is? her favorite : twilight. we visit her sometimes. they buried her under a tree. it’s really peaceful. in fact we’re going there today. we talk everyday, but i thought i’d visit her today. i would tell you what we talk about but i’m not sure you’re ready for that yet. we buy groceries and pay rent now. i’m telling you, we’re real adults now. not fully on our own yet but we’ll get there. we learned how to be frugal from daddy, and it definitely doesn’t go unnoticed. i still catch myself getting mad at the both of them, one for leaving physically and the other emotionally but i know it does no one any good. on days like this though i remember why it had to happen the way it did. it brought me here. under the tree. at peace.
Navara, I love this! Your younger self would be so proud of you. You have become a strong and independent adult and you have proved who you are! Your ability to step outside of your comfort zone and socialize a little bit more is so exciting!! You are evolving in the best way possible. You have become a wonderful person and you should be so proud…read more
Sady Lady, reporting to you live from 2024 and I came back to 2012 to give you the official tour,
of your life as we advance with some spoilers. I heard you’re the big 1 8 and in good fashion, I’ve come to report that you have found your passion.
Is it a designer? No, that’s too flashy. Perhaps a biased journalist? No that’s a little too sassy.
You went for a more reserved path but you enjoyed the process, you take your overthinking and put your non-verbal skills to the test.
While pursuing a Central Pennsylvania secondary education, you went through one big obstacle that left you wondering if this is really your station.
It was your first “failure” to start your freshman year, you even started to wonder “damn should I even be here?”
However, through the grace of Jehovah, you found another avenue to explore. You were still a tech head, but you learned the origins of the first motherboard and it wasn’t a bore.
Even though you weren’t ready to program yet, majoring in the technology adjacent “computer forensics” was your best bet.
Since you were a kid, you loved puzzles and electronics, who knew in your adult age you’d end up learning the “phonics.”
Binary, hexadecimal, Encase, and FTK, are some of the software that helped you along the way.
For four years, you learned the ins and outs of the ever-growing advances technology yields . Alas! Your senior year came around and you had the opportunity to show how skilled you were in your field.
Dr. Barrett gave you an independent study to do research of your choice. It was like she read your mind, and your dream of studying the inner-workings of the famous SONY PLAYSTATION 4 allowed you to share your voice.
10 weeks of research, reporting, trial and error, you produced the final result and became the bearer of all your efforts in front of a crowd. While it was nerve racking, you had to give yourself a bow.
Fast forward to 2024, you are still present to write about your dream, and I hope this poem gives you some gleam.
What you learn is that success isn’t always a likely occurrence
However, the knowledge you gain should give you reassurance.
You even took up a new hobby writing about your inner interests and thoughts. Even found some cool recipes to put in your pots.
All this to say to the younger self, achieving your goals won’t always be available on a book shelf. Never look back and your future looks bright. Always remember to say a prayer a night. Even when the journey looks dim or blue, you have a great future ahead of you.
Cece, this is so cute!! Your younger self would be so proud of you. You have overcome so much and tried so many new things! Your experiences are so unique and you will be happy that you got out of your comfort zone in the future! I am so happy for all that you have done and who you have become!! ♥
You wrote me so many “dear future self…” letters in the name of manifestation. I thought I’d finally write you back in the name of closure.
Since I’m writing 2014 Atarrius, that means it’s been less than two years since your world stood still. They took your big brother, but they might as well have took your soul. I know right now you’re plagued by depression and anxiety. I know times are changing. Also I know it’s not due to typical 13 year-old teenage angst. You’re having scary thoughts, and in about 18 months or so, a cry for help will change your appreciation for life.
But remember… this letter is written in the name of closure.
Despite the sharp memories of my past slicing me open to leak our truth all over this page, I assure you, the sentiment is hope.
We’re gonna do it.
There’s most likely a look of confusion and intrigued on your face asking: “What are we gonna do? And more importantly, how?”
“Be alright. We gon be aright.”
Sometime after “ the incident” you’re going to start putting pen to paper and spill your heart, mind, and soul on pages. You’ll get really good. You’ll find what was violently taken from you before you even knew you had it. Your voice. Your purpose. All those nights of wishing you’d just be okay end up manifesting tenfold. Most people pray their dreams come true. You prayed to have a dream in the first place. Now your dream comes true.
I’m still mapping out how to get from here to the rest of the world so forgive me for being cryptic. Your dream came true, you found a reason to live. I have to make mine come true… I wanna be heard.
This seems like a good start. Until next time…
Truly yours, or should I say truly you,
Atarrius aka AJ Devon.
Atarrius, I love this so much! Your passion and strength radiate through the screen! I am so happy that you are at a place of peace and you are proud of who you have become and what yo have achieved. Although not everything was easy, and you couldn’t have planned anything that had happened to you, it all worked out eventually. Congratulations!!
As someone who doesn’t share my talents with the world nearly as much as I should, I just want to say, you taking the time to share your thoughts on my poem means the world to me. This gesture has given me a much needed boost for the day and I’ll be sure to do my part to return this feeling to someone down the road. Thank you. Wishing the…read more
Samanvitha, I love this! I am so proud of you for reaching your goals and becoming the person you have become! Your younger self would be so excited to hear this and know how far she has come. You should be so proud of yourself for accomplishing what you have because I know it wasn’t easy. You worked hard for this! Congratulations!!
’ve always craved to be chosen, loved, and finally be a main character.
Behind every screaming fit, behind every sharp retort, I crumbled at the thought of it,
The desire settled itself so deep within my stomach that It eventually became one with my soul leaving me a floating spirit filled with nothing but longing.
I’ve always craved to be understood, for my jokes to be taken as jokes,
For my cries to be heard, for my stories to be admired, I’ve always been one to desire so much,
A pitiful child with no hand to hold and no one to lean on,
A lonely child.
I always fell asleep with a tear-stained face,
Wishing on stars and praying to empty skies that seem to taunt me.
For less time, for people, for money, a face, a body, a mother.
I’ve always been a soul craving for more from when I was birthed and thrust into the world.
Craving warm, strong hands and validation.
My dreams seemed to slip from my grasp every time, with every shout, with every lash, with every punishment,
I slipped deeper and deeper into a pit of my mind, lost and alone.
I wandered for a while in the dark, making friends with the void and lingering in the nothing.
I found safety in it no matter how devoid of warmth it was I felt wanted and as if nothing could ever touch me no matter how strong and no matter how powerful.
I let myself roam for a while until one day I got tired of the same blank spaces and empty feelings that made the days I lived something I’d rather not experience.
I let myself wander a bit more but farther away where I slowly began to see the walls lighten and my mind clear,
I held my hand and I hugged myself more, I tended to the cuts that littered my skin and the wounds that littered my mind.
I wavered sometimes, shaking so violently it was enough to make me vomit, but I didn’t, I swallowed my feelings and I swallowed my doubt.
I always thought my dreams were just dreams, that it wasn’t possible to be happy anymore, and that I’d never be enough.
But with every step I took, every hit I took I felt myself becoming lighter, transforming into something I’d never think I’d be.
I took the reins over my mind, over my life.
I became the first person to choose me.
Now I sit in clear waters and make friends with the trees,
Now I wander more than ever but this time I explore with a newfound lightness and desire to be the one to love others,
To help, to change, to be a guiding lightest.
I became my dream in the end,
I became all that I could ever want so I could give myself that and more.
Jada, you inspire me! Your transformation was like no other. You have been through so much, but you never let that define you. You proved to yourself that you are worth more than that. You should be so proud of yourself. You have come so far and become an amazing person. Congratulations ♥♥
It’s been a while, I am a bit rusty at this. Please forgive the errors and step into my shoes for the moment.
I’m an insomniac. I have been, for most of my life. I never understood quite what caused it, but it stated in my early childhood. It started and stemmed from Fear.
Most of the time, it starts out with tossing, and turning, thoughts in my head running out of control until I can no longer stand the pace in which they are going. I roll, and I roll, toss, and turn, then I grab my phone, and I scroll.
As I scroll through the many stories, posts, and automatic ads, I see all of the beautiful people, living their beautiful lives, the screen before me stops at a writing contest.
A writing community, by the name of theunsealed. For the moment, my eyes ached and burned, I wanted to turn away, instead, I hit that button.
That button, was the very button, that led me to the greatest group of people and jumpstarted my healing journey through writing. Clicking that button, was the start of my dreams coming true. The minute that she responded to my question.
I didn’t think that I would ever become a published author, and often felt that I had let my Grandmother down. I had given up on writing in 2009 for personal reasons. In that moment, there was a spark of hope.
Negative thoughts often come with the package of insomnia. My dreams always seemed so far out of reach. I had been struggling with my past trauma, and in an instant, I was able to organize the jumbles of letters together into a beautiful story. Each of them, became my truth, my story, my power. My dreams coming true.
Each of the 5 books that I have been published in will tell my story. In poetic sadness, and in hope. Each of my entries came from my heart, and my insomnia Unsealed.
It’s a blessing and a gift. To read my words on paper. To receive the email that my entry has been chosen to move on. That everyone, is how my dreams came true! My heart will forever be filled with gratitude for all of you.
Keep writing beautiful ones. Keep writing.
Shelle, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I can’t even imagine how hard the insomnia must have made your life. I am glad, though, that you have found happiness in the Unsealed community. There are always people here for you, willing to listen and relate to what you have to say. Keep up the great work, we love you ♥
Thank you friend! I truly appreciate you reading and commenting on my first piece that I have written in a while. You have great compassion in your words of encouragement. You are appreciated.
I received death threats
from my subconscious.
Inviting racism into the foreground
of painted images where black fathers are missing.
( A centerpiece to Black cultures downfall /
an essential fabric worn by criminals)
Wanted posters plastered to define
what black culture is and was.
My subconscious reminds me of enslaved
woman drowning children in murky waters
to hide from slavery.
It caused me to question what defines Black fathers.
Are they parables? These quick spurts of nostalgic
temperaments in surrealist dreams.
Are they the attention to hang nooses
around the necks of family codes for a better living?
Are they abandonment that draws the line of division
to multiply family issues and keep these conundrums a
foreshadowing of my future.
I think they are a call to greater
pastures. A pair of shoes that need the soles
of a savior. A message to heal the wounds
of distant ancestors who live in me.
I awoke from my dream as a father to-be
encapsulated within imagery
of my family to be.
Rashan, this is a beautiful poem. I know that this must have been hard for you to deal with. You are so strong for getting through this and being able to recognize what effect it has had on your life. You have become a better person because of this and I know that your younger self would be so proud of you for preserving through what you have so far.
Thank you yes for a long time it was a struggle, and I’m always looking forward to break generational curses and be better for myself and for the world.
Dear Little Jaynee,
I know I rarely write back but trust me when I say I read every single letter you wrote to me. In fact, I was always there when the words on the page became blurry from your tears and the ink would bleed just as much as your heart.
I’m here now to tell you that your deepest wish came true. Now it didn’t materialize instantly, no, it was a painful journey. Almost a decade’s worth of wishing that your mom would change her mind about you and your new partner. The toughest pill you learned to swallow was “You cannot change others.” You released your expectations, and you blocked your mother out of your life because the agonizing pain from her repulsion became too hard to bear. All of this could have been avoided if only she accepted you as you were, but alas, she tried to change you, just as much as you tried to change her.
Now both of you are different people, you come as you are. You, a girl who married another girl, and she, a religious mother who finally learned to love you for you.
I’m proud of you, Jaynee.
You had to choose between the love of your life and the love of your mother. But shouldn’t a mother’s love be unconditional? So you gave up your mother and not because your wife asked you to, but because you needed to honor your true self. Speaking honestly, I’d do it all over again. I found myself stronger in being authentic.
I can see how different my life could have been, how miserable I would be if I had allowed her to manipulate me another day.
So just know that the torment you are going through now will subside.
One day, you will get to laugh with her again.
One day, you will hear her apologize to your wife.
One day, your dream will finally come true.
I love myself, and I love you.
Ps. Thank you for getting me here safely.
Jaynee, I love this!! You always stood up for what you believed in, even when someone so close to you disagreed. I know that must have been so hard for you, but you should be so proud of yourself for being able to conquer such a challenging time in your life. Congratulations ♥♥
I vow to never allow anyone to mistreat you again. To always stand up for you and speak my truth. I promise to live as my authentic self and to always shower you with love. You will never feel undeserving or unworthy again. I vow to make you proud and make you feel safe and secure. I will never allow anyone to make you feel less than, overlooked, not seen or heard again. I promise to continue pouring into you and to continue to become the woman of your dreams. The woman you always wished to be. You are her. You are me. We are one. I promise that I will never forget you. You deserve the world. You deserve everything your heart desires, plus more. You have always had a kind heart. You have always been a giver. Now it’s our time to receive. You have sewn many seeds and now, it’s harvest time. It’s time for all of your dreams to come true. It’s time for people to see what a gem you truly are and have always been, even though you didn’t see it. It’s your time to shine and you have nothing to fear. We’re gonna get through this together with the help of God and our amazing Divine spirit team. They are always with you. You have never been alone and never will be. You really shocked me because I never really believed that it was possible to become the woman I am today. I never actually had a plan to get here, but somehow this is where I am. God knew all along and so did you. I thank you for you imagination, creativity, & fun loving spirit. For wanting better and doing better. For not being all talk and no action. For speaking and dreaming this woman into reality. Our dreams are coming to fruition right before our eyes. It feels amazing, doesn’t it?! Forgive me for all the times I doubted you, neglected you, abused you, ignored you, gaslit you. Forgive me. I love you. I value you. I cherish you. I admire and adore you. I thank God for helping me to escape the mental imprisonment I created with the false truths I believed about you for so long. I thank God for helping me see the true beauty in you. The real you. The flawed you. You are the reason for this transformation. All your inner work is finally paying off and it’s because of you that I have blossomed into this woman. It’s because of you that I feel free to be my authentic self. You truly are amazing and I apologize that it took me so long to recognize that. I promise it will never happen again, okay? We are in this together. Its our time. Its our season. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I could never have done any of this without you!
Shelby, your piece is beautifully written and empowering to any woman. My favorite part was when you asked yourself for forgiveness. I’m sure your younger self heard you loud and clear 🙂
Shelby, I love this!! You deserve all the love in the world ♥. Growing to love and accept yourself can be extremely difficult. I am proud of you for overcoming this and becoming a better person because of it. You are so strong and I can’t wait to hear more from you. Congratulations ♥
I had trouble thinking about a dream or goal I had that came true that I would feel good writing to you about.
I graduated from university with highest honors but I went through a hell to achieve that goal that I would rather have no one else repeat.
I had a beautiful wedding that I was proud of because I planned it almost entirely on my own while working 50 hours per week at my job, but now I am divorced after eight years of marriage. The wedding clearly was not a long-term success.
I landed my dream job, writing law that would affect mental health care, but working there mentally and emotionally broke me to the point where I am disabled and unable to work ever again.
The dream I had that came true, that I am actually proud of, is living to age 40. I did not expect to live nearly this long.
My suicidal ideation and attempts began when I was 14 years old. Given how often I was injuring myself intentionally, it is a wonder that I lived to walk the stage at my high school graduation when I was 17.
My adult life often treated me harshly. I was in two long, challenging relationships. It took me seven years to graduate from university. Twenty years of intermittent employment were a huge challenge before I finally accepted that my mental health conditions severely limited my ability to work. I have been a patient at the psych hospital 18 times from the ages of 15 through 40.
When I feel any danger to my own life, I make it to the psych hospital quickly. The psych hospital is the soft place to land so I can give up the fight with the part of myself who wants the pain to end so badly that they would rather not exist.
My resilience and incredible will to live vastly outweigh my many urges to end my life every single time. I get up off the ground more times than I fall.
For many years, I have tried to fight the urges on my own. Sure, I went to therapy and took medications, but I was not completely honest with my care team. I put on a happy face because that was what I thought I was supposed to do. I even laughed and cracked many jokes throughout my life to maintain the facade.
I had a lightbulb moment eventually during one of my multiple psych hospital stays at age 36. I realized I had to be honest about how I felt and advocate for myself to get what I needed. I also had to get honest with myself and stop seeing the negative in everything.
I have had many challenging life events from ages 36 through 40. Divorce. Relocation. Death of a parent. Career loss. Bankruptcy. The list goes on.
I choose not to see these as negative. I feel incredibly blessed to have experienced all of this. I feel grateful that I could live long enough to tell these tales. I could not have endured any of these challenges had I ended my life while I was in high school.
Life is quickly looking up for me. There are still challenges, but I know I can handle anything the universe throws my way. Making it to age 40 has been fantastic. In fact, I spent my 40th birthday in the psych hospital, surrounded by an understanding care team and a handful of kind patients. It is not how I envisioned celebrating 40, but it is certainly a creative way for my birthday to be recognized.
I have plenty to live for, although I have little money and I cannot work. I set many goals, such as learning new skills and hobbies, meeting people with common interests, and getting back to my first love: writing.
If you have lost the will to live, please remember that things do get better. No emotion lasts forever. Try to imagine yourself five, ten, twenty years from now. Where do you want to be?
It is a dream come true that I have made it to 40 years of age. My next dream is to reach 50 years. I hope you become grateful for your life, too, if you have not already. I am telling you with absolute confidence that it is possible for you because you, too, have an unshakeable will to live. It is in your DNA.
However, if these feelings of despair persist, please call the crisis line in your country. You do not have to endure this alone.
Alexis, this is so cute. You are right, “Not everyone is lucky to experience someone like you!” You are a unique, kind, and beautiful person. You have so much potential to be anything you want to be. You should be so proud of yourself because you have come so far. Congratulations! ♥