I am tired of standing in the same old place,
While the world moves forward, I’ve lost the race.
Clinging to energy that’s no longer mine,
Holding to bonds that have passed their time.

The lessons I’ve missed, they circle again,
The same disappointments, the same old pain.
Year after year, the cycle repeats,
Dreams left behind, hopes in defeat.

Depression whispers, and sadness calls,
As I crumble inside, behind these walls.
I tell my dreams but never pursue,
Afraid to break free, afraid of what’s new.

God is calling, “Step out of your zone,
You must let go to truly own
A life that is new, a heart that will grow,
But change requires you to let go.”

What’s the point of change if the mind won’t shift?
If you cling to the past, no life will lift.
Familiar tears, familiar hell,
The comfort of sorrow, your own prison cell.

So if I am tired, I must take a stand,
Let go of the familiar, reach for God’s hand.
The power to change is within my soul,
To rise from the ashes, to finally be whole.

What becomes of he who deprives the world of a smile?;

I found the answer to such a question when I realized just how much of my energy I had given my insecurities;

My smile, my hair, my body;
I solely identified with my “imperfections” and paid the price;

The price being peace;
To govern l(i)fe only by tangibility disrupts so(u)l;
Hiding through my own personal shame, I dwindled the ultimate flame;

And I also sabotaged;
Sabotaged opportunities so that the audience I “knew” wouldn’t dare see me as I saw myself;

Thoughts of possible laughter agonizing my psyche;

Though a shell I was;
Though a shell I chose to be;
This shell has always contained the l(i)fe desired to be experienced;

As a token of my appreciation I now listen to yo(u)r voice, yo(u)r requests, yo(u)r vision;

I don’t wanna hide, though hiding means survival of my ego and pride;

I wanna reside in so(u)l and l(i)ght;
And so I smile;
I smile for the 10 year old boy who denied himself l(i)fe because of an insecurity;

I smile for the teenager who saw himself as unlovable due to a unique smile;

I smile for the man ready to live in his l(i)ght;
I smile for the world because the world is who/ what I choose to be

Brain lit from a few toxins,
Feeling good.
Endorphins flowing from this
Concentrated THC. This lovely lady
Mary Jane squeezed out for me.
She a lil thick like honey,
Gets a lil sticky
And her aroma is soo intoxicating.
Has my mind working,
Thinking about…mmmm,
Many things! Brought her out with me
As I consume a few drinks.
Euphoria hits! Once we start to mix.

Dear Unsealers,

It’s the second day of December. I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I had an extra reason to celebrate this weekend, as it was my sister & I’s 39th birthday yesterday. From all the well wishes, to afternoon tea at the Warren Street Hotel in Tribeca, it was an overwhelming day filled with joy.

With the birthday celebrations completed, it’s time to properly welcome in the month of December. Mother Nature signaled the change in month as it’s freezing cold here in NYC.

I can’t believe that we’ve reached the last month of 2024 already.
It’s time to close out the year on a high note.

Now, for the welcome to the month of December…

Welcome to December
It’s time for the last shout!

Thirty-one days left in 2024
The magic of the holidays arrives

Birthdays, Hanukkah, Christmas & New Year’s
Times celebrated in good company

Fall will become winter on the 21st
Daylight will slowly, surely return

A time to reflect on where we are
And where we want to be next year

There’s melancholy flipping the last page of the calendar
Wondering, “where did the time go?!”

Let’s make the most of these days
2025 is on the horizon

I sat on concrete pavement asking the stars to show me a sign~

Snow flakes melted on my lips~
Opened eyes
I knew he heard my chime
The wind was speaking to me~
“Child ~always be kind”

Visions of a natural divine- My Lord did hear my cries

I wanted to be held by thee
A force to teach me wise
My daddy a vague belief
My Father treats me kind
I fall in arms so thought to be something I long to know

Pandora reassures herself at midnight in full moon’s glow

Heavy footsteps led a life in vain
Heartless memories draw so much shame
As only I smile to feed the dreaming tree
“Daddy come quick” so gone in memory
I begged and plead that very night God took heed in the stars so bright
Though disbelieved the sacred wind
To trail the roots that polluted kin
Begged salvation for I reached the depth
To discover the dreaming tree subsists
Nourish it with heart plus soul
Two sprinkles of dreams and three of gold
A dash immortality and one of bold

The dreaming tree lives, the relics unfold

Those who did not believe that night
Heard the winds had predicted a crest moon and rain
When evil lied in rhythms of naked branches

The eclipse made the marked apologize in nodded shame

My dreaming tree had grown all this time
I knew,
I know,
I believe.

I gave my all (so spent) as dear you are to me
The forecast called for a sunshine horizon
Out on the torrent sea
The dreaming tree survives in you
May your daddy be thoughts in knotted ribbons of blue
Your Father will provide for you at times of despair.
My dreaming tree blossoms
I smell spring in the air~

Feeling a Lil restless,
I want to spend more time.
Doing other things,
So sometimes I would rest less.
In the moment I could care less
Until that restlessness kicks in.
Sometimes I think, that’s the best rest.
Laying in bed falling asleep
almost instantaneously,
No mind wandering, no worries
Or nothing.
Mind arrested on getting some rest.
A rested mind Awakens the divine.

It began on a cold January day,
When my father’s soul was called away.
A part of me shattered, a piece was lost,
A pain so deep, it came at a cost.

I was finding myself, a path so clear,
Losing weight, routines I held dear.
Yet his passing left me stuck in time,
Trapped in grief’s unyielding climb.

I buried the pain, went back to the grind,
Work became the shelter for my mind.
Two weeks later, I stood so strong,
But my heart knew something was wrong.

I ended love with a heavy heart,
The first who loved me from the start.
Then stumbled into arms not true,
Grief hid the pain I never worked through.

December came, a cruel, dark plight,
My prayed-for baby lost in the night.
I woke to emptiness deep inside,
And once again, I let work collide.

A prison filled with chaos and strife,
I hid my wounds in the noise of life.
My uncle passed; I worked again,
Ignoring the ache that wouldn’t end.

But this year, God had other plans,
He placed me still in His guiding hands.
Isolation forced my soul to see,
The grief I buried lived in me.

I ended love that wasn’t pure,
Set boundaries strong, began to endure.
Day by day, the healing grows,
Progress comes, though the journey’s slow.

I am learning to feel, to grieve, to cope,
To find in sorrow a seed of hope.
Though the pain is great, I see the light,
Step by step, I reclaim my fight.

For grief may linger, but I am strong,
In my heart, my father’s love lives on.
Through every loss, I rise anew,
Healing, growing, becoming true.

Through storms and shadows, I’ve walked this path,
Enduring the cruelty, enduring the wrath.
Bullied in silence, torn apart inside,
Yet I stood tall, with God as my guide.

Called names that cut, bruised by their words,
Misunderstood like a song unheard.
They mocked how I learn, how my mind is wired,
But their taunts could never steal what I’ve aspired.

Through autism’s lens, I see the world,
With ADHD, my thoughts have swirled.
Yet in my chaos, I found my grace,
Smiling through tears, I embraced my place.

A mother of two, with love as my shield,
Through sleepless nights, I refused to yield.
In a prison’s walls, where stress runs high,
I worked, I thrived, beneath a burdened sky.

They called me ugly, tried to dim my light,
But I held on, I fought the fight.
I didn’t give up, I rose from the pain,
Like flowers that bloom after the rain.

Dear me, you are beauty, you are strength,
Your heart beats bold, at any length.
For women like you, who feel unseen,
You’ve proven to be their radiant queen.

Grateful I stand, for the woman I’ve grown,
Resilient, unbroken, I’ve made life my own.
Through faith and fire, I’ve learned to see,
The endless power that lies in me.

The world collapsed in
As I slept-
The rug fell out
While I wept.
The smiles got brighter
The more I met
But the world still collpased-
In on me and it’s very self.

I held for hope,
Held it until I couldn’t breathe.

Waited for an outstretched hand,
I hoped they’d know my name.
The world collapsed in,
While I slept
Into slumber- I crept..

The universe became a hole
As I wept.

Writing about the way
Life presents us with a chance
Or an opportunity.
I would be, exited! depending
On its meaning or what could
I benefit from the chance of
This opportunity.
The path I’m taking has come to
A “V” as I walk away from
That chance and head towards
Other opportunities.

Tell me all your secrets and you will be set free
Listen to my mournful song of the siren sea
For it is not those who have been lost, but those who have been found
Hear my voice and you will find a solace in its sound

I promise you a lifetime of treasure and opulence
Fear me not, for I see the future and hence –
Your time has come to be the king of the shadow realm
Jump in with me and leave your past life at the helm

Down and down we go to the darkest of the blue
Sing my song and let its words envelop you
Spill your dreams and let me feast on your memories
Let me fuel your conscience and keep your mind at ease

Drink in the sea or I will haunt you forever more
It be your choice for coming here, knocking on death’s door
Your soul is mine and I rejoice to kill once again
The siren’s song means that I hold the key to your life’s end

So when you hear the sounds of a woman crying out
Stay on your ship, lest death will bring about
The wayward man who doesn’t want to go to sleep
I’ll drag you down to my humble home in the deep

Walking this Earth,
Taking the (E and h)
Out. Creating “Art”
Then ill rearrange the letters,
Putting the “h” in front,
As I leave a piece of my
“Heart” here on this Earth.

I love my dogs,
I really really do…
But there are some aspects,
like when you take a back-step,
and wind up stepping in pooh!

They chew, they bite,
they scratch, they knaw.
When you’re watching a movie,
they’re licking their paw!

You’re sitting at the table,
waiting for dinner to start,
when along comes your dog,
and lets out a fart!

You all start gagging,
and gasping for air.
His tail starts wagging,
He doesn’t even care!

When you meet new friends,
and go to their door.
Your dog walks in,
and pees on the floor!

They dig, they shed,
they claw, they shred.
They get in your laundry,
and make their bed!

With all that they break,
and all they destroy,
they’re still the best little girls,
and good little boys.

When you come home,
from a long hard day,
they’re always right there,
and ready to play.

They love us so good.
They love us so well.
Even when our world,
is going to hell.

When my heart is broken,
and the tears start to flow,
I run to your shoulder,
and let it all go.

You won’t be here forever,
so I try to make it the best.
I focus on the good things,
and forget about the rest.

Whenever our bond is broken,
I know it always will mend.
That’s why they call you,
“Man’s Best Friend”.

Dear Former Self,

I know life is hard for you. I understand how just existing is painful. Once you dreamed of being happy, or at least content. Now you only dream of death. Don’t give up though little one. Start believing that happiness is within reach, that you can and will find it someday.

You think you’re so wise, but there’s things you still don’t know. Someone should have told you that what you’re feeling is a sickness of the mind. Instead they let you believe you are bad – antisocial to hide away, stubborn not to eat, and “always airing your dirty laundry” when you finally do speak. This sickness, this clinical depression, has eaten away your confidence, overwhelmed you with sadness, and closed you eyes to hope. It’s trying to kill you and right now it’s winning. But you’ll get strong, find the help you need, and beat this thing back.

Someday those endless stream of doctors will lead you to some good medicine. You’ll have to keep up with a lot of pills, but it will quell that mad misery plaguing you. You will get to know your sickness inside and out, including how to zap it’s energy and hold over you.

I will not lie. You will never kill the beast. But your dream of happiness is still achievable. You can learn to tame the monster, hold it at bay, and when it grabs you, you’ll be able to loosen yourself from its grip. As you grow bigger, it’ll get small and weak.

Someday you won’t be alone in your struggle either. You’ll find love and understanding in real friends and a life partner who takes care of you when you can’t care of yourself. This love will fill your dry well of loneliness and you’ll feel warmth instead of that chilling cold.

You’ll manage a semblance of normalcy – and not as a show, but genuine stability and satisfaction. You won’t be happy all the time, but you will come to a place where you realize you’re happy with your life. No longer will you dream of death. Instead you’ll dream of exciting new adventure lying ahead. Oh, and adventures you will have – summitting snowy peaks, riding trains through India, making wine with your cousins in eastern Europe, skinny dipping in the Pacific Ocean, studying under the Dalai Lama, and so much more.

So don’t give up little one. It may take a while, but some day your dream of happiness will come true.

You may call me a freak,
But I prefer unique.
You may think my thoughts strange,
But at least I’m not deranged.
So let me explain
Why weird is better than plain.

While others follow the herd,
I fly off like a bird,
Forging my own route
Where my dreams can sprout.
The path may be rougher,
But it’ll only make me tougher.

Alone you may find me.
Though lonely I will never be
For I am friends with the best,
The beasts, and bees, and all the rest
Who don’t ever mind
That I am different than their kind.

Uninhibited, but aware,
I slip through the snare
That society has laid to trap,
Baited with shiny, useless crap,
To keep us caught in the machine.
Shedding social mores, I flee the scene.

Travelling far and wide
I’ve found others on my side.
They do not talk or dress like me,
But they, too, long to be free.
Together our mix-match crew
Form fine families anew.

So, you see, in the end
I will not break or bend
For fitting in is not my worry,
Nor am I sad or sorry
About those who’ve shut me out.
It’s their loss only, without a doubt.