Hello, my old friend,
It’s me. You know me well, don’t you? After all, you’ve been living within me, feeding on my doubts and hiding in the deepest shadows of my thoughts. I’ve denied your existence for too long, and I’ve given you far too much. You’ve crept into every corner of my life, turning my sleep into restless battles. You appear in my nightmares as a shadowy figure, granting me permission to live in your world while you claim ownership of everything—my home, my children, myself. Am I supposed to feel grateful for this?
You’ve made yourself quite comfortable in my world, dictating what I own, where I stay, what I say, and even how I dream. When I wake, the reality of your presence hits me like an icy wave, drowning me with the weight of your power. And yet, here I am, trying once again to pull my head out of water and to put into words the grip you have on me. We’ve done this dance before, haven’t we? You push my head down too far this time, and I refuse to relent.
Let me make this clear: you’re a pest. You’re the shapeless monster that chased me in childhood dreams, the one that kept my feet weighed down with leaded concrete as I tried to run. You’re the unseen force that breaks my heart and spins my mind in circles. But what are you, really? Are you a shadowy stranger pushing me toward growth, or just a figment of my mind, feeding on my uncertainties?
I’ve spent too long trying to define you, to understand why you scare me so. Is it because you’re imperceptible, living just beyond my view? Or is it because confronting you means risking everything? Perhaps it’s time I stop trying to define you and start challenging you instead. Let me start again.
Hello, Fear.
It’s me again, challenging you. You’ve become a basilisk in my life—a predator slithering through the shadows of my subconscious. Your gaze petrifies me, as though my every step might shatter into ruin beneath your weight. I’ve tried to avoid you, to pretend you’re not there, hoping that ignorance might weaken you. But you’re cunning, aren’t you? You thrive in the corners of my denial, growing stronger with every moment I refuse to look directly at you.
You’ve made yourself at home in my life, coiled around my dreams and my days, squeezing the air from my ambitions. I am left in the cold void, your presence a weight I carry long after the terror fades.
But I see you now for what you are. You’re not invincible. A creature of the earth, bound by the same rules that govern everything else. You move silently, planting your roots, spreading your poison like ivy through the cracks of my foundation. You’ve sown seeds of doubt in my mind, daring me to leave them unchecked, daring me to let your vines grow until they strangle everything I’ve worked so hard to build.
Yet I know your secret, Basilisk. Your power isn’t in your form—it’s in the fear you inspire. If I can stand before you and meet your gaze, I can shatter the illusion of your strength.
I’ve faced you before, and though you’ve taken much from me, you’ve never won. I remember the woman I was at twenty-five, with two small children and a heart full of determination. I walked out of your lair then, leaving behind everything you held over me. I stepped into a small apartment that was mine, utterly mine, free of your coils for the first time. It was terrifying. I lost so much. Yet, in that moment, I found something you could never possess love.
I met your gaze, and though the weight of your presence lingered, I proved to myself that I could survive.
So why should I let you win now? Why should I let you coil tighter around me when I’ve already broken free of you once? You may have taken advantage of my complacency over the years, but that brave girl I was hasn’t vanished. She’s still within me, waiting for me to listen. She will take my hand and say, “We’ve got this. We’ll do better for them.” She’ll point to my children, reminding me of the strength I drew from them the last time I faced you.
This is my promise: I will no longer let you hide in the shadows. I will pull you into the light. I will confront you, strip you of the power you’ve claimed, and show you that you are nothing without me—you will vanish.
I’ll keep moving, not because I’m fearless, but because I refuse to let you win.
Farewell, Fear,
Me

Style Score 100%

Dear Anxiety,

You have made me feel scared for the last time. You have made me feel like I was incapable to achieve my goals and live out my dreams. You have made me feel as if no one around cared about me. Anxiety, you have sent me down paths I have not even gone yet. Taken me places I may never go. My imagination is reality with you around. I can no longer live in my head. I can no longer think what if. I can no longer have you resting in my soul. Anxiety, it’s time for you to go.

I am writing to you not with anger or frustration, but with acknowledgment. You have been a companion in my journey, showing up in moments of uncertainty, and self-doubt, and when I’ve faced challenges that seemed insurmountable. Your presence has often been heavy, and your whispers have sometimes convinced me that I wasn’t capable or strong enough to push forward.

You appear when I face new obstacles, such as applying for scholarships, presenting my research, or when I think about my future in medicine and the impact I want to make. You remind me of the risks, the potential for failure, and the weight of my dreams.

But here’s the truth: I have learned not to fear you. I have confronted you, understood your shape and form, and started to understand that you are just a shadow of uncertainty. You don’t define me. You don’t determine my success.

I have chosen to face you head-on. When you show up, I take a deep breath and remind myself of the countless times I’ve succeeded despite the self-doubt you tried to plant. I am reminded of the work I’ve done in my community and the lives I’ve touched in underserved areas. I am reminded of the research I’ve contributed to, and the learning and growth I continue to experience in medical school. My passion to serve, to create equity in healthcare, and to make a difference in the world is far stronger than your whispers.

You might try to make me doubt my abilities, but you won’t win. I have a community of mentors, colleagues, and friends who remind me of my purpose and encourage me to push through the tough moments. I have a resilience that comes from years of facing adversity and turning it into strength.

So, fear, you won’t win. I will not let you stop me from pursuing my dreams and overcoming every challenge that comes my way. You may continue to visit, but you will never have control over my future.

With courage and strength,

To my fear of being swallowed,
I am writing this in regards to the incessant urge I feel to be swallowed whole by you. So cliche right? To disappear into you, limb by limb, hidden beneath your skin so that I can rest and feel peaceful again. I’d climb into your mouth one night, hoisted up on the edge of your lips by rope and hook. I’d peel back your lower lip like I often do when we kiss using my thumb, but this time I’d need both hands and I’d struggle because of my shrunken size. It would be difficult yes, but it would be worth it once I entered your cavernous mouth; so soft and warm. I’d bounce on your tongue for a bit and then slide gleefully down your throat tickling you with my finger tips on the way down, causing you to cough and stir but not waken. Passing through the thumping of your heart would speed by me as I fell, getting louder and louder until it shook my entire body, and then softer and softer as I fell further away from it. I’d be welcomed by your stomach with a splash into the warm acidic waters which are at your core. You hardly eat so I’d be mostly alone there. Here I would reflect on my choice while clinging to a piece of bread not yet fully digested. Hiding away inside of you, disappearing into you. Was it a good choice? I wouldn’t be sure, but I’d take solace in the fact that I couldn’t change my mind now. First my feet would feel numb and tingle, slowly dissipating into the rippling calm waters. Then my calves and thighs, and you would start to feel nourished and full and not know why. My pelvis and torso would then fade away, head last, and I would fully disappear knowing I would be absorbed and travel all around you again before leaving. Would I be good for your body? Would you keep me around? And would you love me then? Would I feel safe and protected? Because I feel this urge to be swallowed whole by you, and I don’t know what to do.

Michael G Sinclair II
December 31st 2024
Confronting & Embracing The Fear Of Death
DEATH is coming for everyone, death doesn’t judge. It’s gonna come for you regardless of your religion, race, sexual orientation or the wrongs and rights you made in your life. Death doesn’t care if you were the best person in the world, or the worst. It doesn’t care how much people will mourn you or cry your name. It is coming for you; and I am not saying this in a macabre manner, only a factual one.
And that is what scares me the most about this invisible and yet recognizing force that everyone will meet sooner or later. We all hope for a later time, but the fact of the matter is we have no control over it so we as humans don’t understand something, we forget about it. Or leave it alone. But that doesn’t work with a brain like mine, living with the constant reminder that death could be at the door ready to knock and claim my life puts me in a cage of my own mind. And the fact that one day I can’t ignore that knock puts my mind in a constant state of panic. Like right now, as I am sitting in my room with the lights turned off at 10:12pm on New Year’s eve. The only thing keeping my room illuminated is the computer I got for the Holidays, but I can’t help but wonder if this is what the millions of people claimed by death will see for all eternity.
Darkness, no light. Just darkness.
Or do they see a God of their choice?
Maybe they will meet eternal suffering or eternal bliss.
The first time I saw a dead body, I was a young boy, much younger than I am today. A family member, a man who I thought was the most loving man. A man whom I immortalized in my extremely early adolescent mind. A man who I thought was untouchable by death.
He layed in his coffin, in a bright baby blue suit. His hands folded over his abdomen; younger me thought he looked funny, his skin was ever so slightly gray and his chest was still as can be.
It was only until I saw him lowered into the ground. Buried under dirt was when I realized.
I will never see him again.
Since then I have seen death touch more family members of mine, even strangers I didn’t know. I saw death everywhere I turned.
Another car crash.
Another school shooting.
Another war.
Another bombing .
Another uncontrollable disease or virus claiming the lives of millions.
Death was here.
Death was there.
An inescapable force that was present in my everyday life.
Until I let it consume my mind, turning into my biggest fear that I can ever think of.
But it is only now that I wonder, is life truly meaningful without the looming presence of our untimely demise?
Will we enjoy everything life has to offer if death wasn’t a factor?
If death wasn’t real and we live and live and keep living until the sun engulfs the earth, will we be able to enjoy the little things?
I won’t let this fear win.
I can only overcome it by admitting that death will also kiss me. And I know that tomorrow isn’t promised to me, or anyone on this earth. I will not push the thought of death away, but I will make sure that it is present. As a constant reminder to live right now. Because now is the only timeline that exists, because NOW I am alive.
And although I do not know when I will go, just like everyone else, I too want death to come at a later time. But it is not in my control.
And now I see that my fear isn’t death necessarily, it is the fear that I have not lived long enough. That I haven’t seen all of what life has to offer, but now I will live.
I will live for the ones who are no longer with us
It is 11:11 pm on New Year’s eve.
The year is about to be over. And I will enjoy it with my family. I will enjoy the rain that is pouring from the sky.
And I will enjoy being alive.

Style Score 66%

Dearest mind of mine.

 You’re broken. 

 You’re destructive and harrowing. How I wish I could drown you out with deafening melodies that speak life, yet you seem so selfishly unaware. You’re contradicting, racing, and overthinking thoughts flash before me like a demon. Torturing my sleep, stealing love away from my grasp, and mocking me for it.  

This isn’t life. This is suicide, unwanted. A slow death caused by a tug of war between hope …and hopeless. This game has me wondering if we will ever truly live in this life.

I have tried to change you, dismiss you, dissociate from you and drown you out with songs of hate…and of healing, yielding no success.

My dearest mind, you win. You win because through all the years of attempts to destroy you as you have attempted to destroy me, you’ve survived. I’ve survived. Strengthened even. I no longer desire to change you. Instead, I choose to fall in love with you. These things you do to me… I can’t fight them anymore. There was a time they helped me. Kept me alive even, but dearest mind, I ask you to realize… we are safe now. 

You may always remain broken. The tug of war may never end. Love may always be maddening, and I accept this. I will love you more and accept you as you are. We will survive.                                         

        With all I am,

        The one you call…yours

100% style score

Dear Fear,
We have traveled together for a while now. I remember when you were born. When the excitement of the “surprise” promised to me by that first group of friends – chosen for me when I was just a child -turned into a circle of hate and scorn. A gift meant only for me. For just existing. For existing as me. It was at that Moment on the verge of accepting that this world was now one I was meant to travel alone, well that’s when you showed up, and intertwined your fingers with mine, leading me away from what sought to destroy me towards what you called divine. A silent promise that no matter how many times the world turned its back on me, you would always be there. And so I intertwined my fingers right back, and let you lead the way. I wasn’t alone anymore. In return for your companionship I fed you and held you tight, and carried you with me through each step of my life. A security blanket as I made my way through my life, to hold onto when things were too hard and the world told me time and time again that they didn’t know what to do with me – you served as a reminder that its shunning was justified – because what wasn’t good enough was me.
You stayed by my side through His abuse, ensuring I didn’t leave what He convinced me was love, though I tried. You soothed me and told me to stay, for being locked away with him was better than what was outside. And when I finally found the courage to step out on my own, once more just as me, well, you left me alone. Watching silently from the sidelines when my calling finally came knocking, and the world suddenly opened its arms to me. A new Emotion’s hand then did I hold, as I was led into the future by Joy. Yet you came back once again this time with devotional full force when I, just an innocent new teacher trying on her wings for the first time, overcome with passion and excitement for finally finding her place in the world was suddenly confronted by the One who handed me those wings to take flight. Seeing my innocence as too much to want to feed, she instead, feather by feather, took them away. A painful reminder perhaps of what she had lost, weighed down on her path paved by her own ambition and greed. Better to beat my Joy out of me than have to face the reality of her pain. And the beatings continued as I tried harder and harder to prove myself to the world once again – yet perhaps none as brutal as the ones that came from me. Black and blue I continued, until black and blue became me. And you held me close all the while, reminding me over and over again that when the world turned its back on me you would always remain. I hugged you back so tightly this time that instead of a companion,you became a part of me – became mine. So enmeshed have we become in this life that I forgot you even existed. I just thought you were me.
But I’ve remembered you again as situations meant to break me once more came knocking at my door (and almost succeeded, if I’m being honest with you) – but just at that Moment where I nearly gave up and willingly opened that door…I remembered who you are. I saw you. I saw you comfortably sitting on your throne in the home you created in the depths of my innocent soul. Grateful to be forgotten, so you could live your life in peace, while I continued to weather the storm. But I see you now Fear – older now and more defined by the lines of [y]our age – but I see you and I recognize you for who you are. And the truth is I don’t hate you – but I’m showing you the door. A home inside me is no longer a place for you to reign. This is not where you live -no! – this home is where Jenna Devi is Queen. And as I take your hand and lead you to the threshold of you and me, I’m going to hold you tight one last time, my old friend, come close now and hold me back like you always do, as I hold the key to my freedom from you.
I hesitate just a moment, as I begin to open our door – and yes, I see that twinkle of Hope escape from your eyes, and I know what that twinkle is for. But I won’t let you silence me anymore. So listen closely, for I have something to say, and I’ll look you straight in those sparkling eyes as I do – don’t you dare turn away! For you see, while you’ve been a part of me, all I’ve ever known, a part of me is afraid of the emptiness you’ll leave and who I’ll be once you’re not with me anymore. And yes I see that twinkle growing stronger as I admit to you my truth, but continue listening close for I’m not done speaking to you. This time I won’t be seduced by your glow. I’m strong now you see, I can do this on my own. Because while you were getting comfortable in my true home, I remembered something else, something even you had never truly known. I remembered who the fuck I am. Jenna Devi. A sensitive warrior with a heart that is pure. A woman whose birthright is not to be kept knocked to the ground. This Jenna Devi – she was born to soar.
And so one last embrace before I open the door. As I stare you straight in those familiar eyes one last time with all the feeling left inside of me as I do, a parting gift – a piece of me to keep I’m gifting to you. Right here, right now, without any of your Fear…with all of my truth, I’m telling you it’s time for you to go.
As I close the door behind you and turn around to see what’s left, well… I don’t know. I simply don’t. But I’m ready to step into that unknown. And I’m ready to be held as Jenna – not down – but together, with and by those that want to see me soar as they fly next to me into this new world that’s been waiting to be explored.
So goodbye, Fear. You were never mine to hold. I’m fragile, yes, but I’m not broken anymore.(And thank you for the journey that led me back to me once more).
Jenna Devi
ProWritingAid Syle Score: 83%

Attention: Fear of abandonment

It is time that you leave my thoughts and my being. Abandonment, like it wasn’t bad enough being tossed at birth. The most raw rejection experience one could know. I let you in to my space all these years, ruling my life, lurking as my identity, behind my decisions and my being. How was this possible when the worst rejection already occurred? What more could happen? Nothing if I control it my way.

I turned your rejection into overachieving. In every aspect, I did the best. The best career, the top of the top, accolades and promotions. I made a family and they grew their family. My lineage had the best of the best through my fear based enabling. Gifts, money, and cars. I collected “best friends” who appreciated my huge generosities. I took marching orders from them all,as you know, they could have left me at anytime.

After 33 years of this I have said, enough. It ends. I left the career that worked so well with my need to not be able to have a solitary space to think through my own thoughts. Now that I am developing boundaries with the people I mantled in my world. Guess what happened? Some of the family are rebelling now and I can handle that. Some of the “best friends” are gone. Solitude will be vital to rediscovering myself. I am walking alone in many aspects as I listen to my inner healing voice. I will replace the tapes of rejection with healthy tools. Abandonment, you no longer exist as my primary resource of identity.

I am not sure where the new me will journey to without the baggage of your label. I do know I will never live in that space again. Let them leave, let them think they are not getting enough. I am enough.

Style score 100%

Dear fear of not being good enough,

I can’t believe I let you control my life for so long. You loomed over every accomplishment, every goal, every dream. You dampened the words of affirmation I so desperately longed for. I trusted my gut, only to be deceived again and again. I allowed you to tell me I was a failure before I even tried. And I believed you. You were my comfort, my safe space—the enemy I knew. Nothing and no one hurt me more than you.

I couldn’t imagine a future without you. A world without your grip felt incomprehensible. The mere possibility of happiness crippled me, because how could I—broken me—exist there? Clear skies begged to be filled with turmoil and strife. The quiet was deafening, the peace foreboding.

The walls you built around yourself were tough. But not tough enough to bear the weight of the world without cracking. Broken. Splintered. Space. Space for thoughts like, “But what if you were?” to seep in, to take root. And as those thoughts grew, they shrunk the space you occupied until you were exposed. You could no longer hide.

I still remember the day I saw the blindfold over my eyes, my hands resting across my chest. The moment I realized: What if it was me all along? What if my fear of not being good enough was the very thing making me not good enough? Because if I believe I’m not good enough, then I’m not. That blindfold—tied tightly by my own hands—kept me from seeing the good. The good that I am. The good I possess. The good I can be and do.

I still resist the truth. I still search for evidence around me—to confirm or deny your whispers. But then I remind myself: I hold the power. I can untie the blindfold at any time.

I didn’t think I deserved it. A life without you. But I do.
I really do.

Even now, I see the places where the blindfold still tempts me. A comfort. A temporary relief. But courage—true courage—is feeling the adrenaline rush into my gut, spread to my chest, and rise to my crown. It’s choosing to take the step anyway. To trust that the prize of freedom, the trophy of self-conquest, is worth far more than the false security you offer.

So I’m letting you go. Slowly, steadily. I’m stepping into the life I deserve.

Sincerely,
Someone who no longer needs you.

Style Score: 100%!

Hey… You have to go. You can’t be here anymore. I never welcomed nor invited you, but somehow you always sneak in while piggybacking insecurities (you can tell him to stay home as well). You’ve failed to add anything besides the feeling of inadequacy. You’re nothing but a leech to my soul. A slow, silent, soft, yet sharp suicide. I recall a substantial amount of sleepless nights you have caused by heaving my heartbeat. Each pulse was as deafening as the last. No more. I’ll allow this NO MORE! I can’t and I won’t! My future career, relationships, and self-esteem depends on it! Everything important to me depends on it! You have benefitted nobody! I have risen to occasions plenty of times and you make me forget what I have already accomplished. Somehow, you seep in and fog my memory with self-doubt. This relationship is over. It’s DONE! Leave me and my family alone! I have found power in scriptures, power in positive thinking, and power in preparation! There is no leeway for you to elbow your way in anymore! I am fed up with you! You are intolerable! I will no longer allow you in my proximity! You know what? You don’t even have to go anywhere. I’M LEAVING. You can stay right where you are you soon to be “stranger”. I’m out of here. It was horrible knowing you.
Peace.
(Style Score: 100 %)

My 2-year-old runs up to me and crawls into my arms. She holds me tightly and tells me that she loves me. I turn on the TV and my baby disappears. I look around my living room and I can’t find her. Then I hear an awful scream, followed by crying and people speaking in Arabic. She is on the TV! There she is now dead in the middle of the street in Gaza! I panic and I change the channel! There she is again but this time she is in Africa living in a shanty house! A white woman holds up her dirty body and begs the public for help. “Her family died in a fire leaving her all alone. For just 2 cents a day you can save babies just like this.” I change the channel! There she is at 10 getting beat up on the playground at school by a bunch of girls. I change the channel! There she is at 18 and being interviewed by a talk show host. Her clothes are way too tight and she has on way too much make-up. “I slept with over 100 men to pay my rent.” I change the channel! Hey it’s the Lifetime Channel. My daughter is an adult and is now in prison. She is wearing black and orange scrubs, with tear drops tattooed on her face and her hair is braided. Finally I stopped panicking and I started getting angry. I shut the TV off and got out a book instead. Suddenly my toddler reappears in my lap when I turned the first page. “Let’s read about how to poo poo in the potty! Yay!” My greatest fear is something bad happening to my daughter. How do I cope with that fear? I turn off the TV and cherish every precious moment. Just in case something bad happens to her she will need to good memories to help her escape reality. When bad things happen to us its the memories of Mommy reading to us on her lap when we are 2 that comfort us.

Hey Fear.
I really wish you were a rational, sensible friend. I wish you would only show up when I am in danger. When the visceral reaction to your presence would be to my benefit. I do not like being frozen in mid- thought. I do not like retreating into myself, pulling the door shut and building the walls a little higher.
I do not like the way you play with memories, unpacking the deepest of the trauma, the embarrassment, the reasons why I feel less than good enough. I do not like the way you weave those long packed away feelings into situations where they do not belong. I do not like the way you abuse my inner child. She should be dancing in the rain, she should wonder at the color of a violet, or the unique beauty of a snowflake. She should not be shaking so hard that I must revisit her trauma. Tend to her bruises or kiss away her tears.
I have done the work; I know that I no longer have to tolerate abuse in my life. I know that I am a work in process, ever evolving and growing. I know that I do not need to be perfect in order to get respect and be loved. I do not need you reminding me of a time when a harsh word, cruel intent, or landed punch came from someone I loved. Someone who said they loved me. Someone who would beg forgiveness, even as their next attack was being formed.
I know that I am strong. I know that I am fragile. I know that remembering can be part of healing. I know that I do not have to relive those days. I bare the scars as a survivor. I am proud of who I am, always true to myself through tears and humiliation. I have given myself permission to heal.
Fear, I do not want to confront you in places you do not belong. I do not want you to fill my days with ghosts of shame and dread. I do not want you to cost me sleep or invade my dreams. I do not want you to steal away my ability to feel the real joy and sorrow of life. I feel nothing in the wake of avoiding the worthlessness you make me feel.
Last of all Fear, I should always feel safe in my body. I am claiming it from you. It is mine and no one will ever force themself or their will on me ever again. No hand raised in anger, no cruel words will inflict pain. Never again will I be a tool for someone’s show of power or pleasure. I have some wrinkles, I’m not a model. I am me, and that’s a pretty amazing person to be.
Fear, I would gladly welcome and claim you in the right places. Where walking in your company means that I am aware and careful. Where the jolt of your presence is a call to attention, to action. You are valid and have a place. Please stay in your own lane.
36%

Dear ____________ ,

It’s been a while since I’ve let myself sit with you.

You come to me in my dreams sometimes. Or, I guess after my dreams, really. Dreams of contentment, passion, stolen kisses. Love. Memories of music with scents of home-cooked meals dance together in my mind while I feel a hand rubbing my back as I stand over a stove. Afternoons relaxing with another after a hard day of work. The bliss of late mornings lying around in bed with a lover. Imaginings of a future that I will never have. But I have to wake up eventually, and there you are.

Abandonment.

I long for a breath behind me, the rustling of sheets, an arm draped over my waist. I remember the warmth of another body, the rhythm of a heartbeat against my cheek as someone held me. Now I just feel cold in the empty bed. I hear only my breath and a sole heartbeat. The lack of connection, no other life in the room. And there you are.

Silence.

I try not to linger there. It hurts to remember feeling safe like that and then the ache as it tears away. I remember the bad parts then. Walking on eggshells, patronizing disproval, feeling like I’m not allowed to talk about my pain. I questioned myself. Never trusting in my own competence and intellect. The constant need for validation and reassurance. The need to feel like someone else thinks I’m “good enough.” I distract myself from you with new hobbies and responsibilities, proving my capability to myself. I still can’t shake that feeling, though.

Rejection.

However, I must tell you; I’m moving past you. Day by day, I feel my spirit coming back, though it is still so tired. I am learning to love my solitude. I feel the freedom and independence that comes with it. No need for permission to start a task or make a friend. No longer questioning and second guessing my every action. I can see a future where my confidence shines. Where I walk into a room and people feel the calm that I radiate. I will see a task and know I can complete it. See a person and offer to stand by them. Find love that accepts that I am a whole person.

I’ve made art, so deeply moving, I could never have shown you. I have learned new concepts and philosophies that you could never comprehend. I transformed my home into a sanctuary, a place reflecting my soul’s effort. I’m learning that my body is worthy of real love and care. That I am worthy of love and care.

Someday, abandonment will become a reclamation of myself. Silence will be peace. Rejection will be resilience. I will heal the fear of rejection, of abandonment, and silence in my future. I will work for the confidence to ask for help when I need it. I will make my own happiness.

More than anything, I hope to one day love myself. To finally and truly embrace being-

Alone.

Sincerely,

Mickel

Style score:100%

The fear is the worst feeling on the world, it paralyzes you from reality and it’s an obstacle to achieving your dreams and desires, I hate you fear from keeping me away to become a driver.

I don’t know if that happen to you, but for me driving it’s been in my wishlist for so long time, and the fear is the responsible to procrastinate this until the end, I’m really tired of having the desire of learn to drive and have my own car, but the fear is pushing me out of achieve it.

My fear of not be capable of do that is killing my self-esteem, it’s creating anxiety of thinking that I will be never able to learn how to drive, the fear is a fear that finish with all my hopes.

I really want to learn how to drive, I don’t want to be dependable of others on going to the places that I want and need to go, I’m tired of been a pray of the fear, I just want to be fear free and learn how to drive like the others.

I deserve to have a nice car, I deserve to exterminate the fear of driving and gifting me a good ride to myself, I have planned to overcome it with bravery and courage, I need to trust in my abilities and inner force, I plan to learn how to drive soon, the time is flying and I need to hurry up, I need to conquer my driving dreams and take it easy on me.

I need to conquer my fear of learn how to drive with determination and constant practice until I dominate the ability of drive, I need to pay a good driving class and be positive and calm through all the learning process, I need to keep telling me that I can do wherever I want, is just a matter of patience, time and a positive mind.

The fear of how to drive won’t win because I’m greatest of my dreams, I have a strong spirit of persistence and resilience, the fear won’t win this long war between the two of us, I’m focused and motivated on driving this year 2025.

Dear fear

I know we speak often, one would say we’ve become friends. Our relationship has changed so much over the years, I think it’s on the mend. I see you as an invitation now. Somewhere the light is trying to creep in. The shut door’s cracked window revealed a new beginning. You used to paralyze me and you can still have that effect. I remember that I’ve stepped through that brightness. I’ve soaked in the sun beyond any closed doors. You show me my strength, and where I still need to grow, that sometimes it feels like we’re free falling and sometimes that can be excitement if I let it flow.

Hey kid,

I’m so so so sorry.

I know this is supposed to be one of our best memories, our last moments of being a kid

we graduated college this year so it’s supposed to be really good, our greatest event.

My one moment of fame.

But alas, within a minute it’s over , no time for closure. a thing of the past it just doesn’t last. My worst moments fill even our best days.

Mini nightmares coming true …. That wasn’t supposed to be me … or you .

As I sat in that black gown, the tassel overstimulating me, yanking my glasses like a naughty child

I was finally

Walking that stage

But I wasn’t happy that day.

As I looked at the ghosts of friends, I’d supposedly made

I was alone

I’m sorry they missed the event

but not you … not enough to make you feel special … just once

That they wanted to take credit for what you did

Without you

I’m sorry

There was no cake to celebrate

That you’re buying your own to eat by yourself

Along with the alcohol to wash it down

That they’ve got you down on yourself again

Excluded … by your own family

Thats you …. That’s me

But you did it yayyyy….

4 years of a place you didn’t want where you were given more pain than you can stand

Just for a bit of safety

And that

No one understands.

Am I proud? …. sure.

Hard to be proud when you had to do it by yourself and in the end, there’s not even a place for my diploma on a shelf.

Sigh the bad , dare I say worst thing about a winter graduation.

Christmas, which used to be our favorite Holliday,

Turned to hell,

It’s hardest to be proud,

When you’re completely by yourself.

All I know is my biggest fear was once being alone
But I faced that reality through the dial tone of a phone.