• Sade Bess shared a letter in the Group logo of Chasing Your DreamsChasing Your Dreams group 2 weeks ago

    Something To Prove

    Dear community ,
    When I’m stressed or frustrated in the pursuit of my dreams I think of God and his everlasting love and promises to me . I think about all the times I wanted more and had less and the way he’s kept me going . I think of the things I didn’t have as a kid in foster care and how I was treated so differently and ultimately felt deprived in comparison to what other children had or what my foster family’s biological daughter had . I think about all the times they treated me differently , like I didn’t deserve the same luxuries; and with that I go out and get them and spoil myself . I think about the fact that I only have myself out here and I can’t let me down . The statistics that I’ve already surpassed with the expectations of children that age out of care . The times where I’ve only had myself to rely on . I think about the people that I was blessed with on my journey that have dwindled away because as a kid in care , nothing is ever permanent but the seeds they planted to be more or the best that I can be are still there . I have to be something . I think about the fact that so many people doubt my capabilities sometimes and have wounded me in ways that I just can’t let them see that they’ve gotten the best of me . The fact that I was a little black girl that came from nothing : with both parents in one system or another . With my father being incarcerated , my mother struggling with her mental health and losing all 5 of us in the System . I think about the support I never had , the childhood I never got . The dreams diminished , my self esteem shattered . The excuses I’ve told myself , the lies I was fed . I think about all of that and try to reparent myself and still push forward . The self sabotage and the sabotage that I’ve received from others . The things I could be doing versus the things I’m choosing . The excellence I strive for ; the regret I would feel if I didn’t try . The fact that I can’t let evil win . That I have a choice every day to keep trying . I think about how far God has brought me and the things I’ve prayed and fought my way of . The children I have worked with or that will possibly look up to me one day as they may be in similar situations and I just keep pushing . I want to make the parents that didn’t get to parent me proud that even though they weren’t there , I still made something of myself . That I fought through my fears of being seen and heard and chose me . That I chose love . I chose healing. I chose strength . I chose resilience . I think about the fact that I know there’s so much more for me and that I’m going to get it & I look at those who came before me and how bad they had it and how they chose to kept fighting and I know that I can too . I can’t give up . It’s not an option

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    • Sade,

      I had to fight back a few tears reading your letter just now. I don’t know that my words could ever replace the things you didn’t get to experience growing up. I grew up in a family of limited means so I connect to this on a slightly different level. There was always a wanting in my life. I saw the kids with the fancy sneakers in school while my own were a store brand bought at K-Mart. I felt the exclusion of certain social groups because I wasn’t rich. I too, felt left out.

      I read the end of your letter and that is where I 100% connect with you. Even through my lack of religious faith, I feel the very thing you found in it. You have risen from the experiences you endured and chose to walk a much different path than most would expect you to. It is often easy for us to give up or consign ourselves to a reality that we have incredible power to reject. It brings me back to a favorite poem of mine, by William Ernest Henley. The last stanza of Invictus is something that stays with me in moments where I feel overwhelming dismay as I’m sure you felt at moments of your life.

      That last stanza goes like this

      It matters not how strait the gate
      How charged with punishments the scroll
      I am the master of my fate
      I am the captain of my soul

      You are an inspiration in every moment you choose a path that aims to be different than the experiences you had. There is something Devine in that and it often makes me feel that we can choose to be our own God, in that we can be the strength others look to.

      Thank you for sharing what I’m sure was not an easy experience to share. It inspires me to join you to keep pushing and believing in a better tomorrow paved with our choices of today.

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      • Thank you so much for your kind words . So grateful for the encouragement . Definitely feel like my tomorrows are a definite reflection of my todays ,just rolling with my faith & how far I’ve come .i just feel like if I keep pushing through I’ll eventually get there or close at least lol We got this in this bag !

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