Hey you ;
Thank you ;
Thank you for being here ;
Thank you for creating Truth that keeps the noose loose as you choose to continue through the fears ;
Thank you for trying your best even when it seems like every seam that holds yourself together has been Severed and ripped to shreds ;
Thank you for trying your best even when it seems like everything you’re thinking is like a hoarders dream, thoughts of a convoluted mess ;
Thank you for trying your best even when things that are in and out of your control seem to spin out of control, and you try to hold on to the right when it seems like there’s nothing left ;
Thank you for staying alive, even though every day seems like a daily struggle just to survive ;
Thank you for choosing to resume these pages of life, even when you’re burnt up and exhausted and no longer want to write ;
Thank you for being here ;
Thank you for being you ;
Sincerely true ;
From me to you ;
Thank you ;
;

Spring, not sprung.

People can look like they’re fine, but inside they’re crying.
Many are trying, too many dying, I’m flying on some parachute of prayers.
To the God’s who will listen. To the points of the cardinal directions.
I look up and no longer see Orion who has always been my protector.

My hands fall short of magic. My generosity exceeds in deeds, grateful to bless, but somehow not enough to me. I know life is unalome, never even keel- my path made me stronger, wounds have healed.
Although the deeper I dive, the pain becomes real. I deal. I’ve observed on every level, inhaled, exhaled and weighed it on the scales. It tips. Balance is off-
When the whole world is upside down and right side up, I still live in my bubble. When I’m lost, I retreat. No white flag, no olive branch, no phone calls, just me- in the corner with a pen and paper, crying. For everyone I’ve lost, for everyone I’ve ever loved and had to walk away from, for everyone who bears the weight on their shoulders but wakes up and smiles at the world, I am you.

Spring, but not sprung.

Let me feel the rain on my face as I know it waters the flowers that blossom in the spring.

I miss my family and friends who are in another realm. Let their energy protect mine. Allow me to shine like gold in a river on sunny day.

I need my magic or I am useless.

To the God’s~ Please protect us.

Every day the search is so real
In obvious, yet often vague fashion
The path is forever passing through
Mirage and tangible peaks and valleys

When molehills turn to mountains
When that oasis ahead offers nothing
Only barren and deserted ground
The insurmountable desire to fade becomes
An obstacle we struggle to overcome

Every day the struggle is sincere
How to permeate and see beyond
Our perceived vision of that molehill
The lying mirage we cling to in hope
Of quenching that continuous thirst on the journey

Strive to find the meanings lying in wait
Infinite is their patience the meanings exists
While often not simple the reward is priceless
Knowledge is power and awareness the weapon

Search and struggle brings truth
Even if only your own to hold
Because at the end of every path we choose
Is a new one only you can walk

Kosmic_Kachina2469

I felt like my death is long overdue
I use to enjoy life when I was with you
Look into my eyes and what do you see
Just the leftover mess of what you made of me

As memories turn to lessons i look to see life in a new light
Fighting back my nature to not let my love turn to spite
Despite my best efforts i still was not enough
Tell me was what we had ever real or all just a bluff

I gave you all i had in spite of my status
But despite all that you painted me red black and blue like i was your personal canvas
As i pick up the pieces of whats left of me
Will i finally find myself and be set free?

Invisible. A wish that with each passing day the desire to become tethered with it grows. It was always my answer when I was asked, “What superpower would I choose given the chance?”

It was always invisibility. It’s a period where you are free from the confinements of reality, and everything that comes with it. Free from judgement from other people, free from inconvenience but also securing a safe space to truly be yourself.

Lately the story behind that spark, my desire, it derives from
unwanted attention, unwanted burdens, piling up, and weighing me down like unyielding cargo.

It’s the attention through the eyes of a lustful man, stopping to stare at me while I work, making small talk when it’s clear I don’t want to be friends. His gaze, his voice were like spiders crawling into my skin, sending painless shockwaves of panic through my veins, like a mini earthquake racketing in my body.

It rippled my nerves with anxiety, taking my thoughts to a dark place, swearing to myself that I’ll never be caught in a dark alley with him, wishing I can disappear so his eyes and slimy smile can stop looking at mine.

There’s also life issues, and personal struggles, burdens like struggling to contain your emotions, because you feel too deeply, and now you’re putting yourself out there too much, or you take things the hard way, or you get told you’re too sensitive. You just feel TOO MUCH! It’s overwhelming, so much you start to feel drained in your heart, your soul, your spirit, and self worth.

The burden of it all, juggling life’s chaos, searching for balance, and all that jazz. I struggle everyday, trying to do enough so that I am a fully functional stable, healthy, human being.
A woman.

Yes, snap out of it, Paige.You are more than this and who you are is better than this. You’re better than this.

Listen, I’ll be honest while I’m still going, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t take a toll on me.

And then I remember, one night, I painted a seamless life, an escapable vision, and a fruitless chase for it. A mirage that I will never obtain but always yearn for.

To be alive but invisible would be a kaleidoscope of possibilities, shifting and unfolding, basking in a beautiful, colorful life, relishing in a chance to live in peace, free from mental torment, and wallowing in the quiet stillness of a misty sanctuary, where the soul roam unseen.

It is a dream that I would die for.

In the darkness, I’m alone, floating on a cloud of dreams,
where reality blurs and paints a picture of my mind dancing freely,
taking solace in the emptiness,
escaping the inevitable
to a void where struggles on all fronts
dissolve.

To a single adult like me,
name any struggle you’re facing
and I can likely tell you
that I was there before coming here.
Still gonna be waiting for me
for when I get back though.

God, it was serene, the feeling,
like being wrapped in a cozy blanket
on a cool night in your bed;
while your worries melted like butter
into a fleeting absence.

And when there’s night,
there’s day,
and like the sun in the world,
yours will rise again in your mind,
which reminds me of
the one thing I always loved about
the darkness,
because in it there’s nothing there,
no light to illuminate
any harsh reality
or truth
waiting to cause havoc in
your heart and mind.

And if it were up to me,
I’d manifest my thoughts into a person,
and kill it
so my mind can finally have peace.

I’d stay in the darkness forever,
if that meant being free.

(I was inspired to write this just now at 11:34pm 8/27/24)
In the past, society has deemed mental health as a crisis or a “stigma” and if women showed any form of mental health issues, we were sanctioned to an asylum to live out the rest of our days. Some men as well. But, in 2024, mental health is still frowned upon. “Oh, what, in your life is so bad?” “No one will believe you.” “Your depression is just you being lazy.” etc…I have had the immense pleasure of working in the mental health field off and on for a very long time and I fall in love more every time I go back. It is not wrong to ask for help with your mental health. Forget about what your friends and family will say. Forget about what social media and film and television say about it. Just do not think for one moment that you do not deserve to be here. And every time you think you will end it all, remember, I am here for you, as are hundreds of others and think to yourself: “just one more chapter.”

Loneliness slithers in
Like an unsuspecting snake
Coiled around my neck
Struggling to breathe
With nobody around
To save me
In a crowded room
I feel so alone
Everyone has someone
But no one has got me
Each night I come closer
To a planned death
Because loneliness kills
I don’t belong anywhere
I’m not needed nor wanted
So why even bother
I’ll drift away peacefully
Forgotten easily
And never remembered