Hello, 
Little girl with a dream & a hope for a better tomorrow:
I see you sitting there on the porch steps crying as your parents seem to be crashing down behind you. 

One thing that you don’t get told enough is that you are bright, you are smart & that you are beautiful but most importantly…. 
You have the rest of your life ahead of you. 

I understand that this life does seem like a strange dream indeed & that sometimes it feels like there are two strangers inside of that house fighting but I see you holding everything in your arms that you’ve held onto for all of these years so far… 

A pink rabbit, well worn at the face with so much love that you’ve carried her with you & you named her Pinky many years ago. 

When the screaming gets louder, just hold her tighter. Allow her to soak up your tears when you don’t have a shoulder to cry on. 

As you go through life you’re going to face the turbulence between your parents & you will learn what it’s like to feel the room before even stepping into it. 

Take everything for what it is but never identify with any of it because these are all just growing pains my love. 

What doesn’t kill you tonight will make you stronger tomorrow, 
I promise, Rocky. 

The day will come when you put Pinky on the shelf for the final time & you will pull out your pen & you will bleed out everything on paper that this life has inflicted upon you through pain & agony, generational curses, but only you have the power to change your own outcome oh young eager mortal who just yearns to learn more about life, God & what it all even means. 

One day, you will be able to walk through those same flames that are behind you right now & you’ll be able to acknowledge reality for what it truly is & you will look into the flaming eyes of those demons without backing down or feeling triggered.

You will find your own fire within those flames & you will find your voice to speak your own truth. 🖤🔥

Dear Younger Self,

I need you not to worry about what everyone else thinks. The way you see yourself and feel inside is more important than the opinions, approval, or validation of other people. Accept what is true to you. Through multiple generations, your ancestors have carried the collective intelligence through your DNA to propel, guide and protect you. You were born with divine wisdom, talent, and gifts specific and unique for your evolution and prosperity. As you learn, discover, and cultivate your skills, be kind to yourself. Be patient with your mistakes and shortcomings, you can try as many times as you need to. Your faults don’t make you unworthy of love or acceptance, in fact nothing does.
I need you not to worry about how many friends you have and how many people like you. Be yourself and your people will find you. Don’t sacrifice your safety or values for being accepted by others. Betraying yourself will create self-doubt and a lack of confidence in what you are doing and how you are making decisions. When your needs and expectations change, don’t be afraid to let go of what doesn’t fit to keep growing and maturing. Keep being the best friend you need even if you don’t have one. Don’t withhold your joy and compassion, none of it is ever wasted. Even the people who reject you are more than likely looking for the same acceptance love and community.
I need you to not worry about failing. Your comfort zone will never invite the unknown because familiarity is the default. Research, rehearse, refine, and redo as many times as you need to. If you haven’t tried the scenario you thought of, how do you know if it works? Just because it doesn’t exist doesn’t mean you can’t be the first to create it—you were birthed from infinite possibility. When you don’t get it right, you are still learning and growing forward. You aren’t a fraud, you aren’t the labels, and you aren’t the pain.
I need you not to worry about pleasing other people. You have so much to offer and it is not centered on performance. Credentials and accolades don’t define impact or your ability to connect. However, love, trust and forgiveness does. Don’t lose yourself worrying about winning acceptance and recognition. Even if no one takes the time to honor you, honor yourself by being and doing your best.
I need you to not worry that you will be single forever. You are beautiful, you are wise, you are intelligent, you are capable and love will find you in all forms as you surrender to it. Spend your singlehood doing the things you love. You were made to commune and connect. Whatever you are looking for in a partner will be reflected when you are already doing and being what you are looking for. You are not alone, even if it feels like it.
I need you not to worry about time. Be present in what is happening right now. A better future starts with what you are doing right now. Take your time with everything you are doing because you are worth every moment. People will try to teach you how to prioritize and maximize it but this is your individual journey, you make the rules.
I need you to not worry about what other people have that you don’t. Comparing yourself to others will almost always make you feel a insecure or inadequacy. If there is something you desire, ask yourself what part of you wants it and it’s bigger purpose or meaning for you. This will help you decide if it is for you.
I need you to not worry about knowing exactly what you want to do or study. You will find what works for you doesn’t let you go-it will stick to your mind and heart like glue- all the puzzle pieces will make sense over time. When people try to convince you to do things that sound good, think about how it might make you feel or if you even like it. You don’t have to have all the answers, just pursue what resonates with you.
I just need you to be your full beautiful, brilliant, magnificent and courageous self.

Love you deep.

Dear Younger Me
In your 20s, your biggest fear will be loneliness,
that you’ll never marry, won’t have children, grandchildren.
You think you find the one in college,
but he finds someone else. Then, seven years later, this man reappears.
You give it another try. It seems like true love. He leaves you again.
This time over the phone, long distance.

Once again, you’re abandoned. You watch friends start families.
You move, start over, meet a much older, intensively interesting man.
This guy shows you his town, which soon becomes your city.
He tells stimulating stories about where he’s been.
You date him. Things are great, but differences pop up.
You fight, you consider leaving. You make up. You stay together.

After almost eight years, he finally proposes. For 30 years,
you’ve been secure, as cozy as the soft, old t-shirt he doesn’t mind
that you sleep in. The strong, funny man who loves you
left you alone on work trips, but you got busy with church,
spent many hours grading, lesson planning, writing.
Then he retires before you, goes away to take care of his mom.

Weekends are hard, but you find things to do. His love is as steadfast
as the towering oak trees in the yard of the home you moved into.
So many times, your worries about companionship, money, career
occupy thoughts that should have been spent in gratitude
for the life God gave you with this loving man you met
on your first day starting over.

Dear younger self,
I know you are sitting in that yellow chair wondering why mom never showed up. You’re feeling like you’re not worthy of love and wondering if there will ever be anyone in your life who won’t run away. You blame yourself for the adults that have failed you. I know it seems impossible but with time it will get better. You will find people who not only love you but make you feel safe. You find a husband who gives you the Cinderella story you dream of having. You no longer dream of running away and finding a better place. You’re in a space that’s full of peace and warmth. I know it’s not easy but it will all be worth it so, hang in there sweet girl all of your dreams will become a reality.
Sincerely,
Your future self.