Little Elena…why are you so worried?
Little Elena worried so much about the future. About people pleasing for her parents and making them proud. She wanted a career her parents would be proud of and being a creative was not getting the love & support I needed.
This is a letter to 12-year-old Elena. The girl who was filled with creative and innovative ideas but also filled with fears and no outlet to share them. I grew up in the 90’s, we didn’t have internet. I read books, watched a lot of horror movies, listened to the west coast rap, and wanted to be a writer so badly. I was inspired by west coast rap, by books and by Tupac Shakur’s lyrics. I was inspired by the horror movies on TV and used to say to my Barbies, “I am going to write my own horror story, and everyone is going to love it.” The problem was, I wrote the stories, but no one loved them. Why? Because I was too afraid to show case my writing anywhere. Oh, then there was that time I had a dumb boyfriend that went through my stuff in my room and found my writing. I was so pissed that I snatched it and he thought I was cheating. He said he didn’t read much but it was enough for my privacy to be violated that I swore I wouldn’t share any writing again. I love to write, I was sad.
In school, I would avoid sharing any writing assignments. I skipped class when it had to do with creative writing. And I would not turn in any creative writing assignments, I would just take the F. I hated school anyways, not too sure how I passed. But one thing I wished someone told me at that age, FUCK school. You don’t even use a quarter of what you learn. It is all colonized learning and kids going to school is part of the colonizer’s plan. Yeah… I knew school was a waste of my time but how could I have said all that to my parents without getting my ass whooped. Well, I grew up and forgot all about being creative at anything and went into a field I swore I would never go into only to people please, healthcare. That is such a joke of a job… it wouldn’t be if healthcare organizations actually CARED about its people and the people the people in healthcare. I stayed a Medical Assistant because I refuse to become an RN to further get played by the system. They scam you into thinking that money is everything, so long as you sell your soul to the evil health care corporation that will drain your soul. Not approve your PTO when you want, enable lazy, mean workers to continue to work. I wish someone would have told me more about the world we live in. Not how to continue to get played in it. Why is there never a department in healthcare that is fully staffed? I never got that. They have all this money to charge patients but cannot afford to hire more people is crazy.
Now, I wish someone would have properly informed me of this and said:
“Elena, if you choose to go down the healthcare path that’s ok. But know that it will be hard. You will encounter jealousy, hate, RACISM, burn out, no one giving a fuck about you, lazy coworkers, bullies. You will need tough skin and always stand your ground. You will NEVER need a job; they need you more than anything so shows them you ain’t a bitch. Don’t go above and beyond. Call in sick when you need to, don’t let them BRAINWASH you into thinking you have to get coverage for your own shift. THAT IS COLONIZED THINKING AND BULLING YOU INTO NOT BEING ABLE TO TAKE A BREAK FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. Match their energy, they treat you at 43%, give them that or less. Do not do overtime, that’s a joke. Taxes. Get yourself a good primary care doctor and have them put you on FMLA days for mental health. Take vacations. Quit if they are not respecting your needs. A 2 WEEK NOTICE WHOULD BE DESERVED, IF THEY DON’T DESERVE ONE DON’T GIVE THEM TWO WEEKS. “
Man, I wish I was well informed. I also wish someone would have shown me how to deal with anxiety and the stresses of life. How to be an adult and juggle a career, family, and mental health. I would have thought school was more important if they would have been teaching us about life. Not brain washing us into thinking college is the answer. Only to drain all the money from us and our parents.
Basically, I wish someone would have let me know how I can live in this colonized world we live in. But also, to keep writing. Keep being creative. Show up and do not be afraid to show your authenticity. People will always judge, give them something to judge. Be you.
-Elena

Self,
I wish I had the time to sit with you at a young age and prepare you for what was coming. How bad I wanted to nurture you, hold you and slowly ease you into what living on Earth really is like. Maybe that is why I was given a daughter. A second chance. An opportunity to teach you, support you and love you how you were supposed to have been loved. I wish I could have been an accessible guide from the moment you came into the world.. Today, I write from the future self to my past self as well as to the woman I am raising. May the words that I wish someone told me empower her.
Let me start by telling you one important, yet powerful thing. You were born a baby girl to become a woman. That is deep and has power to it. Women were given the gift of birth, many magical, spiritual energy is in our wombs. We create life and then we heal from the process. From the start we are asked to always be on the go. We are asked to become strong and dismiss how we feel. We are asked to put others first and rest later. We will be told no. But no is only the determination you need to keep going. You will be restricted. You will be told how to dress, how to act, and what to look like. Baby girl, I am here to tell you that they are all wrong.
When you were born, you were born with choice. Freedom. Beauty. Abundance. Faith. You were given a fresh new start. God made you different from others but yet we are all the same. You were born in a beautiful world, one with adversity among other challenges. You were taught to survive and put feelings and emotions aside. But that does not always work for everyone. I want to tell you to feel, to cry, to laugh, to fall in love. I want you to feel safe to ask questions about the world. About being a woman. About your very own strengths you hold as a woman.
What are those strengths? They are those of your voice, intuition, creativity, alchemy and compassion. Understanding your very own energy and reading the energy of others. Your Sovereignty. Please know you do not have to think like others around you. You can have a mind of your own. You have the gift of creation, you can bring together what you want for your life because it is already yours. You have to believe in yourself more than anyone because sadly, those around us may not push us to believe in ourselves. Happiness is something that you have to go out and birth yourself. No one will bring you happiness and no one will love you like you love yourself. You will fall, you will fail, you will get your heart broken and you will experience loss. Never reflect back on these times as something negative, as these cycles in our life bring you lessons. You will learn from these life experiences and apply them to your future so you will be step ahead of falling.
Do not be afraid to dream. By that I mean, be authentically you with no apology. Take up room and do not be afraid to take up the whole room if need be. They need to make room for you, never make room for them. Let your voice be heard. You are a leader. Be a teacher but also know when to be teachable. Stand up to bullies. Stand up for change. Stand tall for the people that came before you and the people that will come after you. Baby girl, it all happens with you.
Love always,

Your Empowered Future Self