I Am, Because You Are.
Mommy is feeling rather out of body-ish right now, but I want to let you know some things. You ready?! We are sitting at the table on the patio. I was inspired to do this writing, because i love you two. I felt it was divine timing to have come across this challenge by The Unsealed. In this moment I am gazing at you, awaiting to answer to your one millionith time saying “Mommy, Mum Mommy”, like your stewie griffin or something. Gosh I hope not. But Bear… Bear sometimes you do give off a little Stewie vibe a lot less, though.
Anyways… going off on a brain tangent, like always. Its been really difficult to focus and just take it all in. However somehow, through our journeys together, we are taking our moments to become. I thank you for allowing Mommy to rest in the morning, I dont know what it was, but it was different having a backpain. Bear thank you for your attempts to rub it for 2.9 seconds. Daughter, your tae kwan do is superb my friend! That little squeeze you did to some back fat under my spandex shirt was golden! With that being said, I am slaying, all while being an emotional, humongous, gigantical, scared and afraid slimy thing. I think it’s name is fear, or doubt, or worry or depression. It’s beaten me up a few times. However, I am remembering and learning to heal, grow, be a friend in this mommy life to you, and quite frankly, be a friend to myself too. I truly believe, somehow, you both have been gifted to inspire Mommy to dream, create, and currently write again. I’ve contemplated several writing topics. I’ve written about many different subjects. Alas, those are in the past, and you are here now! You’ve given me encouragement just by nature of your existence. I hope and pray to Our Creator, that no matter where we may go next, that we will keep creating, laughing, crying and dancing together. Oh Shoot, the banana muffins! Bear, great job at mashing those bananas! You are an AMAZING BANANA SMASHERR! Daughter, while your sister was mashing those bananas, you, super cool young lady, made both beds so well! You focused, put those corners to corners, and laid out those stuffed animals on the bed like a princess.
Yall are finally asleep. I was ecstatic to see you both so excited to illustrate the pages in this story we came up with in the middle of the afternoon. All while dressed in your tiger attire. Bear, please remember to put the tops back on the markers, so you can keep making awesome pictures! J-Jaguar, i love everything you make, love. I’ll keep reassuring you for however long you need me to. Hey, I appreciate you reminding me of my butterfly mask, my imagination went outside of the box, literally. I’m glad we had dinner and creativity outside, because Mommy needed to get out of the bed. I love being your mommy for all the reasons and chances to tell you both about my pregnancies with you. Hearing your laughter about the uncomfortabilites you caused, speaking about the pain and even the empowerment i was given all due to your conception, development, and emergence. Mommy wants you to know that yes it was hard, but I wouldn’t, couldn’t, won’t trade you for anything, or anyone. It can be a roller coaster building this relationship. Constantly reinventing our best methods of communication and understanding. Why? Mommy didn’t and doesn’t have the answer to the best method. But whatever I feel I have lacked, is being restored in our journey through every day life. Do you remember when we talked about awareness? Looking both ways, listening, and paying attention to our surroundings? Mommy needs that same critique, while also choosing to accept and welcome gratitude and forgiveness for the shortcomings. I hope you both echo these principals throughout your lives. Mommy learned that there’s actually alot of life and freedom gained when we have less material items, invest more into what’s truly necessary, appreciate and care for what we do have, and attune ourselves with our intuition and creativity. Effort will provide more in life for those who treasure it.
As we have discussed before, I was adopted, so I dont know the mommy whose tummy I came out of. That’s okay. Sure I have had moments of longing for her. I’ve imagined what it would be like to know her. But if i did, whose to say you would both be here? I cant even imagine life without your stinky little toes, blaring laughters or precious hugs. I was chosen by a lady you now call Grandma. We face opportunities to innerstand and know why people do and say things differently, or have certain feelings that can project in discomforting ways. But we overcome, my darlings! How? By loving, going where we are welcomed, safe, protected and loved. Like that one singer/song writer wrote and sang for us in our affirmation song. I want you to know that I am striving, longing and hoping that we will remain closely bonded, as parent and child, and as friends. That our relationships together will withstand throughout your double digits, and until I’m in my tripples. I can promise you that I will mess up. For that, I will apologize. I will not always make you happy. However, I will always support you and care. I am not my mothers’ mistake. You are not mine. Daddy and I are not together. He loves you so much. He would fly miles to see you, hug you and enjoy time with you.
Okay my darlings, I am going to wrap this one up for now, I’ve got to get ya’ll up and ready for school in about 6 hours. There are so many more stories to write, pictures to draw, mountains to climb, prayers to be prayed, songs to be sung, dances to be danced and dreams to dream and see come true my beautiful offspring. Let’s start finishing the one we came up with today, yeah? I like the title we all came up with, “Two Tigers and a Butterfly”. I am so thrilled you all want to be writers along with the many interests you already have! Here are the affirmations you all came up with, that we must hold onto when we ought to be reminded:
I Am Loved
I Am Loving
I Am Kind
I Am Courageous
I Am Forgiving
I Am Creative
I Am Wise
I Am Aware
I Am Intelligent
I Am Capable
I Am Free
I Am Peaceful
I Am Calm, Cool, and Collected
I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
I Am Unique
I Am Strong
I Am Brave
I Am Forgiven
I Am Worthy
I Am Qualified
I Am Able
I Am Beautiful
I Am Smart
I Have Purpose
I Have a Story
I Am Me. I will not live to dim my light to make others comfortable.
p.s. one of ya’ll keep farting in your sleep…
Mahogany, This is so very sweet. I am glad you are inspired to write and hope you share many many of your writings right here on The Unsealed. Your girls are so lucky to have you. You sound like a very loving, patient and kind mother. And in the end, that’s what all children want and need. Thank you for sharing your letter and life with us.
I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. I appreciate you from the fullness of my heart, for seeing and reaffirming me. You are so right about all children needing love, patience and kindness. I will keep writing. You as well and many others. Love
<3 I look forward to reading more of your writing. Keep using your voice. Keep sharing your stories. Keep discovering how truly powerful you are! We will al be cheering you on along the way <3 Lauren
Mahogany, I’m glad you overcame your climb and began to be confident in self-awareness and being able to give yourself self-love. Those words that you used to remind yourself is great because I could see you reminding your two children.
wow just now seeing this. i appreciate you. Its an everyday journey but with determination and grace we are able to achieve so much i hope this new year brings you much success